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another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 3:34:07 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		I've been in a Dom/sub relationsip for 11 months.  My Sir has indicated He feels as though a collar is not needed to express his feelings toward me, nor does He see the need for me to wear a physical collar to symbolize that I am His.
I have told Him that I wear His collar around my heart, and He in return, said to me, the leash to this collar is connected and held by Him.  I was deeply touched by His statement... yes, it brought tears to my eyes.

I've had conversations with others in the lifestyle and some of them feel as though I am not truly His because He has not collared me. 

Why does a piece of metal or strap of leather around my neck make our bond anymore important?

Thank you,
girly
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 3:37:12 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		A collar is simply a symbol of what you already have.  It doesn't bestow anything upon the wearer that does not already exist, or make real what is not.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 3:54:08 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

A collar is simply a symbol of what you already have.  It doesn't bestow anything upon the wearer that does not already exist, or make real what is not.
 
John


Dear Rover,
Thank You!  Thank you for stating what I believe is the truth.  I accept different opinions and views within this wonderful life.  I appreciate the importance many place on a collar, after all, it is a wonderful symbol.  I just wish others wouldn't negate what He and I have based on the absence of a physical collar.
girly

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 3:56:16 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		OP, why do you let other people define your relationship for you? Who cares what they think? Unless of course, you are seeking validation of your own concerns. Then other's opinions would matter to you.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 6:18:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Kinky people love symbols, and even more they love easy ways to put people into boxes.  They do this because they suck at being secure or intelligent in terms of handling subtle or complex relationships.

Oh well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 6:25:14 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Why does a piece of metal or strap of leather around my neck make our bond anymore important?


It doesn't.
You are in the relationship.  The other people aren't.  Don't allow them to dictate how things should be. 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 6:32:24 PM   
Vanatru


Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		Hmm, or maybe it's because some people need physical representations to make it feel more real. The classic example would be the rings used to symbolize various types of relationships: daughter's ring, marriage, engagement, etc etc.

Also, people tend to use these physical examples as a quick way to determine your status of availability. When someone says they are not available, and there are no overt symbols, these types feel uncomfortable, like you're trying to hide your true status, or you're not really serious about your involvement.

There is nothing particularly wrong in not displaying your relationship in a physical manner, just recognize such comments as being about the speaker, and not about you, your relationship, or your dom.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 6:35:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru
Hmm, or maybe it's because some people need physical representations to make it feel more real. The classic example would be the rings used to symbolize various types of relationships: daughter's ring, marriage, engagement, etc etc.

AKA "not being secure"

I'm fine with people WANTING symbols, but she asked why people make a big deal out of them or not having them- the answer is because they feel insecure without them.

quote:


Also, people tend to use these physical examples as a quick way to determine your status of availability. When someone says they are not available, and there are no overt symbols, these types feel uncomfortable, like you're trying to hide your true status, or you're not really serious about your involvement.

Again, insecurity and not able to deal with subtle or complex relationships.  They want it in easy, immediate small packets that reinforce their simple insecure view of the world.
quote:


There is nothing particularly wrong in not displaying your relationship in a physical manner, just recognize such comments as being about the speaker, and not about you, your relationship, or your dom.

Well considering you just restated exactly what I did, I don't think I have to worry.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Vanatru)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 6:40:35 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Kinky people love symbols, and even more they love easy ways to put people into boxes.  They do this because they suck at being secure or intelligent in terms of handling subtle or complex relationships.

Oh well.
I can just see this on a 'Happy Bunny' tee-shirt.  

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 6:56:06 PM   
MasterofScyn


Posts: 141
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		A collar is just like a wedding ring is to some people. I don't NEED a collar, but I love collars, always have. Now that I have a Master and when he gave me my first collar it made me feel like I truly belong now. I love the feel of the collar, the look of it around my neck.... The new one is more like around my shoulders and chest... Soon the tails will be around my neck though. Anyway.. That's just how the collar makes me feel. I feel like I have finally found my place in life, no longer a stray. No longer searching for that someone. I know I don't need a collar to feel this way, but it makes me feel good when I see it, when I feel it. I almost feel like another person sometimes, a better person sort of speak. But to have other people tell you that a relationship isn't real because you don't have a collar, or don't have that ring around your finger, are full of it. It's what you feel, what your partner feels. I love that conversation between you and your Master, that's something my Master would say. For me though, like I said, I love collars and the way they make me feel. Specially when my Master presents them to me.
This new one though is a little on the .... painful side.. But I can't wait till it's complete, it is worth it in more ways than one.

It's just in all how you and your Partner feel about eachother that makes it real or not. I was with my ex for 8 yrs, never had a ring around my finger not even an engagement ring. At the time, the love was there and that was good enough for me. It's just what your heart tells you more than anything else. If it tells you that things are real and this is for true, then it is. /shrug.

Will admit I don't know why other people make such a big fuss over stuff like this. It really isn't their business whether or not another person has a collar or not. It's between you and your Master, no one else.

Scyn ~

< Message edited by MasterofScyn -- 11/7/2007 7:17:08 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 8:48:26 PM   
treehugger42


Posts: 29
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		I like collars because they're hot. Being marked as property? Hot. Leather? Hot. Being led on a leash? Hot.

Eternal and universal symbol of a D/s-ness, without which your relationship is not valid? Not so much.

(in reply to MasterofScyn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/7/2007 10:07:58 PM   
MidnightMaiden


Posts: 142
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		A collar has no more, and no less, symbolism than a wedding ring.  Can I be married and not wear a ring?  Of course.  Is my marriage still solid if I dont wear a ring?  Of course.  Will single guys be more likely to hit on me if I don't wear a ring?  Of course :)  Would I be upset if my husband refused to give me a wedding ring, yet expected me to take and uphold the vows of marriage.  Probably.

I like my collar.  It says to the world "owned", not to me because I know that, but for everyone else.  It says Hands Off. 

Do I think your relationship is any less solid because you don't have one?  No, of course not, neither should anyone else.

(in reply to treehugger42)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/28/2007 9:39:24 PM   
bethclaire1


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

I've been in a Dom/sub relationsip for 11 months.  My Sir has indicated He feels as though a collar is not needed to express his feelings toward me, nor does He see the need for me to wear a physical collar to symbolize that I am His.

I've had conversations with others in the lifestyle and some of them feel as though I am not truly His because He has not collared me. 

Why does a piece of metal or strap of leather around my neck make our bond anymore important?


I don't think the physical representation is as important as the fact that he said he was not going to give you a collar. It seems obvious that he does not feel that you are his to 'collar' (especially since you are both married to other people). I would wonder if talking about it more with him might open up an important bit of dialogue. Perhaps he does not want to 'Own' you, but rather enjoys the play that you offer.

The amusing line about you having his collar around your heart and his response sounds a bit condescending, but perhaps it just sounds that way out of context. It also sounds like topping from the bottom. He wouldn't give you one, so you created one for yourself.

I would also wonder why you would feel you are 'His,' and yet you play with other men without his knowledge. It could be that looking deeper than a symbol might give you the real answer to the full question.


(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/28/2007 10:13:46 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		No ring will plug a hole, is a crude comment about the value of wedding rings.

Oh, and LA is right as usual.

(in reply to bethclaire1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/29/2007 7:35:30 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I chose to put a collar on My submissive because it was what I chose to do.  Your Master chose not because he runs the dynamic in a different way.  Does it make either less valid because one has an outer symbol and one doesn't?  Of course not. 
 
I came to the conclusion a long time ago that the people who are involved in something get to make the decisions about it.  Not Me, and not everybody else.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/29/2007 8:00:23 AM   
EclipseAbove


Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl
I've had conversations with others in the lifestyle and some of them feel as though I am not truly His because He has not collared me. 

They can feel whatever they want, but that doesn't change the fact that both you and him know that you are truly his.

quote:


Why does a piece of metal or strap of leather around my neck make our bond anymore important?

It doesn't unless you want it to.  The only value a collar has beyond the value that you assign to it (symbolizes the realtionship, makes you hot, looks cool, etc.) is to broadcast to everyone that you are owned.

(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/30/2007 12:26:55 PM   
SensibleSam


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline 		Collars mean something. Wedding rings mean more if only because they can be worn at all public functions. Collars are really only acceptable at D/s events - play parties, munches, etc. Many men and women leave their wedding ring on for years - awake or asleep. Few subbies will wear their collar to their work.

That said, there is no doubt that a nice attractive collar worn to a munch has a big psychological impact on the subbie. Women cry at weddings. Subbies cry when they are first collared. If she doesn't maybe something is wrong.

I had a subbie who kept losing her collars. Soon I had lost her. I can't help but think she (or her subconcious) was sending a message.

(in reply to EclipseAbove)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: another collaring thread weeeee! - 11/30/2007 12:52:08 PM   
deeddlit


Posts: 484
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP...to have or not to have a physical collar is up to no one other than you and your master.

As far as the comment about being able to wear collars at BDSM events only...this is simply not true.  An otherwise vanilla looking necklace can be chosen for the job and no one is going to know,other than whom you chose to tell, its true significance.  This is a very good option for those that do not want to have to keep removing their collar for the sake of the vanilla world.

Deeddlit

(in reply to SensibleSam)
Profile   Post #: 18
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