RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :)

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :)

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :)

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 11:59:20 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i think it is wise to discuss theese argements a bit on the forhand, if one is an old fahsiond lady that expect the man to pay, and he expect her to pay, one can have a problem if not the right person ahve money whit them. Times are canging, and perhaps not for the better.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 21

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 12:11:26 PM

DarkVoyeur

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/13/2004
From: Wet Coast Canuckland
Status: offline

I just don't go out unless I am prepared to pay. It's the old fashioned gentleman buried in me I guess. I usually don't even think about, I just grab the cheque and pay. Only once did anyone ever raise a fuss, so that time I let her pay. It didn't really matter to me, I just didn't expect it.

_____________________________

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of a great many things which escape those who dream only at night" - Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 22

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 7:59:22 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVoyeur

I just don't go out unless I am prepared to pay. It's the old fashioned gentleman buried in me I guess. I usually don't even think about, I just grab the cheque and pay. Only once did anyone ever raise a fuss, so that time I let her pay. It didn't really matter to me, I just didn't expect it.

Actually for me this tends to work out easily- one of my few universal rules is that I never refuse a gift as long as it is given sincerely and with no expectation of return.

Whether paying for dinner/vacation/whatever IS truly free of expectation is something I have to trust my judgement on. But I would consider it a huge insult to myself and to the other party to deny them the pleasure of giving me something that they wanted to. If it truly made one or the other of us "weird" down the line, we would talk about it and work out a good situation between us.

Being able to graciously accept things is as important as being able to offer them and at times refuse them.

(in reply to DarkVoyeur)

Post #: 23

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 8:24:27 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Nice rule Emerald, i like it, perhaps i should try to think aboute that one somtimes. Thanks for telling us.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 24

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 8:43:41 PM

magiqnapa

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

Well... we are past the "dating" stage, if there ever was one, lol. But with my Sir and I and his Slave and my Sub.... the bill can at times be large. Although neither one of us girls eats very much I do love gormet coffee. Sir knows me well enough to realize that if I can sneak and get my hands on the bill (even if I ask permission to go to the restroom during dinner and drop my credit card off at the cashier on the way....) then I will pay it. I don't do it in an obvious way as I would never disrespect him. If Sir really wants to pay the bill, then he will hang on to it and make sure it doesn't come anywhere near me. It's the ONLY "Domme" type behaviour he'll put up with from me, so of course I have to rise to the challenge! I also like to do things for others, and at times I feel like this at least I can try to do for him. I don't have to worry about a sitter as my youngest is 13 and if my Subby (husband) is with us I just get my daughter-in-law who lives with us to watch her. If it is my time alone with my Sir, my husband simply takes care of it.

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 25

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 8:55:34 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

I don't mind paying, as long as my date doesn't mind splitting a .99 cent chicken sandwich, small fries, and a water ... from McDonalds.

Hahahahaahaha Nothing wrong with mc donalds

Well I normally pay but I know alot of females that refuse to pay or do it on a turn by turn basis. Some gals really put up an argument to pay as they dont like that men are looked at to pay.

(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 26

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 10:38:25 PM

Overlord218

Posts: 53
Joined: 1/26/2005
Status: offline

Assuming we're talking about a lifestyle meeting, as in a Dom/me meeting a sub, without question the Dom/me pays... period.

_____________________________

Overlord 218

A little pain is good for the soul. Ask any masochist.

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 27

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/7/2005 5:16:53 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: themischievous1

Hi all,

Okay, so you've had a first time meeting and are going to be getting together for a second, third, or whatever time, dating essentially while you check each other out and get to know one another better. Unless you're both content to hang out in the bedroom or their apartment/home, you'll be going somewhere together. My questions are this:

1) Who should pay for these outings? Male/female? Both?

2) If you have kids, who should pay for the babysitter?

3) Do you consider it "gentlemanly" that the male dominant be responsible for the
costs of seeing one another in the "getting to know one another," dating stage?
Should a male dom always be responsible for the costs of an evening out?

4) If you're female and dominant or a male submissive/slave, who do you think should be
responsible for dating costs?

Just curious about your thoughts and opinions. I've my own thoughts on the vanilla aspect of this but does it change when lifestylers are involved? Please be completely honest :)

1. I always prefer to pick up the tab but it's a male thing moreso than a Dom thing - but they work well in unison anyway.... And even dining with my slave, I'm also the one who goes to the bar etc as it's still about old fashioned manners for me.

2. Where early dating is concerned, her kids are her problem. She can't find or afford a sitter, I guess I'll get a "rain-check". If we're in a relationship, we'll work it out between us as they're still her kids but that's balanced with her belonging to me.

3. Yes, I do - hence it's how I do it.

4. I always like this kind of question because it's an area where Dommes have an advantage over Doms with manners. Male manners is why I don't send my slave to the bar and why I open doors for her etc but Dommes aren't constricted in that way....

Your after-thought is quite interesting because, from my perspective, I doubt I'd do anything differently from a vanilla aspect yet I wonder if Dommes and male/subs would....?

Focus50.

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 28

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/7/2005 6:46:31 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i dont think it should be the Dominant that pay always, even in a lifestyle meeting, i strongely belive one either go by the oldfasiond rule the man pays, or by the sensible rule, the one whit the most money pays.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 29

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/7/2005 7:28:14 AM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tinkJH

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

When someone offers hospitality, it should be accepted gracefully - to refuse is to offer an insult.

I don't think in all situations it would be an insult. If there are conflicts of dates or times, common interests or if two people didn't get along all too well. I certinly wouldn't make my daughter go to the prom with a guy (or girl) who wasnt her type and she didn't get along with too well just because that person offered and asked to take her.

Dear, I distinguish between hospitality and an invitation. By no means are we beholden to accept an invitation - but if we are already socially engaged with someone, to refuse an offer of hospitality is graceless.

My Dad is a much heavier hitter in business than I ever will be - and of course he lets me offer hospitality (pick up the check) on occaision. My grad school classmates are dirt poor in comparison to me - what a lout (and showoff) I would be if I didn't let them offer a gift of hospitality in some form on occaision.

(in reply to tinkJH)

Post #: 30

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/9/2005 11:27:50 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

quote:

I think the Domme/Dom. pays. I think they should in most if not all cases anyway.

HalloweenWhite.

If I went out with every sub who asked me and paid every time, I'd be broke in short order.

Quite simply...I'm old fashioned. I believe it's appropriate for a man to pay when we go out. That said, I can be understanding that a gent isn't going to be able to afford to go out to a $200 dinner every week, and am quite comfortable balancing more affordable options, as well as inviting said gent over to meal made by my own fair hands.

Before that gets anyone's knickers in a twist...remember that if we're dating and playing, we're playing out of my extensive toy collection that I have invested my own money into over the years - my expectation of a gent taking me out is NOT about the cash.

If it's a femsub, that varies. I've paid, and they've paid, depending on who did the asking or who basically could afford it better.

O.I.c. I just thought it was the responsibility of the Domme/Dom. automatically.

HalloweenWhite

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 31

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/11/2005 9:16:06 AM

Nuke718

Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

OK, I have a Gallahad complex. I like to be the caring supportive helpful type when I play either role.

As a top, I pick the place and pay for the meal, movie, concert, bar tab, thatever. If she has children I expect her to pay for hre own sitter.

As a bottom I let her pick the venue, but unless she specifies that she is paying or we are going dutch, I plan on paying. The only exception is when she chooses something outside my budget, in that case I simply admit it is beyond my means and hopefully we work out an alternative.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 32

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/11/2005 9:38:37 AM

ChereeAmoor

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

I am a big believer in hanging out Dutch until there is some understanding about finances - once upon a time one of my Masters was still in college and I was making 15$ an hour, so I happily picked up the bills. Now he is working and I am not - so it is hsi turn. Parents of kids needing babysitters are well-accustomed to paying or trading off with friends, so I don't see why that should be a Dom's problem until later on in the relationship.

And Domme or sub or vanilla girl, I have never in my life (when with ANY type of male) opened a door for myself, lit my own cigarette, or put on my own coat. There are just some things one expects.

(in reply to Nuke718)

Post #: 33

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/11/2005 9:51:08 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

[/quote]
O.I.c. I just thought it was the responsibility of the Domme/Dom. automatically.

HalloweenWhite
[/quote]

Why?

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 34

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/11/2005 10:02:07 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

Call me old fashioned, but I generally expect the guy to pay for things, open doors, etc etc. I don't look at it as "undomly" or whatever, it's just manners. I would always carry some extra cash just in case something happened or was miscommunicated. I find it very gentlemen-ish when guys offer to pay though.

Of course, I like doing cheap/free things that are just as fun like playing in the park, playing video games, watching cheesy TV movies, swimming in the lake, just hanging around taking pictures....stuff like that.

(in reply to ChereeAmoor)

Post #: 35

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/14/2005 6:52:28 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline

I was raised to assume that the gentleman pays. If he's the dom, it's a form of control; if he's a sub, it's a form of tribute.

However, I expect her to pay for her own babysitter. Unless we form an intimate relationship in which I have some degree of responsibility for her children, it is her job to ensure they are taken care of, not mine.

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 36

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/14/2005 8:23:02 AM

minxmaze

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/24/2004
Status: offline

What are we talking about the 1st meet or the 1st date?

If I go out I always make sure I have enough funds to cover myself in anyway needed, right down to a tow, so money is not the issue.

I feel, as a bottom type, the 1st meet should be Logged as dutch.
You don't know if this is a type you want, and a meet to see them is just that a meet.

A 1st date, to me should still be offered as dutch, if the other side has a thought on it so be it, but always expect to pay your own way.

As for kids, well if they ain't mine I ain't paying for them, that is your issue with the side of your life, as leaving my business alone long enough for the date is my loss, see works both ways for bottom types and toppie types.

As toppie types are not always the ones with the businesses to worry about.
minx

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 37

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/14/2005 9:31:32 PM

Ojedieu

Posts: 142
Joined: 1/17/2005
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Overlord218

Assuming we're talking about a lifestyle meeting, as in a Dom/me meeting a sub, without question the Dom/me pays... period.

Hmm... for me, there are more shades of gray than just this. If a sub and I are meeting for the first time, I bring money for my own meal. If we get along and he'd like to pay for the meal (I don't ask him to), as long as I don't feel there's an expectation for anything in return for his picking up the tab (other than the satisfaction it gives him to do so), I am usually quite pleased to let him pay. In otherwords, I agree with Emerald on this 100%.

If, on the other hand, we don't click or I feel that it's a power move on his part to pay for my meal, I don't let him. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where I'd pay for his meal, but I suppose if we were friends and money was short on his end I might.
I doubt I'd pay for a complete stranger's meal, and if he couldn't afford a meal out, then I'd expect him to suggest a public venue other than a restaraunt where we could meet.

_____________________________

Ojedieu

(in reply to Overlord218)

Post #: 38

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/14/2005 9:56:57 PM

ruthfw

Posts: 24
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Very sensible.

There are a lot of "old-fashioned' men out there; when a dominant woman pays the check it can reinforce the power dynamic. Some women like to go one further and order for a male sub too.

I sort of like the "sugar daddy" role myself, but I am fortunate enough now to be able to afford it on an occasional basis. I'm sure if I was expected to pick up the check every single time it would get old.

Don't have much use for old-fashioned sex roles myself, and am a bit skeptical of tribute. But just because it doesn't work for me doesn't mean it wouldn't work just fine for others.

(in reply to Ojedieu)

Post #: 39

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/14/2005 10:24:28 PM

Alixandria

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/27/2005
From: Edmonton, Alberta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruthfw
There are a lot of "old-fashioned' men out there; when a dominant woman pays the check it can reinforce the power dynamic. Some women like to go one further and order for a male sub too.

I don't even have to go kink for this question. I have gotten such a rush from the very few times a man (and occasionally a woman) would allow me, a woman, to take them out for a real dinner/date.

I had an occasion recently where a nice intellectual friend agreed to let me buy him a meal. Nothing extravagant, a couple of beer and a nice meal at an outdoor patio downtown. He was a totally engaging companion who I had met in a series of intellectual/political events. He was very poor as he spent his life as an activist for third world causes (he was from the Caribbean himself) and so it seemed natural for me (a first world employee in the capitalist marketplace

) to pay for the honour of his company.

Unfortunately, most men, even men who are not as well placed as myself financially (though I am hardly rich) do this whole "chivalry" thing when it comes to the bill. It makes me feel awkward and I miss my very gentle, no obligations rush from my own wish to express generosity in return for fabulous social entertainment.

Of course, if the income difference is the other way that is a totally different topic, but I hate to be deprived of an evening of a sort that I can afford and am used to simply because I have to scale it down to the circumstances of an interesting but relatively impoverished man or woman.

Alix

(in reply to ruthfw)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :)

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078