RE: Advice on Dealing with Difficult People

RE: Advice on Dealing with Difficult People (Full Version)

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sexyred1 -> RE: Advice on Dealing with Difficult People (11/11/2007 10:27:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub Two years ago i was having my hair done when my black, gay stylist told me he had no New Years' Eve plans. i didn't hesitate to invite him to join me at my brother's for a small party. Just to be on the safe side, i called my brother and told him my escort would be a gay black man. He said thanks for the heads up, and please pick up more crackers on the way over. pinksugarsub Ok, so you did check with your brother, so no one can say you just brought a stranger to the party. Aside from the fact that she sounds like a horrible woman, you will have to get your brother involved and tell him to remind her that YOU did get HIS approval to bring someone to THEIR house. AND, you did apologize, mediate, etc. and then, finally. tell them that life is too short to hold grudges in a family, especially about something so trivial and when children are involved. Believe me, any one of you could drop dead tomorrow and then what? A stupid fight over nothing and all this bad blood. People never stop to realize how fleeting life is.

Rushemery -> RE: Advice on Dealing with Difficult People (11/11/2007 10:53:44 AM)
I think your brother has to grow a pair, if he wants you around, his wife should be willing to comply for the hollidays at least, relationships are give and take. I have an uncle whos wife has done the exact same thing he hides and visits his siblings during working hours. I cant respect that. as for her ums it maybe her right but I do think unless she can prove your unfit you may be able to win visitation rights, in some states grandparents can and sence they (the ums) dont have yours all they have is you but that would be a last resort because it may cause even more damage to you and your inlaws relationship, she sounds like a wench id make her miserable by being happy

juliaoceania -> RE: Advice on Dealing with Difficult People (11/11/2007 10:55:38 AM)
It is rather hard for any of us to understand the dynamics between family via the internet... It is hard to understand how one incident could lead to this much bitterness. I find that in family dynamics it is never about the gay black man, it is always something else. So, perhaps there are other things going on here that we do not know about... which I would bet money on the fact that there is... perhaps jealousies and resentments. I have some advice though. I would not worry about any of this nonsense, live your life, and let her be who she is. Allowing people to be who they are is always the best solution. It is not your job to worry about how your brother deals with this situation... it is his wife, his life, his problem. You are his sister, she is his wife, he needs to find the solution about how to navigate through these issues. You are only responsible for your own behavior, so I would try not to aggravate the situation intentionally, but I would not walk on eggshells either. He will deal with it, as he should. If his decision is that his wife's feelings are more important than spending time with you, you should allow that without a battle too. Anything you do at this point to attempt to salvage the situation will probably worsen it from what you have described... so be civil, accepting of the situation, and love your brother enough to let him figure it out. I normally agree completely with almost katylied has posted, but this time I have a small disagreement.. those kids are not the property of their mother, and their father has as much right to decide who is around them as their mother does. That is between the parents to decide, but if push came to shove, her brother has as much right to include his sister into his kids' life as his wife has to exclude her.

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