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simplyserves -> RE: assertive vs submissive (11/23/2007 3:36:12 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH
Is it possible to be assertive while still being submissive. What are your thoughts?
For a submissive person in general it is possible, of course. On this site, I would say that 100% of the self-identified submissives are assertive as a rule. They've asserted their motives and feelings in communicating them and looking for a situation where they can express their needs, which is assertive.
Not all subs are comfortable being assertive beyond that, and perhaps relative to each other they are more or less assertive but we've all asserted ourselves to some degree just by being here.
Assertive can also be said to be able to express your intentions, feelings and to put them into action. Some dominants may want a completely passive person, or a puppet, except once they get one and realize how much work it is to pull the strings every second.
I take it you mean more whether or not it's in keeping with the spirit of submission to assert specific needs or desires, or to aggressively seek out the situation you want for yourself. That's a bit stickier, only in so far as how it's approached. In general though it's more then possible to be assertive, submissive and to show respect and humility toward dominants. Of course this assumes a lot about your question.
The biggest problem that I see concerning submissives being either not assertive enough to the point of disappearing or overly assertive to the point of being demanding is that they don't know what they want. I think it's extremely common because none or very few of us grew up in an environment where D/s was around us, and "knowing" what you want can only come from a lot of trial, error, and experience. So it's very excusably, in my mind. That said, when someone knows what they want through experience more then just thinking it about it a lot, it doesn't feel uncomfortable to be assertive, it just feels like honesty and forthrightness.
quote:
ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH
Do you find assertiveness a good quality or one you want to repress in some way?
I don't want to be demanding, but assertiveness is a good quality. I am some what passive with women, regardless if they're dominant or submissive, generally deferring to them. However, I'm not passive in expressing myself when they ask for feedback or in general otherwise unless they've told me to not do so specifically. Being assertive also means that you go out of your way to please them, instead of passively waiting to carry out their demands or orders. In every way it's a good quality to be sure of your motives, to express them and to act on them, when and how it's appropriate. And that is the only caveat, when and how it's appropriate.
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