RE: Ladies, A bit confused?

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RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/25/2007 9:56:08 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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RED FLAG, don't ignore it.

Anyone who would publicly emasculate their evening companion, unless the humiliation tactic is understood and agreed to in advance, is simply a boorish snob.

Unless you got a big charge out of it, take heed and walk away. You won't change her.

TexasMaam

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RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/25/2007 10:11:27 AM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
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spirit: From the tone of your post, it seems that you are more confused and dismayed than aroused. That's a bad thing, isn't it?

Also, it's very obvious that this relationship isn't vanilla. It's DS--it just isn't self-aware, well-negotiated DS. I tend to think it's not good to be with people who insist that a relationship is vanilla when it's blatantly not. It seems unsafe, emotionally and physically...how can you negotiate the boundaries of a relationship when your partner doesn't admit that there is a power exchange going on?

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RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 12/24/2007 6:18:32 AM

spirit1975

Posts: 24
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Always a bit sad when a relationship comes to an end but even more so at this time of year but it needed to happen. And now the search begins again

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RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 12/24/2007 6:28:58 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Awww I'm sorry spirit. You have the right attitude though, good luck!

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RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 12/24/2007 1:14:35 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
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Gosh you sound as a true

and beautiful submissive

It would be awesome to be treated as a true Queen,

grinz.

Well I just read the end of your question, and I read it's over.

One day soon you'll meet Her when you'll least expect it.

stay beautiful spirit1975.

I wish you enough.

Merry Xmas

GoddezzT`

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RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 12/24/2007 3:16:00 PM

AnnabelHell

Posts: 36
Joined: 10/14/2007
From: Columbus, Ohio
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Most relationships regardless of if they are lifestyle or not have D/s in them. One partner naturally "wears the pants" or is more Dominant. For some, like my parents for example, this never transfers to sex, and it never gets identified as what we all know. My mom is naturally Dominant. Extremely Dominant and my step-father is her natural slave. If you suggested this to them they would be appalled. It is never the less true. I don't think they've ever had kinky sex (and if they have I do not want to know about it lol) but they are certainly very naturally Dominant and submissive even if they aren't aware of it.

You are exhibiting natural traits in your relationship. You shouldn't be ashamed of it, or change it unless she communicates to you that it makes her uncomfortable. It is better to let things occur naturally than to try and push them. If you want to talk about it you can always try letting her know how you feel and see how she reacts. She may, however, simbly become aware of her own natural Dominance through being with you. This discovery can be an amazing thing. Either way, enjoy.

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RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 12/26/2007 3:12:02 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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Isn't it all so very confusing lol.
Relationships have a habit of happening and then ending without the other partner being aware half the time of what is going on in the other person's mind.
I spent 16 years in a marriage only to find out what it was all about for him in the last few days of the relationship.
Sounds to me as if it had been over for her for a while and she was just playing with you to see how far she could push you.
Some women despise submissive men. They see them as weak which of course some of them are.

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RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 12/27/2007 11:05:33 AM

EvilGenie

Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
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Spirit,

I have read this entire thread and what I take from it is that she was domineering, not a Dominant. My mother is a domineering pain in the ass who will sing my praises one minute and then embarrass me in the next breath. I was raised seeing 'domineering' every day though someone who is domineering is actually someone very out of control of themselves. My being a Dominant has nothing to do with domineering or being raised as I was save knowing that a woman could be very strong.

Sad, yes though better for you. Domineering folks aren't people I tend to want to know. Not from past history and present from my mother but simply as I view them as dangerous individuals, takers and at times, abusers. mine is very much like you and we don't do the active humiliation thing. I appreciate all that he does for me and neither he nor I could imagine our marriage working any other way.

I do speak from a nearly pure D/s relationship that contains little, though some, kink/bdsm.

I Wish You Well,

EG

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RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 12/29/2007 9:53:57 PM

VeryCurious07

Posts: 45
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spirit1975

Thank you all for the replies(much appreciated) and all is well in fact all is better than well it is in fact fabulous first thing my girlfriend said when walking through the door "Where is Dinner?" followed by a wink and a kiss......I am in heaven! and I never want to leave LOL.

Seriously after a few duff months this really is a magical feeling and on another note, how do I change my atavar thingy to my own pic? All the choices I have are of dogs, cats, Flowers etc?

I think that you have done something that most people who have varying fetishes they want to share with a partner should sit up and take notice of. I have the gut feeling that most people, when trying to get their significant other into the lifestyle or fetish they savor, try to talk it to death. In other words, they appeal to their partner's intellect. This is a potential recipe for disaster in my opinion, because it does nothing to entice or seduce the person, in other words to create a desire for what you are suggesting.

Contrast that with your approach. You planted the seeds in her head by gently, unobtrusively telling her about your desires. Then, instead of further verbalizing it, you SHOWED her, quite illustratively I might add, just what was in it for her. Your demonstration probably made her feel like a queen. In short, you are spoiling her, and knowing that it is your fantasy, she is loving it. It gives her the excuse to accept your gifts and servitude without the feeling that you are being "too nice".

What you did was something I cringe at when vanilla guys tell me about it, but in your case it is probably the best thing you could have done and seems to work like a charm.

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RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 12/30/2007 12:32:21 AM

BlackSakura

Posts: 131
Joined: 7/23/2006
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All I want to say is, may I have you. Please! ^_^ You sound like a true submissive, kudos to you! I would fucking die to have someone like you, you seem to take that initiative, seem to be anticipating her next move - again a sign of a true submissive and can I have you?! If you were mine, things like that would immediately noticed, respected, acknowledged, rewarded, and more importantly appreciated.

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