Mentally Ill submissive (Full Version)

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shootingstar67 -> Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 1:48:07 AM)

Have you ever run across a submissive who was obviously depressed or self destructive with low self regard? If so what did you do?

Have you ever been tempted to play with someone willing and attractive but obviously not very strong mentally or emotionally?



MissMagnolia -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 1:53:14 AM)

Yes.

Sent them off with advice to get help and stop doing this until they are well enough to know what they are doing.

No.



Padriag -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 2:11:39 AM)

Yes.

Offer advice and encourage them in more positive directions.

No, I'm rather fond of my sanity.  Besides, I don't play casually and I'm not about to get involved with someone who I don't consider stable. 



MyMasterStephen -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 2:56:20 AM)

Yes, many times.  A lot of people come here for the wrong reasons.

I have some experience working with the psychiatrically disturbed, so I gave them the best advice I could and tried to show them that they can be appreciated for who they are, and that they don't have to offer themselves sexually or otherwise just to have some worth in the eyes of others.

If one admits to their darkest side, then inevitably you are going to think sometimes about where and how far such a person might be taken.  But thinking and doing are two different matters, and I would never take advantage of such a vulnerable person.  I am here to help and protect and support, not to damage.



tsatske -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 3:23:55 AM)

There is an awful lot of prejudice against the mentally ill. I am a mentally ill person. I let a Dom know this, at the very LATEST, the first time we meet, (and I would never consider playing on a first meet.) Generally I talk about it much earlier than that, in phone conversations or email.
I deal with my mental illness and am probably a lot stabler than a lot of people who don't have a diagnosis. I would not suggest playing with someone who is obviously unbalanced at the time - why would you need that drama in your life. But you can own and manage a mentally ill sub just as you can a diabetic sub. (I am also diabetic.)



ownedgirlie -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 3:39:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Have you ever run across a submissive who was obviously depressed or self destructive with low self regard? If so what did you do?

Have you ever been tempted to play with someone willing and attractive but obviously not very strong mentally or emotionally?


I don't know about self destructive, but if you go to through the posts in the Health section, you'll see half the folks on this site (and in life in general) are on antidepressants (it's a facetious guess).  I have had spells of depression since becoming my Master's slave - he and therapy and good friends & family helped me through it.

As for not strong mentally or emotionally - not due to mental illness but due to some rather serious events in my life, there have been times when I wasn't strong at all, mentally or emotionally.  He took great care with me then - still used me because I needed it and he wanted it, but did so cautiously, for my own good.   

A lot of things can qualify as mentally ill, though.  Is bi-polar a mental illness?  Depression?  Major Depressive Disorder?  ADD?  OCD?  XYZ?  LMNOP?  (sorry, I get carried away).  Perhaps mental incompetence is where the line should be drawn.



IcySub -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 3:48:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

There is an awful lot of prejudice against the mentally ill. I am a mentally ill person. I let a Dom know this, at the very LATEST, the first time we meet, (and I would never consider playing on a first meet.) Generally I talk about it much earlier than that, in phone conversations or email.
I deal with my mental illness and am probably a lot stabler than a lot of people who don't have a diagnosis. I would not suggest playing with someone who is obviously unbalanced at the time - why would you need that drama in your life. But you can own and manage a mentally ill sub just as you can a diabetic sub. (I am also diabetic.)


I have been turned down by many potential partners on here or other places because I am mentally ill. I don't persue this way of life to try to cure my depression, I take my medications and I try to go to therapy when I can. Having a mentally ill submissive (to me) is no more or less stressful than having a terminally ill dominant or a broken slave. Someone mentally stable isn't by far more 'qualified' to serve as a sub and it doesn't make them better.



cadenas -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 4:08:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Have you ever run across a submissive who was obviously depressed or self destructive with low self regard? If so what did you do?

Have you ever been tempted to play with someone willing and attractive but obviously not very strong mentally or emotionally?


Are you talking about playing, or about a relationship? If you are talking about playing, be aware that it can be an emotionally intense experience, and you may need to provide a lot of aftercare. Possibly, a lifetime of aftercare. Even among average people, playing and then dropping her can be cruel.

First of all, not all mental illnesses are alike. I've had a severly mentally ill submissive (enough to make her 100% disabled, and severe depression was just one of several diagnoses). She is the most wonderful person I have met in my life, and in her case the Ds dynamic was exactly what she needed. Much to my chagrin, we are no longer together, but through me she found her passion in life, and now is very successful, even has a career now. She also has a new master. One of her complaints was that there is a lot of prejudice, and some clubs do not admit somebody with her type of condition (even though it is irrational).

I've also had a severely mentally ill roommate (she was submissive, but not MY submissive). She was the most disastrous person I could ever wish on anybody, and basically couldn't function outside a lock-down ward.

So, please keep an open mind. Learn about the particular condition, and about the particular person, for even if two people have the same diagnosis, it doesn't mean that they will act the same way. Listen carefully what she tells you. Be aware that certain things  that may seem harmless will cause her serious lasting harm. But don't overdo it.

Being with somebody with a mental condition can be a challenge. It can also be tremendously rewarding, especially if you are looking for a lifetime relationship. You will need to be resilient, for you will go through a serious emotional roller coaster, possibly for the rest of your life. But with the right partner, it's worth it.




Willowmoon -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 4:19:11 AM)

I do have a mental illness it is an illness that will be with me for the rest of my life. Why should I be judged because of it? Why should i be prevented  from doing something that I enjoy just because of an illness? Would you prevent someone with a physical condition/illness from participating in this lifestyle.

Just because somebody suffers from depression does not mean that they are not mentally or emotionaly strong some of the strongest people i know have had major battles with depression and it is their strength that got them through it.

I am going to stop typing now as anything more i have to say on this topic will just be me getting angry.

Willow



mistoferin -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 5:08:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willowmoon
I am going to stop typing now as anything more i have to say on this topic will just be me getting angry.


This would be an example of a reason why someone may choose not to be in a relationship with someone mentally ill. If a message board can induce enough anger to shut down communication, circumstances in a real life relationship would probably not be handled well.

Having worked in the mental health field...and having been in a long term relationship with someone who was manic depressive....I can tell you without hesitation that it is not something that I would again consider. It was a constant emotional drain and made things like communication and compromise nearly impossible.



batshalom -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 5:19:52 AM)

~Fast Reply~

There are all kinds of mental illnesses so it depends on what you're talking about. There are mood disorders (depression and bpd); psychotic disorders (schizophrenia); anxiety disorders (agoraphobia, ocd, and ptsd); personality disorders (anitsocial pd, narcissitic pd, dependent pd) ... way too much to name. It depends on what sort of mental illness you're talking about (some are obviously more easily handled by lay people than others) and whether or not it's addressed and controlled and tolerable to the person on the other side of it.



Rule -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 5:46:29 AM)

I have been trying to fathom the mind of a friend of mine these past ten or seventeen years. Last year or early this year I concluded that he was a natural submissive, and one of my clues was that infrequently he enters the deepest pit of depression. For such natural submissives - superhuman beings - exclusively from my hypothesis about the various types of human minds my recommendation is not to take medication. It is life and part of the nature of some natural submissives. Deal with it.
 
To dominants of such natural submissives my recommendation is: be strong for them, give them strength.
I have always supported my friend when he had one of his bouts of depression and he always survived them.



mistoferin -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 5:53:58 AM)

I know you have posted this several times but I totally disagree that depession is in any way, part of natural submission.



erinrosalie -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 6:07:54 AM)

I know that in the beginning of our relationship, my Daddy would get really nervous about playing and asserting a D/s dynamic in our relationship when my anxiety was acting up. She didn't want to make it any worse then it was. However, I found that bdsm, particularly the Daddy/little girl aspect helps my anxiety. It helps me to give up control and therefore give up the things I tend to be anxious about.

At the same time, as someone who works in the field of mental health, I could see difficulty with maintaining an active bdsm relationship with someone who suffers from a severe and persistent mental illness. If someone is undergoing the right treatment in the right setting (and those things are going to vary for everyone) their illness should be fairly dormant for periods of time. Like a bad cold or physical disorder that can flair up, I think mental illness might just be something that interupts the dynamic but does not elimnate the possibility of a relationship.



GrayGhost -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 6:42:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willowmoon
I am going to stop typing now as anything more i have to say on this topic will just be me getting angry.


This would be an example of a reason why someone may choose not to be in a relationship with someone mentally ill. If a message board can induce enough anger to shut down communication, circumstances in a real life relationship would probably not be handled well.

Having worked in the mental health field...and having been in a long term relationship with someone who was manic depressive....I can tell you without hesitation that it is not something that I would again consider. It was a constant emotional drain and made things like communication and compromise nearly impossible.
Not sure how classic it is....I know many females that shut down when they see the slightest topic that upsets them. Women tend to really embellish words, and some read them with far more passion than was ever meant to be conveyed. You can take one sentence......and read it with 10 different voice inflections, and get 10 results of what that person perceived. Compound this with the fact you can't see facial expressions, and it make online communication very difficult. I think we both know the OP was expressing more of a concern than a putdown of someone with mental issues, but if it hits close to home, then people can be easily inflamed.



wisteriaV -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 6:46:00 AM)

Sorry to sound like a priss but to me it would depend on the mental illness and if its being controlled or not. There are some mental illnesses that would be a hard limit....Im not talking about depression or bi-polar or stuff that is treatable with meds and the person is being productive in keeping themselves as healthy as possible. Im refering to those such as schizophrenia ect.[8|]



Willowmoon -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 7:00:19 AM)

I shut down because it is a forum and i don't see the point in getting angry or saying things that would get me flamed on here.

As for my real time relationship we have fantastic communication and usualy know what is going on with each other.



astarri -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 7:57:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Have you ever run across a submissive who was obviously depressed or self destructive with low self regard? If so what did you do?

Have you ever been tempted to play with someone willing and attractive but obviously not very strong mentally or emotionally?


A very high percentage of people will have some form of depression in their lives. To never question your worth  is unrealistic.
Also imo everyone has aspects in their lives in which they are not very strong mentally and emotionally.
I think that functionality is the real question. If someone is ceasing to function in society then imo that is a serious flag.



chellekitty -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 9:30:29 AM)

if they are not suicidal, homocidal or psychotic (by clinical definition, not street definition lol) i would recomend caution and watching for signs of those three things (which would require hospitalization, in my not so humble opinion, so they don't hurt themselves or others) but for all the reasons others have mentioned and i'm sure more...there is nothing wrong with being with a submissive with a mental illness unless you personally find something wrong with it...and at that point it becomes something akin to you don't like blondes or fat chicks or tall men or whatever....


edited to add:  also keep in mind the dreaded air plane safety lecture...

Put your own mask on before helping others..

if a submissive becomes so draining on you that you are no good to them or others, it is time to reevaluate the situation...



hisannabelle -> RE: Mentally Ill submissive (11/9/2007 9:33:27 AM)

greetings shootingstar,

i am a mentally (and physically) ill slave. i am much better now than i was, say, three or four years ago (before my master and i got together) but i still have many "issues" that i am learning to deal with, as well as physical health problems to cope with. he does the only thing he can do - supports my efforts to get better (i spend a LOT of time at the doctor's office) and helps me with transportation to and from the doctor if i need it and he is available.

for those who say it depends on the illness - i have ptsd, generalized anxiety, depression (which is actually much, much less debilitating than it was a few years ago),  and eating disorder not otherwise specified. i also deal with hypomania and dissociation to a lesser extent. on the physical side i have migraines, fibromyalgia, a fractured vertebrae, degenerative disk disease, arthritis, recurring tendonitis, mild cerebral palsy, and various vitamin deficiencies. i am under the regular care of a psychiatrist, psychologist, nutritionist, and gp, and also have seen orthopedic specialists, a neurologist, and a rheumatologist (as well as tried almost every pain management technique under the sun). i take effexor for anxiety and that's about it where pills are concerned (tried antidepressants to treat the fibro pain, didn't work). most of these are conditions that i will probably live with for the rest of my life,  and many i have had since i was born or very young, but i believe it is possible to still have a fulfilled life with them.

personally, i agree with willowmoon. mentally ill people should not be treated any differently than physically ill people (although i think treatment and awareness for both issues has a long way to go); mental illness is treatable and manageable, and as long as both parties (especially the mentally ill one) are willing to work to help the situation, i do not see why they cannot have a healthy and fulfilled relationship. i doubt he would stay with me if i were refusing to deal with the situation, not getting out of bed, and never going to my appointments, but we both have the same goals where i am concerned...we know that i will never be "healthy" in the traditional sense but at least i can be happier, more fulfilled, and less affected by these things.

respectfully,
annabelle.



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