RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (Full Version)

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Fidelity -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/13/2005 12:55:33 PM)

Hey Dublin,you're not a bad guy.

You just went up in my respect about ten points,right on.[;)]



RavenofPK -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/13/2005 1:00:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

Holy cow! I can't believe junkyard was the only one to get moderated!


Ever watch a sporting event? It's NEVER the one who initiated the problem that gets penalized. It's always the one who reacts that gets tossed in the sin bin.

Raven



Lordandmaster -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/13/2005 1:02:33 PM)

Who initiated the problem, Raven?



randyd -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/13/2005 1:07:23 PM)

I don't know how people can do these things, but you will find many in this circumstance online. Before entering the bdsm lifestyle my wife and I had a very open and honest relationship. I had relationships with a few other ladies and she did also, but we were honest about it, and we were happy for the other person. Though this only went on for about the first 6 months of our marriage, which is when we got involved in bdsm.

But as for someone cheating on their husband or wife behind their back, I don't agree with this at all and would likely do the same thing as you and refuse to condone it. I am sure there are some in relationships that they choose not to get out of for one reason or another, even if they are unhappy in their marriages.



Lordandmaster -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/13/2005 1:10:37 PM)

You know, one thing that has been gnawing at me throughout this thread is how someone can assume they care more about someone's SO just because they are more concerned about having sex without the SO's knowledge. You really don't know enough about the other person's relationship to be able to draw conclusions like that.

I'll give you an example. One person I know and like, and regularly have sex with, has told me that if I have sex with other people (and she assumes I will), she doesn't want to know about it. I wouldn't have that attitude myself, but it's her preference. How do you know that this woman's husband hasn't told her the same thing? People are rushing to all sorts of conclusions on this thread--as they usually do when it comes to other people's relationships, since they rarely know enough about them to speak with any certainty.



Fidelity -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/13/2005 1:20:52 PM)

I only knew enough to care about how I would feel if I were in this guy's postion.

I never claimed to BE him LAM. The fact that she saw fit to HIDE it from him spoke volumes to me-she had to have known it would have made things a mess between them.

Otherwise,why all the sneaking around behind his back?

(And it wasn't the even about who started flaming in THIS thread Raven,it was about the one who refused to *drop it* that got the axe. Warning was given,and ignored-not the brightest thing to do.)



Lordandmaster -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/13/2005 1:33:13 PM)

Well, you're PROBABLY right, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with her offer either. (I once got myself into a situation like that, and, to make a long story short, the husband ended up killing himself.) But who really knows whether she cares about him. People are complex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fidelity

I never claimed to BE him LAM. The fact that she saw fit to HIDE it from him spoke volumes to me-she had to have known it would have made things a mess between them.

Otherwise,why all the sneaking around behind his back?




Guest -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/13/2005 1:37:58 PM)

Warnings are issued.If they are ignored, moderation is the next step for those that choose to ignore.



LuvSponge -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/13/2005 8:49:45 PM)


quote:

They CHOSE to-so much for emotional self-control.


(Those fargin Bastages!)



sarbonn -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/13/2005 8:53:32 PM)

Personally, I've never been able to understand how someone can cheat in a relationship (married or not). For me, once I find someone who is the one I want to spend all my time with, I can't imagine straying or involving myself with someone else. Not because of some sense of morality, but because I'd be overjoyed to be with someone I could care about and who would care about me.

I was once involved with a married woman whose husband was also into the scene. They didn't care if each other had partners, but personally it really started to bother me. The relationship ended, but it should have ended sooner because I really wasn't cut out for something like that because when it came down to it, neither one of them was really fine with the other playing around. They just told each other enough times that they were and hoped that might convince themselves.



zaynab -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/14/2005 3:18:48 AM)

Mr Fidelity Sir... bravo... bravo.... ~ zay



tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/14/2005 6:02:24 AM)

it is ALWAYS selfishness that makes one want their cake and to eat it too.
MY ex was going to keep me hanging on for play b/c of my deep feelings for him,while he was out looking for others b/c he decided suddenly he didnt need to be in a committed relationship.
It is dishonerable to cheat,period and it is extremely devestating to the other party's psyche as well.



RiotGirl -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/16/2005 9:23:51 AM)

So what is this? A debate about what again?

As for the Cheating - its wrong, but if its not affecting you, who cares. Go find your own drama to deal with. It'll always be there, you cant change it. You can only change your surroundings.

For the Religious - dont believe in religion. Just another way to control society and suck money out of it. Tho i will call myself a christian only as it closely relates to my beliefes. Finding an honest and pure religion (that belives in God) is like looking for an honest and pure politician.

For the government - just another legalised form of the mafia, cept with more rules

oh wait, havent got to the gov yet, well atleast i'm one step ahead of the game.



thelight -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/16/2005 3:44:06 PM)

i think a lot of people feel trapped in their marriages. they want out, but just cand find a way. so they cheat in order to bring a little happiness into an otherwise dreary life. how does that song go? "everybody needs a little sunshine..." when you're miserable, morality goes down the toilet. if you can find a temporary fix, you're gonna take it, as surely as you would steal food if you were hungry and broke.

for example, a friend of mine is married to an argentinian woman. she told him that there would be no reason for her to remain in the states if he divorced her, so she would take their two kids back with her to argentina. he would only be able to see them once a year, at most. he's miserable in his marriage, but he can't bear the though of not having his kids near him. so he cheats, and i don't blame him.

in my own situation, i married at an early age. even then, i knew i was kinky and that my wife was not, but i figured either she would open up, or my kinkiness would wane as i aged. neither has happened. i have tried to gently pesuade my wife into more kinky activities, and she has gone along to please me, but she wasn't into it, and i can't get into it with a partner who isn't into it.

we are very much in love, and she has told me that it would break her heart if she found out that i cheated on her. at the same time, she says that she can't stand the thought of losing me, and so if i ever get to the point where i am torn between cheating on her or divorcing her, i should go ahead and have a discrete affair. i haven't done so yet, but if the right person comes along, i surely will.



luvdragonx -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/16/2005 3:52:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thelight

i think a lot of people feel trapped in their marriages. they want out, but just cand find a way. so they cheat in order to bring a little happiness into an otherwise dreary life. how does that song go? "everybody needs a little sunshine..." when you're miserable, morality goes down the toilet. if you can find a temporary fix, you're gonna take it, as surely as you would steal food if you were hungry and broke.

for example, a friend of mine is married to an argentinian woman. she told him that there would be no reason for her to remain in the states if he divorced her, so she would take their two kids back with her to argentina. he would only be able to see them once a year, at most. he's miserable in his marriage, but he can't bear the though of not having his kids near him. so he cheats, and i don't blame him.

in my own situation, i married at an early age. even then, i knew i was kinky and that my wife was not, but i figured either she would open up, or my kinkiness would wane as i aged. neither has happened. i have tried to gently pesuade my wife into more kinky activities, and she has gone along to please me, but she wasn't into it, and i can't get into it with a partner who isn't into it.

we are very much in love, and she has told me that it would break her heart if she found out that i cheated on her. at the same time, she says that she can't stand the thought of losing me, and so if i ever get to the point where i am torn between cheating on her or divorcing her, i should go ahead and have a discrete affair. i haven't done so yet, but if the right person comes along, i surely will.


I have to ask: if you care about hurting her so much, why not just tell her you're interested in sleeping with another woman? If she doesn't want to lose you, as you've said, and you care about her, as you've said, then why not be up front with her and let her make the decision?



domtimothy46176 -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/16/2005 3:56:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

I think it is very cool to take a moral stand, and maybe a little less cool to be judgemental towards other people.

I'll go out with an older married guy in a minute, as long as he tells me in advance that he's married. He's not going to get me in bed, but we can go out, have fun, go dancing, get drunk, whetever. If he is really cool, fooling around a little isn't out of the question.

I don't want to know about his situation at home, and really don't care. We're both getting what we want I guess. Maybe he is hurting his wife at home, but maybe she is doing the same thing ... that's just none of my business.

I'm only responsible for me. I do a crummy job of that already, without worrying about someone else. [;)]


This is a morally bankrupt position, anyway you slice it. One is always responsible for the impact of their actions. Just because you can't see the damage you are doing to a woman's marriage by dating her husband doesn't mean you don't still share culpability for knowingly interfering in their marital affairs.
Timothy



thelight -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/16/2005 4:09:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvdragonx

I have to ask: if you care about hurting her so much, why not just tell her you're interested in sleeping with another woman? If she doesn't want to lose you, as you've said, and you care about her, as you've said, then why not be up front with her and let her make the decision?


I did. She said that she really hopes I won't, but that I shouldn't leave her just so I can be with someone else, and if it happens, she doesn't want to know about it.



caitlyn -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/16/2005 8:26:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176

This is a morally bankrupt position, anyway you slice it. One is always responsible for the impact of their actions. Just because you can't see the damage you are doing to a woman's marriage by dating her husband doesn't mean you don't still share culpability for knowingly interfering in their marital affairs.


That's just silly Timothy, any way you slice it. [;)]

Its not like I'm the only girl on Earth, and if I said no when a married guy asks me out, that means he will go running home to his wife and make everything better.

This is an issue between a man and his wife. What I do has no impact on that issue, and frankly it just isn't any of my business, and more that what I do is any of your business. [;)]



luvdragonx -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/16/2005 8:44:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

quote:

ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176

This is a morally bankrupt position, anyway you slice it. One is always responsible for the impact of their actions. Just because you can't see the damage you are doing to a woman's marriage by dating her husband doesn't mean you don't still share culpability for knowingly interfering in their marital affairs.


That's just silly Timothy, any way you slice it. [;)]

Its not like I'm the only girl on Earth, and if I said no when a married guy asks me out, that means he will go running home to his wife and make everything better.

This is an issue between a man and his wife. What I do has no impact on that issue, and frankly it just isn't any of my business, and more that what I do is any of your business. [;)]


Come on, caitlyn, anytime you knowingly participate in a situation that is below board, you're partly responsible, even if you don't initiate it. If your friend picks you up in a stolen car and you go riding around town, knowing the car is stolen - even though you didn't steal it, you're partly responsible. if you knowingly go out with a married man and you know his wife has no idea, you are a party to it. Now you may not care what happens in their relationship, nor are you required to. But you are participating in his sneaky behavior, there's no way around that. At a minimum, you're choosing to associate with an openly dishonest person. Why is that?



mnottertail -> RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... (8/16/2005 8:50:46 PM)

Well, at the minimum, I will do the patriotic chant........

Hear! Hear!




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