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Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/13/2007 11:02:54 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline 		There's this phenom, which probably happens to E/everyone, in which there is a great deal of contact at first, maybe even phone and plans to meet, followed by the complete disappearance of the Dom or Master in question.
 
Just curious as to P/pl's theories about this.  They are probably mostly married Men, but there may be other equally valid theories.
 
pinksugarsub

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/13/2007 11:13:48 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Probably about the same as the drive by submissives and slaves.  Some of them panic, some of them were just playing online and it got too real, some of them might be married, some of them decided it wasn't for them.  People are the strangest animals.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/13/2007 11:18:13 PM   
mya75


Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		My theory is their married men trying to live out some fantasy controlling someone by way of email,phone..and when it gets close to meet they just create a new avvie and new messenger names and move on....good hint for this is to check the day their yahoo,msn ID's were created...this is the reason I dont submit long distance and I dont refer to them as Master unless we have met and I have been collared....prior to this they are Mentor and Sir....this saves a lot of feelings when all is said and done if things dont work out... **crap I didnt realize I posted on the Ask a Master section lol** oh well

< Message edited by mya75 -- 11/13/2007 11:19:14 PM >

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/13/2007 11:29:54 PM   
erebus


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline 		Married or not serious.  People love to fake this lifestyle, for some reason, but when confronted with the real thing, evaporate. 

That's why munches and events with real people attending is a much better way of meeting players, in my opinion.

I'd guess the success rate on this or any other board is in the low teens, if that.

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/13/2007 11:33:36 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		To the whipping block!

And yeah, I agree with everyone: people disappear as soon as something gets too real for comfort.  It's easy to indulge one's fantasies and make a profile on Collarme, but as soon as there's any prospect that it might actually HAPPEN, poof, they're gone, back to the comfortable world of non-sensation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mya75

**crap I didnt realize I posted on the Ask a Master section lol** oh well

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/13/2007 11:54:32 PM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		I think they find someone better...or at least someone they think is better.

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/14/2007 12:52:32 AM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I'm guilty of fading away. I'm not married, or otherwise involved, it's just that I have a problem with getting distracted, or I take a look at my empty wallet and get real self conscious. Most of the time, I make the effort and I get the impression that if I pursue it, I'll end up spending several months at the computer, investing time online I'd rather spend offline, out of the house enjoying some one's company.

I guess I'm saying it depends on the context of the sub. If she's convinced that she'll find love via email, chat and phone, she won't be keeping my attention for long. No, I'm not looking to play on the first meet, or even get laid, but I'm just NOT interested in making a one to six month investment in a girl online. It's just not worth it. I've rarely had a good experience with it. Sure, I could play the game, and I have. But the level of frustration and isolation is infuriating. I don't want a surrogate relationship, I want a real one. Even if it just ends up as benign as a friend ship.

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/14/2007 5:49:31 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think many (most?) of them are married or in vanilla relationships and are doing nothing more than playing on-line, with no intention of ever taking it to real life.
I think that many want to take the step, but can't figure out how to make something reality-based, when they've read so much on-line fantasy.
I think some are afraid of relationships.
I think some pretend to be dominant, but don't really have a clue what it means, and when they are challenged they stop responding.


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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/14/2007 6:34:03 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Otherwise involved, too frightened to actually take that next step, peeked in and saw what you looked like and wasn't attracted. Any and all reasons you can imagine will have fueled this behavior in someone.
Does it matter why?

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/14/2007 6:40:54 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

There's this phenom, which probably happens to E/everyone, in which there is a great deal of contact at first, maybe even phone and plans to meet, followed by the complete disappearance of the Dom or Master in question.
 
Just curious as to P/pl's theories about this.  They are probably mostly married Men, but there may be other equally valid theories.
 
pinksugarsub


I think what Scott said is something that you should pay attention to, because it was rather honest.

His post is the reason I would never stop talking to all other dominants until I actually met someone.... it just is not necessary to invest yourself that heavily in someone you have not met before. If a dominant expected me to, I would wonder about their sincerity... in my experience men that wanted to meet me went about doing so rather quickly, or at the very least did not expect an exclusive relationship right away

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/14/2007 7:32:27 AM   
PonyGroom


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Just curious as to P/pl's theories about this.  They are probably mostly married Men, but there may be other equally valid theories.


There are a LOT of married men. 

There are also a lot with cold feet. 

There are those who are living in a fantasy world online - and cannot do anything with it offline for one or a hundred reasons.

These three theories account for almost all of what I have seen, as far as I can tell. 

I think the rest is easier - mechanical breakdowns, work schedules, family crisis, health problems, LIFE.  Sometimes someone will not realize until they actually plan to meet that the driving is going to take hours and cost more than they can afford.  They realize they have been kidding themselves and get embarrassed.  Also, I have had contacts over the years with underage folks who confess after the tenth conversation and of course we never meet.  But all those taken together are smaller segment than any of the Big Three.

It is very difficult to prove any of this, right? 

I used to volunteer as a "greeter" for a kink group years ago.  While doing that I met more than 100 people who learned of our group online and met me, or someone from our group, as their first offline contact. I had a lot of email conversations and chat sessions without ever meeting the person on the other end.

I know there are married men because I talk frankly with them and they tell me straight up they are married and they have to be "discreet".

I know some get cold feet because I have seen it happen that they warm up on the third, fifth, tenth attempt.  They feel pretty sheepish about the cold feet thing and wish it were not so. They move on. 

It isn't hard to find people with a robust fantasy life - know anyone who spends almost all their spare time on Everquest or Second Life - or this board?  Too much of that and it becomes your reality, your frame of reference, your ground to stand on.  Getting away from it feels uncomfortable.  There have been some articles in Psychology Today and Newsweek and other mainstream media about this.

All this applies to submissives as well as dominants, to women as well as men.   I wonder sometimes if it applies in balance.  I never kept records and my impressions are probably skewed. 

Tim


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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/14/2007 8:12:56 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I think what Scott said is something that you should pay attention to, because it was rather honest.

His post is the reason I would never stop talking to all other dominants until I actually met someone.... it just is not necessary to invest yourself that heavily in someone you have not met before. If a dominant expected me to, I would wonder about their sincerity... in my experience men that wanted to meet me went about doing so rather quickly, or at the very least did not expect an exclusive relationship right away

I would agree that most men, and probably most people, who actually want to have something other than an online fantasy will want to meet relatively soon.  In the past I have not been in any hurry to meet anyone because I wasn't at a point in my life where I had either the time or the means for such a relationship, it just wasn't one of my priorities at that time.  That's changed this year and I have been meeting people.  Next year I expect that will intensify as some additional goals are met.  The point being, and to sum up, someone who is satisfied with spending endless months online is probably never going to want more than that... someone who wants more than that will probably not be satisfied with spending more than a few months talking online before meeting.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/14/2007 9:16:35 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Otherwise involved, too frightened to actually take that next step, peeked in and saw what you looked like and wasn't attracted. Any and all reasons you can imagine will have fueled this behavior in someone.
Does it matter why?


I agree with all the other replies and in particular this conclusion. There can be so many reasons to try to pin it on one or two does not really serve a purpose. It is why I always advise to never let emotion enter into the picture until you have met the person in real life.

Forget it Jake. It’s cybertown.


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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/15/2007 10:27:16 AM   
ABMaster


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		The phenom is not limited to Doms.

When someone disappears like that:
  1. They're married and had no intention of ever meeting; or
  2. They're married and then chickened out; or
  3. They're not married and chickened out; or
  4. They enjoy the fantasy world and don't have the courage to leave it; or
  5. They're addicted to this and need their fix; or
  6. They found someone else and didn't have the honor to deal with it properly.
Choose one of the above, but one won't make you feel better than another one.

My advice? Join a local group, attend munches, find out who is honorable and can be trusted, go to workshops, attend play parties, all without the intent of 'finding the right one' and guess what, you'll probably find the right one because you were relaxed about it.

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/15/2007 10:42:42 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

[


. If a dominant expected me to, I would wonder about their sincerity... in my experience men that wanted to meet me went about doing so rather quickly, or at the very least did not expect an exclusive relationship right away


That's it for me as well. If someone wants to meet, they would follow up right away and not be evasive, or ask "maybe I will see you online soon?" or something else. That is why I am so quick to move on if someone does not follow up.

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/15/2007 10:42:43 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		OK my thoughts
1-They are married
2-They are fake in some way, age weight, looks,color etc...maybe they have a facial palsy, who knows
3-They are just internet wankers

The first time I encountered this I couldn't believe it. I had met a submissive from here who was the complete package, a trained slave, a fetish model, smart, pretty, the whole nine yards. She was stunned when I showed up and even more so when I knew what I was doing.I was stunned by the idea that with so many men here trying to find someone , the concept that a woman such as her would have guys no-showing seemed irrational. Then she broke it down and I began to understand.

Heres my perspective, yeah life happens. We all understand that. But lets be real. If you are a man we all know the numbers are against you.To find someone who is receptive and that a mutual interest exists between isn't always easy . To put the work and effort involved in getting to know someone and then not show up is just crazy. It defies logic. At least call and let them know whats up so to as maybe get a second shot.I don't buy the something came up theory at all.
In my whole life I have never had anyone just stand me up on a first date in vanilla, it just doesn't happen. But here, the excuses are insane. Its because of one reason, the person isn't really what they say they are.

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/15/2007 11:03:00 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		For the record, this isn't Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.

In my time, I knew one woman who agreed to see me after several months of contact.  She 'vanished' somewhere near Detroit, never to be heard from again.  She'd never answer her phone, never respond to emails, etc.  Another girl more recently 'disappeared' somewhere in New Mexico at a 'friends' house en route to see me.  And still another must have vanished at the airport, having claimed she got her plane ticket two days before. 

Rest assured, you're not the only person to feel there's a black hole between you and meeting someone real time.  There's no good way to weed the good from the bad; I've had positive and lukewarm experiences too.  Had I given up, I wouldn't be here and happy as I am today.

Stephan


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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/16/2007 8:05:11 AM   
Yedi


Posts: 842
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline 		No matter what they will always be out there the players the gamers the HNG those that talk a good game but in reality couldn't follow through if thier life depended on it. They come in all flavors Dom Domme sub slave and switch. it is one of the Hazards of trying to meet anyone online. Then you have the ones that will be talked out of it as well by thier friends and the ones that wanted to come but got frightened and couldn't show thier face again.

It all falls down to the clasic

SHIT HAPPENS

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/16/2007 10:34:08 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		ahmen Padriac!!

CP

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RE: Drive By Doms and Masters - 11/16/2007 10:46:39 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear pinksugarsub, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I find that there are many reasons behind people doing things--to include what appears to be disappearing.

What hasn't been touched upon is that there might be a matter to which the individual is unable to respond in a most firm sense.  I can think of being admitted into a hospital with unknown injuries, loss of memory and such.  A person can die at anytime.  We see often in the news young people who seemed healthy drop dead from disease or abuse of the body.  Perhaps being arrested and jailed might be something to considered.  Not everybody can have the 84 minute jail time as some actresses seemingly are getting of late.  Could be that they find themselves suddenly deployed on military assignment and or government work as a contractor. 

However, I am in agreement with others who have posted-- this 'drive by' behavior is not exclusively Dominants and or Masters; Mistresses and Dominant women and or slave, submissive, servant and or any role and or title within the context of D/s exchanges and or BDSM.

The only person you can control is yourself and your circumstances--the other individuals must do the same.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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