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new to all this. - 11/8/2007 1:39:18 AM   
Calichicka510


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a new Sub/slave. and I don't know... I mean I know I want to give myself to someone but the idea of submitting and becoming a slave just... I don't know doesn't feel right, yet there's also a part that wants to do it more then anything else. I just don't know what to do, I mean I know it takes time and trust and yet even with that all of this just seems daunting...any advice?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 1:49:06 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		When in doubt, don't.

You need to define what it is you really want. TPE slave? Sexual slavery/submission? Service? Long term relationship? Casual play only? What are you willing to give to a D? Your profile says that you don't think you could submit yourself right now, so what is it you think you can do? Don't be too quick to put a label on yourself.

Read the boards, they're are a goldmine of information and opinions, go to a munch (you don't HAVE to play), talk to people, find out whatever you can find out.

All big, important questions, but the main thing is that you don't get involved with something you're not sure about right now, don't overthink things just now and try to have fun.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to Calichicka510)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 3:22:00 AM   
MidnightMaiden


Posts: 142
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		There is nothing that says you have to become a slave.  You can explore your needs through being in a D/s relationship without making the full leap into a full M/s... this gives you little "sessions" of giving yourself over, without the full commitment of slavery.  I spent years fantasizing about becoming a sub/slave, and in my head it was hot hot hot... it's not until you have a real life encounter can you possibly begin to know if it's actually right for you.  It's a very sexy notion to want to give yourself to another and remove from yourself the burden of responsibility for your actions, its not quite so nice if you get told to clean the toilet with your tongue.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 3:39:06 AM   
MRandme


Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline 		Welcome Dear!

The cool thing about this whole BDSM is that you get to define yourself. And even if you choose a label -- sub for instance -- you don't have to stay withing the lines of that label.

Not everyone who submits is a slave and not everyone does it outside the bedroom. you can find someone and set the limits of what is acceptable to you. That's the negotiation phase. 

Think about the things that made you want to try this in the first place. Was it the idea of being restrained? Perhaps you want to be spanked? or is it just having the decisions made during sex taken from you? Those answers are different for everybody. When you find someone to do this with, be open with them about the things that excite you and those that scare you. And be prepared to change those in a couple months. : )  you will find they change pretty quickly.

There is a bonus here... many Dom's find the idea of  introducing a newbie to the lifestyle to be exciting.

You can CMail me if you want. I've only been doing this for a few months so it is pretty fresh in my mind and i can give some personal examples. i started out as a part-time sub and found i wanted more than that.

Hope this helps you.

g

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to Calichicka510)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 3:49:51 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		If you don't have a community where you live, hang around here, listen, watch, learn, and ask questions. And don't automatically trust the first Dom (or second or third or ...) who comes on to you. Do a search for this topic (newbies, new sub, new slave) on the boards.

(in reply to MRandme)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 4:22:46 AM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		it all seems overwhelming at first..i know it did for me and still does somedays..take your time hun..Rome wasn't built in a day....read all that you can, take your time, ask questions...i know i struggled with my own feelings of what i really wanted and needed..to submit vs. what i had been taught all my life was "right"...as you gain more insight yuo will make the right decision for you

good luck


_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to Calichicka510)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 5:25:50 AM   
GentleLee


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline 		If it doesn't feel right, then you haven't met the right dominant.
I didn't want to submit to anyone. Didn't trust anyone enough. But when I met my man with a big M something just clicked inside and I took the leap.
Give it time, explore, and don't submit unless you feel comfortable. Anyone who don't respect that you're not ready isn't worth your time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calichicka510

I'm a new Sub/slave. and I don't know... I mean I know I want to give myself to someone but the idea of submitting and becoming a slave just... I don't know doesn't feel right, yet there's also a part that wants to do it more then anything else. I just don't know what to do, I mean I know it takes time and trust and yet even with that all of this just seems daunting...any advice?

(in reply to Calichicka510)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 5:29:14 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		I'm with Hergirl.  Do research...surf the net, read the message boards, talk to people at munches and events.  I think everyone starts out the same way, I know I did.  During your research, you'll probably find what aspect tickles your pickle...lol.  Is it being of service to your D, is it sexual slavery that you're looking for, is it bottoming just for play?  Whatever it is, there something out there for everyone.  The only thing that can limit your knowledge is how much you limit yourself.  Just keep an open mind and explore, but always do so safely if you look for another person to help guide you.  If possible, make sure the person has a good reputation with the BDSM community.  Good luck and may you find your happiness

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to Hergirl0824)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 6:09:47 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I didn't get into this to pick up dirty socks. I began by looking for someone trustworthy who I could be friends with, who would be interested in tying me up and having hot sex. By needing a trustworthy friend first, we talked about everything under the sun before meeting. We shared silly stuff and important stuff. And the more I came to know him, the more I knew he was trustworthy, dependable, responsible - all those mature, adult virtues that very few men I had ever known possessed. It was because of the abundance of virtues that I came to realize he was safe to submit to, because he wouldn't abuse my trust. And of course, we still have the bondage and the hot sex. In return though, there are those socks left all over.

(in reply to rubberpet)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 8:40:32 AM   
secretagentgirl


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		I am very new here as well, but I would say "if in doubt, try something."
It is SO hard to know what will be right for you by reading about.  I think reading is a GREAT idea... it helped me as I dipped by toe in the water to understand some of my reactions and especially to understand why I enjoyed certain things.
I think a great example is the whole pain thing.  When I started this journey this summer, I was like "no way" to anything pain related.  At all.  But the more I read about WHY people enjoy it, the whole endorphins realising thing, how pain can be interspersed with pleasure in an amazing way, etc. I opened my mind to it a little... and it turns out it can be cool.

Much of what you read about may even turn you off/gross you out/ make you mad, etc as you think "why would anyone do that?"  But it's not until you experience some of these things that you can really know if they are for you.  Some things sound bad out of context (ex: getting slapped in the face) yet you may find that IN the context of the right experience can be very exciting.

I do agree that finding the person to start with is key, and feeling that you can trust them is crucial.  I think there are many kind-hearted dom guys out there who enjoy leading someone along at a nice pace and helping them find their way.  If you find someone who you like in a friendly way as well, you can start trying things out to see what you like.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 8:56:01 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		If you're not sure if you can swim, you probably shouldn't dive into the deep end of the pool your first time out. Try just going to some local play parties and do a few non-sexual scenes first... then, if you find someone you're attracted to, then maybe try some weekend service, and take it from there...

Like water finding it's own level, you'll eventually find where you are happy.

I've never heard of anyone getting hurt by taking their time and being careful.

(in reply to secretagentgirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 4:07:40 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Just don't make any commitments for at least six months.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 6:38:33 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		NEW = Education , learn what is out there for you  then you can better decide .There is alotta great advice in this thread .

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 6:40:40 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calichicka510

I'm a new Sub/slave. and I don't know... I mean I know I want to give myself to someone but the idea of submitting and becoming a slave just... I don't know doesn't feel right, yet there's also a part that wants to do it more then anything else. I just don't know what to do, I mean I know it takes time and trust and yet even with that all of this just seems daunting...any advice?

As already mentioned; when in doubt, don't.

Take some time to gather some information and find out exactly what you want and what you need. There is no rush; nor are there any shortcuts.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Calichicka510)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: new to all this. - 11/8/2007 10:41:31 PM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden
It's a very sexy notion to want to give yourself to another and remove from yourself the burden of responsibility for your actions, its not quite so nice if you get told to clean the toilet with your tongue.


Ewwww - gasp, spit, choke  . . . . . . . . . . oh- sorry - not my kink.

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to MidnightMaiden)
Profile   Post #: 15
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