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Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 8:17:42 AM   
CanICumSir


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/12/2004
Status: offline 		im a slave in the PA area who just lost her "Master". Because of this i would like to find a Mentor to kind of get me back on track. But i wanted to know... How does one truely know if she/he is ready to open up and go on again? It may sound like a silly question but somedays im fine with the loss and other days it sucks. And with all the Fake Doms around here ((my respect goes out to the sincere ones)) how does one know who to open up to and build some type of bond with?
Thank You for taking the time to read.

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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 8:23:24 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Never mind all that shit.  What has been going wrong and why? What have you been seeking and how has what you've been finding differ from that?  Women, when horny give that shit away with both hands...including the heart and head......

Slow down, examine calmly what is why it is and how it needs improvement.  I see you are 23 years old, and not for relocation....definitely cuts into your options, but not in a bad way, really.  If you are looking for a black volkswagen bug between 68-72 don't sidetrack yourself looking at jettas....

Ron 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to CanICumSir)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 8:33:48 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Just like in any relationship, you need to take time off to mourn the loss of the dream, identify your own share of the blame in the failure of the relationship and discover exactly what you are and aren't looking for, and improve your screening process so you find out the dealbreakers before you've jumped into the sack.

Word to the wise, don't throw around the real/fake labels. After all, your ex is probably saying you're a fake right about now. There is no real/fake, there is only compatible. And no 'mentor' is going to be able to identify your top ten compatibility traits for you, that's something you need to do yourself.

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 10:37:26 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		cics,

Just drop back afor a few months, read the boards and learn more.

Good Fortune

CP

(in reply to CanICumSir)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 11:16:29 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Of course there are fakes on here. Don't fall for this pc crap that there are no real or fake. There are people on here who who are trying to scam others (Nigerian slaves come to mind), and others who have no intention of doing what they say they will do.
When you open up yourself, you are vulnerable to fakes as well as those who are truthful in what they seek. The best way to know the difference is to use your head as well as your heart. And do not ignore red flags!

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to CanICumSir)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 12:01:09 PM   
CanICumSir


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/12/2004
Status: offline 		i will take all that is written here into thought. Thank You all for the advice. 

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 12:13:52 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

Of course there are fakes on here. Don't fall for this pc crap that there are no real or fake. There are people on here who who are trying to scam others (Nigerian slaves come to mind), and others who have no intention of doing what they say they will do.


Somehow I don't think she was thinking of con artists, seeking to gain money illegally. If she was I apologise for somehow missing that reference. But usually the term fake is applied to someone who simply isn't compatible. IE, 'he wasn't a real master because he didn't hit me hard enough no matter how much I told him to'. God knows we see that around here more than enough.

Or 'all the women here are fakes because none of them have answered my form letters by sending me naked pics'.

Dominant and submissive are personality traits applied to interpersonal relationships. Neither one is a synonym for sadistic, masochistic, micromanaging, needing micromanagement, etc.

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 12:25:31 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CanICumSir

im a slave in the PA area who just lost her "Master". Because of this i would like to find a Mentor to kind of get me back on track. But i wanted to know... How does one truely know if she/he is ready to open up and go on again? It may sound like a silly question but somedays im fine with the loss and other days it sucks. And with all the Fake Doms around here ((my respect goes out to the sincere ones)) how does one know who to open up to and build some type of bond with?
Thank You for taking the time to read.


I am of the school of "take a step back, figure out what went wrong and what parts of went wrong are on you and what parts of what went wrong are on him.  Then figure out the same with the right parts.  Begin to look for ways to correct those things you did/do wrong, make a list of the things he did wrong that you do not want to deal with again, and mourn the loss of what was good".  When you have done all that, then begin to venture forth a bit again.  Too many people go from one relationship to the next and never figure out the whys and wherefores of the last one except for the superficial and/or immediate reasons for it blowing up. 

(in reply to CanICumSir)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 12:32:41 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CanICumSir

im a slave in the PA area who just lost her "Master". Because of this i would like to find a Mentor to kind of get me back on track. But i wanted to know... How does one truely know if she/he is ready to open up and go on again? It may sound like a silly question but somedays im fine with the loss and other days it sucks. And with all the Fake Doms around here ((my respect goes out to the sincere ones)) how does one know who to open up to and build some type of bond with?
Thank You for taking the time to read.




I dont see this as a bdsm d/s question or a mentor question, I see it as a question about greiving your loss.  Only you know when you are ready.  If you are having days that it still really hurts, you probably aren't.  Take some time off and as ron stated, figure out why it went wrong before, what, if anything you can do to address those issues in the future, whether you need to negotiate for yourself better in the future and when you are ready, I think you will know. 

There are a few prior threads here about mentors or "protectors" and while I'm sure some use this term and situation wisely and helpfully, what the posts have shown me is that many have had negative experiences with it.  You can talk to lifestyle friendly friends about things you are unsure about without a "mentor" however, the real answers to your questions are only things you know.

The kneejerk reaction you see here to the use of the word "fake" is that many use that word when someone doesn't agree to be what they want them to be.  It's not necessarily the case you mean it that way, I'm just explaining it the reaction to you as you're a new poster.

Welcome to the forums, as with any internet advice, take it with a grain of salt (mine included).

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to CanICumSir)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 1:20:27 PM   
CanICumSir


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/12/2004
Status: offline 		i seem to think that im using the term fake in good reason. Hypothetically speaking, lets say Master goes to work and leaves you detailed insturctions on what to do while He's gone. One of them being, change the bedding. Well, lets just say you go to grab some fresh sheets and you see a good amount of alcohol bottles lined up behind everything. And so you say to yourself "Ok, He's an adult, as am i so ill leave it be". BUT lets spin this and say that Master gets COMPLETELY drunk one night and insists on playing. So he grabs a crop, horse whip, flogger, whatever, holds you down, and proceeds to beat the shit out of you. Would you not consider that even a little fake? And again, i was hypothetically speaking. But if you had an experience such as that one wouldnt you question His seriousness about this Lifestyle? 

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 1:39:01 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Time to chime in. I may or may nor consider your example as indicative of "his seriousnesss about this lifestyle." Hell he could be super serious, but also have some issues that interfere with his ability to be capable of being a good dominant,. What I would question are some different things.
1-Why would you be with someone who hides things like that? If there is no trust there is nothing.
2-After you knew that there was potentially a problem with substance abuse (and lets be fair, most of us know that hiding bottles is a bad sign)why would you stay with a Master who shows signs of having an alcohol problem. That can be a fatal error.
3-My experience is that when moving from one relationship to another its best to take some time, sift through the emotions, learn from your mistakes and wait to find your center again before moving on. As a master I won't take someone who is still going through her last relationship. I have enough trouble sleeping  due to insomnia without having ghosts in my bed too.
4-Whats going on with you that you feel the need to have a mentor right away?The pain and mannerof his departure will fade, lessons will be learned, then move on, When you do be cautious going in.So many people fall to quickly into things that in retrospect have real red flags everywhere but ignore them out of hope, need and desire. I got news for you, BDSM isn't always a hotbed of mental health. Sometimes that statement includes me.Look for stability and ask these questions, then look eal close at what the person does, not what they say.
You're 23, don't be hasty.

(in reply to CanICumSir)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 2:50:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Being a dumbass asshole does not make someone a fake dom- it makes them a dumbass asshole who happens to also be a dom.  There are great doms and there are sucky doms.

Frankly if you would just say "Oh bunch of alcohol bottles under the sheets" and rationalize that away without direct communication then I say you've already got problems dealing with adult relationships and need to work on that first and foremost.

For the actual question- if you have to seriously ask if you know you're ready, then you aren't- certainly not to find a "mentor" let alone anyone else.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kana)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 3:19:39 PM   
CanICumSir


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/12/2004
Status: offline 		As far as the mentor thing goes, i was aiming for that because im aware that there are good people here and it's nice to speak with someone who has the knowledge to lend. im not asking to be collared or even submit. Infact, i can tell you, right now, my desire is Not to jump into something right away. Rather it's to hear what others have to say, take their words into consideration, think about it, and so forth. i am simply here for the knowledge and nothing more.  

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 3:33:53 PM   
CanICumSir


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/12/2004
Status: offline 		To answer your question about me wanting to be with someone who hides something like that, my answer is i wouldn't.  And remember, i wrote that hypothetically. Also everyone has things that they keep within themselves so its not possible to know EVERYTHING about someone right away.
On to the next question, when i were to find them, i wouldn't even question him. I would leave right then and there. im not a drinker, never was and never plan to be. i take care of my body and don't wish to ruin it.
As to your third question, refer to my last post about just being here for the knowledge.
i don't feel like i NEED anything right away. But how could one go wrong with a friendship?

(in reply to Kana)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 4:03:44 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well actually plenty of friends end up being fucked up relationships.  However, I think if you knew you just really want to meet people and make friends, you wouldn't have started this thread.  There's obviously something very clearly different that you see and want which you don't have now- even though part of you is saying it's not the right time or place.  You seem to have already made up your mind about this point anyway.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CanICumSir)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 4:53:28 PM   
goodandplenty


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline 		Here is a great way to separate the real from the fake.  If they claim to be experienced ask to speak live, (not by email or IM either) to one of their preset or former submissives.  If they can not do that they either have had  none or It ended badly.  Maybe make a place for the eager apprentice Doms out there so they don't have to make up fake resumes.
As to mentoring I had a master mentor me, find an experienced submissive to mentor you especially if you been badly used in the past a bad mentoring experience could sink you.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 5:11:39 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodandplenty

Here is a great way to separate the real from the fake.  If they claim to be experienced ask to speak live, (not by email or IM either) to one of their preset or former submissives.  If they can not do that they either have had  none or It ended badly.  Maybe make a place for the eager apprentice Doms out there so they don't have to make up fake resumes.
As to mentoring I had a master mentor me, find an experienced submissive to mentor you especially if you been badly used in the past a bad mentoring experience could sink you.


I can't honestly imagine requiring a former partner's current partner to disclose their identity in person to someone they don't know is appropriate or would even be considered by most.

You dont' need references, they mean nothing.  Anyone can say they were anything to anyone and trust me, there are people here that say things I think are insane are healthy so I'm not sure what good someone else's opinion on stability does.  What you need is to get back on your feet and use your head and take care of YOU before you find anyone else, mentor or partner.

good luck to you,

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to goodandplenty)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 5:25:02 PM   
CanICumSir


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/12/2004
Status: offline 		im starting to feel extremely repetitive now... is starting a thread looking for answers from experienced people something to be disregarded for? i havent made my mind up about anything.  Whatever it is that you think that i "see and want which i dont have now", please enlighten me because my point in asking this question was to start over a different way. ive never used these boards before. So i figured id try instead of sorting through time wasting emails. i believe thats a change. So if you're thinking otherwise then im lost at the point you're trying to explain. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 6:13:27 PM   
InkedMaster


Posts: 342
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CanICumSir

 how does one know who to open up to and build some type of bond with? 


common sense and women's intuition...

_____________________________

TOURETTE SYNDROME: It's no mother f*cking joke, you God d*mn c*ck sucking f*ck!

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." - John F. Kennedy

-Owner of eyesopened- and damn PROUD of her!


(in reply to CanICumSir)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Need a Master's Opinion Please - 11/16/2007 6:34:37 PM   
Sirsinini


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CanICumSir

i seem to think that im using the term fake in good reason. Hypothetically speaking, lets say Master goes to work and leaves you detailed insturctions on what to do while He's gone. One of them being, change the bedding. Well, lets just say you go to grab some fresh sheets and you see a good amount of alcohol bottles lined up behind everything. And so you say to yourself "Ok, He's an adult, as am i so ill leave it be". BUT lets spin this and say that Master gets COMPLETELY drunk one night and insists on playing. So he grabs a crop, horse whip, flogger, whatever, holds you down, and proceeds to beat the shit out of you. Would you not consider that even a little fake? And again, i was hypothetically speaking. But if you had an experience such as that one wouldnt you question His seriousness about this Lifestyle? 
 

He is just one foolish soul.  Dont lump one with all.
Metaphorically, dont throw the baby out with the bath water.
 
If anyone had to hide the booze, I'd be out in a flash.  Hypothetically.
 
Sir's devoted property

(in reply to CanICumSir)
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