quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

There is a difference between having Rules and How those rules are Introduced into the relationship.  Most fail rather quickly because they throw the book down on the desk and say.... follow this!   It would be no different than putting a high school math book on the desk of a elementary pupil.... Do this!   Knowing how to develop a relationship and incorporate the rules is not something can be done without some consideration  of those in the relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mastertarlthered

I have to admit that I have sooo much to learn.

Um, yes Sir you do. That's the first rule ;)

And I can't thank those of you who replied to my post, enough for taking time out to enlighten me.

I realised soon after not recieving a reply from the sub in question, that it was a big mistake to have sent her the rules and positions so soon.

And I have to admit that yes maybe those rules and the positions are part of some sexual fantasy I have maintained all the years since I read those Gor books.

Earth to Gor..Earth to Gor..do you read me?

And maybe it is time to put them to bed. Or at least most of them. Lol

Since the first time I posted my profile I have adjusted much of my profile to reflect both my preferences and those of those subs who's profiles I had viewed.

I do wish to pursue a F/T 24/7 Master/slave relationship with a sub in reality.

Wonderful! Please think in reality. Know your own preferences, limits personal rules. Please remember - you seek an earthling type girl.
What in the world did she do before... you thrust your 4,335,691 rules before her?
Please think and go slowly... these are kind words of advice.

I have and do realise that any relationship I do pursue is as much about the subs preferences as my own. Well, yours may be more important, just remember she is unique and is for YOU. That's a compliment, YOU are unique, as should be your rules.

I fully intend to enter into a period of negotiation with any intended subs both here and eventually for real before I begin setting down any kind of structure.

The suggestions about starting small where rules are concerned are I can now see very important in a relationship.

Beginning with a few implicit instructions, and building from there.

Yes, know your mind - but please make sure the rules fit the girl.
Would you buy a pair of shoes before you know your size?

My main problem concerning rules and not having any is that coming from a fairly rule orientated backgroud what with my family, public school and naval career. It would feel wierd not to have any.

Not that I personally was ever very good at following those rules myself.

Excuse..? You can't follow rules, yet you seek to enforce rules on another?

I was always a rebel. lol
LOL!

As such I can fully understand why a sub may feel hemmed in by them.

But then, forgive me but to some degree thats what "slavery" is about.
It's about people, Darling. "Slavery" comes next.

Thanks again. Iain.

Good luck Iain!

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Hi Julia,
 
Yesterday, I had all these thoughts in my head about this post and with the news we received in the afternoon, I lost them all.  I am going to try this again even though the thread appears to be dead.
 
I did not take Sinergy’s comment as a slam.  I saw it as one small piece of a multi-faceted concept, submission.  In the relationship with my Lord we were once at a point along our path where he watched for a desire to please.  He paid attention to whether I was internally motivated to do what he likes.  He would state a preference, “I like when you do X”.  Then he would wait to see if I continued to do what he liked.  My effort to do that communicated my desire to eventually submit to him. 
 
Neither of us saw it as me submitting to him.  In order for us to perceive submission, other components have to exist.  My desire alone was not enough.  If he does not exercise authority then I cannot submit.  Simply stating his preference does not exercise authority since it is my decision on whether to do his preference or not.  Also exercising his authority alone is not enough for submission to exist.  When he exercises authority, I have to do his will. 
 

Setting up rules, expectations and giving instructions is a means for the dominant to exercise authority.  This is another piece of the puzzle that to me has to exist in order for submission to occur.  Hence the additional question I asked.
 
Yes, the desire to submit needs to be there but the dominant also needs to exercise authority.
 
I could write for hours about my thoughts on this, but I have to start getting ready to move  *g*

Knight's Kyra

quote:

ORIGINAL: mastertarlthered

I get the distinct impression that many subs are put off by a Dom who tells them he has rules that they would be required to follow to the letter.

They don't mind submission, humiliation, bondage, gratuitous sex and pain as long as there are no rules, if not only a few they must obey within a relationship.

Personally I can see no way of pursuing a Master/slave relationship where there are no rules.

Maybe it is the style of rules that is the problem, as I favour rules that are intrinsically stylised.

Such as the "Gorean" style slave rules and positions.

I began an initial communication with a "slave" on TSR. She seemed just about perfect. She wanted all of the same things I want from a Master/slave relationship including the most extreme forms of control and personal humiliation. But then when I mentioned I had an extensive set of rules for her to follow, she backed off so fast I thought she may have been abducted by aliens. Lol

If anybody has any thoughts on this subject and would wish to share them with not only me but the world, please feel free to post on this thread.

Thankyou.

Iain aka Master Tarl.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Thank you, laurell.

I did not take any post here as a negative towards my relationship.  I think for most people the goal is to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship.  Thankfully, there is no cookie cutter approach to it either.  I find the differences to be fascinating and I enjoy hearing about them and sharing what works for us.

Hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Knight's Kyra