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RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/19/2007 6:12:27 PM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

degradation~
   ::same stripping of clothes and same command to crawl ::
   you hear " because you are not worthy of being at my level, your clothes make you look fat and your taste disgusts me, take them off and assume your position below me"
 
   


See this would make me totally hot, lol.

But only because of my security in the truth of who I am as a woman and his slave.  Two years ago such a situation would have nearly destroyed me.  This is why these terms are so subjective and both situations in humiliation and degradation should be handled with such care.


: )   ohhh good....because that means I picked an example that really would excite someone who is excited by degradation...kewl.
 
Since he doesn't do degradation in our relationship > I always wonder about my perspective when I try to talk with others about it. 
Because it is not right for me in mine....doesn't mean its not right for someone else in theirs...
So my examples were only to clarify difference( or attempt) for Bethnai...not to judge those who do it..like it...get hot by it
 
thanks for your comment : )
 
 

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/19/2007 6:22:21 PM   
Bethnai


Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you, it does make more sense now.

(in reply to Cyntilating)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/19/2007 8:53:42 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

: )   ohhh good....because that means I picked an example that really would excite someone who is excited by degradation...kewl.
 
Since he doesn't do degradation in our relationship > I always wonder about my perspective when I try to talk with others about it. 
Because it is not right for me in mine....doesn't mean its not right for someone else in theirs...
So my examples were only to clarify difference( or attempt) for Bethnai...not to judge those who do it..like it...get hot by it
 
thanks for your comment : )
 
 


It's not something he normally did with anyone else, but something we grew into, based on my reactions and cravings for it.  He loves the way I respond to it, and uses it as a trigger to get the response he wants.  He doesn't do it all the time, or it might be damaging, but when he does....whew! 

I didn't take your post as a judgment.  I took it as a great example of degrading someone, and wrote what I did to illustrate it can be dangerously damaging for someone yet amazingly great for another.  There's a mindset I see, that degradation is wrong and abusive and bad.  And I think that it is, for many people.  But degradation should not always be assumed to be wrong and abusive and bad, because for wacky wafers like me, well...it's hot! 

(in reply to Cyntilating)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/19/2007 9:04:46 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

degradation~
   ::same stripping of clothes and same command to crawl ::
   you hear " because you are not worthy of being at my level, your clothes make you look fat and your taste disgusts me, take them off and assume your position below me"
 
   


See this would make me totally hot, lol.

But only because of my security in the truth of who I am as a woman and his slave.  Two years ago such a situation would have nearly destroyed me.  This is why these terms are so subjective and both situations in humiliation and degradation should be handled with such care.


: )   ohhh good....because that means I picked an example that really would excite someone who is excited by degradation...kewl.
 
Since he doesn't do degradation in our relationship > I always wonder about my perspective when I try to talk with others about it. 
Because it is not right for me in mine....doesn't mean its not right for someone else in theirs...
So my examples were only to clarify difference( or attempt) for Bethnai...not to judge those who do it..like it...get hot by it
 
thanks for your comment : )
 
 


I honestly dont see that as humiliating or degredating but very erotic.  Then again, I've had others tell me that wearing a collar alone is humiliating for them.  I guess it's all subject to our beliefs and who we are with.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Cyntilating)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/19/2007 9:26:43 PM   
MasterofScyn


Posts: 141
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		I've been degraded and humilated pretty much all my life threw peers and wanna be friends. That whole bully things that kids go through, pick on the loners and weaker ones. Not sure why they do that. but oh well.. That's life.. 
 
 Master is in the process of trying to build up my self esteem.. which is slowly getting better. But if we were to go this route, even in scene... I would just close up again. The walls he tore down would start building up, soon push him away. I couldn't handle handle this, maybe if I had a higher self esteem... maybe...
 
 But the way I am now. It wouldn't work to anyones advantage.
 
Scyn ~

_____________________________

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind always be at your back
May the sun always shine against your face
May the rain fall softly upon your fields
Until we meet again
May the spirits hold you in the palm of their hands

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/20/2007 4:03:24 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

: )   ohhh good....because that means I picked an example that really would excite someone who is excited by degradation...kewl.
 
Since he doesn't do degradation in our relationship > I always wonder about my perspective when I try to talk with others about it. 
Because it is not right for me in mine....doesn't mean its not right for someone else in theirs...
So my examples were only to clarify difference( or attempt) for Bethnai...not to judge those who do it..like it...get hot by it
 
thanks for your comment : )
 
 


It's not something he normally did with anyone else, but something we grew into, based on my reactions and cravings for it.  He loves the way I respond to it, and uses it as a trigger to get the response he wants.  He doesn't do it all the time, or it might be damaging, but when he does....whew! 

I didn't take your post as a judgment.  I took it as a great example of degrading someone, and wrote what I did to illustrate it can be dangerously damaging for someone yet amazingly great for another.  There's a mindset I see, that degradation is wrong and abusive and bad.  And I think that it is, for many people.  But degradation should not always be assumed to be wrong and abusive and bad, because for wacky wafers like me, well...it's hot! 


wacky wafer? 
ok, that one made me smile bigtime...
 
I think I might just qualify......may I borrow the term ??
 

 
 
 

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/20/2007 4:20:23 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

degradation~
   ::same stripping of clothes and same command to crawl ::
   you hear " because you are not worthy of being at my level, your clothes make you look fat and your taste disgusts me, take them off and assume your position below me"
 
   


See this would make me totally hot, lol.

But only because of my security in the truth of who I am as a woman and his slave.  Two years ago such a situation would have nearly destroyed me.  This is why these terms are so subjective and both situations in humiliation and degradation should be handled with such care.


: )   ohhh good....because that means I picked an example that really would excite someone who is excited by degradation...kewl.
 
Since he doesn't do degradation in our relationship > I always wonder about my perspective when I try to talk with others about it. 
Because it is not right for me in mine....doesn't mean its not right for someone else in theirs...
So my examples were only to clarify difference( or attempt) for Bethnai...not to judge those who do it..like it...get hot by it
 
thanks for your comment : )
 
 


I honestly dont see that as humiliating or degredating but very erotic.  Then again, I've had others tell me that wearing a collar alone is humiliating for them.  I guess it's all subject to our beliefs and who we are with.


absolutely!
   I'm sure there are a fair amt of people who think
  crawling...begging...kneeling in surrender..being spanked..tied down..kissing the hand of the one in authority...masturbating in front of someone.. losing control/giving control over..etc
are all too humiliating and embarrassing ..
 
   I just don't happen to be one of them
 
just one INSPIRED, happy & freeeeeeky little ( well, maybe not that little) woman..
 
  ooooooo   a wacky wafer!
smiling at Ownedgirl
 
 

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/20/2007 11:09:52 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

wacky wafer? 
ok, that one made me smile bigtime...
 
I think I might just qualify......may I borrow the term ??
 



Ha!  Why yes you may!  After being called mentally ill on these boards more than a few times, I decided to just label myself and make it easier. 

(in reply to Cyntilating)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/20/2007 2:11:33 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

degradation~
   ::same stripping of clothes and same command to crawl ::
   you hear " because you are not worthy of being at my level, your clothes make you look fat and your taste disgusts me, take them off and assume your position below me"
 
   


See this would make me totally hot, lol.

But only because of my security in the truth of who I am as a woman and his slave.  Two years ago such a situation would have nearly destroyed me.  This is why these terms are so subjective and both situations in humiliation and degradation should be handled with such care.


: )   ohhh good....because that means I picked an example that really would excite someone who is excited by degradation...kewl.
 
Since he doesn't do degradation in our relationship > I always wonder about my perspective when I try to talk with others about it. 
Because it is not right for me in mine....doesn't mean its not right for someone else in theirs...
So my examples were only to clarify difference( or attempt) for Bethnai...not to judge those who do it..like it...get hot by it
 
thanks for your comment : )
 
 


I honestly dont see that as humiliating or degredating but very erotic.  Then again, I've had others tell me that wearing a collar alone is humiliating for them.  I guess it's all subject to our beliefs and who we are with.


absolutely!
   I'm sure there are a fair amt of people who think
  crawling...begging...kneeling in surrender..being spanked..tied down..kissing the hand of the one in authority...masturbating in front of someone.. losing control/giving control over..etc
are all too humiliating and embarrassing ..
 
   I just don't happen to be one of them
 
just one INSPIRED, happy & freeeeeeky little ( well, maybe not that little) woman..
 
  ooooooo   a wacky wafer!
smiling at Ownedgirl
 
 


Damn you now you're just playing with me and I think I'm out of batteries! 

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Cyntilating)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/20/2007 3:33:41 PM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu

im curious to know if there are many more like me, who have degradation as a tough limit. i know the difference between humiliation and degradation, because i can handle humiliation, but when it comes down to being degraded, i just cant do it.
thanks to all..


i don't know that degradation is a limit - tough or otherwise - for me. Just that Chairman does not do it because He sees no benefit to either of us in it. Now humiliation He enjoys. Were He to ever feel the desire or need to degrade me in some way i would trust His judgment and believe there was some necessity for it in my training.

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to rubyleu)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/20/2007 5:43:35 PM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

degradation~
   ::same stripping of clothes and same command to crawl ::
   you hear " because you are not worthy of being at my level, your clothes make you look fat and your taste disgusts me, take them off and assume your position below me"
 
   


See this would make me totally hot, lol.

But only because of my security in the truth of who I am as a woman and his slave.  Two years ago such a situation would have nearly destroyed me.  This is why these terms are so subjective and both situations in humiliation and degradation should be handled with such care.


: )   ohhh good....because that means I picked an example that really would excite someone who is excited by degradation...kewl.
 
Since he doesn't do degradation in our relationship > I always wonder about my perspective when I try to talk with others about it. 
Because it is not right for me in mine....doesn't mean its not right for someone else in theirs...
So my examples were only to clarify difference( or attempt) for Bethnai...not to judge those who do it..like it...get hot by it
 
thanks for your comment : )
 
 


I honestly dont see that as humiliating or degredating but very erotic.  Then again, I've had others tell me that wearing a collar alone is humiliating for them.  I guess it's all subject to our beliefs and who we are with.


absolutely!
   I'm sure there are a fair amt of people who think
  crawling...begging...kneeling in surrender..being spanked..tied down..kissing the hand of the one in authority...masturbating in front of someone.. losing control/giving control over..etc
are all too humiliating and embarrassing ..
 
   I just don't happen to be one of them
 
just one INSPIRED, happy & freeeeeeky little ( well, maybe not that little) woman..
 
  ooooooo   a wacky wafer!
smiling at Ownedgirl
 
 


Damn you now you're just playing with me and I think I'm out of batteries! 





_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/20/2007 5:49:45 PM   
Rastimmipitwax


Posts: 69
Joined: 6/25/2007
Status: offline 		Some people consider it degrading and humiliating, some people consider it a kind of freedom.


(in reply to Cyntilating)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/20/2007 6:35:20 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		When done properly, with the right person, both can be totally erotic; I was like you, OP and thought no way in hell would I ever want to be humiliated or degraded.

Then, when I had experienced such scenes of major intensity that every time I think of them...I realized I changed my mind.

But the same activities done with someone else might not have that same result.

(in reply to rubyleu)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/21/2007 11:01:24 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I do not feel it's humilation, or humilating in the slightest bit or the lightest bit to be naked in a scene and the tops not.


quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyserves

Take for example, if you're okay with being naked while the dominant is clothed.  This is a fairly light form of humiliation but for some people it's so powerful there are entire libraries of videos and stories depicting it and it would probably be considered over the top by some.


(in reply to simplyserves)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/21/2007 11:55:37 AM   
simplyserves


Posts: 22
Joined: 10/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I do not feel it's humilation, or humilating in the slightest bit or the lightest bit to be naked in a scene and the tops not.


quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyserves

Take for example, if you're okay with being naked while the dominant is clothed.  This is a fairly light form of humiliation but for some people it's so powerful there are entire libraries of videos and stories depicting it and it would probably be considered over the top by some.




That was my point, some people wouldn't find that degrading while for others it would be. 

Humiliation is not feeling degraded, though.  It's feeling humbled.  Being degraded necessarily means feeling diminished or low.  While humility doesn't require being reduced, acknowledging and accepting one's position can sometimes mean being degraded. Alternatively if a person doesn't fully appreciate their own worth, then humiliation can be uplifting.

Being naked while another person is clothed is traditionally done to make a person feel humble, even if not to make them feel embarrassed or degraded.  For me being naked with the person I serve isn't embarrassing in itself, nor is it degrading, but it does inform me of my place and thus it is humbling since that place is beneath the person I'm serving.

Humiliation is seen as synonymous with degradation or embarrassment but it doesn't necessitate either of those things.  To talk about humiliation as being aside from D/s doesn't actually make sense, because it's interwoven inextricably in any form of power exchange, kinky or not.  Humiliation is the state of humility and D/s doesn't exist with out humility, it's only the degree to  and how one arrives at that humility that differs.

In the end it's a matter of semantics.  Some people use humiliation as shorthand for erotic embarrassment, while this isn't technically correct it is common usage.  If we used the term in it's original meaning it more accurately describes the psychological aspect to submission which is nether positive nor negative in it's own right.

< Message edited by simplyserves -- 11/21/2007 11:57:03 AM >

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/21/2007 12:01:27 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		What if the waiter was not amused and reported you and your master to managment for sexual harrasment?What if a police report was filed, by managment. Did he ever stop to think the waiter might take offense and you'd both get into an emense amount of trouble, maybe even thrown out of the hotel?
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

For example just over the weekend he was with me at my hotel and had me order room service.  I was to answer the door naked.  He took it a step further when I knelt down on the bed, by telling the waiter, "She's been showing those things off ever since she's been growing them" and then offering him a feel.  The waiter was most amused.  My ears and face burned with embarrassed excitement.


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/21/2007 12:07:45 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

What if the waiter was not amused and reported you and your master to managment for sexual harrasment?What if a police report was filed, by managment. Did he ever stop to think the waiter might take offense and you'd both get into an emense amount of trouble, maybe even thrown out of the hotel?
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

For example just over the weekend he was with me at my hotel and had me order room service.  I was to answer the door naked.  He took it a step further when I knelt down on the bed, by telling the waiter, "She's been showing those things off ever since she's been growing them" and then offering him a feel.  The waiter was most amused.  My ears and face burned with embarrassed excitement.




well, that is a whole other topic, about including other people non-consensually into YOUR kinks. I, personally, do not agree with doing so, but that is just my opinion.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 11/21/2007 12:08:28 PM >

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/21/2007 12:12:04 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		If Daddy wanted to enforce who's in charge and who' got the final say, he'd keep me dressed . Because he knows I am ahappy camper* most times* when naked, he knows I prefere nudity, he knows I dislike clothing, and most expesilly bra's and he knows my natural state is undressed. So He'd most definatly be expressing his power and authority over me to order me to keep my clothing on* grinning*  Just one more neay nuance a bout who a dominant can show his power over another huh:)
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyserves

For me being naked with the person I serve isn't embarrassing in itself, nor is it degrading, but it does inform me of my place and thus it is humbling since that place is beneath the person I'm serving.



< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 11/21/2007 12:20:12 PM >

(in reply to simplyserves)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/26/2007 1:00:41 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Bot degradation and humiliation are hard limits for me. Master does not like to do those thing anyway so it works out for us.

Matts littleone
(who cannot spell)

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: degradation as a tough limit - 11/26/2007 1:14:56 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I love both humiliation and degradation but they are perhaps one of the most misunderstood and poorly done "play" out there.

For most women, there is a vast difference between someone telling them "you are a  fucking slut" and "you are MY fucking slut".  The latter form allows a woman to shrug off the feelings of shame at a lifetime of being called/feeling like a slut for her desires because her partner cherishes her for it.

Understanding the difference between those two forms is often the difference between doing humiliation in a healthy vs. a destructive way.  You might turn someone into a "worthless piece of shit" for an afternoon but at the end, you had best return her to a "good" place emotionally.  That might involve some ritual, say a hot shower and oiling down afterward, or perhaps praising her for being a "good girl" for allowing you to play with your dark side. 

Midori's book "The Wild Side of Sex" has a great section on humiliation and is a must read for anyone interested in the subject.  She feels that people have emotional pillars that they use to support/create their sense of who they are.  You can play with some pillars easier and safer than others, some pillars you can't play with at all, and you almost always have to leave some pillars up while playing with others.

Translated that means for some women, you can call them a slut, force them to lick their piss up off the floor but call them stupid or Republican or some other horrible insult and they will spiral down into a very bad and ugly headspace.  In short, be prepared to take care of someone for a while, especially if you are pushing boundaries.  If you are playing with someone new or your skills aren't  up to snuff, go slow, talk a lot before and after.

Bottom line, I think humiliation play is off the table more often because of a lack of skill in the Dominant than of any real issue with this type of play.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 40
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