RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (Full Version)

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Sirsinini -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/16/2007 6:37:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CanICumSir

As far as the mentor thing goes, i was aiming for that because im aware that there are good people here and it's nice to speak with someone who has the knowledge to lend. im not asking to be collared or even submit. Infact, i can tell you, right now, my desire is Not to jump into something right away. Rather it's to hear what others have to say, take their words into consideration, think about it, and so forth. i am simply here for the knowledge and nothing more.  


Learn to mentor yourself.  As another said, take some time to read the boards and find someone who you respect, I always suggest a submissive, and ask their advice.

Sir's devoted property 



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/16/2007 7:47:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CanICumSir

im a slave in the PA area who just lost her "Master". Because of this i would like to find a Mentor to kind of get me back on track. But i wanted to know... How does one truely know if she/he is ready to open up and go on again? It may sound like a silly question but somedays im fine with the loss and other days it sucks. And with all the Fake Doms around here ((my respect goes out to the sincere ones)) how does one know who to open up to and build some type of bond with?
Thank You for taking the time to read.


Sounds to me as if you think that finding a mentor Dominant will keep you in that submissive state without any emotion being involved. And that is a possibility I suppose..but..it appears to me as if you are trying very hard to find a way not to deal with your loss..in other words you are in avoidance mode or..DENIAL...so do you think your ready to go on again????...Tempting



CanICumSir -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/16/2007 8:02:35 PM)

Well im very glad that someone is getting the point. You're right, i don't know if i want any emotion involved at this point but if i were to find someone sincere, i believe, i could get past this. There are a lot of good Masters out there and some of them have given me some very good insight off the boards. That is what im seeking, knowledge. 



eyesopened -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/17/2007 4:31:45 AM)

i'm not a Master but i understand that right now You don't want to get emotionally involved but still have opportunities to learn, grow, play and discover yourself.  The way to find that is to be honest and up front about it.  There are a plethora of good Dominants who do NOT want an emotional relationship.  You may want to look into your local munch groups and find someone safe and sane to become a play partner.  Going out on the internet looking for a "mentor" is not what i would recommend.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/17/2007 3:07:55 PM)

If you and a dating partner/lover had broken up, how would you know it was time to move on? Just 'cause he was a Master doesn't mean the response is different.

Also, consider that you don't nned what you think you do, meaning a mentor, in order to "carry on". Would you ask a someone, "Hey, will you mentor me in finding a new dating partner/lover?" Very unlikely. You might bounce ideas of a friend or ask their opinion, but you wouldn't find a mentor to help you date. Nor would you, if you're handling it in a healthy way, jump right into a new relationship in order to cover up the feelings of loss from the old one.

So, I suggest that you work through the feelings of the end of the relationship and carry on by yourself. By looking for a Mentor, you are setting yourself up to have a victim mentality that you "can't do it alone" or "make bad relationship choices." Learn from what happened and grow.

Master Fire



SexyBlackMan2 -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/17/2007 6:20:46 PM)

Hello
relationships in BDSM are similar to relationships in real life. Take your time. You have just suffered a loss. So, you are at your most vulnerable time. There are real Masters out that are willing to develop a friendship. Just give them a chance and don't rush into anything.



MasterCurios -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/18/2007 6:54:10 AM)

being a Mentor myself,i will say that a Mentor is/willbe someone who will try aand help you determine what is best for you yet let you make the decisions but in a responsible manner,you may not always like what is said(i believe in brutal honesty)but in the end it works the best.there are so many different things to do or say it depends on the individual.
finding someone that will listen you YOU and not the words means alot.

                                             Master Curios



ABMaster -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/18/2007 7:30:14 AM)

I suggest that you find a local bdsm group, attend some munches and other events, take your time to find out who is known to be honorable and ask that person to recommend someone who would be a suitable Mentor. Perhaps your ideal Mentor is a sub or a switch, or perhaps a Dom whom everyone agrees can be trusted. 



MasterCurios -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/18/2007 10:25:06 AM)

when finding a Mentor it does help to have a slave to help you along the way,someone to help sound things out or to rationalize things you may not understand.

                                                              Master Curios



masterhypnodom -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/19/2007 11:07:39 AM)

Okay, after looking at this thread here's my 2 cents worth.  I think that it's a relationship thing in general, not just a bdsm thing.  Everyone has to kiss a lot of frogs to find their prince.  You are young, and maybe a serious relationship isn't what you need right now, give yourself to readjust after your loss, it takes time.  I think that you should get to know and trust a person before asking them to mentor you.  People have different visions in their head as to what makes them a Dom, and then no-one lives up to the ideal anyway.  Be very clear what you are looking for and what you will not accept.  Communicate that right away and without hiding or hesitation, and if they are looking for something different say good luck and good bye.  Compremise on core issues does no-one any good, you won't change them and you'll hate yourself for changing to fit them.  Always remember free advice is worth what you pay for it.



ctrlaltdelete -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/19/2007 11:51:22 AM)

I have read some very good replies here, which would make it redundant to give a lot of the same advice all over again. But the one reply that really struck me included the question as to whether the OP desired a mentor to avoid hitting a D/s dynamic vacuum by not being in an owned or mentored relationship for even the briefest amount of time.

But it leads me to an observation about a great many of posts by subs/slaves, who mourn and/or bemoan the failings of a relationship, the inability to find someone real, or to simply not feel misunderstood/exploited/abused. I find it important for anyone in BDSM to realize that relationships in this dynamic (more so than in vanilla) are not and cannot be about instant gratification. (Yes, you can find all kinds of instant gratification if you are merely looking for casual and passing scenes that are merely intended to scratch all kinds of itches.)

But to truly grow and develop a meaningful BDSM relationship (so many here want to "find" them - you don't find them, they require work and commitment) it requires patience and a commitment to oneself. To what one expects and needs -not just now, but in 6 months and 6 years- instead of just going for the convenient quick-fixes.

OP - Take the time to "catch up with yourself", realize your growth and your changed needs, define what exactly you want - and then be patient in giving yourself the time to find just that (like Ron said: don't look at Jettas if you want a vintage Bug).



windchymes -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/19/2007 7:36:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CanICumSir

i seem to think that im using the term fake in good reason. Hypothetically speaking, lets say Master goes to work and leaves you detailed insturctions on what to do while He's gone. One of them being, change the bedding. Well, lets just say you go to grab some fresh sheets and you see a good amount of alcohol bottles lined up behind everything. And so you say to yourself "Ok, He's an adult, as am i so ill leave it be". BUT lets spin this and say that Master gets COMPLETELY drunk one night and insists on playing. So he grabs a crop, horse whip, flogger, whatever, holds you down, and proceeds to beat the shit out of you. Would you not consider that even a little fake? And again, i was hypothetically speaking. But if you had an experience such as that one wouldnt you question His seriousness about this Lifestyle? 


No, that's not a "fake Master".  It's an alcoholic.  And if I had an experience like that one, no, I wouldn't question his seriousness about this lifestyle.  I would question my own sanity about why I would even consider staying in any relationship with anyone like him. 



Qithoras -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/20/2007 6:18:24 AM)

After any relationship, you should first make sure you are comfortable with yourself before you seek to move on.

Every relationship we have, the good ones and the bad ones change us. Change is essential to learning and to growth, but we first have to accept and understand these changes within ourselves before we can be comfortable with them

It's not really a question that can be answered in a numerical figure, it's more Are you ready to grow?



dawntreader -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/20/2007 6:33:09 AM)

i believe we manifest our experiences, pleasant and the not so pleasant. Upon reading your profile, i am struck by negativity. If you are projecting this attitude in real life, i am sure you will attract the very thing you wish to repell; even in a "mentor".
 
may i suggest an attitude adjustment. Focus on attracting the positive things you wish into your life, giving no more thought to the negative. You already have a mentor...it is your higher self. It would be good to learn to listen to it before giving  that kind of power to another.
 
if you are looking to play and experience certain aspects of BDSM, the advice to get involved with a local group is very good advice~



Baroque -> RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please (11/20/2007 8:09:39 AM)

OP:  Mentor  =  a  more experienced friend.  Not some illustrious title.

You broke up with your boyfriend. You are sad. Bake cookies. Talk to friends. Walk your dog. Take a warm bubble bath. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Buy some new shoes. Clean out your drawers.

If you want a relationship and not a one night stand -
-why go hook up and get laid, by some dude in a bar?
-Why go "play" - get your ass beat by some "Master" you just met  "in a dungeon"? ( that's laughable!)

Why not have a life and not pretend to live inside some faux - fantasy game?

PS There are some real humans, though maybe few here?
<grin>




Good luck.






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