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The Proffessional Dominatrix - 8/10/2005 4:36:33 PM   
saret


Posts: 71
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline 		For the proffesional Mistresses -

What kind of relationship do you have with your clients?
Do you consider them friends, part-time lovers, intimates, or are you merely providing a service for a fee? Do you look forward to seeing regulars?

Do you ever get excited/aroused by sessions, or is it a proffession? How do you look at it - a form of social work, sex work, sacred prostitution or something else entirely?



Genuinely curious,

-S-
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The Proffessional Dominatrix - 8/10/2005 5:52:48 PM   
DontBoreMe


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		It's me, Francine, aka Sadistic Princess.... there's a lot of questions here, so I will try to hit on some of them in the order I remember them.

How I view my clients really depends on the client. I am extremely selective about who I see---I do a reasonably thorough phone interview first, and meet in person in a vanilla setting before any session takes place (and I dress business casual, not leather). If I don't feel any interest/chemistry/connection---or he doesn't----then we can both say no thanks before anything happens. My clients compliment me on my enthusiasm and energy, and I would not take on a client that would make me lose my personal enjoyment.

Many of my clients are really great guys that I talk to often and get to know well. Some of them are allowed to join Michigan Club FEM, and I am glad to say that some of them DID succeed in bringing their wives into the scene. I am VERY happy to lose a client for that reason.

I NEVER have any sexual contact with a client. I am never nude (though I might have breasts showing for some) and while I do plenty of CBT, I do not do hand jobs or cause any kind of orgasm. I can remember one time that I was aroused by a scene with a client......and I was really sorry that I couldn't do anything about it. I do think that pro domination comes under the category of sex work, but I am not a prostitute, and I am not willing to cross that line. Ever.

My clients have different reasons for wanting sessions, and for some I do think it is therapeutic, or at least cathartic. Some just want to have fun! Those are my favorites. :) I have been the first foray into bdsm for several people----something I consider an honor, really.

I feel sad when I read all the slams about pro dominants that I read all over forums like this one. One man even told me that we were akin to used car salesmen! Certainly, not every pro dominant is as good as any other. Many of us are very dedicated and experienced, and see ourselves as providing a SERVICE. Many of us are active in our local communities, mentor new folks, and try to educate as much as possible. Then there are the gals who get themselves a leather outfit and a riding crop and figure that it's a great way to make some fast cash. And the ones that are totally burned out, and feel the need to trash everyone around them in order to improve their own images.........

All my clients are individual people, and I treat them with courtesy and respect, as I would treat anyone. Yes, I do generally charge for my services, unless the person in question has something really useful to barter. I charge the people I see in my vanilla life, as well. Both sets of clients are paying for my experience, skills, and concern---AND helping cover the rent, utilities, and supplies. Those corsets and whips don't come for free!

I do have a personal life in bdsm, outside my clients. Many if not most of my clients are married, or are not able to serve me personally for some other reason. Sometimes, they can make the crossover, and that's great.

(in reply to saret)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The Proffessional Dominatrix - 8/10/2005 8:07:24 PM   
saret


Posts: 71
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline 		Oooh, thanks SadisticPricess!

Its not so much that I'm playing 20 questions, its all those questions are aimed generally towards finding out what ProDomme thinks about her work.

Its a hazy issue, and feelings are pretty divided on the subject, even within the BDSM community. I'd rather find out more first-hand info before I sneer *or* defend. Mostly Im just curious, not because Im opening for business, but because I'm still sorta green as tops go. :)

-S-

(in reply to DontBoreMe)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The Proffessional Dominatrix - 8/10/2005 10:55:04 PM   
DontBoreMe


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		No problem, Saret. :) I know that there are many dommes who wouldn't dream of going professional, that it would ruin the whole experience for them. I really respect that view, and it's true that I have taken time off from pro work periodically just to avoid getting burned out.

My favorite thing about professional domination is the versatility it affords: I don't ever get into a rut with one person, because I am always working with an array of people, and trying to put a new spin on the tried and true. Is it the same kind of satisfaction as a scene with someone that I have a close bond with? Of course not. Pro work is the business of fantasy fulfillment, and while I am not a person who will work from a script, the bones of the fantasy are not *mine*. At the same time, I get to have fun playing, and know that I don't have to maintain a "relationship". In a way, it's the best of both worlds, but it is not for everyone.

ps---if any of you out there have found that Holy Grail, the Human ATM, you WILL share the joy, right? Financial domination is such a fun fantasy, but I've never found anyone who will go with it in real life.....

_____________________________

Ms Francine, aka SadisticPrincess
Headmistress, Michigan Club FEM

(in reply to saret)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The Proffessional Dominatrix - 8/12/2005 1:51:00 PM   
Nuke718


Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		This is to me an interesting topic (but I find many of the threads that interest me you seem to comment on saret). And as divided as the community is on the topic, I expected more Pros to have something to say.

For my perspective, in 15 years of varying activity in the scene I have visited exactly 2 ProDommes. One was awful, unoriginal, bored, basically it left a bad image of the occupation for me. Used car salesperson would be too kind.

The second was an artist with the implementsof her trade, maintained physical and mental control of the entire session, and was delightfully personable before and after. I even gave it asecond try with her :-) Iin the end I don't know how she felt about our relationship, but I was not emotionally fullfilled. We remained friendly, and I gave her some proffesional advice (my profession not hers) later but I would not say we had a friendship.

So, c'mon ladies. I have seen a half dozen or more so called professionals out here in BFE, so there must be somebody else willing to give us their view.

Nuke }:-

< Message edited by Nuke718 -- 8/12/2005 4:45:44 PM >

(in reply to saret)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The Proffessional Dominatrix - 8/12/2005 2:31:14 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Francine pretty much answered for Me.
I will say that most of My clients are well-heeled businessmen who travel to My area on a somewhat regular basis, or they are married. I have had very few who are single, mainly because those boys are not usually willing to pay for Professional services and try to worm their way past My door under the guise of live-out training.
I enjoy My time with My regulars, and we often go to dinner. In addition, I find these delightful people to be very thoughtful and considerate, often arriving for a session with flowers or a box of My favorite chocolates.
But My relationships mostly remain friendly business. I have, on more than one occasion, had to drop a client who began to get a bit maudlin, and talk to Me about falling in love.
There is also no sex, in the traditional sense, or even the slightly kinky sense in My sessions. I know there are many who feel that marrieds should not be exploring and this is tantamount to cheating, but I do feel I fill a niche. And, like Francine, I am quite particular. I do not have a revolving door or book appointments back to back. At most, I am available for 3 to 4 professional sessions per month. Unlike Francine, I rarely barter.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to saret)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The Proffessional Dominatrix - 8/13/2005 7:23:33 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: saret

What kind of relationship do you have with your clients?
Do you consider them friends, part-time lovers, intimates, or are you merely providing a service for a fee? Do you look forward to seeing regulars?

Do you ever get excited/aroused by sessions, or is it a proffession? How do you look at it - a form of social work, sex work, sacred prostitution or something else entirely?


For a very brief period of time, I provided professional disciplinary services. When I made the choice to do this, I thought about how it's a great idea to turn a passion into a career. I was unemployed for several years at that time, and thought it was a good decision finacially and emotionally, to enjoy my work AND pay the bills. :) For me...it was a mistake.

I only met about a half dozen men, over a three month period of time (being VERY discriminating professionally, as well as personally), and found quite a few things confusing, most of which was how the men, that contacted me professionally, treated me with more respect, than those contacting me under my general profile. All were married men, with a nonparticipating spouse (yes, I know we've all heard that story).

My relationship with them was strictly business. I looked at the relationship as I was providing a "service" to a "client." I didn't want ANY emotional attachment to these men.

The scenes were detailed around their interest, as they were paying for it, but it was within my own strict guidelines as well. Services were only traditional discipline, in nature, and were never sexual. This rule of mine caused many potential clients to seek relief elsewhere, but I was more than upfront with the type of service provided.

I suppose I saw the discipline as more of a social work type activity, because most men tended to talk about their lives, and open up to me, versus just having the scene. My time was used to discipline them, but also to listen to them. I enjoyed that they opened up to me, but "always" questioned with they didn't talk to their wives.

Over this very brief period of time, I found that I was hating what I was doing. While I was providing a service that appeared to be in high demand, I was not satisfied myself. Sure the money was good, but it was effecting how I felt about myself. I found my attitude toward these men was turning to an unhealthy dislike, and I decided it was best to stop doing it, or I would lose my interest all together.

I don't regret what I did, providing discipline in a professional capacity, but I did realize that it's not for me to enjoy.

K

PS I am MORE than grateful that there are Pros out there to take care of these men. Some will only enjoy their interests, by utlizing this outlet to meet women. (I'm a prude about taking on married players, so I have to love the Pro ladies for taking them off my hands. :)

(in reply to saret)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The Proffessional Dominatrix - 8/15/2005 3:31:07 AM   
MadamMichelle


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline 		Yes I've developed friendships with my clients, I've evne had one for five years and it's still ongoing. I personaly am not a very monogamous person by nature so taking on clients has been a very good way for me to expand the boundaries of my imagination. The only clients I take however are married whose wives don't participate. The payment is really symbolic of the fact that no deep emotional energy can be exchaged so financial energy is a good proxy. I make it a point not to play with anyone for money that I wouldn't have done for free if the situation were different. Yes sometimes I am extremly turned on, but I can't do anything about it in a pro-session but I do have a "buddy" whose available if the need arises.

The scorn that the communities feeels for pro-dommes though seems hypocritical. Everyone has a certain way to find their happiness so whose anyine to judge. By the way I had been a legal prostitute in Nevada for a few years and the pros who scream about how they are not prostutes are fooling themselves. I might get flamed on that one, but the fact is that when you provide ANY kind of sexual services for financial gain you are a prostitute.. When I worked in the houses there were many instances of me just talking with someone, or just watching a porno with them (Because the wife hated any knid of porn, that was a very active fantasy), or even taking a shower with someone. These activities did not involve any sexual contact but I still knew I was a prostitute. Legally a pro-domme is not considered one only because there is no contact with the clients genitals but you can bet your ass that they are masturbating as soon as they get in the car. Sexual release now or sexual release later, what's the difference.

Just thought I'd give my two cents worth

Madam Michelle

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The Proffessional Dominatrix - 8/15/2005 7:37:10 AM   
Euryanx


Posts: 96
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Los Angeles, CA
Status: offline 		I lived with a woman that was a pro-Domme when i was in my early 20's. She was an incredible woman, and I had great admiration for her. She advertised in very upscale magazines as a "Behavior Modification Specialist."

When someone responded to her ad she had them write several letters detailing exactly what it is they were looking for. I can remember going through the letters with her, screening out the wackos, and picking out those that had the potential to become regular clients. Most of her subs tended to be professionals, doctors, lawyers, politicians... men in high pressure jobs who wanted to spend an hour letting go of the reins of power. Most were married to women they could never discuss their fantasies with. Most were into bondage and discipline, some were babies and crossdressers.

As others have stated here, she never had sexual contact with them. If they were lucky at the end of the session she gave them 10 seconds or so to masturbate. She loved the fact that by the end of the session they were so worked up she could practically snap her fingers and they would cum on command. If they didn't - she told them to get dressed and go.

She was an ex-school teacher, Jewish, with a sadistic streak, very intelligent, and very imaginative. She had a play room with a large wooden cabinent made by one of her subs, filled with toys, many of which had been hand crafted by various subs.

Sometimes she involved me in her sessions with them, sometimes she just wanted me to be in the next room as a precaution. Particularly with a new sub she liked having someone there just in case something went wrong. Sometimes a sub would pay her an extra $100 to have me watch and she would split it with me. Sometimes my involvement would go a little deeper and she'd want me to have sex with her subs, not that i minded. I loved it all. Plus she was there to make sure everything was safe.

I saw a lot while i was with her. I didn't realize that people could orgasm through intense pain. That's not me, but obviously some people are wired differently. Never heard of mummification till then, and thought it bizarre that people could also orgasm just by being confined. All of what i saw made me realize that everyone has different buttons, that what turns people on varies tremendously.

It's a shame pro-Domme's don't get more respect. They should. They provide a service that takes intelligence, creativity, and skill. Kind of ironic that if they practice in Nevada or Amsterdam it's legal, anywhere else they could get locked up.

(in reply to MadamMichelle)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Proffessional Dominatrix - 8/15/2005 6:19:47 PM   
lilyophelia


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Y/you know, i'm not even Dominant in my general life at all...i am incredibly submissive and i would have a hard time not being so...but i think i really love to top sometimes, especially when it comes to men. i'm not very attracted to men, but i have this big thing for toying with them and i absolutely adore to humiliate (and being very vocal and eloquent helps). When W/we have male slaves (there are some individuals who serve U/us on a part-time basis), my Miss and i are often playful with them in different (but nonsexual) ways. i find that She often handles the physical aspects of O/our shared scenes, like whipping, physical discipline, etc. (because She's very skilled in that area), and i'm usually O/our voice and a sort of director as well. It's very odd because at no other time can i even comprehend not being submissive.

The whole thing does not make me ultra-arroused, but it is very intense and pleasing (like slipping into a warm bath). i feel close to my Miss at those times. i think that W/we might someday see men on a client-basis just because i think it would be really fun...and it might put that barrier there that would keep things from getting too personally intense (deep closeness is more for a live-in, permanent slave). Also, i would imagine the fact that there is money involved would help to deter the would-be male predators who try to use femal Dominants to their own ends.

With my Miss's permission, i would do it...not for money, because i'm more then successful enough as it is...but for that constant state of "dating", of meeting new souls and of being adored at the height of their infatuation. It takes a lot more "work" to maintain a long-term relationship with a live-in slave, for example...then You have to consider guiding and teaching them, disciplining them and correcting them, making time for them in daily life, etc. This would be more about fun.

Those are random thoughts...i'm not sure that's how i deeply feel on the subject, but it seemed like there could be more posts here. ^^

P.S. i have this huge fantasy, though, about tying up a male slave (mostly O/our part-time one) and leaving him in the closet, in the dark, blindfolded; afterwards, my Miss and i would just play intensely, and probably make love (or whatever She wants to call it at the time)...but the slave would have to listen to everything...and would just be left there, teased. i think it's just amazingly fun...i'm day dreaming now...

(in reply to Euryanx)
Profile   Post #: 10
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