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juliaoceania -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/13/2007 12:23:28 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan
quote:
ORIGINAL: IdiotMale
As it is in the vanilla world,so to is in the BDSM world.Both subs and doms/dommes sometimes just disappear. Sometimes people just lose interest or discover what they found wasn't what they thought it was...Such is life. I've done it, have had it done to me and I suspect most on here have disappeared at least once in their lives.You thought you wanted a piece of fruit,but at the last second decided on the chocoloate and rightly or wrongly you never explained why to the fruit...shit happens.
Actually, that's kind of my point... Except, in the reverse!
I've been on personals sites in the vanilla world (Yahoo Personals, Black People Meet, etc.), and in my experience that doesn't happen on vanilla sites. At least, not to this extent.
If this "phenomenon" was the same thing as happened on vanilla sites, I wouldn't be surprised by it. I would have expected it.
But, in my experience, if a woman contacts me on a vanilla site, and I respond in a moderately civilized and intelligent way (as I always do, of course!), she'll write back and continue the conversation. Why else would she have bothered to contact me in the first place?
Here, though, it's something else...
Baffles me!
I have had more men poof on "vanilla" sites than on BDSM ones. Dominant men can be overwhelming in their desire to rush to the finish line and seal the deal, in my experience. Vanilla men do not pressure, and in fact they tend to disappear without warning. It never mattered to me that they do this, because before I become involved with a person I consider them a free agent to have whatever sort of interactions they desire... if they do not desire an interaction with me, I do not want an email from them anyways. If I am involved with them, well yes they owe me at least a "goodbye, this is not working for me".
I suppose I do not understand all the expectations that people have of each other over the internet when they are getting to know each other. I have been the sub that poofed before. Usually because I put off emailing a dominant until it felt weird to do so, and the reason I put off emailing them in the first place is because I could feel in my gut it was an interaction that I did not want. I would answer emails that asked "what happened" if I was asked, but I did not feel I owed it to the person, I was being polite but I did not feel as though it was something I should or should not do.
When I was looking I emailed with many dominants and screened them through initial emails, often they did not get past two or three emails back and forth... which is not that much investment in my opinion. I might not continue to stay in touch because I did not like their politics, or because their kinks were not a match for my own, or something about their emails creeped me out... it might be just the vibe I got from what they wrote, and nothing I could put my finger on... but I trust my gut every time.
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