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Not willing to relocate? - 8/5/2005 9:40:29 PM

Gurnis

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/28/2005
Status: offline

Relocating is often the single greatest obstacle when considering a new relationship, especially a D/s relationship. For example; lets say that you are from Kentucky, which has a population of 3 million. There are 300 million people in the United States. If you limit yourself solely to the state of Kentucky, you have just eliminated 99% of the population of this country. And the odds of finding exactly what you are looking for, with only 1% of the population to choose from, are 300 to 1 against having any success!

Even if you are from a large metropolitan area like L.A. or New York, you are still selling yourself short by limiting the possibilities to a small geographic location.

I am pretty much tied down to a rural location where the entire county population is only about 25,000 people. Because I am the provider, leaving my area would be very difficult. However, if I were to find the right mate, I would do whatever necessary, go where I had to go, do what I had to do, to make the relationship work. Starting over is not beyond my capabilities as long as the end result is worth it.

Am I the only person (Dom, sub,slave, whatever) who has been rejected because of location? Am I the only one willing to take a closer look at this problem?

Post #: 1

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/6/2005 2:57:56 AM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

I think that people would be open to the idea if:

A. The person relocating pays his/her own way, bills, etc.
B. Does not expect a relationship - but is moving because of a possible relationship.

Sometimes people ask someone if they can live with them while they get a job/housing/etc. because there *might* be a budding relationship. I've got to know a person for quite a while if I'm inviting them into my home after meeting them on a website. Some expect housing and financial support two days after having had their first conversation.

Sometimes online "chemistry" (or whatever you want to call it) doesn't translate into real life chemistry. Now the person who has relocated has done so without any real reason to be in the new place. But they've uprooted themselves on the off chance that things work.

All in all... relocation is a risk in many, many ways. Can it be rewarding? Sure. But did you just invite the axe-murderer into your home? Well... that's possible too.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Gurnis)

Post #: 2

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/6/2005 3:39:03 AM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

i would willingly relocate for the right Master unfortunately i can't. CA state custody laws prohibit removal of unmentionables out of the state w/o written consent of the other parent. i wouldn't take them away from him anyway, they need him as much as me.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 3

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/6/2005 5:51:48 AM

tinkJH

Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

Relocating is a large issue then you are making it seem. As greenie said - some have children, making it harder. Some don't want to leave family and friends. I however, relocated from TX to NJ. It was not easy. But, it really depends on the relationship type your forming. In order for someone to relocate - You have to meet certain little things. Such as - The persons job/career - Will they work? get a new job? Are they living with you? in their own apartment? How do you pay the $3000 to move all their stuff? Who pays for the relocation? What of that person's stuff do they keep? What happens to it? And the big question - what happens when it ends.. and the person who relocated ends up 1500 miles from their family and friends with no money to go back ? Who pays the 3000 for that person to move back?

_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)

~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 4

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/6/2005 8:35:41 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

All of the above are great responces. My question to you is what do you want? What makes you, you? You say your in a Rural area. I say if Rural is you, then look to find a sub that is Rural in mindset too. To drag a city girl to the boonies would wear on you both in short order. My best advice is to be patient.

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to tinkJH)

Post #: 5

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/6/2005 8:41:53 AM

tinkJH

Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

I would also ask as to why you could not locate to them, instead of them having to relocate to you.

_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)

~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 6

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/6/2005 9:32:48 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Individuals in school also can't relocate. When I was looking, I got a bunch of negative responses because I refused to move. Well, I was attending university, and not about to restart my degree elsewhere, and pay non-resident tuition.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to tinkJH)

Post #: 7

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/6/2005 3:24:26 PM

COYoungDom

Posts: 14
Joined: 7/24/2005
From: Westminster, CO
Status: offline

Relocating would be difficult for me at this time. my lease for my apartment does not end til next year and i am attending college and my fanancial status is drindeling. So it would be impossible for me.

_____________________________

Continuously wondering and journeying the Earth for the one will call Him Master.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 8

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/6/2005 3:59:58 PM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

I make it clear in my profile that I will help with relocation as much as is necessary. I can't relocate myself...at least I don't think it would be very easy for me to. I am extremely employable in my profession in the southwest US...and not very employable at all anywhere else. A bit overspecialized, I guess. Luckily, I have a really great place to live so I'm quite happy here.

Bob

(in reply to COYoungDom)

Post #: 9

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/6/2005 6:01:24 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia
I think that people would be open to the idea if:
A. The person relocating pays his/her own way, bills, etc.
B. Does not expect a relationship - but is moving because of a possible relationship.

A question on another board made me realize that relocating with the expectation of a live-in relationship is a bit like being/getting a mail-order bride. Yes, it can work. Sometimes even quite well. But it can go very very badly too and at a time that your safety net is rather thin.

So I agree with MadameDahlia that it is probably a good idea for the person who moves to get their feet on the ground first, before moving in.

I also agree with Quivver about urban and rural. My own personal experience is that it is easier to move from a rural area to an urban area, than vice versa. Of course, everyone is different but I think the adjustment issue could be a big problem and is worth discussing.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 10

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/7/2005 3:52:01 AM

LdyAuburn

Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline

When my brat moved, he joined in household expenses but he had a separate account in which there was moving back money if we failed. He was fortunate in his job he could transfer. After 3 months holiday with me, we decided it was worth him moving. So he did

(in reply to onceburned)

Post #: 11

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/8/2005 2:00:17 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I'm not willing to relocate. For a lot of reasons. That's one of the factoring reasons any one I choose or am interested in must be local or with in no less than 2 hours away. IE me here in sacto them there in sanfran. or lodi.

Relocation is a big deal. If it don't work out you're now throughly fucked and up shit creek. And you or she or if it's a he, are now offically out a ton of money.

(in reply to LdyAuburn)

Post #: 12

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/9/2005 12:36:47 PM

zaynab

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I have to live here for a few more years.... after that, I will be wherever my Master is, doesn't matter where. It would be nice to be near family (this area) but my Master comes first.

(in reply to Gurnis)

Post #: 13

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/9/2005 12:54:45 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Am I the only person (Dom, sub,slave, whatever) who has been rejected because of location? Am I the only one willing to take a closer look at this problem?

With the internet everyone thinks about relocation at one time or another. Some do it with great success while other's do not.
When I was looking I was honest. I would not mind relocating however I have a family here. Therefore, until such a time comes when I can leave my family I will be relocating no where. A few said they could relocate to me. After all if a relationship is going to work it takes compromise. Which is on both parties? Not just one.
So for someone to reject you because you cannot relocate is wrong. They should be willing to do the same thing you are. Give up their entire world for the sake of their new relationship. If they are not they have no right to chastise you.

Fact is you do not know if you are compatible with someone over the internet or phone to begin with. People talk about their fantasies here. What’s to say they try their fantasy and it goes all wrong in their head? Then what? Would you be discarded?

What about the Slavemasters of the world? You know he wasn’t a criminal either until the woman broke free and ran telling the police of all the dead bodies in the trash cans.
We must protect ourselves on many levels. Protect our families as well.

Currently we are thinking of relocation. Even though we are a stable couple and been together for year’s I still think of all of my friends here. I can move to almost any state in the union and be by a friend I’ve had for 30 years now. So, it isn’t all bad. However my business contacts are all in California. I would truly be moving to retire or start all over from scratch. A “job” won’t suffice. I don’t have a job now I have a profession. To be licensed in another state. Well I could go on and on. However, what I’m trying to say is relocation should not be decided on a whim. There are so many factors to consider. So many things that can go wrong. Yet, so many things that can go right as well.

(in reply to Gurnis)

Post #: 14

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/9/2005 3:13:08 PM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I'm just one of those people who although I could make a move if I wanted...just loves living on the beach here...it's a tourist town with plenty of work in all kinds of professions ...so what I do is talk and get to know anyone...if I consider them..I always have them come here to visit the area...see if it along with my family con mesh...this give anyone the oppertunity...to not only get to know me better in person..they get to meet the family and check out the area they would be considering...they are put up at a hotel so as not to feel smothered and under a microcope...they have freedom to explore on their own to really see things..not just what I want them to see...funny thing is..although I love it here...not everyone else does..it's a good way to find this out long before a move would even take place...there's more to this but I think you get a idea how it works for me...

Fury

(in reply to Gurnis)

Post #: 15

RE: Not willing to relocate? - 8/16/2005 9:58:29 PM

PrivateLabel

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline

I'd be willing to relocate. But then I don't have kids, have finished the first 4 year degree (but still paying off the loans)and am not terribly tied to my current job.

Of course this would only be after much communication with the potential partner, including in person visits (both directions - I'd want him to see me around the people I know as well as see him around the people he knows) of a few days to a week or more just to make certain we were compatible in person as well as in our other methods of communication.

I'd do that for any relationship - D/s or Vanilla.

*sigh* the guy I am playing with on line isn't ready for me to visit him - and may never be. I'm not holding my breath, so if you are interested, let me know!

< Message edited by PrivateLabel -- 8/16/2005 10:05:43 PM >

(in reply to MstrHellsFury)

Post #: 16

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