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RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/22/2007 10:12:27 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

He knows what happened and he tells me that he understands and doesn't want to make me feel worse and that we will just take things slowely. .

Willow, read this sentence to yourself aloud then ask if you think HE means what he says. My bet is, he means what he says.

quote:

He is being a wonderful support but I feel bad. I feel like since he is Master and I am slave that he should be able to do what he wants when he wants but with the way I am at the moment he can't.

Who is in control of your relationship? If its you and you want to feel bad about not serving him, fine go ahead, if HE is in charge then you are NOT doing what he wants which is to HEAL. Also, you have emotions over being assaulted that you have ZERO idea how to deal with. You are channeling that into feeling bad on some level. Think about what that means. You want to be angry but not knowing how to do so you are projecting some of that anger onto yourself. Find a way to BE angry, you SHOULD be angry but not at yourself.

quote:

He even asked me if i wanted to keep things vanilla for a while and i tried but three hours later i still needed to feel that he was Master and that he was in control

He is struggling to find a way to help you, realize how important YOU are to him that he would do vanilla if that was what it takes to help you. YOU need to feel safe and his power makes you feel safe. You need the D/s but the SM and the sex remind you of the assault. Revel in the power and safety of his manliness, submit deeply to him in a non sexual way and let the rest come to you naturally. It will, it truly will. Do it well and this will become a bonding experience bringing you two closer instead of something that pushes you two apart.

Above all you need to find a place to talk about your issues when you need to talk about them. Don't rush it but don't bury it, talk as the feelings and emotions well up inside of you. SHARE of yourself with him, allow him to "kiss the boo boo and make it all better" because from the sounds of it you are a lucky woman with a loving partner who wants to take care of you. Remember he is a bit lost as to what to do because few of us have any experience with this and even so, each person reactions are different. The more open and vulnerable you make yourself the better he can take care of you.

I wish you the best with this.

(in reply to Willowmoon)

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Post #: 21

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/22/2007 12:08:43 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Seriously Michael - you ROCK.

the.dark.

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Post #: 22

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/22/2007 2:11:23 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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Thanks! It helps to have a muse that inspires you...

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RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/23/2007 9:14:34 AM

vampchick88

Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
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It really helps if you get to talk about it with somone who will listen to you. Therapy can help, just remember its NOT your fault, your NOT a bad slave. Your going through a really rough time, it won't get better overnight but with time, support and love from people around you it helps hold you up.
It sounds like you've got a wonderful Master who is very supportive and compassionate. Your very lucky and I'm sure he'll do everything he can to help you heal.

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RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/23/2007 10:38:36 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willowmoon

I was sexually assulted on Saturday afternoon and since then I have not been able to handle Master giving me any more physical attention then a hug, even then i push him away after a short while.

Willow I've been thinking about you, wondering if things are getting a little easier for you day by day, the physical things. If they are not, then you might try something that a friend of mine had to do. It can be really frustrating when you WANT to show affection for someone but find yourself pulling away or getting anxious.

First, they agreed to stop all physical contact and start over (meaning no hugs or anything like that). She and her partner would sit naked on the couch, side by side, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. Just sit, not moving. It started out that the time she could handle it was very short, and had to stop. But the time she could handle it increased each time, and soon she was able to do this exercise sitting on the bed, then laying down on the bed, then hugging naked standing up, then hugging naked laying down, etc.

Granted, she was the victim of an assault that put her in the hospital for quite a while, so while she had to do this very very slowly, you may move at a different pace.

Cali

(in reply to Willowmoon)

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Post #: 25

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/23/2007 11:08:27 AM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

First, you are in my thoughts. Second, you do not need to feel ashamed about not being avaliable to your Master. You need support and I would suggest finding support through counseling and talking about your feelings. If you can call a rape crisis hotline? I don't know where you are from however I will give you the number to RAINN:

1.800.656.HOPE or http://www.rainn.org/

If you are out of the country RAINN provides crisis center information: http://www.rainn.org/counseling-centers/international-resources.html and RCIP provides http://www.ibiblio.org/rcip/internl.html

Some mentioned Australia: 1800 806 292

Be well,

Ms. K

(in reply to Hergirl0824)

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Post #: 26

RE: recovering after an assault. - 11/30/2007 2:46:03 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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greeting willow

i am so sorry you were attacked this happen to me and to my sister many years ago . your be very normal and take your time it is something to go through and not ever feeling the same for sometime. i hope they caught him? in prison it is true if a man has raped a woman the other prison will make him suffer so they do this becasue of the their wives and daughters out there. take your time with you master Willow he is right vanilla maybe what you may want to try for some days it is a hard time and your not a bad slave at all i never forgot my sister after i still hurt for her. Willow go get help please this will help you so much i know my attacker he was my own brother that was a shock now. let me know how you are your master is wonderful

please take care
mons/jane

(in reply to Willowmoon)

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Post #: 27

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/30/2007 7:00:41 AM

joanus

Posts: 527
Joined: 2/28/2007
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God I am going to be called a Prick for this but... Life goes on get over it. If you let your self be tormented by this forever you're gonna end up waking up alone in some shithole wondering where it all went wrong. This "fear" could cause you to miss out on a lot of improtant things in your life. The best thing to do is get over it as fast as you can and move on. Your master maybe fine with it now but with time things will change.(trust me he is only human) While absence may make the heart grow fonder it also cause other parts of the body to wonder. You liked your life before this happaned so get over it so you can enjoy living again. Seek Proffessoinal help if you must but for yourself as much as others GET OVER IT.

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RE: recovering after an assault. - 11/30/2007 7:17:36 AM

decstorm37

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
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Williow,
I just saw this post and want to say I'm so sorry. I can not give any advice other then what has already been said.
Some days will be better then others. Some days you might want a hug and other days you might not. Also a thought I don't mean to offend but maybe you and your Master can get cousling together after time. It might help both of you deal with things that might come up. He sounds like He is doing everything He can to help you!!!! Having great support at home is the best thing you can have and need right now. If you want to talk i will be happy to chat with you.

(in reply to mons)

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Post #: 29

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/30/2007 11:24:29 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: joanus

God I am going to be called a Prick for this but... Life goes on get over it. If you let your self be tormented by this forever you're gonna end up waking up alone in some shithole wondering where it all went wrong. This "fear" could cause you to miss out on a lot of improtant things in your life. The best thing to do is get over it as fast as you can and move on. Your master maybe fine with it now but with time things will change.(trust me he is only human) While absence may make the heart grow fonder it also cause other parts of the body to wonder. You liked your life before this happaned so get over it so you can enjoy living again. Seek Proffessoinal help if you must but for yourself as much as others GET OVER IT.

Yes you are correct, you are being a prick, although I can think of many more adjectives that are even more colorful. You could not say something LESS helpful if you tried than "get over it." There are miles and miles of difference between "let yourself be tormented forever" and "life goes on get over it."

Cali
(seriously shaking her head in disgust)

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RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/30/2007 12:16:22 PM

decstorm37

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: joanus

God I am going to be called a Prick for this but... Life goes on get over it. If you let your self be tormented by this forever you're gonna end up waking up alone in some shithole wondering where it all went wrong. This "fear" could cause you to miss out on a lot of improtant things in your life. The best thing to do is get over it as fast as you can and move on. Your master maybe fine with it now but with time things will change.(trust me he is only human) While absence may make the heart grow fonder it also cause other parts of the body to wonder. You liked your life before this happaned so get over it so you can enjoy living again. Seek Proffessoinal help if you must but for yourself as much as others GET OVER IT.

Wow i would call you a lot worse then Prick. This attack on her was not it the past. It has happened to her in THE NOW. She and her Master need time and understanding and even with your "kind advice to get over it" This is going to take time. I really hope no one in you life ever goes thru this and turns to you for support and understanding. You have shown how you would deal with it.

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Post #: 31

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/30/2007 1:39:57 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: joanus

God I am going to be called a Prick for this but... Life goes on get over it. If you let your self be tormented by this forever you're gonna end up waking up alone in some shithole wondering where it all went wrong. This "fear" could cause you to miss out on a lot of improtant things in your life. The best thing to do is get over it as fast as you can and move on. Your master maybe fine with it now but with time things will change.(trust me he is only human) While absence may make the heart grow fonder it also cause other parts of the body to wonder. You liked your life before this happaned so get over it so you can enjoy living again. Seek Proffessoinal help if you must but for yourself as much as others GET OVER IT.

Joanus, I will suggest to you what I have before. YOU have never gotten over it and it makes you an unhappy, bitter, self-serving, uncompassionate person at times. Get some help so you can put it past you, because you are failing at your own advice. In fact, get over it, isn't healthy advice for anything. It is in NO way appropriate or intelligent to suggest to a RECENT rape victim to get over it. Stop spreading your self-hatred to everyone else and get some help joanus.

OP ignore him, his own prior abuse is clouding his small mind and he is projecting on his own failures. Yes, get help, but take your time and do what you need to to make yourself healthy again. I again, wish you the best.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/30/2007 1:41:35 PM >

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Post #: 32

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/30/2007 2:18:03 PM

dances

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: joanus

God I am going to be called a Prick for this but... Life goes on get over it. If you let your self be tormented by this forever you're gonna end up waking up alone in some shithole wondering where it all went wrong. This "fear" could cause you to miss out on a lot of improtant things in your life. The best thing to do is get over it as fast as you can and move on. Your master maybe fine with it now but with time things will change.(trust me he is only human) While absence may make the heart grow fonder it also cause other parts of the body to wonder. You liked your life before this happaned so get over it so you can enjoy living again. Seek Proffessoinal help if you must but for yourself as much as others GET OVER IT.

Prick doesn't even begin to approach what you are. Grow some compassion.

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Post #: 33