RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion

RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (Full Version)

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parttimehotty -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 11:44:51 AM)
[:o] Awww, you don't want to ready my posts anymore? Woe is me...........

Jeffff -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 12:49:05 PM)
LMAO........I love this stuff..........:) Jeff

laurell3 -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 12:56:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: parttimehotty You must be one of those illegal aliens that can't read or speak English. READ MY REQUEST AGAIN! Then STFU. Well there you have your answer, you can both sit around and talk about bigotry and act like fools in exchange for your "hard limit" of prostitution. You come here asking advice about something that is a nobrainer and people actually respond (which suprises me honestly) out of concern for your well-being and you jump on them? Get real and get a therapist or you are headed for serious trouble.

astarri -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 1:00:55 PM)
hi hotty and welcome to the forums i think that sometimes the feelings that come about with the first person who "doms" us is incredible. I understand you feeling as though you "need" this to be happy. I think that you are suffering from sub frenzy (do a search there are 1000 threads on it) I think that people here are honestly concerned about you. I am unsure that you feel yourself "worthy" of how he makes you feel. I think you should step back and truly get to know others in a friendship way and you will understand that it isnt really THIS dom making you feel like you cant live without him but the feelings it evokes within you. Take some time and get comfortable with who you are and do some reading and attend gatherings that are local to you. This man who has, whether you like it or not, truly crossed barriers that you have, is not looking out for your best interests. I wish you well on your journey hotty and strongly urge you to step back and examine what it is you actually need out of a relationship. BDSM isnt the only thing ... there has to be other criteria and i am sure that crossing lines that are extreemly uncomfortable isnt what you need.

Stephann -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 1:09:58 PM)
part time, What would (in part) seem to be raising the hackles on peoples necks, is the term "hard limit." A hard limit, as suggestion, isn't part of a business negotiation. It's something you say "I absolutely refuse to do this, as I believe it would damage me physically or psychologically." If you're saying you should trade one "I would be damaged" for another "I would be damaged" for this man, it sounds like he's not really interested in what you can do for him; he's interested in what you won't do, so he can prove how big and bad assed he is. Maybe you enjoy that sort of man. If that's the case, really there isn't any advice we can give you that will be satisfying to hear. If you want to be damaged, you're certainly entitled to that. If performing any of the 'hard limits' you listed to him won't damage you, it wouldn't be a hard limit would it? Honestly, ask yourself, what is it that you are taking away from the relationship with this man that makes you a stronger, better, happier person? Stephan

SimplyMichael -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 1:51:10 PM)
If I was running a BDSM group and found out a member was requiring his woman to whore herself out I would more than likely bannish him from the community. Prostitution, especially as a woman is a dangerious and risky occupation and I wouldn't want someone around who would require his partners do that for him. I have done scenes where I whored out a woman to a stranger. Of course that stranger was a good friend who I had personally checked his STD test and with whom I had clearly laid out the parameters of what was and was not okay. She wouldn't be aware of that but that is what mind fucks are all about. To me, it is rarely about the act itself but the motivation behind it. Forcing a woman to prostitute herself to feed your ego and the fact you have a shitty job is about as low as you can go.

ctrlaltdelete -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 2:03:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann What would (in part) seem to be raising the hackles on peoples necks, is the term "hard limit." Stephann, I usually enjoy reading and agree with your very insightful (and somewhat "walking a mile in the other man's mocassins" approach and view) posts and comments. Not here. Simply, what chaps my hide is that some asshole gives BDSM an even worse name (and there is a very good post on that topic going on right now, too) by brainwashing some gullible newbie into becoming his harbor hooker. This is the kind of stuff that I, as a dominant man, can simply not accept by any means. Even if the pope and the pope's grandmother have cancer and you are trying to raise money for them by pimping a girl - the outcome does not justify the means. EVER. quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann Maybe you enjoy that sort of man. I believe that this is getting closer to the heart of the matter. While she truly resents and abhores what he is expecting of her, she still defends him. I leave that to the Freudian Cast to figure out...not worth my time!

parttimehotty -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 2:13:14 PM)
Thank you, astarri for having a calming affect ;) My sincere apologies to all for my outburst. I was unfair, but yes, I do still feel protective of him and jump to his defense. Again, I do apologize.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 2:56:57 PM)
One thing you need to realize about posting on an open forum is that you have no control over who replies and how they reply.

laurell3 -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 3:39:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: parttimehotty Thank you, astarri for having a calming affect ;) My sincere apologies to all for my outburst. I was unfair, but yes, I do still feel protective of him and jump to his defense. Again, I do apologize. That took guts and shows something about you. However, it doesn't matter what we think or how we say it. What matters is what you want for YOU and whether this relationship will work for YOU. You are the most important person in your life, always. Take care of you first. You seem to have taken the first step of saying I will not do something that's a hard limit for me, however, you don't seem to be looking at the totality of the relationship and the fact that this partner doesn't respect your limits or want to nuture and support you as a human being. You can get better. You do deserve better. Don't stay somethere thinking that you can't, because it's not true.

batshalom -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 5:56:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: parttimehotty He has been a Dom for over 15 years and has a very creative imagination and i find myself adding new hard limits i'd never even thought of before. He said this was a fair answer and that when i find myself in this predicament, to offer something in exchange for the hard limit. What would be a fair exhange for refusing to whore for Him? Yeah. I have a fair exchange. The exchange for refusing to whore for him is never speaking to him again. He's still negotiating your hard limits and it seems that you are letting him. I can think of no reason to reward his lack of respect. Remember too that this is the early stage of the relationship, when people are on their best behavior. If you give in now it sets you up for god knows what later. Today you are teaching him who and what you are. Tomorrow he will teach you what sort of self-portrait you drew for him. I wish you well.

MissDiandSirHugh -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/20/2007 6:46:38 PM)
Why have any as you said in your last post you have one and hes not worrying about it so hes most defiantly not going to give a stuff of any others you tell him unless its to not respect them. Just tell him your a no limits and he can do what he likes even put you in a snuff movie if he wants.

TolerableCruelty -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/21/2007 12:28:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff LMAO........I love this stuff..........:) Jeff I'm not alone in laughing at this whole thing.... thats a relief. T.R.

slaveluci -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/21/2007 5:00:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ctrlaltdelete This is the kind of stuff that I, as a dominant man, can simply not accept by any means. Even if the pope and the pope's grandmother have cancer and you are trying to raise money for them by pimping a girl - the outcome does not justify the means. EVER I'm not going to get into the OP's dilemma here. I think she has already received solid advice on that. I did want to chime in with an opinion in regards to this comment above, however. Ctrlaltdelete, I'm sure you are simply stating your opinion as I am stating mine and that's cool. I just want to say that, personally, I don't think being "pimped" out is something so horrible that "the outcome" never "justifies the means." In the OP's case (or in anyone's case where prostitution is FORCED and they do not want to do it) it is wrong because it's violating her basic human rights. I would say that would be the case whether she were being forced to have sex with strangers for money or eat brussel sprouts. Personally, I'd much rather do the former than the latter. Being forced to do something that violates you is wrong (unless you find it hot[;)]). However, to assume that being "pimped out" is, in every case, something so horrible and unspeakable that it's never justified is (to me) a silly and prudish idea. Just wanted to speak from a different perspective and give you little heads up about something else. You speak of this being something that "as a dominant man" you "simply cannot accept" and of how some people like the OP's man "give BDSM a bad name." Just because you identify as dominant (and I as submissive) doesn't mean that we can somehow assume that others who say they share our respective orientations have to act in ways that we find acceptable. Some people's actions don't give BDSM a "bad name," they give the human race a bad name. It's been happening since the dawn of time, I'm sure, and will always continue. Just act in ways that you consider honorable yourself and don't sweat how others see the world of BDSM. If the actions of a few nitwits make others judge the whole "lifestyle" as bad, that kind of mentality can't easily be reasoned with anyway. Chances are those folks already thought it was "bad" and are just looking for examples to "prove" it[:)]...............................luci

parttimehotty -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/21/2007 5:33:54 AM)
Thank you all, so much. Well, i asked him about keeping me safe/out of jail and would he drop me if i refused to do this ever again. He replied the following.... "Never mind any of it. Forget it. Skip it. Pretend it's never been required or asked or demanded or offered. Just, never fucking mind".

MamaDomme -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/21/2007 6:16:22 AM)
Two posts-- the exact same poster, the exact same question, the exact same answers and the exact same outcome. The meaning of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. parttimehotty-- the man has no respect for you at all. Take a break from any type of relationships, find your inner self and love that inner self. Then open yourself up for the relationship that will fulfill you as a person-- and refuse to settle for less. If you can, find a kink-friendly counselor to help you sort this out. Get in touch with the feelings deep within and find out what is drawing you into relationships that devalue you. I really do wish the very best for you. *and as a side note, many people here do not have the english language as their native tongue, there are people here from all over the globe and are doing their best to communicate in this language.

parttimehotty -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/21/2007 6:35:20 AM)
Sorry, but it wasn't the "exact same question" that's why i posted it separately. Oh well, that's a mute point now since the problem is off the table. i'm pretty new to this lifestyle and wasn't sure if this was a logical demand from a Dom to his potential sub and w/me hating it so much, i came here for guidance. i rec'd what i came for, thank you all. The End.

ctrlaltdelete -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/21/2007 6:45:31 AM)
luci: Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings at length. I will answer with brevity. quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci Ctrlaltdelete, I'm sure you are simply stating your opinion I am. Hence my disclaimer sig file. quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci ...as I am stating mine and that's cool. Understood. I read your post in that very same spirit. I have mine - you have yours. quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci In the OP's case (or in anyone's case where prostitution is FORCED and they do not want to do it) it is wrong because it's violating her basic human rights. If she had been cool with being pimped out she would have never posted these two threads in the first place. What gets under my hide, as a man and as a dominant being, is the exploitation of those that choose to submit to me by emotionally guilting them to a point that they find themselves coerced (aka "forced") into doing something they did not want to do in the first place (aka "hard limit"). Hence, I am in agreement with you that the individual to whom she had submitted was attempting to violate her human rights. Have a great day, Nick

angelic -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/21/2007 6:52:35 AM)
Show him these two threads. [8\|]

OsideGirl -> RE: Another question please...........again, forgive the intrusion (11/21/2007 7:51:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: parttimehotty Thank you, astarri for having a calming affect ;) My sincere apologies to all for my outburst. I was unfair, but yes, I do still feel protective of him and jump to his defense. Again, I do apologize. He's not protective of you. He's toying with your life with little to regard as to what can happen. What happens if you get arrested for prostitution? Think your current job will understand? Think it will be easy getting a job for the rest of your life if you have to check that box that says, "Have you ever been convicted of felony?" Keep in mind that you'll have to explain that felony. How will your family react? Will you lose custody of your UM(s)? If you rent your home, you'll have a hard time. Landlords can ask if you have felony convictions and dislike renting to hookers, because they don't want them turning tricks in their property. What happens the first time some guy decides he'd rather beat you up and take the money rather than paying you? What happens when you get herpes or other STDs? (Rubbers don't work against all of them) That's a lot of disregard for your safety. I'm flabbergasted that you can still trust this man and are still defending him. I'm with the others, I don't think it's a healthy relationship to be in and you'd be better off somewhere else.

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