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outside of the bedroom - 11/17/2007 2:04:22 PM

bruisednbitten

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i've had issues in the past as a pro-domme with running into clients outside of session. it bothered me very little then, but my situation has changed since. for the most part, clients were respectful when they spoke to me at all; more often than not, they would avert their eyes and continue on their way. but i did get the occasional jackass who wanted to get a little brave outside of session. as i said - it was not an issue then, but my family situation has changed a lot since the first time around.

my question is this - how have you been received in public by those that know you privately?

i've been considering a return to pro domming, but i live in a fairly small town. should i just avoid taking on local clientele altogether? or should i make a point to always carry incriminating photos with me?

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/17/2007 2:14:28 PM

TenderMistress

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In all honesty, I'd say since you're in a small town, that to go back to Pro-Domming you are going to want to do it outside of your location. If it were me personally, I'd travel outside of the town completely for the training sessions. Small towns generally are like a spreading grass fire on a windy day, especially when it's something that some people consider controversial.

Luckily for me, I'm no longer *in* that small town!

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/17/2007 2:45:03 PM

BoiJen

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Firstly...no matter what state you're in...if there are UM's in your household..don't do your sessions there. Some women know first off not to some need to be told. You're getting told...don't do it...you'd be asking for trouble.

Secondly, tell your clients from go not to approach you in public unless you approach tehm. And then if you choose to approach them that keep strictly to the subject matter at hand.

Personally I happen to be VERY open in my community. I'm out all togather at work and to my family and friends. And look! I still have a job and everything! WOW!...Anyways....yes there is an appropriate time and place for every conversation. Most people who see me and know me for my demos know if they have a specific question about anything lifestyle and I happen to not be in that space that they can simply ask for my email. I'll give it to them and they can ask whatever they need to ask me. Also, anybody who knows me outside of the demos and my public play life knows the proper rules and manners of talking in "vanilla" public. Most adults do. Sometimes they need a reminder.

If a client of MsK's were to ever approach Her outside of a session they'd no longer be Her client. Period. She doesn't need their money She wants it. And frankly I'll have their asses. They know it..."the clean up boi handles that..." type thing. (Cuz I do clean up after Her sessions) She is out to Her family and most of Her friends and selectively at work. I still don't wish for Her to have an awkward situation to deal with.

As a side note...if you have a personal servant...and those guys get to bugging you about being a personal servant to get out of paying tribute...tell them the thing that makes the personal and professional "servants" different is that the personal servant surrenders ALL of the pay check AND cleans up the mess. The professional "submissives" can leave the rest at the door when they leave.

And that's my standard line.

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/17/2007 3:49:25 PM

MasterFireMaam

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You can set up limits with your clients about how they should, or should not, interact with you outside of the session. If they don't follow the rules, they can't come back. Or, if they behave appropriately and you are appreciative, offer a small discount or other reward the next time they have a session.

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/17/2007 4:58:25 PM

bruisednbitten

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1 - i do not now, nor have i ever, nor do i ever plan to hold sessions in my home.
2 - i am out to friends and family, with the exception being to the underage (for obvious reasons).

it's not been an issue recently, which i actually attribute to being in a small town. because it's somewhat common knowledge what i do/have done, anyone who makes reference to it has far more to answer for than i do. i do remember that when it happened in past experiences, those were clients who rapidly ceased to be clients. in my mind it's a respect issue - not necessarily Domme to sub, but human to human. and it was always the repressed college boys who wanted to show off for their buddies - which is actually a big part of why i don't take on younger subs without a lot of persuasion and justification and evidentiary proof of involvement in the lifestyle (i've actually gone so far as to get referrals from a sub's former domme/s).

and i'll definitely keep in mind to work in a different area from where i live - thanks.

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/17/2007 5:44:02 PM

MamaDomme

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I've never had a problem in the past, and frequently have also lived in small towns. My clientel is very selective, and most have had jobs or positions that would suffer greatly if it were discovered that they had such alternative adventures. That has always been enough to keep them quiet.

The best was one of my clients later became an adversary, of sorts, in a court setting-- I was a paralegal and he was an opposing attorney. He was terrified the entire time and when we later met in private, his "tribute" was very enjoyable. Up until we met in the courtroom, he had no idea what I did for a living in the real world.

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/17/2007 6:15:50 PM

bruisednbitten

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MamaDomme

I've never had a problem in the past, and frequently have also lived in small towns. My clientel is very selective, and most have had jobs or positions that would suffer greatly if it were discovered that they had such alternative adventures. That has always been enough to keep them quiet.

and that's pretty much true now. even more to the point, i've noticed that a good bit of my client base is married men. i figure any troublemakers will disappear when i have them take consent forms to their wives (tends to cull the herd, so to speak).

quote:

ORIGINAL: MamaDomme

The best was one of my clients later became an adversary, of sorts, in a court setting-- I was a paralegal and he was an opposing attorney. He was terrified the entire time and when we later met in private, his "tribute" was very enjoyable. Up until we met in the courtroom, he had no idea what I did for a living in the real world.

really, that's a laugh riot! makes me wish i were studying law and not fashion...

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/17/2007 9:02:22 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I don't have an issue with *speaking* to clients in the vanilla world, I have a professional job, and reserve my fetishwear for the play zone. Nothing wrong with a friendly greeting. JUST a greeting. Still, many of my clients were married guys! How likely would it be for them to want to acknowledge me?

If you are in a small town, I do recommend that you have a studio far from home in an urban area. Safety first.

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/18/2007 3:31:20 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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In my experience, pro-dommes are extremely discreet. If a client and his pro-domme bump into eachother in the street, the pro-domme will not say hello first. If the client says hello, she says hello with the warmth and charm of an acquaintance. If he wants a chat, she may or may not have time to stop (her choice)

It seems bizare that a client would "out" his Domme in the street. Surely a cold stare and saying "I have no idea what you are talking about" is enough?

Having said that, we have a male pro Dom in Melbourne whose day job was as a ticket inspector on public transport. One day a gay boy was on the pro-Dom's tram (without a ticket) yelling "beat me, whip me, give to me, Master!!!" and spanking his own arse.

It was funny......but needless to say, the other travellers were very weirded out. Surely the usual fine for fare evasion would suffice?

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 11/18/2007 3:32:43 AM >

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/18/2007 5:43:50 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bruisednbitten

my question is this - how have you been received in public by those that know you privately?

I'm not a pro dominant so I can't answer from that perspective but I am an author, book reviewer, and educator when it comes to BDSM plus this is a big part of my life, one half of my current family is owned by me for example.

Since I publish and do all of this under my name, the same name I teach history under or pay taxes under, I'm pretty much out. Most of the time when I meet people they simply smile and say "hi." Only once or twice has it been an issue that was easily dealt with by my pointing out that this is me and I'm certainly don't hide it nor am I ashamed of it.

People who want to make a negative deal about are hoping they can get power over you. When you are just happy and yourself you very easily strip them of that ability.

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/18/2007 7:38:30 AM

MisPandora

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This sounds as though it's a matter of proper housekeeping as a business professional. Set up expectations with your clients as to how you care to be addressed or not addressed outside should the chance encounter happen . Create a verbal contract of behavior that is BILATERAL meaning that you will also uphold a certain level of professionality, to include not acknowleging them, not contacting them except on certain agreed methods, etc, you can effectively manage most situations. (This works in almost all instances except the stalker!)

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/18/2007 7:42:06 AM

MisPandora

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*blinks* I just did a double-take on the title of your thread.

Outside of the BEDROOM?

Not to get too personal, but maybe you might want to rethink doing sessions in a bedroom if you're a pro. That creates an image that the client may get too familiar with you (well, unless you're doing full service....) and perhaps you're not creating a proper boundary with your clientele???????

Or maybe you really didn't intend to write BEDROOM and equate that with prodom sessions?

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RE: outside of the bedroom - 11/18/2007 1:27:13 PM

bruisednbitten

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

*blinks* I just did a double-take on the title of your thread.

Outside of the BEDROOM?

Not to get too personal, but maybe you might want to rethink doing sessions in a bedroom if you're a pro. That creates an image that the client may get too familiar with you (well, unless you're doing full service....) and perhaps you're not creating a proper boundary with your clientele???????

Or maybe you really didn't intend to write BEDROOM and equate that with prodom sessions?

i actually had the same thought after i'd already posted the thread, but at that point it was too late to be changed. it's funny that you're the only one who's ever commented upon it.

but no, i'm not full-service. not to knock those who are, but it's not by cup of tea per se. and as i've said, this is all in the hypothetical currently. thankfully it's a non-issue as my small client base is made up of those who've followed me across the country from years ago and a few new customers.

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