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Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/9/2007 4:19:45 PM

d678986b

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/31/2006
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My current relationship has evolved into a femdom relationship. My Mistress incorporates femdom into our daily lives, both physically and mentally. She gets thrilled to use humiliation on me and cuts me down to size often. Recently, she told me if an attractive guy comes on to her, she will sleep with him. While the idea of becoming a cuckold is a personal turn on, I am worried it might destroy our relationship. I hold my Mistress's lust and happiness above my own, but I can't help but feel jealousy. We used to have sex like nymphomaniacs together, now she doesn't feel interested in having sex with me much anymore. I think she has already begun cuckolding me. I'm going through a lot of different emotions. I guess the reason I'm writing this is to see if any Dommes can offer me any kind of advice. I want to be strong. I want my Mistress to be happy.

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/9/2007 5:13:44 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
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Goodness

OK, on the upside, a lot of Dommes love playing head games (psychological sadism, head fucking) on their partners. She must have known the threat of cuckolding would really excite - and frighten - you. She could just be playing with your fears and you sound like you enjoy that kind of thrill seeking masochism (humilation etc).

Cannot say why you are having less sex - maybe because everyone settles down from once or twice a day to once or twice a week sooner or later, even kinky people?

BDSM is supposed to be consensual to be good for your wellbeing. A Mistress should care about your well-being. If you haven't consented to cuckolding, then maybe point that fact out to her and make it clear any cuckolding should be negotiated. Otherwise its just old -fashioned vanilla cheating - and blah, who wants that?!!!

My advice is to TELL HER (not us) how you feel. Tell her you feel jealous and insecure and need re-assurance she appreciates you. She might say "oh don't be silly, I would never cheat on you! I was teasing!". Or she might say "yes I have met someone else"

But ask yourself something: do you really want to know the truth or do you want to savour the delicious torture of not knowing for a while longer?

There are monogamous Dommes out there. You don't need to be cheated on if that's not your kink. But you need to be clear (with yourself and then your Mistress) what your boundaries are. If cheating is a hard limit, it might be time to safe word. If you consented to being cheated on, it might be time to re-negotiate your contract/understanding or get out.

It happens all the time that our horniest fantasies can be horrible played out in real life. There's no shame in admitting cuckolding is a hot fantasy that should have stayed a fantasy. Try getting the relationship back on track without the threat of cheating hanging over your head (if thats what you really want....)

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 11/9/2007 5:22:37 PM >

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/9/2007 5:57:13 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Um, ah, d678986, (mathematician?) we need to talk.

Are you sitting down? Kneeling, okay, good enough.

About your Mistress and her mystery date, I have a confession
to make. It all started so innocent you know, me selling cookies,
her buying cookies, the passion and attraction that most certainly
is the chocolate chip. Stir in a little milk and well, destiny reigns.

Yes, the sex has been outstanding, unbelievable at times, most
times actually. The soft touch of her skin as it glistens above me,
ruling my every moment as I fly to greater heights of pleasure, as
I soar in surrender and sensuality. I am a man captive of her desires.

She calls me her boy, lavishes me with simple, yet cherished gifts
given of her heart, I am at once, enslaved beneath her. It becomes
the ultimate adoration as I fall in obedience to conquering command.
And that most wonderful thing she does, you know, right in the
middle of intensity when she..........................excuse me for a sec......

"What Ma'am?"
"No, no, just an email to an old friend Ma'am."
"Oh please Mistress, not now, not that, I, I, oh, oh, ohhhhhhhhhhh!

So d678986b, getting the picture here?
If you made it through this without the slightest tinge of emotion,
you might be ready to be her cuckold. But if at some point,
you wanted to reach through the screen and rip my face off,
you might want to beg her to at least allow you to become
her dutiful clean-up boy, that you could lovingly still touch her.

If your instincts have served you well in the past, perhaps you
should pay them some mind here, as you make the choices
you are free to make. Because one never knows when a tasty
little morsel might ring the bell and ask in an inquisitive and
inviting voice, "Wanna buy some cookies?"

Wish you well,

chia* (the pet)

< Message edited by chiaThePet -- 11/9/2007 6:01:20 PM >

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/9/2007 6:22:08 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

t happens all the time that our horniest fantasies can be horrible played out in real life. There's no shame in admitting cuckolding is a hot fantasy that should have stayed a fantasy. Try getting the relationship back on track without the threat of cheating hanging over your head (if thats what you really want....)

Ditto. I agree with the above. As the saying goes: "Be careful of what you wish for, you may get it."

(edited for clairity)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 11/9/2007 6:24:46 PM >

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/9/2007 7:39:59 PM

LadyPact

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Oh, chia.......

You had Me at chocoalte chip.

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/9/2007 7:52:18 PM

chiaThePet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Oh, chia.......

You had Me at chocoalte chip.

They melt in your mouth and in your hands, mmmmmmmm.

chia* (the pet)

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/9/2007 8:30:17 PM

slavekal

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Joined: 7/20/2004
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Like most things, maybe you could start out light. Go slow. How about if you two go to a club, you sit in the corner, and she dances and flirts a bit with other guys? If you can handle that okay, maybe step it up a bit next time.

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/9/2007 8:44:05 PM

PrincessDonna

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Joined: 7/7/2006
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Is there no moment of communication between the two of you? That is when you should express your confusion.

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/9/2007 10:11:14 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
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quote:

ORIGINAL: d678986b

My current relationship has evolved into a femdom relationship. My Mistress incorporates femdom into our daily lives, both physically and mentally. She gets thrilled to use humiliation on me and cuts me down to size often. Recently, she told me if an attractive guy comes on to her, she will sleep with him. While the idea of becoming a cuckold is a personal turn on, I am worried it might destroy our relationship. I hold my Mistress's lust and happiness above my own, but I can't help but feel jealousy. We used to have sex like nymphomaniacs together, now she doesn't feel interested in having sex with me much anymore. I think she has already begun cuckolding me. I'm going through a lot of different emotions. I guess the reason I'm writing this is to see if any Dommes can offer me any kind of advice. I want to be strong. I want my Mistress to be happy.

Hummm...I am not a Domina, but I have been in flat out open honest relatrionships, it sounds to me as if all this is going on with out much communication between the two two of you, I say this because you have wonder in your written voice.
Relationships I have been in have had a really healthy trust and communication base, feelings just being out there on the table and I have found I don't trust many people who refuse to lay down their hand.

My 2 cents..... talk and be honest with your feelings...trust your gut feelings after communicating and then act in your best interest.

Missy.

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/9/2007 10:52:03 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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If she's having sex with others and you didn't agree to that, that could easily be considered cheating. If you're having issues with the poly stuff, you need to talk to her about it. From her reactions, you can then decide if you want to continue or not. You don't have to participate in anything that you haven't or didn't agree to.

Master Fire

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/10/2007 6:11:11 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
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From this subby's point of view, I agree with everyone. Talk to her and voice your feelings and concerns. Just because you are a slave doesn't mean you don't have feelings and emotions. Trust your gut, but have faith in your relationship and in her. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Don't react negatively until you have something to react to. She may be just trying to mindfuck you by playing on a fear she picks up in you. If she is doing something behind your back, you definitely should re-evaluate the trust issues in the relationship. Don't sacrifice your dignity or your emotional well being just for her. It's hard to walk away if you need to, but there are many wonderful dommes in the world that take care of their property. You sound like you have a tender heart, don't let someone trample on it.

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/10/2007 7:06:47 AM

thetammyjo

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Please remember that beyond any DS these are human relationships that in my strong opinion should have been entered into by two as-equal-as-possible adults.

You have to communicate with her and you both should be getting benefits that outweigh any negative in the relationship. When the negative outweigh the positives, when you start feeling bad that means you should try to communicate more. But if that doesn't work then only you can decide to stay or leave.

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RE: Questions about my Femdom Relationship - 11/10/2007 8:25:34 AM

MisPandora

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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Sorry to state the obvious, but if this is so much of a problem, why not talk to HER about it? It doesn't sound like either one of you ever really had negotiations, as it seems as though you both fell into this D/s relationship (of course, we could be missing vital parts that you didn't include.) A renegotiation is in order, pronto.

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