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ocilla -> RE: How not to be subby-like (11/16/2007 8:13:53 PM)
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Okay - just for fun - I made a half assed stab at adjusting these "man rules".
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down and now a woman has provided is interpreting…..
Please note… these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
Woman’s view: nice display of prioritization and discipline boys.
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
Woman’s view: that goes two ways – cough it up damn it.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Actual meaning: I (a man) don’t care if there is pee on every surface in the bathroom crusted over with mold no less. In fact – I am just as happy going outside and peeing on a tree. Whoopee gona mark my yard and write y name in the snow.
1. Sunday sports - It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
Actual meaning: We men are emotionally stunted and this is the only way we know how to connect with each other or express emotion.
1. Crying is blackmail.
Woman’s response: yes it is so cut it out will ya you big wuss – I’m not your mommy!
1.. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
Actual meaning: Request that women put our greatest need on the line so that men can then deny it or hold it over her.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Actual meaning: Man vocabulary is very limited – and he thinks he is being perfectly clear with yes or no answers. This works often in his work life because there are women cleaning up behind him and for half the pay and have been all his life. grrrrrr
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Woman’s view: yeah that goes two ways – and too bad your guy friends – if you have any - are not good for sympathy cause not buying the notion that guys can have “close non sexual women friends” ha! Not in a million years.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
Woman’s view: Why should you be accountable for your words? Sheesh.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
Woman’s view: Get a clue – you earn your keep by proving to us that we are awesome and hot no matter what our size.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
Actual meaning: Guy thinking “Communicating makes me uncomfortable and anything, anyway I can avoid being clear and direct or having to think about my words and actions is best”
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Actual man meaning: I am afraid I will look like a fool when I fail.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Woman’s view: That goes two ways.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
Woman’s view: nuff said.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Woman’ view: yeah until you begin talking about women’s bodies or lingerie – then you get very descriptive.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
Actual meaning: Its high time women get to itchin whenever too.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Women’s view: Hmmm, I think I’ll take a lover who cares.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Actual meaning: The answer is either yes or no as we have a very limited vocabulary.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really
Actual meaning: As long as her attire fits the Madonna or whore criteria.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
Actual meaning: We would rather die than admit a weakness or be vulnerable.
1 You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
Actual meaning: but not enough kinky outfits
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Woman’ view: and Pear, apple and hourglasses are fine shapes too. But that poor Patrick the starfish – that one is hard to find cloths for…
1. Thank you for reading this.
Actual meaning: I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you…..
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping..
Woman’s view: fuck that you will be sleeping on the cold hard floor at the foot of my bed – and you will like that too!
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