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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:30:03 PM

extraordinary

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

I know what you mean because the other week some woman asked me what time the next bus was due obviously the real issue was if I would have sex with her or not.

Isn't it always?

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:36:44 PM

lateralist1

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There is a big difference between being judgemental and making a judgement about a situation. I often say what I would do in a particular situation given the information that I have available not what the OP should do.
However when I think someone else is being judgemental I point it out.
If I actually think it might do some good.
Generalisations tend to be judgemental.
I have noticed a tendency by a few individuals to be very hard on newbies though.
Maybe that's what they think is needed.
Or maybe they just get fed up of reading the same posts.
I have no idea. Maybe you could ask the individuals yourself sometime SteelofUtah.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 4:09:30 PM

downkitty

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While I generally try to be helpful rather than snippy, I will say this about negative responses. If one's skin is so thin as to be hurt by things said on a message board, perhaps it is best that they do leave this acronym known as BDSM. In my personal experience, it is not for the feignt of heart. Your mileage may vary, however.

Respectfully,

Amy

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 4:28:47 PM

MissMagnolia

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Why are we all so quick to judge?

Because when someone asks a question, they will get responses. Varied responses. Just as varied as the weird and wonderful personalities here.

Some see cold, hard truth as bitchiness. Some see a humorous response as not taking it seriously enough. Some think that an answer needs to come with ribbons and fluffy kittens and red hearts. Some refuse to read the actual words that are written, and see a tone that doesn't exist. Some don't like a particular response, so they bitch about it.

As I have said many times, you are reading the typed word. There is no nuance. There is no body language. There is no facial expression.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 4:44:14 PM

chellekitty

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like LA, i usually try to ask questions for clarification....and usually the questions reveal the real issue...and the real issue is all too often ignored...

btw...why did you ask this in Ask a Master and not in the General Forum? it is not exclusive to this forum though it has happened often here recently...

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 4:45:34 PM

MasterFireMaam

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You've got to remember that the people in this lifestyle are no better or worse than the average person in society. We're all reacting because of our 'stuff' and it really has nothing to do with the other person. I'm writing this because I have the desire for you to understand a point. It doesn't have any bearing of if you will and/or if you accept. It doesn't speak to you as a person. It's simply me reacting to something you said.

One of the Four Agreements is: Don't take it personaly. So, take advice and flaming for what it is and, if it doesn't speak to you, ignore it.

Master Fire

PS
Other three Agreements:
Make your word impeccable.
Always do your best.
Don't make assumptions.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 5:55:18 PM

LotusSong

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I reflected on this very thing the other day. I believe it’s just a matter of delivery of the individual participant. I came up with this example.

Let’s say the new person has stalled on the railroad track and a train is barreling down on them .. he/she rolls down the window of his/her car and yells out “What should I do?”

The first person will approach the car and say “I believe you may want to remove yourself from your vehicle as soon as possible. But that will be up to you. Everyone has their own path and journey. The train may hit you in a very short time but you have to make a choice. But then some never make a choice and that’s ok too. There is no right or wrong..”

Then you have people who have been on that particular track in the same situation and will grab you by the shirt and yell “GET THE F*CK OUTTA THERE BEFOR YOU GET KILLED!” and physically shock you enough for you to take some sort of action.

Just learn not to take offence. If anything, this place is representative of what you will meet out in the real world. Develop a very thick skin.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 6:35:25 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Remember this thread after one year of reading these forums goes by.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 7:18:01 PM

slavesunshine

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Steelofutah,

I totally agree with all that you have said. I realized today although there are many sincere people on here there are those who I find are not of character that I want to communicate with. So, I am not sure that I want to return to the message boards. I thought this was a community of people that I could relate to, but not with people who berate others. Thank you for making all of the points that you did on this topic.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 7:24:25 PM

juliaoceania

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It is unfortunate you feel that way. I say this sincerely, I wish you would hang out longer and read because there is much of value to find on here.

This is a very diverse board, you are not going to find 100 percent agreement on anything, and people have different posting styles. That being said, if you cannot tolerate different ways of being, different personalities, different thoughts other than your own, then you will be hard pressed to find any online community that will be totally what you think it should be.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 7:25:20 PM

MzMia

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Wonderful post Steel.
I have also noticed that many here that tend to be harsh, mean, overly judgemental,
normally critical, abrasive, nasty, etc..........tend to get their panties in a bunch when they
are called on it OR criticized.

Now, that amazes me.
IF you can dish it out {and you know who you are}, be able to take it.
I have seen very few here that can take that sort of treatment when it is directed at THEM.

After being here a while, and knowing how it feels to be attacked on these boards, I try to be more sensitive to others.
Often when I know I can't type something nice, I don't type anything at all.
There are already enough people here that are not very nice or supportive.
I try to be as understanding, nice and supportive here as I can be on a regular basis.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 11/11/2007 7:30:54 PM >

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 7:26:48 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Wonderful post Steel.
I have also noticed that many here that tend to be harsh, mean, overly judgemental,
normally critical, abrasive, nasty, etc..........tend to get their panties in a bunch when they
are called on it OR criticized.

Now, that amazes me.
IF you can dish it out {and you know who you are}, be able to take it.
I have seen very few here that can take that sort of treatment when it is directed at THEM.

Those that live in glass houses, need to stop throwing stones.
But they won't.
LOL

I can take it, but then again I have a thick skin from all those beatings I take

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 7:41:44 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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why are we quick to judge?

some don't like opinionated minds who refuse to aligned with the common norm of thought ...others enjoy attacking a certain poster (stalking is more like it) and rehashing old points/threads ...some don't have a clue with the brain they have and take something so simple by complicating it even more ...and there are probably more reasons why. there are many sides as well as views to an OP's question however tempers do flare when clashing opinions try to prove themselves right.

i have been accused of being closed, narrow minded in my thinking ...too blunt and opininated ...insensitive etc etc - take your pick however i'm not going to change my opinions if i seem too bitchy or snarky. oh well, i wasn't taught to hold my tongue in what i really think and express my opinions with a warm, fuzzy feeling.

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 11/11/2007 7:42:35 PM >

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 7:57:17 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

*snip*

I am asking for ALL sides of this not just the nice ones. Just please be KIND and don't attack people everyone is intitled to an opinion even you.

As Always

Steel

So... you made a whole post about being nice and not attacking people and ended it with a snipe.

Well done.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 9:41:56 PM

laurell3

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You gotta love irony. Often times here honesty and directness is perceived as rudeness. Sometimes words are just taken out of context. Discussing emotional topics in this setting is always subject to interpretation. However, when I see someone post some fantasy about wanting to be castrated or how great their obviously really crappy relationship is, I am going to react in an alarmed, direct, honest fashion every time. That seems to be when people jump on each other for their responses the most. I can tell you personally the times I've looked back and thought maybe I was too harsh were when I was afraid for the OP because of their opinions and what I know this lifestyle has the potential to be for those types. Sometimes the reactions are an indication that someone has hit a nerve. For example the thread wherein it was suggested rape might be appropriate under some circumstances. There are so many people on this forum that have shared their personal troubles including rape. To come here and suggest that those very troubles are insignificant or deserved invites criticism and yes even harsh criticism. Sometimes the OPs deserve it. Other times we, as human beings overreact because it's an issue that's near to us. C'est la vie.

With regard to the new people and repeated postings, yes we can expect them to use the search function and yes it's unrealistic to think we should protect them like mindless sheep. This is the internet in a bdsm forum and they are all adults. If they are that naive or thin skinned, they have greater issues than the forum. However, pointing out that the reaction they are seeing is because the question is asked so much and here's how you search (or just wait for LA to do it for us, because we're lazy

), is a good idea also.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/11/2007 9:47:02 PM >

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 10:03:51 PM

MrSpectacular

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OP - the answer is because we are human and that is what we do. We are also in an anon world and so it makes it hell of a lot easier to judge . I do however agree with your post, in an ideal world it would be great if we could all have a wonderful objective discussion. Maybe face to face we could - but here it is not like that a lot of the time. So the sad part is you should expect to be judged and criticized if you express an opinion.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/12/2007 1:52:07 AM

eyesopened

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The nature of message boards, they are what they are. There is the frame of mind a writer has at they time they write and a frame of mind that the reader has at the time they read. Often, the two do not mesh. It's not a whole lot different than someone who gives your back a friendly slap and just doesn't know that you are severely sunburned. Any other time you might not mind the slap on the back but when you are sunburned the slap seems malicious, what kind of 'greeting' is a slap on the back anyway how could they be so insensitive what's the matter with people anyway who use an act of violence as a greeting!!!! It's perception at the time and the perception can vary from day to day. No one knows what everyone else on these boards are thinking or feeling on a given day. Posts that seem harsh may have been written in a loving frame of mind but read as judgemental. *shrug*

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/12/2007 6:19:30 AM

Dnomyar

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Samba if we had a "common norm of thought" then we would not have this post.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/12/2007 6:30:30 AM

camille65

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This truly is to no one in particular. Something I find amusing *in a kind of bad way* is how people defend their nastiness by saying others have too thin a skin. Or, that it is simply the way they are and have no intention of changing. Or saying it can't be rude if it is just their opinion. The one that makes me shake my head in dismay the most would have to be 'but that's just me' with the implication that anyone not having that view doesn't meet the standard. I will never understand how someone can take pride in and brag about being a bitch. Being a strong woman yes oh yes but not a bitch.

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RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/12/2007 6:32:44 AM

chellekitty

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I find people that are judgemental about other people being judgemental to be awful hypocritical...

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 11/12/2007 6:33:13 AM >

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