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Being together - 11/14/2007 7:14:25 PM

southernhart

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/27/2007
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Do You mind it if Your sub keeps in E-mail contact with Masters they knew before You two met?

Do you mind if they start up new E-,mail friendships with other Dominants after You two are together

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 7:17:07 PM

Estring

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My slave didn't know any Masters before me.
She corresponds with some Doms here on Collarme. I don't mind, but I do read the messages and if inappropriate, I block the senders.

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(in reply to southernhart)

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 7:22:02 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

Do You mind it if Your sub keeps in E-mail contact with Masters they knew before You two met?

Do you mind if they start up new E-,mail friendships with other Dominants after You two are together

I am allowed to email with my former dominant if I elect to. I have been in contact with him after Daddy and I were exclusive with each other. I have not had any contact with my former dom in about 6 months though... but I always tell Daddy when I receive an email from my former, and I tell Daddy what was talked about.

I can have correspondence with other dominants about things like what I post on this forum for example. I also tell my Daddy about these emails. If he wanted the password to my account here I would hand it over, but he has never asked for it. I do not tell him every email I get from every dominant because I get them all the time, but I always answer those emails the same way, by cutting and pasting the information pertaining to the protocol I adhere to in these situations... which is spelled out on my profile.

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(in reply to southernhart)

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 7:22:17 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
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quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

Do You mind it if Your sub keeps in E-mail contact with Masters they knew before You two met?

Do you mind if they start up new E-,mail friendships with other Dominants after You two are together

Beware of any Man who tries to end your friendships with other Men. In my case, some friendships are now almost 30 years old and there's no way i'd sacrifice them. Others are much newer but these are the Men who protected me, helped me, and taught me when i needed it. i will never agree to relinquish such friendships.

i do not play or have sex with my Men friends; some i flirt with a lot. They make me feel pretty when my girlfriends really can't, and They spark fantasises that have gotten me carried away before.

If i am 'with' a Man, even just steadily dating Him, i am not 'with' Anyone else, period. If He has serious trust issues He cannot manage on His own, He can hit the door.

pinksugarsub

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 7:22:52 PM

Rover

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I think it's extraordinarily unrealistic to expect submissives/slaves/bottoms not to have friendships with Dominants. Or vice versa. And if I were to run into this practice real time, I'd absolutely write the both of them off as a couple of morons. Heck, within real time groups you might not even know who is Dominant and who is submissive until you've already become friends (ie: real time Dominants aren't "capitalized" for your viewing pleasure).

I know this is a common practice in online relationships, though I suspect that is a result of the insecurity associated with distance, and a lack of trust.

John

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(in reply to southernhart)

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 7:30:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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People who want to keep others from having, keeping and starting healthy productive relationships with others are controlling in the bad way to me.

I can't even comprehend telling a partner to end a fulfilling relationship they had before me- I want THEM, that includes their past and what makes them who they are.

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 7:30:33 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I think it's extraordinarily unrealistic to expect submissives/slaves/bottoms not to have friendships with Dominants. Or vice versa. And if I were to run into this practice real time, I'd absolutely write the both of them off as a couple of morons. Heck, within real time groups you might not even know who is Dominant and who is submissive until you've already become friends (ie: real time Dominants aren't "capitalized" for your viewing pleasure).

I know this is a common practice in online relationships, though I suspect that is a result of the insecurity associated with distance, and a lack of trust.

John

You hit that nail on the head!...Tempting

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 7:44:54 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
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From: Pennsylvania
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Yeah, what some others have said. I would not go for that nonsense. Is it often wrapped in the package of "control"? I see it as an insecure dominant who is afraid his sub will discover the truth - that there is someone better out there. Or a dominant who is fearful of anyone who was in her life before he came along. A dominant who is secure in himself and the relationship should not have a problem with his sub talking to other dominants.

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(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 7:52:43 PM

MrSpectacular

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Friends are just that - a secure Dom is going to recognize that and not feel threatened. Trying to control something like that is a sure path to the relationship ending.

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 8:30:39 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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greetings southernhart,

i am best friends with my previous dominant and talk to him often; it's very strange, but we are really like siblings now. my master is aware of it, and also that i occasionally email/im with people of all orientations that i've met here and at other sites. it doesn't bother him. occasionally i will mention a conversation i've had or he'll ask, but he doesn't demand to see all of my correspondence or anything like that.

respectfully,
annabelle.

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(in reply to southernhart)

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 10:06:45 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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It depends on the intent behind the correspodence...on both parts.

Master Fire

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RE: Being together - 11/14/2007 11:35:43 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I think it's extraordinarily unrealistic to expect submissives/slaves/bottoms not to have friendships with Dominants. Or vice versa. And if I were to run into this practice real time, I'd absolutely write the both of them off as a couple of morons. Heck, within real time groups you might not even know who is Dominant and who is submissive until you've already become friends (ie: real time Dominants aren't "capitalized" for your viewing pleasure).

I know this is a common practice in online relationships, though I suspect that is a result of the insecurity associated with distance, and a lack of trust.

John

Agreed.

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RE: Being together - 11/15/2007 1:15:12 AM

ownedgirlie

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My Master has, at times, limited my contact due to reasons that made sense for me at that time. I asked him to Master me, and in doing so I was asking him to impose whatever rules he felt were appropriate.

I am allowed to be in contact with one of my former dominants, but not the other. The other was a short term, extremely abusive man with whom I have no interest in speaking anyway. The one I am allowed to talk to (email and telephone) I am not allowed to see. I am aware of the reasons why.

I am allowed friendships with other dominants - be they by email, phone, or in person. When I first came into his world, I was not allowed new friendships with dominants but could keep my current ones. He had his reasons for that as well, which I understood and did not question. I have since made some very good friends, one has been a very special friendship with someone I started (jokingly) calling my Priest. Master knows this too, and this friend was very influencial to my growth as a person and slave.

I do not judge why a dominant may or may not allow his/her submissive contact with others. I myself have been one of those friends a slave is unable to contact. It is what it is, and surely there are reasons for it. I miss my friend, but I accept there must be a valid reason behind the rule; it's not for me to challenge.

(in reply to southernhart)

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Being not-all-there? - 11/15/2007 2:58:26 AM

ThomasMore

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If any niggling urge wells up within her to re-contact past Dominants, I just quote Colonel Samuel Troutman from "First Blood": "It's over, Johnny - it's over!!!" As far as contacting other Dominants go, that's completely forbidden. My way, highway, etc.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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RE: Being together - 11/15/2007 5:20:17 AM

happypervert

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From: Scranton, PA
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quote:

It depends on the intent behind the correspodence...on both parts.

Master Fire

That's what I was thinking. Often friends are just that, so no problem; other times the dom who wants to be "friends" is looking for a blowjob. And then there is Ron, who is always looking for friendly blowjobs. heh

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RE: Being together - 11/15/2007 5:36:51 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
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quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

Do You mind it if Your sub keeps in E-mail contact with Masters they knew before You two met?

Do you mind if they start up new E-,mail friendships with other Dominants after You two are together

i would find it hard-pressed to be with any man, dominant or not, who is so insecure in our relationship, that they would even contemplate dis-allowing me to stay in contact with former partners, let alone making friends with new people...

soooooo, the short-answer would be, no, they don't mind; or at least, none have during my lifetime!

(in reply to southernhart)

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RE: Being together - 11/15/2007 6:01:46 AM

shootingstar67

Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
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I would not expect my Dominant to allow me to have contact with former Masters. I have alot of male friends though I'd like to keep.

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RE: Being together - 11/15/2007 6:56:04 AM

Leonardo

Posts: 113
Joined: 4/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

People who want to keep others from having, keeping and starting healthy productive relationships with others are controlling in the bad way to me.

In agreement with such.

If a relationship is secure between both parties, jealousies will not arise. If the parties in a relationship are open and honest with each other, then the relationship can develop into a secure one.

I surf through the net and real life constantly... daily, and meet new folks and make new friends... many of them female. And bride doesn't get jealous because she knows that my commitment to her is permanent (and not the internet definition of permanency whereby ltrs = 1 week). Likewise, I know that her commitment to me is permanent and I am secure enough in myself, in her, and in our relationship that we have developed over the years, together, to not worry about her friendships with anyone, regardless of gender nor disposition.

If I felt that I had to be worried every time bride spoke with another person, either I'd have a problem with insecurity or the relationship would not exist, or both.

< Message edited by Leonardo -- 11/15/2007 6:57:36 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Being together - 11/15/2007 8:33:55 AM

ABMaster

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If the Dom is known to be honorable and respectful of D/s relationships, then there should be no problem. Everyone needs friends in the lifestyle and to cut her off from having Dom friends is not healthy and smacks of uncessary control and insecurity.

If there is doubt about the Dom's honor, have a frank discussion with your sub and set some boundaries. She will know what is right, if she's the girl you think she is.

I have many sub friends, both free and collared, and everyone knows what is acceptable and what is not.

(in reply to southernhart)

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RE: Being together - 11/15/2007 10:06:34 AM

Vanatru

Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
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I'd have to say it depends on the sub and the dom(s) that are wanting to stay in contact or make contact. Like Fire was saying, it's the motivation. Personally, it seems most guys can't be trusted, as even when it's made clear to them (and often I have talked at least briefly with them as well), they get delusions of granduer and wind up suggesting wisty would be better off with them as they are somehow more domly than I. *laughs* I fully admit wisty is special, but she's not about to leave me for some dork with a huge ego. So, I know I can trust her in her communications, I don't limit them.

For those that can't be trusted, I have to wonder WHY that sub is with the dom, and such subs will find a way to get in contact or stay in contact. I can understand looking at coorespondence at the beginning of the relationship to see what sort of conversations the sub is having, but if you can't trust the sub, don't keep em.

A warning to the doms: if a sub is not WILLING to give up contact, says the reason is something superficial (like flirting), or can't give a reason, be very very very wary. In a good relationship, the people are open about their communications, both in who they talk to and what is talked about. In fact, in my household, the policy is No Secrets.

(in reply to ABMaster)

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