TexasMaam
Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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TermsConditions:
It sounds as though you have a lot of fetish fantasies going on, and yes, from a fairly submissive point of view.
If looking a woman in the eyes is a struggle for you, it might not be so much a submissive trait as it is an inability to admit that you see this woman, or any woman, as a sex object.
One of the first things you might want to consider is trying to separate the two. Push your sexual fantasies away for the moment to engage the Woman before you on a human level, first. You can always have time to reminisce from a sexual point of view later on during the day, or night.
Men in general have sexual thoughts and fantasies every few minutes throughout the day, so that's not so unusual.
What is unusual is that you can't stop your circle of thought, probably because you don't want to. Think of your thoughts as a wheel. At the top of the wheel is a thought, or an imagining. You see a woman in boots and a skirt, and you think 'Hot!'. That thought invokes feelings, like the tingling in your cock, and your eyes drop and you struggle to look at her face. That invokes more feelings, like guilt, or shame, or embarrassment because you don't want her to know what you're thinking. The embarrassment thought invokes perhaps an image of a woman who is amused or pleased by your discomfort, and as the circle continues around the quarter mark you're body responds to that image by giving you goose bumps and engorging your cock further, which makes you think of going down on her and feeling her hand in your hair, pulling you into her snatch, and so on and so forth.
All thoughts/feelings/responses give rise to more thoughts/feelings/responses. If you're not aware of the process, and begin to focus on a specific repeat pattern, it simply creates a never ending 'video' in your mind.
The question is, do you want to 'stop' or modify the video to give you a chance to interact with this person on a real level for awhile? If so, tell yourself 'stop' and actively change your thought pattern. Interrupt the sexual thoughts by actually telling yourself the word 'stop, think sales revenue report', which will divert your mind to the subject at hand.
It's difficult at first, you have to stop, redirect, stop, redirect, over and over again until you can raise your eyes to her and address whatever the issue is at hand.
In the privacy of your home, later, or in the privacy of a 20 minute break at work, let your mind consciously wander to the 'video' again and enjoy the fantasies.
Just be sure to interrupt the video again with the 'stop' command, and the redirect to a more productive thought, so that you can continue to function at your job, with coworkers, in the marketplace, as you need to.
Some individuals are more focused on, or engaged in obcessive thought or fantasy than others, usually because they give their thoughts free reign without ever learning how to use the 'stop' command at appropriate times.
It's a matter of self discipline, chemistry and hormones. No two people are alike in that respect.
I think many of those of us who are Domme's are women who tend to focus on sex and fantasy much more than the average woman.
Some of us learn to control those thoughts but it takes effort and practice.
I'll give you a good example: There's a man at work who goes out of his way to call Me 'Ma'am', every time he brings a sales order for Me to approve. He bows his head, and approaches me in a very soft spoken way, handing Me his sales order with his eyes lowered, sometimes blushing. You guessed it: I have to say 'stop! focus! sales order!' or within moments I'll be drifting off to a very Dominant fantasy of My own, and will revisit My own little 'video' off and all throughout the day, imagining all sorts of delightful scenarios.
You didn't think obcessive thoughts were the purview of submissives, only, did you?
; )
TexasMaam
PS Let me gather a few thoughts on the origins of your fantasies and I'll post again soon.
quote:
ORIGINAL: TermsConditions
TexasMaam,
"Are you trying to say that you don't understand why you are having them, or that you don't understand the effect those feelings have on you? Or are you trying to say that you don't understand where the feelings originate from?"
Yes to all of these; I've tried to put some of these randomish feelings into words.
These I find confusing:
Why I cannot look a woman in the eyes without struggling?
When speaking to a woman all I can think about is me kneeling between her thighs with the smell of her sex on my face and lips, and her hands in my hair pressing me into her.
A woman in boots and a skirt will put me in a spin that will last the afternoon; I will just be lost in my head replaying images in my mind.
This I find frustrating:
When seeking pleasure the images in my mind are those of women finding pleasure in my discomfort, frustration and humiliation. And this is where it gets circular and exponential: To then be forced to acknowledge my pleasure from being frustrated and humiliated -- which is then far more frustrating, humiliating and pleasurable. Lather, rinse, repeat. And then my mind just goes "snap".
This I don't understand:
How in the world did this stuff get in my head? It's been there, in some form, for as long as I can remember. How is it these thoughts have the ability to disrupt and displace everything else?
This is a response to your post; there are other posts with slightly different tacks to which I have not yet responded.
Thank you for taking time to read this; I appreciate any insights you can provide.
_____________________________
~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~
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RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 
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