Vanilla to D/s, a dificult road.

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Vanilla to D/s, a dificult road.

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Vanilla to D/s, a dificult road. - 8/9/2005 1:32:42 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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i met my fiance when i was a teenager and he was my first man, we have been together since. Both were interested in BDSM but i belived all i wanted was to have a bit of kinky sex now and then to spice up the sexlife, but aboute a year ago we begun to think aboute having a relationship where he is Dom and i am sub 24/7, but we have met many dificulties on the way. One of them is that i in paticular find it hard to change everything, i want a 24/7 D/s relationship, for the submission became so mutch more inportant than the kinky sex, but i find it hard to start living like that. Do anyone have any advice for how to make the transition from vanilla relationship to a D/s relationship more easy.

edited to right a typo.

< Message edited by nella -- 8/9/2005 1:34:25 PM >

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RE: Vanilla to D/s, a dificult road. - 8/9/2005 1:44:51 PM

Isolde

Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline

Baby steps.

I've been going through the same process and have mentioned before how difficult it is to change an existing dynamic. It's far easier if you just add a little here, a little there, and then a little more once both of you have adapted and become comfortable with the new things you have between you. To go from the occasional kinky sex to 24/7 is a huge jump. I think it's better to make that transition slowly so the difficulty is more manageable.

So maybe you could start by just adding small, special rituals every day. Some things that I do...I'm always at the door when he leaves and when he comes home. I end my day, every day, with words that have meaning to us and a kiss. They're just simple acts but they're intended to show my devotion, and it works.

I am hoping I'm given more things to do but...baby steps. It can't hurt to go slowly and carefully forward.

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RE: Vanilla to D/s, a dificult road. - 8/9/2005 2:09:25 PM

masie

Posts: 27
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

hi nella

its not easy, it takes time and patience, for me having no knowledge of the lifestyle before, although my Master had, was adjusting to putting my needs and wants aside and to put His first. I coped with it by focusing on one aspect at a time learning, communicating with Master until it became second nature and then moving on to something else and eventually it all clicked into place. It was by no means easy and there was many rough times (still are) but even many more greater times.

Take it one step at a time, enjoy it, talk about what your feeling any worries you may have, i kept and still do keep a journal, that helps a great deal

good luck

masie

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RE: Vanilla to D/s, a dificult road. - 8/9/2005 2:18:07 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Don't think of it as changing everything. After all 90% of the time in public I look and act just like any ordinary vanilla chick.

Instead let yourself be inspired by your natural urges. If you see an opportunity, grab it. D/s isn't about specific acts, it's simply a dynamic that flows through everything. Feel it starting to flow forward, in the little choices, the big choices, the reactions...it's a process.

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RE: Vanilla to D/s, a dificult road. - 8/9/2005 4:54:19 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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Thank you all for the advice. we are tyring to take it slow, but i know that somtimes i panic and thinks, my dear, what am i getting myself into, other times i feel perfectly relaxed and it feels so natrual to be submissive. my Dom is werry consious on the fact that we shall continue to be best frinds and lovers, but somtimes i feel that it become dificult to act like before, when the power between us is different.

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RE: Vanilla to D/s, a dificult road. - 8/9/2005 5:05:41 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
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I'm with them. Slow and easy does the trick. Try not to get too frustrated if one of you's progress is slower than the other. People develop at different rates. Just be there for each other and it can be a truly fun path of self-discovery.

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RE: Vanilla to D/s, a dificult road. - 8/9/2005 5:28:10 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

thanks for the advice. i have aspergers syndrom, that is a light form of autisem, so i have paticular problems whit adjusting to new situations, but i guess that in time we will make it.

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