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attending Munches - 11/10/2007 2:51:47 PM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		I am taking to heart what I read  here regarding Munches and think I want to try attending some. The problem is I am a very shy person and don't think I am attractive, on SSI etc so I don't have alot of confidence.  I don't want to be ignored at the Munch because I won't want to go back.

I don't know. I am thinking about finding a "date" at collarme.com to bring. Maybe if I have someone to go with it would be easier.

For those who have attended-what can I expect? Is it just a bunch of friends eating and socializing or are there ice breakers..or what?  Should I call ahead and let them know I am coming or should I just show up?

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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 3:03:44 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		shootingstar> I have been to Munches where it was a bery formal affair  almost like a high tea  with disscusion, and some that were held in a public eatery very come as you are .To say there is a set formula well there just is not one  that i have seen and everytime i have been has been a new experiance .I have also been to munches where i was ignored not one word spoken to me  almost like i was sitting at the wrong section in the resurant .The flipside  i have been to some  that were extreamly informative , fun laughes ,fellowship , and bonding .EVERYONE is attractive  but know people shall see what you project outwards ,go in with head held high and be yourself .Getting envolved in your bdsm  community  is a great leap and takes courage .Will everyone like you and fawn all over you ? no and who cares  just put your best foot  foreward and take it all in .
If you attend one munch and say your ignored like i was , NO BIGGIE and  do not bag the whole thing due to one experiance .Be persistant  and allow those  established community members at the event to get to know you .
An escort  is a help with gaining strength to go but do not  miss out if you can not get an escort , as once you have allowed the people to see you for  who you are and they accept you - your not  going to be alone for long .
Best of luck upon your path .

(in reply to shootingstar67)
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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 3:09:46 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Hello Shooting Star,

Depends on the Munch.

Most I have been too took place in Bars and served fingerfood and you paid to get into the back room. Everyone who is a regular will know that you are not and those who are active will make contact and get to know you.

You can always clal ahead, because those who answer the phone could answer all these questions for you and it also gives one person the idea that you are a little shy and to look for you when you show up.

If the munch is at a restraunt and it is LITERALLY a Munch then you should feel free to show up and bring enough money for what you plan on eating and possible drinks later as many times the group will meet up again after food for dancing or Karaoke and fun.

If you are shy and push people away then they will stay away. Most every munch I have been too most people respect the personal wishes of each person there so if you hang sign that says STAY AWAY FROM ME, then they will.

However if you walk up and get to know everyone there then you will make many new friends.

If it is a Leather Munch like NLA or the NLC then you may want to go to the host and tell them that you are VERY new to the local munchesd and would appreciate being introduced as the Protocol at Leather Munches can get odd so the Host would know the best way to introduce you.

Finally HAVE FUN because that is what the munches are about, you should not go thinking you will find Master Right and be collared by wednesday so go and MEET people.

I am not implying that you are going for any particular reason these are just the guidelines I use for all people who want to know what to expect at a munch.

As Always

Steel

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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 3:25:15 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Why not contact the group, and ask if one of the leaders could introduce you?

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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 3:29:48 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I would definitely recommend taking a date as many who attend munches are couples.

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(in reply to shootingstar67)
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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 3:36:34 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I used to co-ordinate a munch and we had a meet and greet policy and I or the other co-ord would nervous newbies and sit with them.  You just need to contact the people running and they will hopefully discuss any worries you have.
 
At the munches I have attended, I would not say that everyone is in couples.  I was a single submissive attending and have never suffered any problems at any munch I have attended alone.
 
the.dark.

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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 3:40:23 PM   
probablyknowme


Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		Aaahhhhhh...the first munch. I remember my first munch. I got all dressed up in my best going out to dinner outfit, hired a babysitter, filled up the gas tank, went to the ATM, drove to the resturaunt, and NEVER got out of my car.

The fear of the unknown is much worse than anything else. Munches by definition are an opportunity to meet other people who have an interest in this thing. It can be very intimidating for the unitiated, but let me put at ease. The people there are just people. You are probably excpecting a bunch of leather-wearing, flogger-carrying, "yes Master/on your knees slut" kind of people. You will probably be surprised by how many of them not only look like the guy next door, but actually are just the run of the mill person that you will see in any gathering of people. The only difference between a munch and a casual dinner party is the topic of discussion.

As far as taking an escort, it may be a good idea, especially if you are shy. It's always more fun to take a date to a dinner party, isn't it? Maybe your best friend? Someone who is aware of your search?

Take my advice...go! You will walk away from it at least more informed, if not with a new friend or two.

kat

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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 6:15:31 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Like you I was a hesitant to go and ended up finding someone online that was also interested in attending a munch but was nervous about going alone, once there I start hanging out with the othe ladies, and enjoyed myself, my work hours are probably the biggest issue for me not attending local ones in my area, hopefully by spring that will change and maybe I can attend more often

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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 6:43:45 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Any munch organizer worth their salt would be more than happy to talk to you about what to expect, what sort of group they are, how many people attend, what the age range of the crowd is, etc.

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(in reply to shootingstar67)
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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 6:47:26 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Heavens, don't ever stay home from a munch because you don't think you're attractive.  Trust me, most at the munches are not going to be drop-dead gorgeous, either.

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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 6:48:09 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Good luck.  Every munch is different.  Some are tacky.  Some are pick up venues (attention: we have fresh meat in attendance).  And some are just people hanging out and having fun.

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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 7:30:23 PM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		Most are a group of people socializing around a common purpose--like a knitters' group or a gardening club. Some have icebreakers or discussion topics, but in most cases, it's rather anarchic--you introduce yourself, and everyone attending (including you) sets topics informally. Munches vary, but usually, once you get more than 10 people, there will be at least one person who makes an effort to help draw out shy, new people.

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RE: attending Munches - 11/10/2007 10:46:54 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Try these:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1146066/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#1146642
munch munch munch?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1028367/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#1028597
munchies

http://www.collarchat.com/m_976040/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#976047
Advice on attending your first munch?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_833058/mpage_1/key_first%252Cmunch/tm.htm#833180
Munches

http://www.collarchat.com/m_438399/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#438658
Advice on a first munch

http://www.collarchat.com/m_133075/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#133214
munches

http://www.collarchat.com/m_123477/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#123520
munches and sloshes

http://www.collarchat.com/m_120380/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#120646
first munch...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_264730/mpage_1/key_munches/tm.htm#264747
normal reaction?

And I agree most with Katy. Nearly every munch I've been to has been filled with just fine and normal people- but some munches are more aware and geared towards being really welcoming to new people than others.  I find munches better because it's sitting down so you don't have to wander aimlessly to talk to people, and because you're there for another purpose- to eat.  Having a purpose and built in excuse to talk to the people around you helps me a lot.

Go, see, worst that happens is you don't have a good time for an evening.

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RE: attending Munches - 11/11/2007 8:29:32 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

I am taking to heart what I read  here regarding Munches and think I want to try attending some. The problem is I am a very shy person and don't think I am attractive, on SSI etc so I don't have alot of confidence.  I don't want to be ignored at the Munch because I won't want to go back.

I don't know. I am thinking about finding a "date" at collarme.com to bring. Maybe if I have someone to go with it would be easier.

For those who have attended-what can I expect? Is it just a bunch of friends eating and socializing or are there ice breakers..or what?  Should I call ahead and let them know I am coming or should I just show up?




Munches are just very casual meetings of people in the lifestyle, no-one will try to Dom you or try to submit, they wont want to play with you cos most if not all munches are held ad vanilla venues.

The people there will just be chatting to each other about anything and nothing.

Go along and see if you like it, if you like it and keep going, you'll make friends and get more connected within the scene.

Enjoy.

(in reply to shootingstar67)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: attending Munches - 11/11/2007 9:01:33 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		This is my advice as someone who has attended and who has hosted munches.

Contact your host first. Let him/her know you are attending and that you are nervous because it is your first time.

If they are an excellent host, they will likely ask you to sit near them -- the host is often one of the focal points at a munch so that puts you closer to the action so to speak.

However it is up to you at that point so here's some advice to fit in better.

First, dress appropriately for the venue.

Second, arrive on time -- being there when it starts puts you in a much stronger position because then you can introduce yourself to each person as they arrive. A great munch in my opinion does round robin introductions throughout the night when folks arrive but by being there when it starts your name will be heard and connected to your face more often.

Third, listen to the topics and join in appropriately. Especially when you start off I recommend starting or attempting to start a new topic of conversation. Different people discuss different things and different locales spawn different topics. Make your contributions to the conversation personal -- draw on your experiences and interests, don't generalize even if you hear someone else do it because that person has been around for some time or they are making an ahole out of him/herself without realizing it.

Fourth, make sure you pay for your food, treat and servers well, and tip well. The fastest way to piss off a munch is to make a poor impression in terms of finances.

Finally, don't ask folks what they are doing after the munch. They are there for the munch. If they do anything afterwards you may get invited after you've been around a while a made a good impression. Make sure you thank your host face-to-face at the end and say good bye to everyone as well. Do not stalk your host by sending him/her emails or flowers or other things -- that has really freaked me out when I was host.

You'll have to keep going back though because as with any group cliques do form and long time attendees will have more to say to each other than new people. Everyone had to have a first, second, third, etc time though because they became part of the long-time group.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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