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MadameDahlia -> Company Challenges (8/7/2005 3:01:47 AM)
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Dear Workers,
In light of the recent difficulties we have been facing during reorganisation of company infrastructure, we are providing you with news on changes and what further actions are required once the changes have been implemented.
Your Boss
A single manager called a Team Inspector and Tutor (TIT) will control all new teams now; this TIT will be in control of team organisation. The TIT's duties will also include the previous duties of the Associational Rights and Security Executive (ARSE) so your boss can sometimes be a TIT or an ARSE.
Security of Information
As you know the information we receive on a daily basis is to be kept secure at all times and restrictions will be implemented in time. Due to this, the Department of Information Confidentiality (DIC) will become operational as of now. The person in charge of this department will be known as the DIC head. All correspondence for the attention of the DIC head must be sent to the DIC clerk.
Termination of Information
As before, the deletion of information was always monitored, and as always no one is to accept other peoples Sensitive and Hypersensitive Information Termination (SHIT). If another work mate tries to give you SHIT, please report it to the DIC head via the DIC clerk. SHIT within the company will not be tolerated. This message has been posted on notices around the work place stating, Don't give a SHIT!?.
All SHIT will be monitored by the DIC head no matter how big or small the SHIT is. New workers will be shown what a SHIT is, using the DIC clerks SHIT sample. If you are unsure who the DIC clerk is, pass the SHIT via your TIT who will pass it to the DIC.
Network Administration
The new network has been completed. The network administrator?s duty is to instigate Work Associated to Network Kernel (WANKs). Please try not to disturb the network administrator while he is in mid WANK. If a WANK is disturbed, a report will be filed with the Work Associated to Network Kernel Executive Reporter (WANKER). The WANKER will then take steps to make sure the network administrator will not be disturbed while he is doing any WANKs.
Staff Morale
We always try to maintain staff morale, and to show our commitment we have provided you with a form to complete whenever you battle with Tension Under Rudimentary Duties (TURD's). Everyone has TURD's, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Remember, if you did not have TURD's you would probably explode. TURDs in the work place is a normal thing. Whenever company re-evaluations are in progress it is very common to have the managers up to their knees in TURDs. TURDs can often occur due to departments within a company disagreeing on work guidance and protocol. To make sure all workers are on the same sheet music and to prevent as many TURDs as possible we will instigate a Beneficent Organisation of Local Liaisons to Orientate Company Knowledge Speculation (BOLLOCKS) report. All BOLLOCKS should be placed on the TIT's desk. With these new procedures, we hope to squeeze out all TURDs.
Yours truly,
Company Owner
Timothy William Anthony Thompson (TWAT)
*** http://www.office-humour.co.uk/g/i/3253/
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