RE: The vanishing acts.

RE: The vanishing acts. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

slaveelle -> RE: The vanishing acts. (11/15/2007 8:13:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThomasMore Usually, "Welcome to Dumpsville...population: YOU" does wonders. That was just priceless...hahaha. But..even though it sounds funny im not sure how i would handle that kind of response. I prefer what LA and Miss Magnolia said, its precise and to the point but no so in ya face.

Invictus754 -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/15/2007 8:23:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: erebus To say a person is too old, too bald, too ugly etc. can be quite hurtful. I'm trying to figure out "too bald". Aint that kinda like "a little pregnant"?

angelikaJ -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/15/2007 8:55:02 PM)
someone going *poof sucks I think that being truthful does not mean being rude. I think there are some people who use honesty as a reason for rudeness; having said that clear communication that is direct and without ambiguity has become very important to me...I used to use alot of unnecessary qualifiers and am learning not to. jenn

Yedi -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/16/2007 8:09:08 AM)
My personal opinion would be complete honesty but good luck finding that from many people. I find it amazing how many people do not have the candor and also those who just do not answer I would prefer personally a simple thank you but no thank you from a email myself than looking at a sent email and seeing it read and not replied to at least the first email. There is my opinion

liminalRapture -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/16/2007 9:01:09 AM)
My goal is actually to be as kind and gracious as possible. I know what makes chemistry for me is really trivial and subjective and really not what affects other people (although I don't think what defines chemistry for anyone is anything more than luck--it is all trivial from body types to hair to accents), and so I wondered if saying "I'm just not attracted to men with strong non-native accents" would make it easier to think "OK--I didn't do anything wrong."

CreativeDominant -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/16/2007 12:31:52 PM)
I have to say that I agree with what has been said here. While there can be times when it is best to be 100% honest, stopping contact with someone that you have just barely started with probably isn't one of the best. And...if you are telling them that "I like you but I don't feel the connection I need to carry on any further", you are being honest even though the reason behind that feeling is not being given...because it is hurtful/shallow/is highly subjective. I know that I HATE it when someone just disappears on me or worse...stops responding with nothing said.

adoracat -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/17/2007 3:10:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Invictus754 quote: ORIGINAL: erebus To say a person is too old, too bald, too ugly etc. can be quite hurtful. I'm trying to figure out "too bald". Aint that kinda like "a little pregnant"? LordFallcon had what i affectionately called a "thinking spot". about the size of my palm towards the back of the crown of his head, the hair was very much thinned out there, and he had a habit of rubbing it as he thought. absolutely adorable when he forgot he was holding a marker (he was a talented artist) and ended up with marker on his scalp... Daddy shaves his head. that might be considered "too bald" in comparison. kitten, who doesnt care one way or t'other

adoracat -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/17/2007 3:13:19 AM)
as far as honesty in why i have decided not to keep pursuing things? "i'm sorry, the physical distance is too great, 300+ miles wouldnt lend itself to enough physical contact for me" "the chemistry wasnt right" when pressed further, i did come right out and say "you look too much like my biological father, and i cannot get past that. he abused me and i cannot get past that connection." honesty blended with tact, for me. kitten, who dreads confrontation, and definitely got it in the second instance...

SrMichael -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/17/2007 12:16:56 PM)
A simple "I'm just not feeling the chemestry" is kindest. You can even point out that it is not them, persay, but your own turn-on/turnoffs, and that you know others find the things that discouage you to be quite attractive. SrMichael

feralkyttin -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/24/2007 1:32:15 PM)
smiles softly, still hiding in the shadows, since no one seems to notice or mind To no one in particular: Thanks for being you.... Thanks for being here. You know the routine, by now. If not, go learn it. LOL respectfully, meesha

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/24/2007 2:03:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liminalRapture So, would you rather be told why, or just wonder? Or a white lie? What is your preference? Two subs that I met on CM disappear disappeared after I had phone conversations with them. The first very politely gave me the reason for her non-interest. The second just never called or wrote back. I prefer the former. (I suspect the second was just because she found someone else.) Les (Illegitimate son of Steve Allen and Phyllis Diller)

windchymes -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/24/2007 3:10:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Invictus754 quote: ORIGINAL: erebus To say a person is too old, too bald, too ugly etc. can be quite hurtful. I'm trying to figure out "too bald". Aint that kinda like "a little pregnant"? Not really. There's a big difference between thinning with a bald patch and a cue ball. [;)]

Aceton -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/24/2007 4:40:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie What LA and Celeste said. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people just poof - disappear without a word. It's one of the rudest forms of rejection I can think of, conveying, in my opinion, either "You're not even worth my effort to say goodbye to" or "I don't know how to deal with others affectively so I'm just going to slink off and leave you hanging." Neither message is very positive. There's nothing wrong with saying something kind and moving on. I'd rather leave good ripples than bad ones. Agreed. Unfortunately the dissapearing method is apparently much more common than the nice one. I've been around the interwebs for several years and never had it happen until recently. To be honest, it was just plain odd, and left me doubting the mental stability of the person who did it. Reasonable people aren't expecting everyone they chat with to be their soulmates, and most (including me) would rather chat in a purely friendly fashion rather than become involved in some online entanglement. It seems however, that there is a segment of this community that spends most of its time getting internet infatuations, pursuing people, then getting cold feet and dumping them. I'd suggest that in the majority of cases there isn't even a reason to give to the person dumped, because it has nothing to do with them at all, rather it has to do with the emotional immaturity of the person doing the pursue & dump, and it's not like they're going to come out and say "sorry, I'm a bit of a 'tard', are they?

domiguy -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/24/2007 4:54:40 PM)
I let her down easy ...I simply tell her that she has had to many sex partners.

CalifChick -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/24/2007 9:27:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy I let her down easy ...I simply tell her that she has had to many sex partners. OUCH. Cali

Qithoras -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/25/2007 10:56:07 AM)
Then don't call me, I've got a very unique accent. To answer your question; Personally I prefer honesty above all else. Even if I don't want to hear it, I need to hear it. But then again, my views are not shared by everyone. I hope this helps to answer your question.

auntiedee -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/25/2007 11:17:07 AM)
I've found that 90% of the people who decide they aren't interested in me after all simply disappear; doesn't matter if it's been a strictly email relationship or if we've met for coffee or even had a few dates. This used to bother me more than it does now; while I'd prefer to know, I usually give it a week or 10 days past the last anticipated contact, and then conclude I won't be hearing from them again for whatever reason. Ultimately, the reason doesn't matter anyway, does it? No sense getting upset about it. I usually will let someone know I've decided not to continue, and generally put it down to not feeling a spark or something more specific if it's not a reason that someone might feel personally about. The reason for the lack of spark doesn't need to be specified, either; if it ain't there, it ain't there. However, being human I will admit to having done the disappearing thing myself, usually because I just got busy and at some point I realize I ought to have contacted them a while ago, and figure that since I haven't it would be pointless now just to let them know I'm not interested. Now and then, it's because they've turned me off so much I just don't want to talk to them again for any reason. Best ending I ever got was from someone who said "I'm going to decline to continue" and then explained his reasons; they were valid and left me feeling valued and respected, albeit disappointed that things wouldn't continue. Worst endings are the ones who respond to a polite "not interested" with name calling and insults. dia

ctrlaltdelete -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/26/2007 11:54:04 AM)
Are you more concerned about whether naming the true reason making your appear shallow (as in the examples of the accent preference)? Or are you actually concerned about the feelings of Dear John Letter recipient? For my personal preference, I will just reply with a Clint Eastwood quote "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining!". Ergo, just let me have it straight up and don't bother putting on the fuzzy slippers before kicking my ego in the danglies.

Baroque -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/27/2007 9:11:58 PM)
A few people I have encountered would not accept a polite no thank you and explaination. One person said I "went poof". Not exactly. I had told him that the 500 mile distance and his unwillingness to travel half way wouldn't work for me. I explained that I would not commit to someone I haven't met in real life. There were differences in preference, interests as well. It took a few weeks online to discover, no fault, just time proved incompatibility of things learned in the past. He wouldn't accept any of these reasons as valid. He pushed and wrote many times a day, until I did ignore him. He was an interesting, bright, attractive person. I liked him a lot. I had offered friendship, but that wasn't enough. He then went and complained "why did he have such bad luck (again)." When I had met someone new and promising and things progressed, I deactivated my profile. Why? There are people who argue that they are much better (who knows, maybe they are) Watch out - interference can poison the water, fool with your head. People get tricky. Don't ever be a fool like me -

heartsemerge -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/28/2007 11:30:41 AM)
personally I would rather be told why. I don't always do that though. I have a tendency to disappear or to tell them and then disappear.

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875