Lancealittle
Posts: 18
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
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This is an intro plus a question from a semi new person to the scene.
First, the intro. My name's Lance, there's a fair amount of info on my profile but I'll give the basics here. I'm 27 and a Dominant. I consider myself a jack of all trades and a master of some, I'm a musician and a network engineer, I perform at renaissance festivals and work for a major corporation building special needs networks... If the dichotomy of my life isn't already showing itself lets delve a bit deeper. I'm a Dominant and I married a Dominant...
I'm married to a wonderful woman who gives me something that no sub ever could. You see I found myself all through life living light D/s lifestyle without ever really acknowledging it. All my girlfriends and my first fiance were very submissive women, some to the point that I ran their daily routine from when to get up and go to school to what we'd be eating, when, and where. It just worked out naturally. I found myself getting bored though pretty frequently. I could have eventually married a submissive if I hadn't recognized what it was I actually need and that's where the poly question comes into play.
You see, I married a dominant woman because, while I am a dominant person I need some one who challenges me and not even the bratiest submissive could challenge me enough because I'd know that at some point I can simply put my foot down and it's done. With my wife I might put my foot down and she might just laugh or she might concede and that's the big difference, she chooses to concede just as I do on occaision. We have a mutual respect for each others abilities and what we bring to the relationship. However... we're both missing something (well I am, she found a sub already damnit!) we still "need" a submissive person in our life. I personally can't fathom two people meeting everyones needs, maybe if they have no interest in kink or other things like bisexuality, but I'm both.. kinky and bisexual, as is my wife. For a long time we tried to sacrifice those other needs because we loved each other and felt it was the right thing to do, however that type of sacrifice leads to unhappiness or eventual cheating on your partner. We tried the 'swinger' thing and that just doesn't do it. We don't want to play then go home, we actively need 2 other people in our lives to complete our little circle of happiness.
The problem is, I haven't really seen many occaisions where people have the same thing we are looking for which makes me wonder if it exists or if we're perhaps living in a dream world hoping to find it. A submissive to me has the potential to be equal but different than my wife, there's a part of me a submissive could never have or fulfill just like there is a part of me that my wife simply can't satisfy or have. The dynamic of a true D/s relationship simply can't exist in my marriage yet we both need it.
So basically, our perfect world would be to end up living in a 4 person relasionship where our submissives were compatible with each other and each of us and we all live happily ever after. Is that even possible? Most submissives I talk to want very much to be the only person in their Dom's life. Most submissives also assume a sort of Alpha/Beta thing when I discuss polyamorous relationships, like somehow they're secondary to my wife. While that would be true at first (during what I consider the 'dating' period) there's potential to end up collared and living with me, just as there's potential for my wife's submissive to end up living with us. We're both comfortable with the fact that there can be another person in our life and they have that 'other' side of us that we can't really have with each other, but finding a submissive who is ok with that (specifically a female) seems to be impossible.
So, the question... is there a light at the end of this tunnel? Can a truly equal D/D and s/s polyamorous foursome work out or am I just working towards an unobtainable goal?
Also, to close on a little pet peeve. I talk about long term goals like eventually having that 4 person family and everyone seems to assume that if they're not willing to do that and only want to play a bit that there's no reason to talk with me. I don't expect every submissive to turn into that 'perfect one', just like people don't date with the intention of getting married to every single person they date, I only discuss this because it's important to me that folks know how far a relationship COULD go that way it doesn't scare off some one who wants the same things but thinks they're unobtainable with a married couple.
Anyway, that's a book and I'm sure no one will read all the way through it, if you did... have a cookie. If you didn't, there's totally cookies hiding in the post, go back and read it all to find them!
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DFW Intro: Does poly exist? - 
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