Identifying bad Masters (Full Version)

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kiss0fpoison -> Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 9:55:18 AM)

i had a Master who was alot older than me and i, to this day, blame myself for being a bad slave in this relationship. i was wondering if anyone could help me in seeing if i was in the wrong.

This man got angry so fast! It was like a fuse that was pre-lit! He would never enforce any rules, he would just set them and whenever he felt like it.. he'd tell me to do..whatever. I told him various times that He needs to enforce the rules for me to understand that He is serious or i wouldn't expect to have to follow it. Of course, he would get mad at that and blow it way out of proportion and for the next 4 hrs he spent making my life miserable to prove a point. He would tell me that I am not a good slave and that he must be such a horrible Master... so a guilt trip. This would happen at least once a week.

The reason why i stayed was because i was financially dependent on Him and had a baby with Him and didnt want Him to have to miss out on her growing up like he did His others.

I stayed for the longest time until i just shut down everytime he would go into his craziness...

So, am i just a really bad slave and should look into becoming vanilla or ... was He a fake?

`rain`



Celeste43 -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 10:02:30 AM)

I'm not going to say a fake, because he might have been great with a person who could deal with the spontaneity, which you couldn't. I will say he appears to have anger management problems. Personally I no longer get involved with people with untreated rage and anger. That's a hard limit.

And that he had to miss out on his other ums while growing up? Sorry, he chose to miss out. He chose not to live nearby so they could take the bus home to his place. He chose not to have them for the weekends, not to take vacations with them, not to spend an hour on the phone nightly helping them with their homework.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 10:15:40 AM)

You arent a bad slave, any more than he was a bad Master... you were just a bad fit together.
Just becasue you are sub and he is Dom dosent mean that you are a good D/s connection. If it were that easy, thered be no need for sites like theseand everyone would already be paired off. When you get involved with someone, if it isnt working out and there is no effort being made on either side to correct that, then it will not get better. You tried to tel him what you needed, and he was either unwilling or unabe to give it to you.
Next time you get involved, you know better what to look for. With another Master, you might be the perfect slave. Good luck

DV



IrishMist -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 10:19:41 AM)

quote:

You arent a bad slave, any more than he was a bad Master... you were just a bad fit together.

Bingo



Vanatru -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 10:21:16 AM)

What's the point in trying to redefine what he did or what happened back then? And even more pointed, why would you want our opinion about this guy whom we don't know, nore really know about your relationship with him?

Learn from your past. Acknowledge your mistakes and be more careful about what sort of relationship you are looking for. HE was not responsible for YOUR actions, YOU chose NOT to follow the rules. And you're telling us that you don't understand why he'd be upset about it or that you are somehow blameless?

It's time to put on your big-girl panties and be responsible for your involvement and your mistakes. You can't control his anger issues, and that's his deal. You're deal was being a brat, making excuses, and lack of experience. Learn from your loss and make better choices in the future.

Edit: Weird, this post says it's a reply to celeste, when it's definitely in reply to the OP.



mnottertail -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 10:22:24 AM)

I am a bad Master, no identity crisis here. (so, there is one identified for you).

Ron



Vanatru -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 10:29:34 AM)

LOL Ron. Yes, you're far too eveel for her. *grin*



ctrlaltdelete -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 10:32:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am a bad Master, no identity crisis here. (so, there is one identified for you).


Is that where the acronym "BM" finds its origin?

On a serious note: Without any actual and in-depth insights into either of you, it is hard to say that/whether he was a bad Master and/or you (the OP) a bad slave. If you want to take anything out of that experience to carry forward with you without turning it into instant baggage - just consider not rushing into a commitment to anyone before you have truly taken sufficient time to explore mutual compatibility.



Celeste43 -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 10:41:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru
Edit: Weird, this post says it's a reply to celeste, when it's definitely in reply to the OP.


If you don't hit the reply button above someone's post, but just use the reply box at that bottom, then it is a "fast reply" and the computer assumes you're replying to the last post when you typed in yours. If you hit ok just a second after someone else it will still say reply to the last post up but it will post the other person's post before you.

I find it to be weird so I just assume everyone else is as lazy as me ([:D]) and just uses the fast reply box.



MrSpectacular -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 11:34:16 AM)

Sounds like you had a fun relationship - aren't you glad it is over?
It seems like you figured out yourself it was not a good dynamic for you. You are the one who is important here. So opinions here are not going to help too much.
There are plenty of good Doms out there - good luck and don't give up.



downkitty -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 11:43:44 AM)

If you're asking if you were wrong ... yes.  If you're asking if he was wrong ... yes.  It was a relationship. Sometimes you were right, sometimes you were wrong.  Somtimes he was right, sometimes he was wrong.  You both have your own perspective.

From an outside perspective, this is what strikes me

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiss0fpoison

The reason why i stayed was because i was financially dependent on Him and had a baby with Him and didnt want Him to have to miss out on her growing up like he did His others.

`rain`


Why would you have a baby and become financially dependent on a man you think is crazy?  Note: this is not an attack. We were all young and stupid once, and if I were able to have children, I'd likely have been in the same boat.

Respectfully,

Amy



chellekitty -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 1:08:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am a bad Master, no identity crisis here. (so, there is one identified for you).

Ron


hey Ron....you should have signed this one with "Leroy Brown"



trappedinamuseum -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 1:11:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am a bad Master, no identity crisis here. (so, there is one identified for you).

Ron


Ron, you're not a bad Master.   You are just misunderstood....because you're pure, unadulterated evil.....and its damn hard to find it as potent as you these days.  [:D]





KnightofMists -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 1:40:41 PM)

yup... nice dysfuntional relationship....

Why it was dysfunctional?  Well that is a rather difficult to say... but odds are.. you both contributed more to the problem than to the solution.



Kirata -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 6:13:54 PM)

Hello kiss,
 
In the course of talking with a girl, she invariably learns how I like things. But it's not just cocktail conversation. I expect her to remember my preferences and observe them. If she repeatedly gives me an air-headed smile and does the opposite, saying that I have to "enforce the rules" if I want her to obey, I'm out of the game. Who is serving who here?
 
I would just arrange for her to move on. But in your case, I have to wonder if maybe he cared about you and the child you share, knew that you were too dependent on him to abandon, and just wanted you to stop making him "enforce the rules" all the freaking time because it pissed him off.
 
K.
 



shootingstar67 -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 6:42:47 PM)

He sounds like a bad Master to me. I need someone who puts an amount of thought into his rules. The rules need to be written down and enforced all the time. He may not make them up as he goes along and change them to fit his mood.  He may not care about the rules half the time and expect me to obey all the time.




TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 8:31:46 PM)

To the OP..bad fit for sure...however, I also saw Lazy Dominant who was unwilling to maintain any consistency at all, and expected you to be a mind reader..To Kirata,...I know Dominants hate to be expected to be mind readers...but I also think it is also unrealistic to expect a submissive to be one as well...Tempting



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/9/2007 10:41:52 PM)

Why are you asking for us to validate something you already believe? Or, actually, to tell you that you weren't a bad slave and that it was all his fault? You already, inside, feel that you were. Whether that was true or not is your lesson to figure out. If you weren't, you know a little more about yourself. If you were, you know a little more about yourself. Now, how will you change for the better?

Master Fire



fsub4use -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/10/2007 12:03:46 AM)

excellent example of letting someone else define you.... figure it out.... own it... be it and offer it to someone who is a good fit... and get over it.  this is where we put on our big girl panties.



Slaveless1 -> RE: Identifying bad Masters (11/10/2007 2:22:24 PM)

you are being a bad slave.........a very very bad slave...........now bend over and take the punishment.............[sm=crop.gif]

I see red flags all over the place here. If there is no consistency it is hard to follow one. It is esp bad if you are a submissive looking for direction.

Just like in the vanilla world, childeren are never a reason to stick it out. It will create harsh feelings of regret towards the other and disappointment in yourself. This is quite evident in the fact you stated that you would just shut down.

Financial is not a reason either, now you are using him for your benefit. That is what child support is for it will help you with that, but was never meant to pay for it all. You have to get on your own two feet and do something about it.

We only have the one side here, and I am sure there is another side. One can make anything sound like they want to...its their story..............

My suggestion......stay out of the lifestyle (relationship) for awhile, get your head straight, get your priorities back inline, you need time for you and your kids,.....you will know when you are ready again...........best of luck



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