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need help - 11/10/2007 2:01:16 PM   
sistermidnight


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		How do you define dominance out of the bedroom? What if your partner says you are dominant in bed but not out of the bedroom. Can you describe what is missing.
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RE: need help - 11/10/2007 2:14:54 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		Whew.  Good luck, dear.

It really depends on your circumstance.  Some areas are social dominance, economic dominance, and domestic dominance.  Social--you're the life of the party; if there's a dead spot, you step in with a strongly worded suggestion as to what people in general or just your partner should be doing.  Economic dominance means that you are the holder of the wallet--you choose the food, clothes, shelter, etc; you make those decisions, regardless of who actually earns the paycheck.  Domestic dominance is the counterpart to service slavery; you paint a picture of how you want the home to be; what chores you want done; and find ways to encourage your partner to want to serve you in this way.

There's other ways to dominate, but that's the basics.  You tell me: where is your submissive/slave falling down, and you need to pick them up?

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to sistermidnight)
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RE: need help - 11/10/2007 2:16:56 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings sistermidnight,

that may just be who you are. some relationships are only d/s in the bedroom; some are d/s other times or all the time as well. it's not necessarily a case of something missing; it may just be that one partner wants bedroom d/s and another wants it in other areas of the relationship.

respectfully,
annabelle.


_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to sistermidnight)
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RE: need help - 11/10/2007 2:24:27 PM   
sistermidnight


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		Thanks for your reply.  The issue is that I'm dominant in bed but rarely dominant out of the bedroom. Also, I know that my partner would prefer a more "chauvinist Dom" and I am not clear on how to do that. Need to be more dominant out of bed for this relationship to continue.

(in reply to DMFParadox)
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RE: need help - 11/10/2007 2:43:39 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		How do you know your sub wants a Men Are Better sort of man?  What sort of conversations have you had that led to this conclusion?  It's easy to do--just focus on those social and physical areas where men hold an advantage over women, and gloss over the reverse.  When in doubt, assume that men hold the advantage.  We don't, really, but if you assume that we do, then you can get away with murder.  I do all the time ^_^.  It's all in your personal frame and mindset.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to sistermidnight)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: need help - 11/10/2007 2:53:34 PM   
sistermidnight


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		Greetings DMFPardox,

my sub prefers a chauvinist dominant out of bed. Truly, I still do not understand how to achieve that- Didn't undertsand the "reverse" thing. I found your 1st posting really, really helpful. I am still confused about the chauvinist dom idea/concept.

(in reply to DMFParadox)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: need help - 11/10/2007 2:59:00 PM   
sakidorei


Posts: 65
Status: offline 		Ma'am ... i have no idea what your partner is needing of You personally but what You described reminds me a bit of what my sister varga used to experience with her last boyfriend.(Not M/s related)
 
In the bedroom He was a powerful force and dominant with her in every way.  He took control and was inventive and kinky.  He left no doubt that He was the Boss and she loved it.  Outside of the bedroom ... she called many of the shots.  She kept up with most everything to the point of having to tell Him when to be at a place or what to do to handle matters she wanted Him to already know or take the initiative to handle.  He was in short, rather passive in the rest of their life together. 
 
Eventually she came to the conclusion that she wanted much more dominance out of her partner away from the bedroom.  She wanted Him to decide where to eat or what they would do rather than always defering to her.  She wanted to KNOW that He was always in charge.  Personality wise ... He was simply very unmotivated or malable when it came to things that didn't involve sex or her safety.  He was very jealous and protect over her but would not set down rules and guidelines that were clearly understood by her.  She felt a part of her life was unenhanced by a stronger force that she really craved.  He was not capable or unwilling to rise to the occassion outside of their bedroom play.
 
Our Master now is very involved in our lives outside of the bedroom.  He is very decisive and does not need to be -taken- care of ... such as told when to make His car insurance payments or what bills are needing to be tackled next.  He controls His entire life and gives commands or directives to us regarding areas we are to handle. 
 
In short, in the bedroom my sister's former boyfriend was a lion in the bedroom and a kitten in life.  She wanted a Lion all the time.  ~laughs~ Don't know if this helps or not Ma'am.  i wish You good luck!
 
~saki
Property of Master D.

< Message edited by sakidorei -- 11/10/2007 3:28:09 PM >

(in reply to DMFParadox)
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RE: need help - 11/10/2007 3:19:10 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		There are all SORTS of curves in this conversation.  Are you a transgender, or are you talking about female-to-male chauvinism, or are you acting a male role in your relationship in addition to the Mistress/Domme role, or do you simply mean 'chauvinist' to be 'dominant'? 

If you use the word in the classical sense--of Men over women--and disregarding the role you actually have, I suggest a general approach for this... use all of the standard courtesies, such as seating your girl , walking closest to the curb when on the sidewalk, holding her back whenever a crowd or traffic crosses your path, seating her on the inside of a booth, and opening doors for her--the better so that she can walk inside first and be a showpiece for you...  these gestures don't simply show 'gentlemanly' chauvinism, they also place your girl in a subordinate and possessed role every time you perform them, if you do it right.  From there, you can add on speech control, keep her walking a half step behind you at all times, and bow her head whenever she talks to you unless you give permission otherwise... that's the general trend of thought I have when I consider your problem.  Any help?

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to sakidorei)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: need help - 11/10/2007 7:03:49 PM   
sistermidnight


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		I'm acting a male role in addition to Sub/Dom role. My sub desires the gentlemanly chauvinism outside of the bedroom which she believes is a fundamental to dominance outside of the bedroom. Thank you for your input. I naturally have done all that you have sugessted other than seating my girl. If you have any further comments I would appreciate any further suggestions as I have found you to be etremely helpful.

(in reply to DMFParadox)
Profile   Post #: 9
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