Just wondering.... (Full Version)

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willing2obey31 -> Just wondering.... (11/20/2007 7:18:35 PM)

i am not being disrespect here. i am only trying to understand.

Why is it that i read statements like "i am sick of the fakes...." and then a true, honest, serious person comes along and sends a nice lengthly message to a Mistress, but She does not even have the respect to at least respond back ? i mean even "no thanks" would be nice. i know that alot of the Mistresses is busy, but there is a sysytem set up where You do not have to respond Yourself.
Will You ever know if that person is a fake, or serious if You do not at least give it a try???



SwitchySwitch -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/20/2007 7:25:06 PM)

One of the reasons people do not use the no thank you is it can result in “but why” to a very nasty response.

Also the question comes are you emailing people that you don’t fit there criteria? You could also be going to the bulk folder.

There are many reasons people don’t respond.



laurell3 -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/20/2007 7:35:05 PM)

There aren't any "fake" people, just those that aren't compatible, which is probably why they aren't responding.  Patience grasshopper.



willing2obey31 -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/20/2007 7:49:06 PM)

well thanks for the reply.....

i always read the profiles frist, before sending a message. i do not want to waste Their time or mine. Each time i get on here i check my sent mail to see if They read my message. i have only had about 3 that was not read, before being deleted.

ashlin



willing2obey31 -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/20/2007 7:54:52 PM)

Thanks for the reply....

i am just confused.... i know this takes time to find the right One, but i (like E/everyone E/else) will be happy when i find my Match.

ashlin



ItalianSMistress -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 6:54:33 AM)

The other thing that I fund is, if you are sending too long an email, unless it is geared to that Domme, it looks like a form letter and I will not reply to those, as most Dommes dont.  After all, who wants to talk to someone that could not even be bothered to read the profile and send something personal?  If the message is not directed to Me alone, I have no interest in replying to it.  Also if the slave goes into great detail about what they like and such, then I also will not reply. Or if it is obviously someone that I am not compatible with.



stockingluvr54 -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 7:54:36 AM)

Better just get used to it....  There's probably quite a few of us (both D and s) that have quit pursuing for those same reasons. It's a shame too.....



toservez -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 8:03:24 AM)

It is unfortunate but better to realize that no reply is a reply and being bummed about it or any other emotion is a waste because the goal is to find someone and obviously that person is not going to be the one.

To defend all women and not just female dominants, the amount of mail any woman gets on this site is a lot. I think most women have good intention of answering their mail when they first start out but as others have mentioned the responses we get back are often so mean spirited and unaccepting of our choice that most of us determine who we are going to answer and who we are not going to answer in our own criteria. For some that means no reply for almost all and that is unfortunate.

If you never get replies back then I would not look outward but look inward. My guess is you need a different approach to how you are writing to them.



thetammyjo -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 8:29:07 AM)

While I do reply to the first email I get from anyone, etiquette states that not replying to any invitation, even if it is only to conversation, is a reply, indeed a polite reply because it does not risk the miscommunication that you might be open to further conversation by replying at all.

I see this repeatedly in the Miss Manners columns in our local newspaper.



Stephann -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 8:53:09 AM)

Hi ashlin,

I read your profile.  Having done so, I know no more about you than I could have guessed having read your post.  Here's some advice:

A) Replace that photo with something more classy.  It needn't be a tuxedo, but a shirt and tie do wonders.  Obviously, wear something you're comfortable in; my suggestions aren't to change who you are, but rather point out you need to put your best foot forward.  Women like to say they don't care about looks, but they do.  Really.  Also, have the photo taken without your glasses.  I have glasses as thick as coke bottles (though I wear contacts) but for a photo, the glare on the lens makes it impossible to see your eyes.  Be sure to smile, too.

B)  Tell us about yourself.  What do you like to do, and why?  What do you do with your work and free time?  What are you good at?  What are you passionate about?  These are the things that will make you stand out to the kind of woman who would have an interest in you.

C)  Personally, if I were in your shoes, I'd yank comments like this "men are powerless over a Lady. i believe that Ladys are supposed to be in total control. men are to serve and to bow before them. That is why we are here." 

I'm sure it sounds to you like you're being more submissive; but it screams "I have no confidence in myself."  On another thread, boijen mentioned how women are attracted to power regardless of their D/s inclinations.  Dominant women are attracted to men with power, so that they might own and/or control that power.  I urge you to embrace whatever power you have; it'll be much easier for all facets of your life if you do.

D)  Get active in your local community.  I just moved from Austin, and there's a HUGE, thriving BDSM community.  There's an extensive list of the organizations here.

http://www.evilmonk.org/a/tx_aus.cfm

I highly recommend Voyagers, myself; they have a great balance of discussion and party.  I actually met one domme whom I dated for some time at a Voyagers party.

That's a good start.  Good luck in your search.

Stephan



MsBearlee -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 8:55:07 AM)

Welcome to the boards, willing.  While I'm not suggesting you have done this, when someone young enough to be my son, or so far away it is not likely we'll meet anytime soon, or if they're married...I do not respond.  I make it clear in my profile I am not interested in too young or too far, but you'd be surprised just how many people in their 20's (!!!) or who live in NY or France or Arabia write to me; I refuse to waste even more time with a response to such nonsense.
 
Sometimes I don't respond because the notes are so crass; but that's par for the course...I doubt they even expect one.
 
B

edited to add:

Stephann offers wonderful advice.  I want a submissive man, but not one without opinions and intelligence and the wherewithall to know when to use either.  We live in the real world, I'd just trip over someone grovelling at my feet.
 
Another thing to consider; it is about 10/1 men to women on these sites...and probably at least ten times that for submissive men to Dominant women.  Consider just how many thank-you-notes one might be writing, if answering every single HNG who writes.  Yes, I've received my share of arguments in return, too...so, what IS the point?
 
Good luck, kiddo...it's a number's game; just keep the faith.
 

 
 



AAkasha -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 9:07:01 AM)


There have been times when I come to a full mailbox and as an experiment attempt to at least politely answer every email, even if it is a "no thank you."  Inevitably, I end up in an endless loop.  30% of those I say "no thank you" to will take it as an opportunity ask follow up questions, like, "Could you please tell me why?".  Again, if the rule is to answer, I answer.  Then they ask for more clarification. Etc.

Another 30% respond nicely, but I have found that they then think it is ok to send me one line emails every time I am online, and again, hope for a response. Things like, "Are you having a good weekend?" or "I just wanted to ask you a quick question."   Just by answering one email, with a "no thank you", they seem to believe it's now ok to send emails regularly -- and they expect a response.

The other 30% either don't write back or say "thanks for letting me know" - which is ideal.

The remaining 10% hurl insults.

So what happens is that even by saying "no," you really open the lines of communication for more one line emails, and this cycle continues until for every 1 email I sent, I have 3 more in my inbox.  Then I can never have time to even READ the longer emails, and they get buried.   And, this is all just answering short emails - this does not take into consideration the time I would be spending writing longer emails to those I am corresponding with.  Inevitably, when I finish a long email, I have 4 more waiting, with at least one of them saying, "Why haven't you responded to my email?" because I responded once before.  They then expect it.

It's easier to ignore those I can't imagine connecting with (sorry, sad but true) so I can focus on those that really click with me, or those I am pursuing.

Akasha



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 12:38:30 PM)

One thing you're not considering; She's saying she's not interested in YOU just by not responding. It doesn't matter what you wrote or how you wrote it, it's her option to say no and to choose how to say it. Just use it as a weeding tool and move on.

Master Fire



CollegeConundrum -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 1:19:53 PM)

They all have plenty of excuses but in the end they just don't care.



LadyPact -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 2:00:21 PM)

I used to make the attempt to answer all of My emails, out of courtesy.  Now, I find I do it less and less.  As someone else said above, I don't bother a bit with the form letters.  Especially if it is painfully obvious the person sending it hasn't taken the time to read My profile.  (I don't have My life story for a profile.  I can understand why some don't read them because many are ridiculously long.)  If someone can't pick up the key points that I have in a few short sentences, i.e., I'm poly, already have a sub, etc., they really are not interested in Me.
 
Also, I tend to skip the one liners.  I'm not saying that any introductory email has to be a book, but three or four well written sentences can suffice.  I absolutely refuse to correspond with anyone who can't do better than text speak.  Not saying that you do, but there was one in My mail box today, so it's fresh in My mind. 
 
I suppose what I'm saying is that I skip both extremes when it comes to introductory emails.  Of course, this doesn't apply to folks that I have wonderful email conversations with.  However, those have been established over time.
 
 



thetammyjo -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 5:07:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

One thing you're not considering; She's saying she's not interested in YOU just by not responding. It doesn't matter what you wrote or how you wrote it, it's her option to say no and to choose how to say it. Just use it as a weeding tool and move on.

Master Fire



Why is this so difficult for so many people to understand?

Not replying is the reply and a damned polite one at that because it avoids any potential miscommunication but not continuing any communication.



willing2obey31 -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 5:57:32 PM)

Thanks for the reply....

Even though i do not send a form letter, i think that the messages i send might seem like they are. Not all the ones i send are long, but at frist i was making them that way. Now i write about 5 to 10 lines. 

May i send You a message as if i was trying to get You to talk to me, and maybe if You have time help me out?

Thanks.
ashlin



HelenaTroy -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 6:05:36 PM)

Everyone is on here for different reasons. I'm not looking to meet anyone, and I'm certainly not looking for a soul mate or anything. But I like reading the forums and once in a while someone will write me something entertaining. Most of the time they don't. But the chances of me taking time out of my day to go have lunch with someone from collarme is VERY slim. Especially because the pickins are slim. And even more especially because I am a busy person.

Actually I take that back. I'd be more interested to have lunch with an interesting domme.

Helena



willing2obey31 -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 6:17:08 PM)

Thanks for the reply......

Well i know that from reading the journals that the Mistresses gets alot of mail, being there are alot more of slaves and subs than Mistresses. There are alot of rude, disrespectful people on here, so that is understandable. i will not disagree i do ned a different approach, so if You have and ideas would You please share?

Thanks
ashlin



willing2obey31 -> RE: Just wondering.... (11/21/2007 6:23:30 PM)

Thanks for the reply....

i am not asking A/anyone on here to go to lunch with me. i would be making myself look stupid.

Thanks.
ashlin



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