RE: Virgin Submissive (Full Version)

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DarkVoyeur -> RE: Virgin Submissive (8/9/2005 4:01:53 AM)


You cannot be submissive because you are a virgin?
HAW HAW HAW
My god, that brought a tear to my eye. That must be in the book of twue submission.

Seriousely, hold on to your principals, and forget what these jokers are telling you. As stated above, D/s without sex is quite common. YOU will know when the time is right.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Virgin Submissive (8/9/2005 8:22:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sir4now

First let me congratulate you for not giving in to pleasers of the flesh.

Why should someone be congratulated for that? Is there something better about not "giving into the pleasures of the flesh"?

I think everyone should be proud to make their own choices about their sexuality and doing what they feel is best for them all above anything else. But whether that choice is to become a complete active slut or to become chaste is irrelevent.

quote:


To the ones that say you can't be a submissive and be a vergin. I would have to ask if they think BDSM is about sex and if they say yes then run like hell.

There's no reason to run like hell, that's a panic uninformed response. If bdsm for them is all about sex and you don't want that you just say no thanks and move on. That's an adult responsible mature exchange.

quote:

Your submission should come from inside of you and it is the way you feel, Sex in a D/s relationship is the iceing on the cake.

For some people, for others not.
quote:


I have talked to lots of women that say they wish they would have saved themselfs. I have never talk to one that wasn't happy they did.

I have.

I've already given my real direct response to the OP, but I will also add that it would be great if you could meet up with someone who is very experienced sexually and can bring you up in skill level- NOT as a fetish and NOT because you're "untouched flesh" but someone who honestly is just a good lover who can teach you. Trust me, being a dom does NOT make a person any better of a lover. If you can start off your sexual learning with someone very open, very knowledgeble and a good teacher, that would be awesome.



Greatcornbow -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/5/2005 3:29:21 PM)

I see no problem with being a virgin sub at all.

I suggest you get yourself a good steel cb, and if and when you find the right D Master he can take control, and decide for you how long you'll remain that way.



WickedKev -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/5/2005 4:04:37 PM)

I'll put my 2 penith in as well, I agree with everything being said, you do what is right for you, as for being submissive you are what your heart tells you you are and let no one tell you otherwise.



ShereKhan -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/5/2005 4:30:20 PM)

greetings anethystrain,

You are very much an individual and know yourself better than most. It is not important what other people think. Be true to yourself and in time you will find that which you seek.

Shere Khan



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/5/2005 4:40:53 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShereKhan

greetings anethystrain,

You are very much an individual and know yourself better than most. It is not important what other people think. Be true to yourself and in time you will find that which you seek.

Shere Khan

*teasing*

Invoking the "in bed" Fortune Cookie rule.



fastlane -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/5/2005 7:36:15 PM)

Virgins are only Myths and movies like Lord of the Rings, and a 40 year old virgin aren't they?

O.K. anyone here that knows a virgin, step back and hold up your hand, but your own kids don't count.

Fastlane, steps back slowly and says, "I'm one!"

Finally, I made you people laugh!




sweetpettjenny -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/6/2005 3:01:56 AM)

Congratulations... There is nothing wrong with your situation. BDSM should be 90% mental , in my opinion the sexual part is a bonus.
quote:

ORIGINAL: amethystrain

I'm a 22 year old virgin. I'm also submissive, but other than online, I'm an inexperienced submissive. I guess my question is along the lines of "how bad is this?"

I get mixed replies whenever I tell someone online that I'm completely virgin. Some think it's the hottest thing they've heard and they can't wait to "break me in." While others tell me that I can't possibly know that I'm submissive unless I've been in a physical relationship. The former doesn't bother me cause I just dismiss them. The latter bothers me a lot. It took me a long while to come to terms that I'm submissive and now I have people telling me that I have no business saying I am.

Granted all of this is heard from online chats, but once I've heard the same more than 3 times, I got more and more upset. I've been told that I need to have a vanilla relationship first and then find my Master. But I don't want to. I want the whole romantic all-in-one Master/boyfriend, whatever. I mean, why would I waste my time, energy and emotion in a physical relationship unless it satisfies my need for a Dominant?

I don't know what kind of answers I'm looking for. I guess I'd like reassurance that I'm not a freak for still being a virgin and that I still have hope for a "normal" (lol) D/s relationship.

Thanks for letting me rant.

~AmethystRain




amethystrain -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/6/2005 2:01:25 PM)

I've been reading all the replies to this and, honestly, this has seriously changed my perspective of myself. I don't know why it took doing this to cement my hopes that it's truly ok for me to be a 22 yo virgin submissive. It seems dumb in hindsight to need the affirmation and approval of strangers on collarme when I should be able to see that it's alright within myself. However, this did help a lot. And thank you so much!



ragdoll -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/6/2005 9:09:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: amethystrain

I'm a 22 year old virgin. I'm also submissive, but other than online, I'm an inexperienced submissive. I guess my question is along the lines of "how bad is this?"

I get mixed replies whenever I tell someone online that I'm completely virgin. Some think it's the hottest thing they've heard and they can't wait to "break me in." While others tell me that I can't possibly know that I'm submissive unless I've been in a physical relationship. The former doesn't bother me cause I just dismiss them. The latter bothers me a lot. It took me a long while to come to terms that I'm submissive and now I have people telling me that I have no business saying I am.

Granted all of this is heard from online chats, but once I've heard the same more than 3 times, I got more and more upset. I've been told that I need to have a vanilla relationship first and then find my Master. But I don't want to. I want the whole romantic all-in-one Master/boyfriend, whatever. I mean, why would I waste my time, energy and emotion in a physical relationship unless it satisfies my need for a Dominant?

I don't know what kind of answers I'm looking for. I guess I'd like reassurance that I'm not a freak for still being a virgin and that I still have hope for a "normal" (lol) D/s relationship.

Thanks for letting me rant.

~AmethystRain


There was a discussion about this in the Mistress section of this site just recently

Other Virgin Discussion

It seems like male dominants view virgin submissives differently than female dominants do. Which is kinda interestin'... though the discussion over there wasn't "exactly" the same. The discussion there wasn't about if someone could be submissive yet be a virgin.. the discussion over there was more about "would you want to get into a D/s relationship with a virgin" ~ and didn't really touch of whether or not a virgin could actually be a submissive.

btw: i'm a 25 year old "virgin" (virgin in quotes because i'm not "hymenly-intact" because of a non-consensual situation). ~

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

But it did bring up another point. Be wary of people that are way into the fact you're a virgin. I have large breasts and over the years I've found that the guys that were overly into my breasts ended up being horses asses. These guys couldn't even tell me what color eyes I had.


Like IronBear, i completely agree with you on that point. ~!!



srahfox -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/9/2005 1:06:01 PM)

I guess the question is... are you happy that you are a virgin? Do you feel you are submissive? Those are questions only you can answer. Personally I wish I had not waited. My first could very well have been the man I am now with. But I waited and it became someone else. Of course there is more to the story than that. I was molested by my father when I was 7 and waited until I was 19 to have sex. All my friends were but I waited. Mostly it was because I was scared but the end result was the same. I wanted to have the first time be with someone I knew but not someone I was in a relationship in. In case something went wrong and I went screaming into the streets. As that didn't happen I always wonder what it would have been like had I slept with the man I'm with first.
I know this is a slightly different situation than the one you are in, but the bottom line is, you know your heart better than anyone else. I knew I was Bi long before I ever slept with a woman.
I would have to say I wouldn't advertise the whole virgin thing, there are preditors out there who find that thrilling. By all means tell the people that matter but not everyone needs to know.



Fadedangel -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/9/2005 6:46:16 PM)

I think I am probably one of the ONLY people who can say that I know EXACTLY what you're talking about/going through. I'm twenty years old, and a virgin sub as well. I have been in vanilla relationships, but I never felt enough of a connection to actually have sex with these men, most likely because of my submissive tendancies. Like you, it took me awhile to figure out what it was that was missing from these things, and now I know that I just can't have a normal relationship without the BDSM side. I didn't have to have sex to figure that out, and I'm okay with the fact that I'm a virgin. To me, sex IS submission, and why would I partake in something that I didn't feel someone would take full advantage of?
I also know how difficult this is, being a virgin and being interested in BDSM. If you're like me, you want THE ONE, someone close in age, someone who is willing to explore a relationship with you before jumping into sex. But we're the lucky ones, because when we finally submit to a dominate, it's going to blow their minds.
Message me sometime if you want to talk, I know this place is absolutely overwhelming for people like us.
Jill



rwmbk -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/9/2005 10:51:12 PM)

quote:

I have been in vanilla relationships, but I never felt enough of a connection to actually have sex with these men, most likely because of my submissive tendancies. Like you, it took me awhile to figure out what it was that was missing from these things, and now I know that I just can't have a normal relationship without the BDSM side. I didn't have to have sex to figure that out, and I'm okay with the fact that I'm a virgin. To me, sex IS submission, and why would I partake in something that I didn't feel someone would take full advantage of?


While it may be hard to believe comming from a male. I can't agree more with what you just said, because thats exactly how I feel.



RollingThunder -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/25/2005 1:39:49 PM)

You must possess a genuine interest and the unmet need to embrace Dominance and submission as a way of life.for some of us this is 24-7
Your primary focus must not be on sexual release, encounters, or self-gratification. That is not a priority in your training in submission. Of course, that is not to say that there will be no erotic relations that include forms of sexual or sensual gratification, as there may be. However, such gratifications should not be expected, but are earned in reward for your loyalty, devotion, and good submissive. Perform well and reap the rewards.



perverseangelic -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/25/2005 2:34:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Fadedangel

I think I am probably one of the ONLY people who can say that I know EXACTLY what you're talking about/going through. I'm twenty years old, and a virgin sub as well.


*waves hand in the air* I can too! I can too! :)

Though I'm not a virgin anymore, I was in my first bdsm relationship for over 2 years without penetrative sex of any kind. I just wasn't ready.

I think that the self-awareness to say 'I don't want THIS yet, but I do want THIS" is wonderful.



Awakener -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/25/2005 2:43:52 PM)

You must have experience to know what you want....that is pathetic.
If this were the case we would all roll into a ball at birth and stay that way.

you know what you want...go get it....and find out what you like and dislike once you ghave it.



RainGod -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/25/2005 5:31:18 PM)

quote:

You must have experience to know what you want....that is pathetic.
If this were the case we would all roll into a ball at birth and stay that way.


I disagree. One must have curiousity to know what one wants. Experience is what is born out of that curiousity, isn' it?



Awakener -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/25/2005 5:41:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

quote:

You must have experience to know what you want....that is pathetic.
If this were the case we would all roll into a ball at birth and stay that way.


I disagree. One must have curiousity to know what one wants. Experience is what is born out of that curiousity, isn' it?



What I was saying was...and I guess I did a poor job....

Experience is not required to know what you want....only to know what you like and dislike, and hell even then more expeience may be required to truely decide.

I need to refresh my english lessons...bad punctuation and syntax when I type often leads to missundersanding.



NewlyBruised -> RE: Virgin Submissive (9/26/2005 2:10:48 AM)

Amethystrain - glad you realized it's not about penetration ;)

A true Master should have your best interest at heart - not his cocks best interest. You'll know when it's right.



Jacques1000 -> RE: Virgin Submissive (11/3/2005 12:28:26 AM)

Hi amethystrain,

On the contrary, there is nothing freakish about virginity, especially for the imaginative. Western culture seems, sadly, to be pre-occupied by vaginal penetration...

If someone tell you you cannot be a submissive and be a virgin then there opinion is not worth the chocolate bar wrapper it must be enclosed in :-P

BDSM and sex are subsets of each other and not mutually inclusive. If they say otherwise, buy a pair of comfortable cross-trainers and then run like hell. Your submission should come from inside of you and it is the way you feel, Sex in a D/s relationship is one aspect.

You should find a Dom that will respect your choice and just like your submission on its own terms. Personally, if i had that opportunity I would welcome it. When it is right it will be right for you. This is something you will give rather than have taken.

There has been a treasure trovbe of good advice supplied here. I hope it reassures and bolsters confidence in youself






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