InkedMaster
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Joined: 7/14/2007
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Teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Dirty Johnny. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then Dirty Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream . The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Dirty Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."
DIRTY JOHNNY ON MATH (Part 2)
Dirty Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father? "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies Johnny. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said!"
DIRTY JOHNNY ON ENGLISH
Dirty Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful." Dirty Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
DIRTY JOHNNY ON GRAMMAR
Dirty Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, 'Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Dirty Johnny, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger boobs, you'd be a TEN!"
DIRTY JOHNNY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully. She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on Dirty Johnny. "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"
DIRTY JOHNNY ON GETTING OLDER
Dirty Johhny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.? Dirty Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Dirty Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business.
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TOURETTE SYNDROME: It's no mother f*cking joke, you God d*mn c*ck sucking f*ck!
"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." - John F. Kennedy
-Owner of eyesopened- and damn PROUD of her!
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