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southernhart -> vanilla world (11/13/2007 7:58:52 PM)

does anyone from your vanilla world know that you are in a D/s relationship? If they do how did they take it? Do they treat you diferently? i'm proud of my submission and want to share it with the world. but my vanilla world  people just couldn't handle it.



juliaoceania -> RE: vanilla world (11/13/2007 8:12:38 PM)

They know I am a masochist and i think my mom suspects that I am a submissive because of things she has said



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: vanilla world (11/13/2007 8:42:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart
does anyone from your vanilla world know that you are in a D/s relationship? If they do how did they take it? Do they treat you diferently? i'm proud of my submission and want to share it with the world. but my vanilla world  people just couldn't handle it.
Sure, anyone who gets close to me and who isn't family definitely knows, because I won't choose to open myself to someone if I can't be FULLY who I am with them.

Granted, that's a benefit of being into all this BEFORE you even turn 21- you don't have all those ex's and lifelong friends to worry about.



littlesarbonn -> RE: vanilla world (11/13/2007 10:52:27 PM)

It's sometimes hard to tell who does and doesn't know. I know that people who know me often say things that indicate they know more than I suspect them to know, but it never really matters to me. I've never really been all that hidden about my lifestyle. When I was doing my Ph.D. in Michigan, several of the women in the program with me definitely knew about me and my lifestyle. One of them even went out of her way to keep other women from taking advantage of me, and often bluntly indicated that I was a submissive, but not in a demeaning way. I think the fact that she was a German citizen and from East Germany probably made that seem more natural.

Today, I'm in another graduate school situation, and there are a few who I suspect know more about my lifestyle than they let on. One is a young woman who takes advantage of my submissive nature, but does so in a way that is always of a reciprocal nature, indicating that she understands I'll do whatever she asks of me but she sets limits to make sure it doesn't become overwhelming.



Shawn1066 -> RE: vanilla world (11/13/2007 11:49:45 PM)

There are a few people who know that I am in a D/s relationship, but I don't think anybody outside of the lifestyle actually *understands* what I enjoy or why I enjoy it...which is a little sad.

Oh well, you can't expect them to dance when they can't hear the music.



Einzelganger -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 12:18:30 AM)

I feel I can be myself without wearing it on my sleeve...which is why there's only one vaniila individual who knows what I am.  *smiles*

-Einzelgänger



RCdc -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 4:11:03 AM)

When you seperate vanilla from bdsm, you automatially set yourself up to fail someone.
We do not seperate ourselves, we just are.  It's a normal, healthy and quirky life for us so people just see normal, healthy, quirky people.  Live different lives in different areas then you will always let someone down somewhere because they just see a lie and feel let down by that.
 
the.dark.



Master96 -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 4:19:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

When you seperate vanilla from bdsm, you automatially set yourself up to fail someone.
We do not seperate ourselves, we just are. It's a normal, healthy and quirky life for us so people just see normal, healthy, quirky people. Live different lives in different areas then you will always let someone down somewhere because they just see a lie and feel let down by that.

the.dark.


*Thinks* hummmm.......

Edited the font size!



IrishMist -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 4:35:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

When you seperate vanilla from bdsm, you automatially set yourself up to fail someone.
We do not seperate ourselves, we just are.  It's a normal, healthy and quirky life for us so people just see normal, healthy, quirky people.  Live different lives in different areas then you will always let someone down somewhere because they just see a lie and feel let down by that.
 
the.dark.

Exactly



Hergirl0824 -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 4:36:27 AM)

my closest friends know....i worried about if they would accept it or not being that we have been friends for many years, but they both accepted it gracefully, asked a few questions to try to understand it better and then said they would support anything that made me happy



Einzelganger -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 5:15:46 AM)

I work rather frequently with government agencies that have no sense of humor; the last thing I need is an employer looking for an excuse to let me go.  So, separating my vanilla and BDSM life is somewhat a necessity.  Granted, I've never lied about it or denied it.  I simply opt not to go out of my way to tell people about it.  Besides, noone's going to ask me if I'm into all that whip-and-chains stuff.  I'm a good, quiet boy with somewhat traditional values. *grins*

-Einzelgänger



smilezz -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 5:17:13 AM)

quote:

does anyone from your vanilla world know that you are in a D/s relationship?

Many know exactly how i live.

quote:

If they do how did they take it?

What's there to take? i don't care "how" they take it or handle it. It's my life, i don't impose what i do on others, but when they find out...they all ASK.

quote:

Do they treat you diferently?

Nope..


~smilezz~



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 5:36:26 AM)

my UMs - yes they know about Daddy and why Mom wears a metal collar around her neck and/or receives gifts from Him.

my family and close friends - no because some are deeply rooted in their Christian faith and i keep that side of my life away from them.

my co-workers and other friends - i'm one of few kinksters working at the radio station and i have discussed Daddy, my collar, and my kink tastes on air before ...we even had others within the BDSM community come to the studio for demonstrations.



Celeste43 -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 6:58:23 AM)

I don't state to anyone the expectations involved in our relationship, just like they don't go out of their way to state what is expected in theirs.

But people see us together and are often moved to tell us how happy we look, how well we deal together, how amazed they are that they have never seen us argue or cut each other down.



rubberpet -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 7:14:51 AM)

I've come out to just my parents about my relationship with Mistress.  I told them I wasn't going to hide the real meaning of it.  I'm proud to be a submissive and even more so to belong to Her.  They know we both have an extreme fetish for rubber and latex clothing and they know I am submissive only to Her and obey Her every command.  They really don't understand the dynamics of it, only what references they see in TV and movies.  I told them to just look at it as I'm just a very loyal and obedient boyfriend who loves Her because She has a very dominant personality (and not to freak out when I sit on the floor at Her feet, curled up around Her legs).  When described to them in that context, they became much more OK with the idea.

I haven't come out to other vanilla people yet because I don't trust them to know something that intimate.  I'll only come out to those who I feel are mature and open-minded enough to not judge negatively on it. 



breatheasone -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 9:04:34 AM)

Reposted ~~

I was just in Michigan a few weeks ago for a family members funeral and as i was getting ready my mother and daughter started in on me about wearing my collar....both of them kept telling me I should take it off....I wouldn't....they got the point. Its MY life...I'm not an asshole I don't "flaunt" it in anyones face. I'm very considerate of those around me when I do have the occasion to speak about my life style choice. On the other hand I don't go out of my way in ANY stretch to hide who I am.

My youngest daughter was hedging around, asking odd leading questions...and I knew where she was wanting to go....so I let her off the hook, and offered it up for discussion...I simply said..."Tiffany honey, if you want to talk about this I will. Just know that what ever you ask, I will answer...so be sure you want to hear the answer." The phone was silent for about a full 45 sec....and she chimed in with a cheerful question about how the weather had been lately.....LOL So....yeah...I am who I am...I don't know what box that puts me in.



mhawk -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 9:04:36 AM)





southernhart,

well there are a few friends i have outside the bdsm world that know about this.many of them do not understand it nor do i push it on them.some of them disagree with this entirely and see it as something that should not be done no matter if it is agreeable by the people involved in the relation(so to speak). also, my family has no clue what so ever and i plan to keep it far away from them,seeing as when they found out i was bi sexual they nearly cast me out of the family entirely.

i have one friend who understands it compleatly and is more than happy for me that i am OP now.







toservez -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 9:36:50 AM)

I neither hide it nor push it on others. My parents and several friends all know that my relationships have me catering to my other that goes past normal “regular” world but never have thought that I was living a lie by not giving them some play by play of our dynamic.

My parents and several friends do know about my S&M things as when they asked about bruises I did not lie.

I have found whether these things or others that often come with judgment and/or has a titillation factor that those who judge you inferior have already judged you inferior anyway because it is about them. My friends and family just basically asks questions to make sure I was alright and happy and once convinced I was not a victim just dropped it because quite frankly who talks about these types of things with others?



PrincessEllie -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 2:42:24 PM)

Hmmm, my mom knows because she read my journal (what a Jerk!), my therapist knows because my mom told her, my friends all know and they take it pretty well.

Except yesterday when I was messing around with my Dom. I'm always playful and he's really ticklish so I was having fun messing with him when he was sleepy and slow to block, but he finally got fed up and slapped me. He never hurts me with his slaps, not badly, they are just warnings. But my vanilla friend who was there got these huge eyes like he couldn't even believe it. My boy rolled over and went back to sleeping like nothing had happened, and I just pouted.



subtee -> RE: vanilla world (11/14/2007 2:51:11 PM)

When I told my closest friend she said I should quit my job and do this full time.



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