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Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 1:21:09 PM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		Ads where the seeker has been here looking for someone for awhile, like six months or a year and are answering ads but do not fill out their list of interests..at all.

When I spent time in another personals I answered an ad and started seeing this guy. It was on a marriageminded.com site but he turned out to be a major player.

He was pretending to like whatever I liked and have the same interests I had..and looking back he hadn't filled out his interests..



< Message edited by shootingstar67 -- 11/6/2007 1:23:43 PM >
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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 1:25:31 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Of course. I think the women refuse to fill thiers out for the same reasons-some guy will come along and claim to like everything she lists-he contacts her after he changes his lists to coincide..It's all about tearing off a piece of ass.

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 1:27:36 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I tend to take your cynical view of the no interest listed then get a message about how we have the exact same interests. At the same time though from reading on this message board I know enough people that intentionally leave them blank for their own reasons which others will write about to know that it is not an automatic red flag.

Personally for me whenever someone wrote me on the other side I would click on their profile and would like to see their message backed up in some way by their profile. If they did leave their interests blank it would not be a red flag but I would certainly go a little slower and through messages see if we actually had the same interests or not. I found time and writing were the best way not if they had a list or not.



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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 1:28:35 PM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Hi shootingstar,

I don't believe those are red flags. Many people who are serious and genuine spend years looking for the right one. I spent 5 years myself, and frequently got accused of not being real because they "had seen my ad on another website", as if that made me a robot or a hooker. Some people enjoy filling out lists of interests, and others will put whatever they want you to know in their ad and ignore any lists. Some have a bare-bones profile and others write a book about themselves. Long or very detailed profiles do not equate with the person being real; they may simply be a more imaginative liar than someone else. Either way, you can't tell whether someone is genuine until you begin speaking to them and begin to get a feel for their real motives.

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 1:28:46 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		No, not a big red flag at all. 

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 1:29:03 PM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

he contacts her after he changes his lists to coincide..It's all about tearing off a piece of ass.


That is scary!

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 1:32:47 PM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		This can go two ways.  I personally like to talk and do things one on one and don't advertise a lot about my sexual likes because that is what some people focus on.  I give a little info and vanilla stuff maybe, but not enough for someone to get their kink on with me.  No info might make me wonder about the person though. 

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 1:42:47 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think it's a red flag.  But I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to contact that person.  What really matters is what they talk to you about.  It is pretty easy to tell if someone has any real time experience by talking to them.  You just have to ask the right questions and pay attention to what they tell you.  And some people are very honest...others are less than honest.  It's just a mixed bag out there is all. 

I personally just find it easier to list my interests.  I also do everything listed I live for, love and like....so I know what each activity basically entails now.  It was totally different when I had very little to no experience though.

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 1:54:38 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		I can't say having a profile for a long time is a red flag to me... mainly because I know there are others who, like me, have had the same profile for years, but that doesn't mean they've been "actively looking" the whole time. I had the profile, met someone elsewhere, dated her for a year, we split, still had the profile... met someone else, again not here, dated her for a year and a half, we split... and I still have the profile. It's been edited and changed, the picture has been updated, but if you look it'll say I joined in 2004, and that's true... but it doesn't mean I've been looking the whole time.

That seems awfully convoluted, even for me, but I'm going to play the medicated card and blame my sinuses on this one.


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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 1:58:43 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Ads where the seeker has been here looking for someone for awhile, like six months or a year and are answering ads but do not fill out their list of interests..at all.

Not that length of time, no. It would be more like 5 or 10 plus years before I started regarding it as a red flag and even then it would depend on other factors.
quote:


When I spent time in another personals I answered an ad and started seeing this guy. It was on a marriageminded.com site but he turned out to be a major player.

He was pretending to like whatever I liked and have the same interests I had..and looking back he hadn't filled out his interests..


Assuming I knew he was pretending, that would be a huge flag for me.

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 2:01:45 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have found the lists of interests to be pretty much useless. I almost never read them unless i scroll down to the hard limits and "hates" just for fun. I simply find the lists too black and white. Just because i say i have an interest in humilition does not mean i will match with someone else who lists that as an interest. There are many forms of humilition and many levels of interest in it.

What i do look for when getting to know someone is whether they say things to me that make me think "oh i like that too!" Not just "I like Ren Faires" cuz they could see that on a list but "I like going to them and dressing up but don't like to dress like that in real life and only go about once a year." Look for times that you connect to the person too (in ways they could'nt have known from a profile list) not just ways in which they say they connect to you. That doesn't have to mean testing people, just keep an ear or eye open for subtle things that make you feel good.

charlotte

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 2:10:32 PM   
curvyslavegirl


Posts: 134
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I've had an account for many many years with periods in the middle where I was in relationships for a span of time and the profile was turned off.
When I see someone who has had a profile for a long time, I usually ask how its been for them. Have they met people? How do they talk about those that they've met in the past?

At this point in my life I would rather stay dormant for 6-8 months and really find someone who matches me on a long term basis. If you had a friend who said they were looking for the man of their dreams and would find and choose one within the next 6 months it would sound hasty! Why is it that with D/s relationships we assume that it should move faster than that?

In general, I am more concerned with people who have profiles for only a few weeks and say that they've been on the site before. Those people are more often the types that constantly disappear and reappear under new names. Someone who's used the same name for a long time or uses the same name on several sites knows that s/he is trackable and often is more honest & straightforward about their intentions. It's almost like having an internet reputation to live up to.

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 2:18:25 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Ads where the seeker has been here looking for someone for awhile, like six months or a year and are answering ads but do not fill out their list of interests..at all.

Why would you consider that a reason to be cautious about someone?

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 2:19:40 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't consider it to be a red flag.  Some are private about their kinks.

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 2:22:25 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		  Nope---I do not think so---as a matter of fact I sort of think the ones on CM are sort of funny.   How can one be an expert at corner time?   And what does that say for the sub who is an  expert at corner time?   Does it mean she can actually get her nose in the crack of the wall without difficulty or does it mean she has spent lots of time in it?

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 2:24:51 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

Nope---I do not think so---as a matter of fact I sort of think the ones on CM are sort of funny.   How can one be an expert at corner time?   And what does that say for the sub who is an  expert at corner time?   Does it mean she can actually get her nose in the crack of the wall without difficulty or does it mean she has spent lots of time in it?

LOL we've talked about that.  If I looked at a profile and they were an expert at that and I'm looking for a Power Exchange relationship I would assume they resist direction unless that's a kink who knows?

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 2:25:53 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

Nope---I do not think so---as a matter of fact I sort of think the ones on CM are sort of funny.   How can one be an expert at corner time?   And what does that say for the sub who is an  expert at corner time?   Does it mean she can actually get her nose in the crack of the wall without difficulty or does it mean she has spent lots of time in it?

LMAO... I like the ones from the dominants who are experts in collars. They must get alot of time in them....



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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 2:26:42 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

Nope---I do not think so---as a matter of fact I sort of think the ones on CM are sort of funny.   How can one be an expert at corner time?   And what does that say for the sub who is an  expert at corner time?   Does it mean she can actually get her nose in the crack of the wall without difficulty or does it mean she has spent lots of time in it?

LOL we've talked about that.  If I looked at a profile and they were an expert at that and I'm looking for a Power Exchange relationship I would assume they resist direction unless that's a kink who knows?
LOL yep stole your idea

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 2:27:08 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

Nope---I do not think so---as a matter of fact I sort of think the ones on CM are sort of funny.   How can one be an expert at corner time?   And what does that say for the sub who is an  expert at corner time?   Does it mean she can actually get her nose in the crack of the wall without difficulty or does it mean she has spent lots of time in it?

LOL we've talked about that.  If I looked at a profile and they were an expert at that and I'm looking for a Power Exchange relationship I would assume they resist direction unless that's a kink who knows?


or the ones who list things like......

The oddness is compelling-really.

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RE: Would you say this is a red flag? - 11/6/2007 2:27:15 PM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		When combined with other factors it can be a red flag, but most of the time it isn't. I would say a totally blank interest list would qualify as yellow flag, especially if they don't talk about their interests anywhere else in their profile.

Personally, the only fetishy things that I put in my interest list were the things I was wholly uninterested in doing. Everything else listed are vanilla interests. This is because;

A: I don't want relationship with just a list of kinks and I want someone like minded.
B: the vanilla list gives additional material for someone to try to start a conversation with more depth than "You love X, please do X to me!".

The primary things I care about in someone else's interest list are their hard limits and vanilla interests, for the same reasons.

Honsoku

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