The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (Full Version)

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strongnsubmissiv -> The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/6/2005 1:05:52 PM)

Here in Canada, a cable channel runs a show called "KinK". It's a documentary style show that follows the lifestyles of those that would identify themselves as kinky, or perhaps sexually different. Consciously, i know i'm watching this show to not only perhaps learn a little about different sexualities, but also to identify with others, in an attempt to feel like i'm not alone with my own different sexual identity. I guess it's the same reason i sought out munches years ago as well. I'm not sure why it's important, but looking for a place to "fit in" is something i desire. I wonder if that's just human nature.

The effect of watching this show however is somewhat surprising to me, because instead of feeling relieved that there are people out there who are potentially like me, i feel disheartened and almost more disconnected than i did before i watched the show. I feel like, other than our sexualities being different and perhaps the like for a few of the same kinks, I have absolutely NOTHING in common with many of the people portrayed in this series.

Now i can rationalize, and say to myself of course for the purposes of being entertaining and gaining ratings, this show will always follow the eccentrics. Not to mention that the more quiet and simple ones among us probably wouldn't offer our stories to a television network. But even amongst the local community the feeling is the same. Mainstream BDSM seems to have a certain flavour of stereotypical ideals. I wonder how many of us get caught up in the lure of mainstream BDSM and are skewed by how the community thinks we should be, when really all we want is to fit in and find someone who shares in our particular interests.

I've rambled long enough... and i hope i've not offended anyone. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with any of the stereotypical ideals that go along with mainstream thoughts, i'm just saying that they aren't for me.

:)

sns




Fidelity -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/6/2005 1:50:46 PM)

The biggest problem with anything "mainstream" is that sooner or later the perceived "majority" who participate attempt to impose their standards on others.

SCC vs RACK,mono vs polyamory etc.......

I avoid the public scene in general now for just this reason. The only limitations I will accept are from my intimate partner. Why else would I really CARE about how everyone else does their "thing"?



nella -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/6/2005 2:43:32 PM)

i have this problem whit most BDSM, mainsteam or not, a few things i ahve in common whit it, but it seam me and my Dom have a lifestyle werry different from the one on this forum.

That a style go mainstream can be good in that pepole get to know more of said lifestyle and it will be more acepted in the world at large, but it has the downside that then pepole belive there is a right or wrong way, and the lifestyle, among many have a tendency to fall into fashion trends.



DiabolicalDom -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/6/2005 7:32:31 PM)


I feel like, other than our sexualities being different and perhaps the like for a few of the same kinks, I have absolutely NOTHING in common with many of the people portrayed in this series.



I often find myself thinking the same exact thing. But I think this is mainly becuase I would never choose to be on a show like that. The precise people who have set up their life so that there would be no repurcussions professionally or personally are different than me. Unfortuneately it is incredibly difficult for the mainstream media to project beyond the people they have. It's sort of like trying to show something that isn't there. And more than likely, whoever is directing/writing/producing/editing a mainstream media piece is doing with an eye towards getting mainstream viewers/readers to consume the piece and that doesn't necessarily involve doing it in a fair and balanced way.

It would certainly be simpler if we could all walk around with signs around our necks stating each of our particular kinks. We would find ourselves not only part of a huge group but generally far less perverted than we expected.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/6/2005 8:10:34 PM)

Try changing your perspective of the scene to simply be as varied as it can possibly be, just like vanilla life. I know people like feeling like part of some special club, or like feeling a commonality...but there really isn't any more commonality between people in bdsm as there is between people NOT in bdsm.

This is one of the reasons I dislike being called a "sister." Just because I happen to be a slave doesn't mean I have any special connection with another slave.

So, take heart in that "we really are just like everyone else" and that the scene IS big enough to include everyone, even you.



nella -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/6/2005 8:16:30 PM)

quote:

This is one of the reasons I dislike being called a "sister." Just because I happen to be a slave doesn't mean I have any special connection with another slave.


Amen, but in some subcultures, like BDSM or Paganisem, calling others siter or brother is common. i always found it werry strange. The only non family pepole i call sister and broter is my former coven mates.



IronBear -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/7/2005 12:44:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DiabolicalDom


I feel like, other than our sexualities being different and perhaps the like for a few of the same kinks, I have absolutely NOTHING in common with many of the people portrayed in this series.



I often find myself thinking the same exact thing. But I think this is mainly becuase I would never choose to be on a show like that. The precise people who have set up their life so that there would be no repurcussions professionally or personally are different than me. Unfortuneately it is incredibly difficult for the mainstream media to project beyond the people they have. It's sort of like trying to show something that isn't there. And more than likely, whoever is directing/writing/producing/editing a mainstream media piece is doing with an eye towards getting mainstream viewers/readers to consume the piece and that doesn't necessarily involve doing it in a fair and balanced way.

It would certainly be simpler if we could all walk around with signs around our necks stating each of our particular kinks. We would find ourselves not only part of a huge group but generally far less perverted than we expected.



This happens with many “fringe” or “subculture” groups. Usually someone in the media has a bright idea to do something which will boost ratings and either a reporter, some learned people or one or two folk who are hangers on take the spotlight after doing basic research and sprout off knowingly, selling their “Knowledge” to the public and never involve those who do know or put a smutty spin on it. Presto there are a heap of “Wakuppies” (Wannabe Kingsters with a Yuppy mentality ~ Y’all know they type, they just have to be seen doing something because it’s the “in thing” at the moment and God forbid that they appear to be lagging behind ~ except for paying off their multiple credit cards).

So ok I sound a tad bitter but I’ve had a gut full of this sort of thing and have seen far too much of it in other areas I’m involved with. The end result is the genuine people take a pace to the rear as far as acceptance or credibilitygoes and the "Possers" with little knowledge are seen by the newbys as the authority on the subject because these same posers were seen on TV by those who are looking for that very thing. Sheesh, it sounds like a political rally prior to an election doesn’t it. The public get fed BS and at least half of them believe it……



nella -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/7/2005 6:48:49 AM)

i still think it is good for the lifestyle that such shows get published, it do create more knowledge, even if it is mainstream, happy yuppy lifestyle that are being presented.



strongnsubmissiv -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/7/2005 8:50:12 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

i still think it is good for the lifestyle that such shows get published, it do create more knowledge, even if it is mainstream, happy yuppy lifestyle that are being presented.


Publicity can be good for acceptance and tollerance when it comes to this lifestyle but sometimes i think we need to be careful what kind of message is being sent by doing so. If i was vanilla and watched this show, i'd come away from it thinking, that most kinksters are white trash low life's, spending most of their welfare cheque on spike heel boots and a box of cigarellos.

EmeraldSlave's perspective on it really seems to make sense to me though. Likes, dislikes and personalities are so varied, why should it be i feel commonality with someone just becuase they've labled themselves as kinksters. The diversity is just as big here as it is in vanillaville so i should't feel disappointment that i've nothing in common with most. I'm sure not every homosexual is proud of what goes on at the Gay Pride Parade either.

I should footnote here as well, because i've met some wonderfully amazing people at munches and here in this online forum. I think perhaps these forums lack the Jerry Springer element because it's far too boring here for them. Who knows.. but i love the opinions and points of view here. :)

sns

sns



nella -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/7/2005 12:33:01 PM)

strongnsubmissiv, i have not seen the show in question, i just belived that it would be good, if pepole got to see that we are not all ax murderers and psycos, but i guess, pr can be bad as well.



strongnsubmissiv -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/7/2005 1:44:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

strongnsubmissiv, i have not seen the show in question, i just belived that it would be good, if pepole got to see that we are not all ax murderers and psycos, but i guess, pr can be bad as well.


... you mean we're not all psychos? LOL :P You're right though, the show does seem to give bdsm a "human" element which is nice. Lessens the mystery surrounding the lifestyle that is for sure.




Noah -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/7/2005 1:49:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: strongnsubmissive

The effect of watching this show however is somewhat surprising to me, because instead of feeling relieved that there are people out there who are potentially like me, i feel disheartened and almost more disconnected than i did before i watched the show. I feel like, other than our sexualities being different and perhaps the like for a few of the same kinks, I have absolutely NOTHING in common with many of the people portrayed in this series.



I think you should be heartened rather than disheartened to note how little you have in common with those who volunteer to appear on any of the programs ironically (in my view) billed as reality television.

Noah









MstrHellsFury -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/7/2005 3:27:05 PM)

as with all things...seems like BDSM is the flavor of the month...or is the new label Alt. Lifestyle...well it doesn't bother me as it has no direct effect on my daily life...



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/7/2005 5:37:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: strongnsubmissiv
I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with any of the stereotypical ideals that go along with mainstream thoughts, i'm just saying that they aren't for me.


The same thing happened in the gay community about 30 years ago...The first gay charactors started showing up in mainstream film and TV and they were just as stereotyped. As the years went by and the comfort level of the general population grew, things began to even out more.

TV will always be about sensationlism, I guess, and maybe laughing at it, and taking heart in the fact that we are slowly coming out of the closest, is the best anyone can do.

As a side note...one has only to study the history of gay subculture in the last few decades to see the parallels of our own subculture. My hope is it won't take us as long to get there now that the gay community has paved a path...At least in Canada.

As for relating to all others in the BDSM community...Personally, I don't wish to. We're all unique individuals who perhaps share some common interests, but not all, and while I respect other peoples rights to their interests, I can't possiblity share all of them.

Power Exchange is just one aspect of who I am...not my whole being. So it isn't enough to base complete compatibility on. Just as I don't relate to all women, all 46 year olds, or all Canadians.

Cin



DomButNotForgotn -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/10/2005 3:58:41 AM)

Interesting post - do you feel disassociated because they are 24/7 kinksters? Have weird fetishes like adult babies? No offense to adult babies, but I find that way stranger than spanking or putting nipple clamps on a sub... for an hour

I'd love to see the show to find out what my reaction would be. However, we have the right wing fanatic bible thumpers running the country now. I'm surprised they havn't tried to shut down the Internet to limit access to porn...



LadyAngelika -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/10/2005 4:43:28 AM)

Kink is an interesting show. Here in Canada, it has become popular in BDSM circles and even with mainstream people. It's not uncommon for open minded non-kinky people to watch it out of curiosity.

The series began looking at the Toronto BDSM scene, then came to Montreal for its third season and now has headed West. I can tell you that most of the people featured in the Montreal series are pretty much out and about in the public scene. I have met a few of them when attending clubs (my ex-sub was a total club girl and knew many of them).

To be honest though, I have watched only a handful of episodes. While I feel that it’s great that this show exists and I support it continuing wholeheartedly, it’s not my cup of tea. For me, I cannot really disconnect my kink and put it out there. It would be like making a show about my right arm. It’s an integrated part of me.

And I believe that I know exactly what you mean strongnsubmissiv, when you say that you feel you have nothing in common with these people. You probably don’t, except that you both enjoy elements of WIITWD.

I got that same feeling when I used to hang in the Gay & Lesbian community back in the late 90s. I would often think to myself that the only thing I had in common with most of these people was that we were sexually attracted to people of our own gender. Just like Em doesn’t want to have a sister slave, I didn’t consider every lesbian my Sapphic sister. And I saw just how quickly I could get ostracized when I finally came out and said I fucked a man!

To be honest, knowing that there are others that are similar to me in the ways that I am different brings me some comfort. And I can definitely find it beneficial to associate with some of the people that share my difference. However, I would never want to base a friendship or primarily belong to a community based on that difference alone.

- LA



Nuke718 -> RE: The Lure of Mainstream BDSM (8/11/2005 9:09:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fidelity

The biggest problem with anything "mainstream" is that sooner or later the perceived "majority" who participate attempt to impose their standards on others.

SCC vs RACK,mono vs polyamory etc.......





First time I have seen the term RACK in a while. Glad to know somebody out there understands it Fidelity. Usually when asked if I subscribe to SSC, I say that I lean more towards the RACK viewpoint. The respons is almost always silence or "What?".

You do have a pont tho, about trends being percieved as the only acceptable behaviour. The constant use of the word "Real" when discussing oneself or what one is looking for is a symptom of that same mindset. I figure I am real enough for me, and others can take it or leave it.

Nuke }:-



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