Cutting Ties

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Cutting Ties - 11/18/2007 5:16:56 AM

bostontwo

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We're still a bit new to playing with other people, and until now haven't had a problem with anyone we've met. However, we do now find ourselves in a situation where we wish to sever ties with a dominant couple, due to personality issues with one of the two (which sadly, precludes further play with the other).

What would be the best way to cut ties with minimal drama? We normally wouldn't really care, but the likelihood is that we'll encounter these people and their friends frequently in the local scene. Should we just stop responding to them, make up benign excuses, or be brutally honest and say that one of them seriously bothers us? We've only played sporadically and have no real ties to them. But we would like to maintain silent civility in social settings, and also have a slight fear of reprisal against our own reputations.

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RE: Cutting Ties - 11/18/2007 5:36:14 AM

unravel

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That's not an easy situation, but i would avoid "benign excuses" and without being too rash say with not necessarily a lot of details (for instance i am not sure i would explain specifically that this is due to one of the Two partners) that after reflection this is not working out for you two, and that you prefer parting ways now before feelings can get very hurt...
Good luck!
unravel

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RE: Cutting Ties - 11/18/2007 7:11:27 AM

MsLilac

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That is a difficult situation.

You could go the easyish route and be lapse in your correspondence, and move on politely, but quickly when you do come in contact with them - basically, go cold, and they would probably get the message. But I would not recommend this at all, as regardless of how fleeting our contact, it is not nice being treated like this.

Considering what you said, I also wouldn’t suggest the brutally honest way either, nobody takes kindly to being told that about their perceived faults, and will likely (at best) get defensive.

I suggest a non encompassing truth. Something along the lines of, ‘we‘ve had a great time with you two, but we feel it is time for us to move on‘. Or you could try the even less encompassing, ‘at this moment in time, we don’t wish to play with others‘. If they push you for a more specific reason, and you wish to give it, then I would tell them the sugar coated truth of, ‘personality clash’.

Whatever happens, good luck, and I hope it is amicable.

< Message edited by MsLilac -- 11/18/2007 7:12:56 AM >

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RE: Cutting Ties - 11/18/2007 12:36:11 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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What do vanillas do? If they invite you out, yes, give benign excuses. Don't invite them to do stuff. Keep social chatting minimal and bland. If they ever one day actually get up the gall to ask about it, just say you didn't really feel a connection.

No need to sever when distance and polite excuses will suffice.

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RE: Cutting Ties - 11/18/2007 2:20:31 PM

kc692

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I'm sorry, on this I disagree; I think that the fact that you played, although there are no ties, overrides departing with distance and polite excuses, and hoping they just give up....that is confusing to them, and kind of rude to them, even if they don't know it. If the situation were reversed, how would you want them to accomplish this with you? I don't think it would be gall on their part to ask and wonder....if you have played, that is a bit different than having a cup of coffee, no matter how "vanillas" would do it. I would not appreciate it if "vanilla" friends were not honest with me either.

I am of the opinion that you should nicely without horrid details that might be hurtful let them know that the dynamic is not working as well as you had hoped, and you wish them luck, because that is the honest way to do things, and probably what you would expect from them. They have friends too you said; would you want to get the rep of kinda fading when playing? That's the "preservation" reason.

Do to them what you would like for them to do to you if the situation were reversed.

Edited to add: Of course be polite!!!

< Message edited by kc692 -- 11/18/2007 2:23:19 PM >

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RE: Cutting Ties - 11/18/2007 5:46:48 PM

batshalom

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I'm with LA on this. Just distance yourself and remain aloof. If they don't get the hint or if they question you about it, then give an honest answer.

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RE: Cutting Ties - 11/18/2007 6:33:52 PM

kc692

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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just wonder how you would feel if that were done to you? I suggested the way I would like to be treated if I was in the couple's shoes. I wonder how many would truly like the aloof polite cold shoulder treatment on their end.

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