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Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/15/2007 5:21:15 AM

Kellendra

Posts: 95
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

Long time lurker/reader,nervous first time thread starter.

Having just read a thread in "Ask a Master" about wether Doms have an issue with their subs keeping in touch with former Doms, and having Dom friends etc...and it made me wonder.....
Do you?...if you do why do you?.

I personally do, despite the fact we are no longer "together" (please note that term is used very loosely, to describe what we had) but I still like to know he is ok and as a friend I really enjoy his company.

I am slowly becoming involved in a new D/s relationship and He is aware of my continuing friendship with my former Master, and indeed other Doms and has no problem with it.
Anyway was just curious.
Thank you for your time.

_____________________________

The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery." Anais Nin

Post #: 1

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/15/2007 5:26:17 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

personally i don't keep in contact with my formers as well as former potentials - it helps with the "moving on" process for me.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Kellendra)

Post #: 2

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/15/2007 5:31:03 AM

Kellendra

Posts: 95
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

Good point....initially it was that.......it was very very hard to move on...
Now I find I just like him as a person.....lame perhaps, and maybe a tad naive.

Hope the wedding plans are going well.

_____________________________

The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery." Anais Nin

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/15/2007 5:33:32 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

it's not lame

you have a better relationship with your former than i do with mine.

oh about wedding plans, now i see why some brides turn into bridezillas!!

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Kellendra)

Post #: 4

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/15/2007 6:45:17 AM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

I think there is only one Dom who i have cut ways with, and that is only because he let his new girlfriend decide who his friends were going to be. This hurt like hell, because he promiced we would still be friends after the break-up. This type of behaviour is very elementary in my thinking, and is something I would never encourage.

That being said. There are a couple that I do keep in contact with, and thier friendships mean alot to me. If a potential Dom has an issue with who i choose as my friends, then I have to go. It is a sure sign of thier confidence in themselves if they can't trust me with others.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/17/2007 3:05:56 PM

serenitee

Posts: 13
Status: offline

I fully support keeping in contact with former Dom’s/sub’s etc if it ended on a good note, why lose friendships with other like-minded individuals if you don’t have to? But, my main concern is that a previous relationship doesn’t influence a new one… if that makes any sense.

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 6

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/17/2007 3:42:42 PM

Kellendra

Posts: 95
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: serenitee

I fully support keeping in contact with former Dom’s/sub’s etc if it ended on a good note, why lose friendships with other like-minded individuals if you don’t have to? But, my main concern is that a previous relationship doesn’t influence a new one… if that makes any sense.

Completely makes sense.

_____________________________

The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery." Anais Nin

(in reply to serenitee)

Post #: 7

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/17/2007 4:30:13 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Only the ones that operate with integrity.

(in reply to Kellendra)

Post #: 8

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/17/2007 5:50:08 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

i have quite a few Dom friends that we will occasionally hang out and do stuff together, with rules in place of course. But no my Dom encourages me to make new friends both in the lifestyle and out of.

(in reply to Kellendra)

Post #: 9

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/17/2007 9:09:12 PM

sakidorei

Posts: 65
Status: offline

i have good relationships with most of the Men in my past ... however i do tend to curtail the amount of time i spend communicating with them when i am in a new relationship due to their influence. One in particular is very protective over me and since He was my Owner for over three years ... therefore i am cautious about what i share with Him.

While my Master now does not forbid me to speak to others ... His restriction is that i tell Him who i am speaking with (specifically if i have been intimate with them in the past) and frankly He prefers that i have little contact with them now. He encourages me to maintain close contacts with friends, family and to make new friends however. It's simply that former relationships tend to color new ones and as He is the primary influential factor in my life ... it's understandable to me that He doesn't wish that influence to be undermined by good meaning old influences.

His methods are different from my ex's and there is something about an ex speaking into your life now that can seriously erode a current relationship if you aren't careful. Especially if the former partner still has strong feelings for you or wishes to re-establish the previous relationship. If that makes any sense ...

~saki
Property of Master D.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 10

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/17/2007 9:26:04 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I'm still friends with my ex and Master knows that we're in contact. My ex represents someone that I enjoyed being with for 6 years of my life. I can't suddenly not like who he is as a person. Master is fine with my friendship and is secure in our relationship. My ex's new wife is not so thrilled.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to sakidorei)

Post #: 11

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/17/2007 9:53:33 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

to me, it would depend on what kind of relationship i'd had. if i was married to a former dominant and we had children together? that's a no-brainer, unless there are VERY bad circumstances, as long as you're both parents, you have *some* contact.

if i had a bad ending to a relationship, i'd not keep contact. the two sirs i had before, both of them passed away, so its not an issue to me. i keep contact some with former lovers, though, is that the same?

kitten

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/18/2007 9:46:44 AM

tnt4us

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/3/2005
Status: offline

Read this post with interest (and one rather on the same line last night, but can't seem to find it again). I have had only one Master...I have been involved with four different Doms/men in the lifestyle, but have had only one that I called Master. As we all know, HUGE difference. Due to a major change in my life, he may very well be the only Master that I ever have, which he and I have discussed at length. If I had been open to poly, we would be together now. Alas, I am not. We have continued to keep in touch over the last two years online maybe once a month, as we acknowledge that we are soulmates, even if it was not possible for us to remain in the previous relationship. We live across the country from each other, so seeing each other again in person is not really an option now,.

I am fully aware that he continues to live with his submissive, whom he lived with when our relationship began, unbeknownst to me at the time. She and I have talked in the past online and on the phone, although not for almost a year. I saw her online about a month ago, with a new picture on her profile, and decided to say hello and compliment her on her new photo. She has always professed to want to "be my friend", so I thought she might enjoy knowing I thought her new picture was very nice. In general conversation, I made some comment about "Master", not for a minute thinking it an inappropriate term to use. Her response was "Oh, how cute....you still call him "Master"...". I could feel the sarcasm through the computer screen, no doubt. It struck me so suddenly.....I was at a loss for words. It felt like a slap in the face.

When I determined that I could not be poly and we agreed to not pursue that kind of relationship anymore, I asked his guidance on what was appropriate in terms of how to address him from that point. He knew I would not have another Master, and have not since that time.....and his response was that it would be inappropriate to address him in any other way than as "Master". He told me that, as long as I continued to feel the bond with him and was not serving another Master, then the term should remain the same. He said he knew the feelings were there between us, even though we would no longer realize the relationship as such.

So, now, my question is this....IS continuing to refer to him as Master not appropriate? I am so new in this lifestyle that I have nothing to draw on here. I meant no disrespect to his submissive at all, it just came naturally to me, after his earlier direction to me. Your comments are greatly appreciated, as I have pondered this several times over the past month.

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 13

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/18/2007 2:00:19 PM

lilsubl

Posts: 4595
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline

i have kept in touch with my ex-husband & i am still in touch with my former Master...we had a very emotional ending to our relationship, but i still enjoy talking with him...i have been open with potentials that i maintain these relationships...i had a long chat with the former master last night which cleared up a lot of things about our relationship & his releasing me the way that he did...that has helped me more than anything else that i have done to try to deal with what happened...i would hope that any new Master would understand about them........

_____________________________

Linea, collarded pet of the evil Sir Max & his lovely & equally evil wife

it's no fun unless you're scared

if you can't be brave, be determined & you'll get to the same place

wannabe member of the subbi mafia

(in reply to Kellendra)

Post #: 14

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/18/2007 9:05:38 PM

Lythe

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline

I still keep in contact with my former Dominant. It's nice to see him from time to time and catch up though sometimes it's awkward and very emotional. It's hard to see us both moving on but I value our friendship so much now and I would hate not having him there as a shoulder to cry on and a friend to talk to. He knew me more than most people ever will and I don't ever want to give up that connection and understanding we have even though it has changed greatly since we were together.

(in reply to lilsubl)

Post #: 15

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/18/2007 10:07:30 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

My ex-Domina and are have been in each other's lives for four years now, the first 2 being in a D/s lover/partner relationship.
Life stepped up and slammed both of us into very hard situations making it very difficult to nuture our D/s relationship in the ways we thought it deserved.
We parted amicably, knowing if our life sitations were different we would probably still be together as a couple.

Ergo, she and I are still close friends who love and admire each other. We usually connect and talk every week or two and we still continue to enhance each others lives unconditionally.

Missy.

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to Kellendra)

Post #: 16

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/19/2007 4:24:02 AM

trusting

Posts: 144
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline

since You are slowing moving into another relationship, no...it will not bother Him yet! once you are involved with this Man, i am sure things will change as far as You and Your previous Dom go.

i was with a Dom for a while, we split months ago and i still have not spoken to Him... i find it hard to speak with someone that i had such a tight bond with and then it was all gone as quickly as it formed.

~edited for spelling~

< Message edited by trusting -- 11/19/2007 4:25:38 AM >

_____________________________

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." -Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to Kellendra)

Post #: 17

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/19/2007 4:33:57 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tnt4us
So, now, my question is this....IS continuing to refer to him as Master not appropriate? I am so new in this lifestyle that I have nothing to draw on here. I meant no disrespect to his submissive at all, it just came naturally to me, after his earlier direction to me. Your comments are greatly appreciated, as I have pondered this several times over the past month.

her response to you was sarcasm and cattiness. take it for what it is, you know?

i was once collared to a couple. she is still my very dear friend, and i still love both of them. when i talk to her, i ask "so how is M?" because he still IS her Master. i could call him his name, or the man-thing, or the beast what growls for cawfee in the am, or any one of a hundred different things. i dont, i call him M.

you asked HIM how you should refer to him, and he answered. he's the only one who can say otherwise. and yeah, heartbonds are rough.

kitten

(in reply to tnt4us)

Post #: 18

RE: Keeping in touch with former Dom's/Masters - 11/19/2007 6:20:34 AM

shellzbythesea

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kellendra

Long time lurker/reader,nervous first time thread starter.

Having just read a thread in "Ask a Master" about wether Doms have an issue with their subs keeping in touch with former Doms, and having Dom friends etc...and it made me wonder.....
Do you?...if you do why do you?

i do.

i didn't for several years,though, because i was unsure of exactly why we broke up and a little hurt over that. But in time, although both of us moved, we both ended up in the same "new" city. He contacted me to let me know he was here, as well, but since he had/has a sub i did not pursue any type of friendship...not wanting her to feel threatened or disturbed by it. However, once i decided to come "back" to the lifestyle, i did seek his guidance and he's been very good to me. i'm now friends with his current sub and sometimes we'll all go to a local social together.

He was my first Dom and i will always hold a special place in my heart for him, but he is also aware that even though i seek and follow his advice right now...once i am serving my own Dom again...that relationship will take precedence. That's not to mean that we will discontinue our friendship, as we will not...it simply means i will rely on my own Dom for most guidance.

(in reply to Kellendra)

Post #: 19

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