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newbie question.. - 11/16/2007 11:37:52 PM

dreamywoman

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Joined: 3/29/2007
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I am a very new r/t submissive. I have found the almost perfect Dom. ( nothing is perfect! ) We are both married to very vanilla people. We don't intend to leave the spouses. Here's the question... When your entire relationship of D/S is based on respect, admiration, explicit trust and sexual fulfillment, how do you not fall in love with your Dom/sub? It's seems that it should be very difficult since the emotions and actions that make people fall in love are also what makes good D/S relationships.

Please ignore this if I am so new it's a laughable question. Dreamer...

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/16/2007 11:45:04 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamywoman

I am a very new r/t submissive. I have found the almost perfect Dom. ( nothing is perfect! ) We are both married to very vanilla people. We don't intend to leave the spouses. Here's the question... When your entire relationship of D/S is based on respect, admiration, explicit trust and sexual fulfillment, how do you not fall in love with your Dom/sub? It's seems that it should be very difficult since the emotions and actions that make people fall in love are also what makes good D/S relationships.

Please ignore this if I am so new it's a laughable question. Dreamer...

People will ask, so let's get it out of the way: are you both in open relationships? If not, this will only fuck you up, so spare yourself and end it quick if that's the case.

Don't confuse love of a person with fascination of a new experience. That will also fuck you up [I speak from experience, here...]

If you're open to explore and the feeling is real, there's no issue, really. Otherwise, the only answer I can give is: is the 'love' you're feeling more important to you than the relationships you both committed to?

Yeah, this is harsh. It's also meant as a reality check. You asked for one, so here it is...

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/16/2007 11:49:58 PM

sweetcreeangel

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You want an honest answer here's one be sure that you two have an open realtionship and be honest with them communication is the key not only you are bending your will to this person,so yes it is possible to fall in love with this person and want to be with that person 24/7...just make sure that this is something you can handle if not get out before one of you two get hurt

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/17/2007 12:38:49 AM

Estring

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Which is probably why it's not a good reason to get involved with someone who is married.

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/17/2007 4:08:11 AM

Cloudz

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dreamywoman - you state you are very new (which often means very vulnerable) you are both married (which can mean you both have a lot to lose on different levels) the "open relationship" question has already been asked so I will simply wish you good luck and a safe journey.

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/17/2007 11:44:40 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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For many people is it NOT possible to have a serious relationship without love being part of it. For the ones where it is- usually it's because they never internalized the value that the two MUST be combined, and are able to enjoy the pure experience without spreading it to some larger concept of "love."

I would also caution that you remember what your vanilla marriage has taught you- the love really doesn't help a relationship become fulfilling for you.

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/17/2007 1:26:22 PM

CelticPrince

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dreamy,

just as D/s operates within the vanilla word, so can your relationship with your Sir.

CP

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/17/2007 2:23:12 PM

southernhart

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If he is almost perfect. It is going to take over your life. So you aren't living in reality if you think you will be able to stay married to other people. They will find out and it won't take long. Serving a Master will change everything about you and your life. You will never be able to hide it from your spouse. Can't have your cake and eat it too.

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/17/2007 6:23:17 PM

SexyBlackMan2

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the basis of a healthy D/s relationship is one rooted in emotions. There has to be trust, happiness and fulfillment. Just be sure that you are not feeling the excitement of the "relationship" or caught up on sex. The grass may not be greener on the other side. If you lose what you do have, you are not assured you will gain anything.

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/17/2007 7:58:22 PM

FangsNfeet

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You said it yourself "Nothing is perfect." I don't care what anyone says, strings are always attached. Shit happens and love happens.

So the two of you fall in love but don't want to leave your other halves for each other. Keep it that way and call your arrangment a bitter sweet relationship. You always get to see each other when you are at your best and in the mood for being naughty.

Most of us want to love and can't help falling in love. When in love, you have three options. One, leave because you feel guilty about forbidden love. Two, keep things just the way they are because you know live this life exactly the way it is. And Three, be together in love and leave the ones you are not longer in love with. Sooner or later something is going to give. We can't tell you what to do. You're a big girl and the choices you make rest on you.

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/17/2007 8:08:54 PM

dreamywoman

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Thanks for the kind responses. And you are right... I guess I was believing it was just not ok to fall in love... I see, sometimes, it's just unavoidable. And there is always the problem of being in love with 2 people. It's possible and well, it's just the way it is sometimes.

Dreamy

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RE: newbie question.. - 11/17/2007 9:51:56 PM

secretagentgirl

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If you are wanting to stay in your marriage, then I would say your perfect (or most perfect) dom is one with whom you don't think you could fall in love with.
Someone you are sexually compatible with, but who has a few traits that make you realize you wouldn't want to actually shake up your life for that person.

I believe it can be done. Not everyone has to experience D/s as a total life-encompassing experience (in my opinion.)

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