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RE: Is it enough? - 11/12/2007 11:45:34 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: treehugger42

Ask him! Seriously, ask him if he wants the psychological domination, the service, the harder play, if he's going to want you to call him Master; ask whether he's just starting slowly and warming up or whether that's just not his M.O., because it sounds like that's what you want and need. I know the feeling of "he can make me all the chocolate covered strawberries in the world but if he doesn't beat me until I cry I'm going to go nuts". I always feel like "he's being Dominant in his own way" is such an airy-fairy answer, because all us s-types down here have specific needs, too.

So the short answer is, no, it's not gonna be enough as it is, because it seems you already know it's not going to be. But yeah, as others have said, he sounds fabulous, so feel him out. If he's comfortable with the cuffs and clamps and whatnot, he's hopefully going to be comfy enough to give you a straight answer about whether there's more in store.

I have voiced what I need. He has been fairly receptive. his creativity has been amazing and his scene planning. As far as doing what you suggest, I have thought of it but it seems premature in that we have been e-mailing since the beginning of october but only met a little over 2 weeks ago. he is really someone open to a real relationship and pursuing me in a courtly manner. We have only been overnight on 3 occasions and it seems a bit premature to be doing the whole"where do you see this relationship going" routine. Part of me wants to but part of me thinks its too early to start defining things. What do all of you think? Is it too soon as I am thinking ?

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RE: Is it enough? - 11/12/2007 12:08:38 PM

treehugger42

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In that case, yeah, it might be a bit early to do the whole "where are we at" thing, yeah... but if he's given a positive response to what you've expressed already, what's the problem? Is it just that it hasn't actually come into play yet?

Best of luck!

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Post #: 22

RE: Is it enough? - 11/12/2007 12:26:15 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
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quote:

ORIGINAL: treehugger42

In that case, yeah, it might be a bit early to do the whole "where are we at" thing, yeah... but if he's given a positive response to what you've expressed already, what's the problem? Is it just that it hasn't actually come into play yet?

Best of luck!

yea. Me being gready. i want so much more and I am hoping i get it. Although I know that one person is never going to give me everything I need. i am realistic.
I am hoping that things pick up slowly. If they dont, I will have the honest conversation of what I really want and can he give it to me?

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 11/12/2007 12:30:09 PM >

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RE: Is it enough? - 11/12/2007 12:50:29 PM

fairerthanshe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Julia brings up the zinger point- he's doing things like he wants to do them and you are enjoying/obeying his authorit to them- lack of dominance is clearly not the issue here.

Lack of expressed aggression, more direct control and perhaps compatibility may be an issue.

When you bring up someone from the vanilla world, you really will need a lot of patience and direct communication. Whether this person can fit well with you over the long term is something you both will need to discover together. Right now it seems you just need to ignore the voice trying to tell you what he "should be" doing, and talking more directly about how you both feel this IS going.

Greetings LA,
Greetings luscious,

The first thing I thought upon reading the initial post was, "You aren't mastering me right - i read the books..."

Having read the thread, I can see that you are struggling with how to move forward and get what you 'need' from the relationship. No relationship will be ideal, you can speak with him and let him know what will help develop fulfillment on your end. Remember that 'needs' differ from 'wants' and sometimes subbies don't automatically get everything they want.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

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Post #: 24

RE: Is it enough? - 11/12/2007 2:58:21 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Julia brings up the zinger point- he's doing things like he wants to do them and you are enjoying/obeying his authorit to them- lack of dominance is clearly not the issue here.

Greetings LA,
Greetings luscious,

The first thing I thought upon reading the initial post was, "You aren't mastering me right - i read the books..."

Having read the thread, I can see that you are struggling with how to move forward and get what you 'need' from the relationship. No relationship will be ideal, you can speak with him and let him know what will help develop fulfillment on your end. Remember that 'needs' differ from 'wants' and sometimes subbies don't automatically get everything they want.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

The worry and issue for me is that I feel I am being topped but not Dominated. I am hoping that I will move in to more masochistic fulfillment and more submissiveness to a Dominants domination. Right now it just feels like kinky sex and not true D;s. I am hoping he has more in store for me.

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Post #: 25

RE: Is it enough? - 11/12/2007 3:28:03 PM

Viridana

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Well... you said you've only been seeing each other for two weeks (If I'm not mistaken). That's not a long time. And quite frankly I think the guy is doing the responsible thing, treading the waters with ease and care before diving into the deep end. Give it a little more time, communicate alot and focus on growing together slowly over time.

and remember.. patience is a virtue

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Post #: 26

RE: Is it enough? - 11/12/2007 3:48:39 PM

Dari

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I see a lot of complaints about doominants who walk in and instantly demand that a submissive call them Master, or Sir, or whatever. It sounds like instead of demanding that from the beginning, he's getting to know you as a person, see what makes you tick, and so on. Perhaps he's a little more laid-back, and prefers you to offer him your submission because you want to. Have you tried kneeling submissively and addressing him as Sir or Master (or whatever is in your heart to call him) in greeting, and then seeing what happens from there?

I stepped into the closet and didn't say anything about BDSM for almost 10 years. What brought me back was one submissive, who simply called me by title rather than name, and offered me their submission so beautifully that I simply couldn't say no. Some of us wait for the submissive to offer their service. It may be the last choice you get to make - but it should be your choice anyway.

edit: I realized I just called them doominants. I was going to fix the spelling, but I think it's a Freudian slip!

< Message edited by Dari -- 11/12/2007 3:49:25 PM >

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RE: Is it enough? - 11/13/2007 6:21:35 AM

fairerthanshe

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Greetings luscious,

Patience...it has been a short time. Allow the relationship to develop naturally and perhaps it will move to the place you want it to be. Enjoy the place you are now. I understand that desire - trust me - relax and let things happen. That's truly the best advice I can give you.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

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RE: Is it enough? - 11/13/2007 8:02:52 AM

CrazyC

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It has only been two weeks. :)

I don't want to repeat what has already been said, but there are things you might need to remember. Just because he has been into BDSM for a couple of years and has all the toys doesn't mean he knows how to dominate. It also doesn't mean he doesn't desire to learn. There could be a chance he has never been in a relationship that let him.

Also, he might not ask to be called Sir, Master, or All mighty one, because he is waiting for you to deside what you want to call him. One day just call him Sir, and see what his reaction is. Some Doms don't to make you decide what title you give them.

Personal oppinion....he seems great and you seem happy. Some jitters might be going on about if he can really give you what you want, but you won't know until you jump in completely and see where it goes from there. And hey, if it doesn't, you can at least say I gave it my all and I learned from it. Something you can't say if you cut it off before it starts. :D

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RE: Is it enough? - 12/1/2007 5:20:44 PM

lusciouslips19

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For those who responded . If you ever see this post again. I was finally Dommed by him and brought to subspace on november 29th. we had been seeing each other for a month. We hadhard play thatleft beautiful purple on breasts, thights and behind along with him directing me on how he wanted things done. it was the first time he owned me. Aftercare was beautiful too. It meant even more that I was taken there slowly as I believe he was being cautious about me and finding out how I tick. For the first time, I bowwed before him and kissed his feet. i did it of my own accord. he was my Master that night and he earned it. I am not collared by him but its getting more real every day.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 12/1/2007 5:24:58 PM >

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RE: Is it enough? - 12/1/2007 7:22:36 PM

elderrook

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titleAndStar(137,0,0,false,"","")
Lusciouslips19:

I introduced several young ladies to thier inner dominant side over the years. It can be a challenge doing this, especially as they had no knowledge of kinky things before I met them.

I'd advise you to work with him, and above all, COMMUNICATE. Let him know where you are, how you feel, and what you want. Sometimes we men can't catch a clue unless you throw it in our nets :)

If he's a good guy, he's worth a little work.

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RE: Is it enough? - 12/1/2007 8:12:48 PM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

For those who responded . If you ever see this post again. I was finally Dommed by him and brought to subspace on november 29th. we had been seeing each other for a month. We hadhard play thatleft beautiful purple on breasts, thights and behind along with him directing me on how he wanted things done. it was the first time he owned me. Aftercare was beautiful too. It meant even more that I was taken there slowly as I believe he was being cautious about me and finding out how I tick. For the first time, I bowwed before him and kissed his feet. i did it of my own accord. he was my Master that night and he earned it. I am not collared by him but its getting more real every day.

Hi Lusciouslips

I was reading along on this thread ( not realizing it was an old thread ) and was deciding I was going to post something like " sounds like HE is in control ...woohoo "
and then I read this last post of yours today... : )
sooo glad it worked out well..
and happy to hear of your happiness...

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Post #: 32

RE: Is it enough? - 12/3/2007 7:03:10 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

For those who responded . If you ever see this post again. I was finally Dommed by him and brought to subspace on november 29th. we had been seeing each other for a month. We hadhard play thatleft beautiful purple on breasts, thights and behind along with him directing me on how he wanted things done. it was the first time he owned me. Aftercare was beautiful too. It meant even more that I was taken there slowly as I believe he was being cautious about me and finding out how I tick. For the first time, I bowwed before him and kissed his feet. i did it of my own accord. he was my Master that night and he earned it. I am not collared by him but its getting more real every day.

Hi Lusciouslips

I was reading along on this thread ( not realizing it was an old thread ) and was deciding I was going to post something like " sounds like HE is in control ...woohoo "
and then I read this last post of yours today... : )
sooo glad it worked out well..
and happy to hear of your happiness...

Thanks. He isnt real experienced but when something interests him he becomes self taught reading everything he can and getting all the info needed. He knew from his first D's experience that this was for him but he has had limited experiences. The sub that introduced him he saw for 3 weeks. Then smidges here and there. He has educated himself nicely on the how to's and what not tos and he is very creative. I like the fact that when I ask "am I the best Sub you hav ever had?" and he says "yes" he means it as he hasnt been with alot.