RE: Do looks matter less in D/s?

RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (Full Version)

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enchainee -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 4:13:46 PM)
Chemistry matters more to me in a Ds relationship. If I am going to do all that hot nasty stuff I have to be very excited. It goes both ways. I keep my own appearance up.

sexyred1 -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 4:23:15 PM)
Please, let us not kid ourselves or anyone else.... Once and for all: looks matter to everyone, sorry, but it is true. At least initially. You can protest all you want, but the first attraction in a chemical way is physical. After that, you need everything else. But you could be the most Dominant, intelligent, greatest guy in the world but if I cannot even fathom kissing you or touching you, not going to happen and vice versa. Of course it is all subjective, eye of the beholder, yadda yadda yadda and looks fade, etc. But, my point still stands. And it is not shallow to believe this; it is reality.

BBWnNC72 -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 4:29:25 PM)
i believe looks matter to a point. in my situation, i have found a trainer who usually goes for the not so thick, big breasted female when He has a girlfriend. But then He met me, i am 5'8" and 290 lbs, we chatted as friends at first because we are in the same town and then became trainer/sub and soon i may be under consideration. i asked Him why He likes me because i know what He would usually go for and He told me it was my personality that made it so. looks help, but no amount of looks, either good or not so good will keep the other persons attention if one has the personality of a knat or is simply a bitch or ass. be safe and play safe

LadyLegs -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 5:01:12 PM)
I have often found that a person's actions will change my opinion of their attractiveness. People who are arrogant or dishonst begin to look ugly to me. I do cross the road to avoid them. Put up "caution tape" too.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 5:36:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsterStoney442 Would rather be with one thas fit . Then with one that looks like a wale just my opinion Would rather be with one that can spell whale [;)]

RRafe -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 5:51:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: MsterStoney442 Would rather be with one thas fit . Then with one that looks like a wale just my opinion Would rather be with one that can spell whale [;)] But you also need to know what KIND of whale you find most attractive.

LadyLegs -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 5:53:13 PM)
a sperm whale, of course

Celeste43 -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 6:15:46 PM)
The rumor you heard is false. There are just as many shallow types here who care only about the physical as there are in a yoga class or at an office party, or anywhere else. There are also, just like elsewhere, people who want what's deeper but also have specific preferences in their romantic or sexual partners. Myself, I'm not attracted to red heads, nor to short men. Now I know that's not fair, I'm a shrimp myself but I don't get that sexual thrill by a man under 6'.

WeeFreeMan -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 6:50:22 PM)
As many before me have said, of course they do, for me it is important that the female is thin (of course) but other than that there isn't much similiarities in looks. The face must be a beautiful one. It is the first I look for. The order for me is; face, body, personality. The reason why personality never matter so much for me is because well. There are very few people in this world I don't like. I demand honesty and respect, and if I'm in a D/S relationship obedience, but that is almost a subcategory of respect in many ways.

MzMia -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 8:24:25 PM)
Well looks count a lot for some people. For some of us, having a 6 figure income, real estate and a net worth of well over a million counts, also! Wealth can be very attractive. [sm=lol.gif] Point is, everyone wants something. If you are unattractive, there is something about wealth that enables some of the least attractive people in the world, to get stunning mates.[:D]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/6/2007 9:21:42 PM)
stepping lightly onto the floor I think the level of values of physical beauty are about the same in kink as they are vanilla. They are pretty much taught socially as we grow, and innately we each have our preferences. However, I think the scene in general has a much lower level of average "physical beauty" then the general vanilla world. I think this is in part due to the fact that the current scene is mostly older people. This can and is changing as more younger people join in, but it will take a few generations more. And in part due to the fact that classic generally beautiful people tend to manage to find partners and accept their lives with a lot more ease and lack of insecurity- so they don't NEED to find an alternative scene and are usually too busy to get into one.

SottoVoce -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/7/2007 1:43:06 AM)
Looks matter, they do- Now, if I had two women to pick from- One vanilla one submissive- I know my tastes and what turns me on, what I need, the vanilla girl loses no matter how the looks are. If both are submissive, sure looks play a part in the decision making process but there are further issues- compatibility being the largest.

tulitukka -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/7/2007 5:29:02 AM)
Of course, looks matter. People seem to think that it's just a question of whether you value looks or brains/attitude/kink. But it isn't. To me, it's also a choice between being alone or being with somebody. I wouldn't be with a person I don't find physically attractive, nor would I be with a person that would not be attractive to me by their intelligence, attitude, and kinks. All in all, I would rather be alone than with unsatisfying relationship. Other people have different preferences on how much they require from others to consider it better than being alone. I probably stand on the picky end of the continuum (perhaps even to the point of it being unhealthy) and on the other end of the continuum are those that just need anybody and if things get bad enough neither looks, nor brains, nor kink matters. Each one of us has to decide for oneself where in that axis we stand (and to understand whether you are willing to sacrifice brains, attitude, kink, attractiveness or none for the comfort of having someone.

daddyncherry -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/7/2007 8:13:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Once and for all: looks matter to everyone, sorry, but it is true. At least initially. You can protest all you want, but the first attraction in a chemical way is physical. After that, you need everything else. But you could be the most Dominant, intelligent, greatest guy in the world but if I cannot even fathom kissing you or touching you, not going to happen and vice versa. This is true looks matter initially, but there have been guys that i have "come around" to, who weren't really what i wanted looks wise, but then something clicked....Maybe their voice, their smile....something that just made me see something that i wouldn't have seen at first glance....Something that made me think i wouldn't want to be with them, or kiss them (to use your example) and then all of the sudden i can't stop thinking of them...because they have "IT"....whatever "IT" is. On the flip side there are a ton of guys who may look physically pleasing but who are actually rat bastards, one i had in particular looked like a damn greek god and he was the absolute worst of the entire bunch (psycho). There are so many things that go into attraction, some that are on a level that we don't even realize. Alot of what goes into making us attracted to another is on a subconcisous level.

sexyred1 -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/7/2007 8:19:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Once and for all: looks matter to everyone, sorry, but it is true. At least initially. You can protest all you want, but the first attraction in a chemical way is physical. After that, you need everything else. But you could be the most Dominant, intelligent, greatest guy in the world but if I cannot even fathom kissing you or touching you, not going to happen and vice versa. This is true looks matter initially, but there have been guys that i have "come around" to, who weren't really what i wanted looks wise, but then something clicked....Maybe their voice, their smile....something that just made me see something that i wouldn't have seen at first glance....Something that made me think i wouldn't want to be with them, or kiss them (to use your example) and then all of the sudden i can't stop thinking of them...because they have "IT"....whatever "IT" is. On the flip side there are a ton of guys who may look physically pleasing but who are actually rat bastards, one i had in particular looked like a damn greek god and he was the absolute worst of the entire bunch (psycho). There are so many things that go into attraction, some that are on a level that we don't even realize. Alot of what goes into making us attracted to another is on a subconcisous level. I agree with you about the indefinable "it" factor. I have had some similar experiences. But my initial statement applies generically to most people, I do firmly believe that to MOST people, myself included, looks matter INITIALLY in determining chemistry. After that the "it" factor kicks in. You are right; I had a Calvin Klein model I dated once and a not so attractive guy. The model was the most boring, moronic guy I have ever met while the not so attractive guy won me over with his charm and shall we say, extra special "skills"?

bipolarber -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/7/2007 8:31:37 AM)
I think I tend to agree with InkedMaster the most on this one. Ever since getting into the BDSM community, and being exposed to a greater number of people in play party situations, I've found a lot of my preconceived notions about what "body type" is attractive to be shifting. It's become far more relaxed, and I've found "chemistry" to be replacing a lot of the Madison Avenue programming. This shift away from the "supermodel" ideal of attraction has been a good thing. I'm looking at people now as individuals, rather than by some BS standard of beauty that has been pushed on us to sell everything from cars to laxatives. So, I think, when you get into a situation where you are exposed to a lot of real people having sex, and you're out of the sexual "starvation economy" mode that most of the country lives under, the ideas of how much looks matter gets a good deal more laid back. (At least, it certainly has for me since I started in '82.) "You know... you grow..." -George Carlin

hardbodysub -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/7/2007 8:32:26 AM)
Obviously, it depends on the individual. For me, looks matter in both vanilla and D/s, BDSM, whatever you want to call it. Eroticism is essential to my interest in this lifestyle. If I'm not attracted to a woman, she just doesn't have any power over me.

everhope -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/7/2007 8:44:55 AM)
what attracts me is a Dominant man. they come in many shapes and form. there are tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones and weight/height matching. i am not picky about weight and height. however, i do not like missing teeth (that are noticable when he smiles) and good grooming habits are a must. i respect others personal preferences in what they want in a partner. i am an overweight woman and at one time i would be offended when i was turned down by men who wanted weight/height proportionate women. now, i get that out in the open and discussed early, so nobody is wasting precious time or hurt feelings. there are other qualities that i find unattractive other than how much or lack of adipose tissue someone has. racists, out of control arrogance, close-mindedness are a few qualities that spring to mind. .

AlysaDeCourte -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/7/2007 8:59:43 AM)
Take me for instance.i don't think i'm that good looking yet several people have told me so.It's all a matter of opinion.And besides it shouldn't be based on looks.It should be based on how the person is on the inside.A girl can be beautiful but a total biatch.or a Man can be average looking and be the greatest Guy in the world.Personality is everything along with compatibility.

MasterSohun -> RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? (11/7/2007 10:11:08 AM)
as to me my response,certainly looks are a factor in who i choose for a slave,i have a collegue named Lady P who does the same,now are tastes are similar but also different,i seek a slim slave younger than myself,she seeks inthe realm of the emo boys and girls,i asked her why the attraction and she told me its the form and the personality that goes with it!i think much like sexuallity the idea of looks is only part of the chemisrty of attraction,a great part but not the whole but important!

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