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threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 3:18:02 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		My Dominant and i had a very bad day today.  He has let me down alot lately, failing to keep promises and generally letting me down.  it was the first time He had made the effort to see me in three weeks although he lives in walking distance and i expressed how upset i was.  however He was really annoyed with me, i really dont know what i have done wrong and he had no explaination and did not offer me any reassurance.

at one point He said He was 'fed up with this', and threatened to walk out of my home, he did not go but this threat really hurt me - i was in tears and to me it seemed like a threat to abandon me when all i wanted was some love and reassurance... we have been in a relationship for two years... i am gutted and dont know what to do.  He refused to offer anything to resolve the issue and just got me to play sexually
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 3:31:55 PM   
MRandme


Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline 		let me get this straight. the guy doesn't make  any effort to see you in three weeks even though he lives in walking distance. he seems upset with you but won't say why. he berates you for feeling abandoned and then expects you to have sex with him, which you DO?

honey, he is using you. plain and simple. he doesn't want an emotional attachment, doesn't want to spend time on you and doesn't care about your feelings. BDSM or vanilla, this guy is in it because he wants sex from you.

if you are ok with that, it's your business, but then you wouldn't be here. if you are not okay with that, let him know and don't allow him to visit again.  the choice is yours to make.

g

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to serisa)
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RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 3:32:04 PM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		there is not a whole lot that i can say to this except i am sorry you have had such a rough day...please try to keep your chin up and i do hope it gets better for you

_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 3:44:05 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

My Dominant and i had a very bad day today.  He has let me down alot lately, failing to keep promises and generally letting me down.  it was the first time He had made the effort to see me in three weeks although he lives in walking distance and i expressed how upset i was.  however He was really annoyed with me, i really dont know what i have done wrong and he had no explaination and did not offer me any reassurance.

at one point He said He was 'fed up with this', and threatened to walk out of my home, he did not go but this threat really hurt me - i was in tears and to me it seemed like a threat to abandon me when all i wanted was some love and reassurance... we have been in a relationship for two years... i am gutted and dont know what to do.  He refused to offer anything to resolve the issue and just got me to play sexually


Did you tell him you needed and wanted love and reassurance?  Have you sat down with him and told him that you are disappointed in the relationship right now and why?  He did not "get you to play sexually", you did.  The person that is the first safeguard to your needs is YOU.  Take care of you, if it doesn't work and you can't fix it, you deserve better, if you can, communicate to him in a nonagressive, open manner.

good luck to you, 



_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 3:48:33 PM   
DommeofFantasies


Posts: 12
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline 		This man is not a dominant but an asshole.  He has not contact with you for three weeks and when he does it is only for sex.  Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.  Take time to heal and then find a master/owner who will enable you to be the best slave/submissive/pet that you are capable of being.

I wish you the best.

(in reply to Hergirl0824)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 3:50:02 PM   
MistressGayle


Posts: 76
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Sounds like he is NOT a dom, and is just using you. Move on, and cut your losses... it's not easy, but necessary to heal and get back to finding the right one for you.

Take a deep breath, be glad your alive and well, and move on. Better things await.

Be well 

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 3:54:48 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Communication is always a good help. From both sides.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 3:56:27 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I think people sometimes forget that a D/s relationship is not very different to a vanilla one. People outgrow each other sometimes, outgrow the situation, or fall out of love, or have things going on that the other person may not know about, or have met someone else.

I'm not saying it is any of those things, but it does happen. One can still be madly in love, the other simply isn't. You haven't done anything wrong, it's just the relationship has, for whatever reason.

As laurell said, you chose to play sexually with him. Don't believe for a minute that sex will keep him, it won't.

If you have been together for two years, you should be close enough to talk this through and find out the real reason he is being this way. Maybe it is just time to move on. If so, he needs to be man enough to tell you.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to DommeofFantasies)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 3:57:09 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Two years is a big investment to waste.

If this is the first time it's happened, I'd try to be patient-and ask him what is wrong. He may be dealing with some personal issues he didn't want to burden you with-it happens.

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I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to Kaiynasha)
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RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 4:13:11 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hergirl0824

there is not a whole lot that i can say to this except i am sorry you have had such a rough day...please try to keep your chin up and i do hope it gets better for you


I was going to say the same thing....But that would be a bald faced fucking lie.....It's not going to get any better unless you enjoy a random fucking every now and again.  Everyone has given you some pretty bad advice.

This guy might be the best fucking Dom in the world.....Just that it is not going to happen with you.  It's really no biggie, I will sleep like a baby tonight either way....I would like to have a gal that doesn't see other people and is good for a little play every now and again....If she's bi then it is even all the better.  To bad you are not bi.

This kind of shit happens all of the time....People lose interest, find someone that looks more promising, or just can no longer stand to be around you....You might not be able to do better...This might be as good as it is ever going to get for you.  Then again maybe Mr.Domtastic is right around the corner....Either way it sucks to be you at this moment in time.  It just depends on what decisions that you are able to reach and live with.

_____________________________



(in reply to Hergirl0824)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 5:51:03 PM   
lanie38


Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		Doesn't see you for three weeks, without explanation...then wants sexual play...pfft...not for this sub...

~lanie

_____________________________

Don't be so humble...you're not that great. ~ Golda Meir

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 6:08:37 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa
at one point He said He was 'fed up with this', and threatened to walk out of my home, he did not go

I have no respect and little tolerance for empty threats.  If he wanted to go, he should have gone.  He's the one with the authority, right?
quote:

 He refused to offer anything to resolve the issue and just got me to play sexually

"Got you to?"  Either you obey or you don't.

I'm always cautious when hearing one-sided scenarios like this.  Who knows how he would state things had happened?  The bottom line is you two have got to talk about this.  He needs to be very blunt with you about what he expects and how he sees things.  You need to get his permission to sit down and tell him exactly how you're being affected by these recent events.  Having sex, making empty threats, or any number of other things aren't going to get to the root of the problem.  Have you respectfully asked why he doesn't make time to see you?  Have you explained your fear of abandonment and how his statement hurt you?  Things aren't going to improve until you take the time to do all that and more.  You're probably going to get lots of responses simply stating what a jerk he is and how you don't have to tolerate that.  The fact is, we don't know what you've agreed to tolerate, accept or do and we sure don't know his side of things.  Take any advice you get with a grain of salt and talk to him soon..................luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 6:10:18 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		 
I dont do being threatened very well.  I had a submissive years ago who tried to use the threat of leaving me as a form of emotional blackmail to get what she wanted.

I politely responded the first time she did it that she would do that one too many times.

Since it did not work out as she hoped the first time, she tried it again. 

I helped her pack and moved on.

Sinergy


_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 6:42:49 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Do yourself a huge favor and stop being a doormat and walk away from this jerk.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 7:33:05 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If he's not meeting your needs then it's not a good match. Just because you're a submissive doesn't mean you HAVE to be in a relationship with someone who is not a good match and who doesn't care for you in the manner you need. This is a relationship FIRST and a dynamic SECOND.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 7:58:27 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		Sounds like a bootie call to me....but hey....just my opinion.


What you should do is decide if the relationship is working for you...if not.....time to re-evaluate your life and find what it is you really want out of it. If this man is not willing to walk on down the street to see you or communicate....what's the point?


good luck,

~smilezz~


(edited because i can't type for shit)

< Message edited by smilezz -- 11/21/2007 7:59:05 PM >

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(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: threats to walk away - 11/21/2007 8:30:18 PM   
ItzKat


Posts: 86
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		I suspect there is some communication issues here to begin with but it sounds like he was using threats to get what he wanted... he is obviously aware that you are afraid he will leave.  BDSM is about a lot more than just sex and it is always ok to say no to sex if the relationship needs some attention, just like in vanilla life. 

If you are not being fulfilled by a relationship, no matter what kind, then you should move on.  Only you can decide how much you will put up with.  What would have happened if he threatened to leave and you just stood up and said bye. 



_____________________________

~Kat

That which does not kill us... can really mess up our hair!

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: threats to walk away - 11/22/2007 4:56:25 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		yep, it's a booty call, sorry to be so blunt.  i am sorry you are hurting but here's a rule i have yet to find an exception to: "For that which is truly important, time and money will be found."  That he hasn't found time for you in 3 weeks means you are not high on his priority list.  i assume from your post, that wasn't the situation two years ago when the relationship started.  The relationship may have just fizzled out, which happens, as so many others have already said.  The "dom" wants to keep you on the shelf for the occassional booty call but isn't interested in meeting your needs.  It's time for you to ask yourself the hard questions about whether you can accept this or not.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: threats to walk away - 11/22/2007 5:11:16 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		He'll be back.....in three weeks when he gets horny again.

If he wanted to spend time with you, he would.

Next time he threatens to walk out the door, go open it.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: threats to walk away - 11/22/2007 5:13:50 AM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Did he say he just got you to play with sexually?  Other than the three weeks, how long has he been letting you down?
How long has the letting down been?
Could he have another?  Three weeks is a long time for a healthy male to go without, when it's there waiting for him.
If I was attracted to it, I'd 'hit it''knock dem boots' multiple daily times ;>
Why'd he string you along?

MOVE ON!
cum to the states, and serve me! :>

< Message edited by BlackKnight -- 11/22/2007 5:20:22 AM >

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 20
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