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stella41b -> RE: One D/s relationship after another (11/19/2007 11:15:18 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Gee, I wonder why some people are so unable to communicate (not that I am judging here) that one person after another misunderstands them? Or how do they remain so clueless as to wonder why so many OTHER people can't understand the obviously perfectly clear language they use?
I'll come in on this if I may as I feel I'm able to answer both questions.
Getting into any sort of relationship whether it's a vanilla relationship or BDSM requires a certain amount of time and emotional investment. None of us are mindreaders or clairvoyants, and the way we see ourselves may not necessarily be the same way as others perceive us.
I speak for myself here, I'm a TS female defined as being female, lesbian and submissive. Only not everyone is prepared to accept me as being all these three things and being a TS I've gone through a pretty long term major identity and gender crisis caused by my past and childhood which has only recently solved itself. I went through a long cycle of deceiving myself and through this deceiving others, so therefore all of my relationships were doomed to failure, and evidence of this can be seen from the fact that the relationships I have had with Dommes as a service submissive without any sexual or emotional involvement have become friendships which stand the test of time. I never had any bad intentions, I just didn't work out who I really was, what I needed or found the way to be able to communicate it to another person.
But this is me and this is just one example, and I'm sure you can find hundreds of other such examples if you look around. Nobody is perfect, we all have a past and we all have to some degree issues, some more than others.
Theory is always easy, which is why it's always so easy for us to apply our knowledge of life to other people and make judgments.
But practice isn't so easy. You cannot ever enter into any sort of relationship without risking its failure. It's also in my opinion totally insane to enter into a relationship honestly believing that you're never going to be fooled or that you're never going to make any mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes, mistakes are a necessary part of life, and without them you're never going to find success, happiness or love. Mistakes aren't popular however because unlike a loaf of bread mistakes can cost us far more than we think they will, and it can take just one mistake to destroy a relationship. But a mistake can also be seen as an opportunity to learn something, if we take it. The problem is some lessons are harder than others, and some lessons can only be learned through other people. Therefore in some cases some people are doomed to making the same mistake over and over again until they find the right person who can help them learn the lesson.
It's so easy to make judgments about other people based on your knowledge of life and relationships, but are you prepared to try and understand that person on their own terms? And are you also prepared to allow that person live their own way, rightly or wrongly, and allow them the freedom to be able to make their own mistakes and learn from them? And this I feel is the challenge that we all face when entering into a new relationship.
As for the terms Mistress, Master, Sir, Goddess, slave, girl, these are nothing more than terms of endearment and respect in a BDSM relationship, assigned by you to a particular person with a particular meaning to express or symbolize a particular feeling. Outside the relationship these terms have no meaning. Therefore how someone else chooses to use that term with someone else is something I feel which is to be respected, it is beyond discussion even and shouldn't be called into question.
There's a lot to be said about taking people at face value, and learning to understand them and see the world through their eyes before making judgments about them.
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