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Hallittlelolita -> I have a question? (8/11/2005 11:24:39 AM)

How to i get my husband to put me over his knee for a spanknig? I've asked him about it and he told me to relax I already call him Master he likes that but how do I get him to spank me?



Kinkypupper -> RE: I have a question? (8/11/2005 11:38:32 AM)

The problem here is that YOU cannot.
To do so means you are "topping" from the bottom. and that will nullify any gains you are trying to make to get him to be "unvanilla"
You need to subtly let him know that he is YOUR Master and that you will accept from him whatever he wishes to do.
Unfortunately if he is vanilla you cannot force a change or even create achange. If you do then all you will acheve is by telling him on a subconsious level that YOU are Mistress Hallittlelolita and HE will obey you.

Best suggestion guide him slowly and let him find his own way. send him e-mail links to "kinky" sites. Like this one. or http://castlerealm.com or http://www.godfatherdom.com/ or one of the many others that YOU may have found that you are interested in.
Then and only then afte a day or so sit down with a cup of tea or ? and TALK with your partner. explain to him Who you feel you are and what you think.

And go from there..

One step at a time not too fast tho



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: I have a question? (8/11/2005 12:21:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper
The problem here is that YOU cannot.
To do so means you are "topping" from the bottom. and that will nullify any gains you are trying to make to get him to be "unvanilla"


Ok, I want to say I really agree with what you say here, but I am going to play a bit of devil's advocate, just for fun.

What is wrong with a bit of topping from the bottom? I don't think it is any more vanilla then good old topping from the top. Perhaps the OP is really a spankee fetishist who thinks she has to be submissive to get spanked. What if she doesn't really enjoy the submission...then why can't she get a good ol' fashioned spanking without the nonsese of worrying about who is topping from where?

My answer to the OP would be to formalize the relationship with her Master. If he wants to be called Master, he needs to pony up with the spankings at least three times a week (or whatever would make it worth while for the OP). If that is topping from the bottom, who the hell cares? At least she will be getting what she wants (to be spanked) and he gets what he wants (to be called Master).

Taggard



KnightofMists -> RE: I have a question? (8/11/2005 12:42:12 PM)

I going to make a an assumption. I assume when you are asking your husband to spank you... that you wish him to take the intiative to do so when and if it pleases him. Now you call him Master... both truthfully, that doesn't really express what you relationship is about. What is he.. your Husband first or is he your Master first. And then of course what does it mean to be a husband or Master to you. But no matter to which you answer the end result is you can't get him to do something that he will not desire to do. The question? is thou, if he does it, what will be his motivation! Is the spanking entirely motivated to give you the pleasure of the experience and it is your pleasure that he is doing and not the very act of giving you spanking in the first place. Or do you wish him to be motivated to spank you because it will give him pleasure to do and that your enjoy is secondary thou a positive result of his actions. The answer to that question can reflect much on on if this person is your Husband first or Master first. It will also reflect much of yourself as well. Only you can know the answer that works for you.

If this man is your husband first and foremost... then it is communication and expression of your opinion and ideas on the whole topic that can be used to show him the intensity of your desire for the experience. Lots of sites and reading material can be found to show how important this to you. In the end, as your Husband he maybe motivated to give the experience for the sake of your own pleasure and not for the sake of his own desire to do the act of spanking in of itself. Like any Husband/Wife relationships... we make compromises and do things out of love for the pleasure of that which we love even when such actions are not giving us direct enjoyment.

If this mans is your Master first and foremost.... then simply put... ask to express your opinion on the issue of spanking, if he says no... then accept it and don't disrespect his will by trying to push and manipulate his will to get your want satisfied at the expense of what he wants... for he is Master... If he says Yes... then be thankful and express your opinion deeply with passion and with thought. But be prepared to accept that he will not do it... If he says No.. then maybe you can ask if another may spank you so you can have the experience.

Remember - no one person will enjoy or do every activity one can find in the BDSM world... In general, most are very limited in what they will do and enjoy. It is not uncommon for bottoms to enjoy activities from other Tops that their significant Top doesn't themself do. In the end you can't make the square peg fit into the round whole, without damaging the peg... so don't try to force it or manipulate it to get your way.

KoM



plantlady64 -> RE: I have a question? (8/11/2005 1:25:14 PM)

Hello There,
Unfortunately if you've voiced your desire to be spanked and he's not willing to TKO that there is no way you could force him to participate.
Either he's into it or he's not. Even if he did spank you just for you would you really like that? For me knowing he was not into it would really detract from any enjoyment I would achieve.
Maybe convincing him you want to have play friends to help you with your desires would be the way to go.
Where I live there are a lot of intercourse monogamous couples that play with others in public dungeons or play parties.
You may be able to have your cake and eat it too.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne



tade -> RE: I have a question? (8/11/2005 4:23:30 PM)

If I may, a point that some of us probably overlook is that everybody has to start somewhere.For a lot of people out there in the "real world", a little otk spanking is as kinky as they ever get. I would say get him to spank you the same way any sub gets spanked. Be naughty. Be creatively naughty. Tease him. Walk up to him naked when he would not expect it, take your fingers and get them nice and wet and smear that wettness over his upper lip and straight out ask "ow bad a girl has to be to get a spanking around here?" I know it might not be in accord with the proper protocol, but it would get the job done with me. Sometimes people need a little prodding...maybe he is a Master and just doesn't know it yet.

Between now and then,
Tade



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: I have a question? (8/11/2005 5:13:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tade
I would say get him to spank you the same way any sub gets spanked. Be naughty.

For me, that's the way this slave gets dismissed. Being NICE is the premium goal, being NAUGHT is very ill-advised and certainly not the way "any sub" gets attention.

In this particular case it may apply, if it's just fun spanking games and a door opener to more.

TDAW- the only case I make against TFTB is that it sets up a bad pattern of behavior which often leads to frustrations.



happypervert -> RE: I have a question? (8/11/2005 5:27:23 PM)

One thing that may keep him from spanking you is thinking of it a s a punishment. You could try suggesting it as a reward and try to turn it into something fun or foreplay.

Something else to try would be to ask him to slap your ass sometime when he is fucking you doggy style.

Remember to give him positive feedback. In this case that would mean making sure he knows that swats on your ass turn you into into even more of an uninhibited and insatiable slut than normally. He ought to like that and would likely take the initiative eventually.



RumpusParable -> RE: I have a question? (8/11/2005 5:32:50 PM)

i really can't agree that leading/asking him into it is wrong or "topping from the bottom". if he'd explored this area prior, then very possibly yes... but by the sounds it's still in the stage of finding out what he/both are interested in and end up liking.

not everyone who is a dom and/or sadist falls into it naturally on their own. sometimes the novelty or PC-childhood messages or other issues can make someone uncomfortable with trying or even enjoying at first when they may end up fine and loving it, away of a part of themselves they'd not addressed before.

my current partner and spouse is one such... it's something i'd introduced to his life and have needed to open up dialogue on and lead him to try some things. time went by, he found enjoyment (and the fact that it was enjoyable to me & it was okay for him to like) in the things tried and then started the pursuit of the interest on his own with a passion and imagination! (yay)

OP, it's true and i agree that (like with anything) you can't make someone enjoy it... the old saw about horse, water and drinking.... so you need to measure by what you know of him how much is haven't tried and/or unsure and how much is truly a lack of interest or unwillingness. it's hard when it's something one really wants, but look it over with your feelings aside.

if it's just a case of opening it up for you both, you might try just being a bit more direct... i mean, not just saying "i'd like you to spank me sometimes/next time/ this week" or such but (depending on whether it's part of sex for you or separate) asking directly about the moment you want spanked. as in (when the situation is correct for you two) "i want you to try spanking me right now, i would really appreciate it. be assured that i WILL let you know if you do anything too hard or upsetting to me, i promise" (that last bit also since a lot of times someone new to being the spanker can be afraid of serious harm physically or emotionally, it all being new).

again, being pushy isn't a good idea nor is trying to run things once any sort of dynamic is being set up, as i'm sure you're aware... it'd be counter-productive to what you want, anyhow, of course.... but sometimes directness and working-together by leading in the earliest stages is a needed to get things loosened up and flowing with someone new to it (at all or with you). don't be afraid to be open, honest and direct during the learning (and of course later, too, but in the other ways appropriate).

i hope that was clear, it's a bit late at night here.



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: I have a question? (8/11/2005 7:23:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
TDAW- the only case I make against TFTB is that it sets up a bad pattern of behavior which often leads to frustrations.


Quite right. I think the only way TFTB (I didn't know it had its own acronym *smile*) would work is in a very structured and communicative relationship. When the requirements are worked out before-hand and everyone knows what to expect.

I don't see anything wrong with a strong submissive asking for and getting what they want...

Taggard



FangsNfeet -> RE: I have a question? (8/11/2005 11:27:09 PM)

You can always start spanking him and see if he'll spank back tougher, faster, and harder.



Sabella -> RE: I have a question? (8/12/2005 5:33:22 AM)

Take him flogger shopping. Get several, maybe a crop & a paddle too. When you get bored (when he's there) attempt to spank yourself. Obviously (hopefully) he will want to help you out. If you have fantasies of him spanking you TELL HIM! in lots of breathy details. If you don't have fantasies yet, start getting some! LOL

How would you go about telling him you'd like to try a new sexual position? do the same thing, get him involved. Are you normally this reticent about approaching him with new ideas?



nella -> RE: I have a question? (8/12/2005 6:33:16 AM)

quote:

You can always start spanking him and see if he'll spank back tougher, faster, and harder.


FangsNfeet you should start a ask FangsNfeet colum and give relationhsip advice, i am sure many would be helped by it, for your adivice always have, an interesting ring to them. [:)]



susieslave1 -> RE: I have a question? (8/12/2005 6:36:47 AM)

Hi, have a question just like that one. My Master will not play. Well not with me. There is no s/m in our relationship, yet he flogged his last slave in public and play parties. Whats wrong with me ?????



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: I have a question? (8/12/2005 8:42:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: susieslave1

Hi, have a question just like that one. My Master will not play. Well not with me. There is no s/m in our relationship, yet he flogged his last slave in public and play parties. Whats wrong with me ?????

Nothing? And I don't see anything wrong with him either?.

Have you brought it up to him? Was there some expectation that there would be kink in your relationship that is no longer being met? If you are in a poly relationship its good to realize that a person will have an individual relationship with each person involved- and that one relationship might look very different from another. I think a lot of trouble pops up with the dom and/or the sub TRIES to make all the relationships "the same" because the people are NOT the same, therefore the relationships shouldn't be either.

So he might have a very different dynamic with one person than he does with you. The point is to be clear on what that is and to make sure that it works for you. If things have changes from expectations or if you are not being fulfilled, then you need to discuss it.



ChereeAmoor -> RE: I have a question? (8/12/2005 11:25:47 AM)

We talk a lot about what we want/need. Sometimes it is when we are cuddling, other times, it is over coffee, or I will tell Master about an erotic dream I might have had - I can always ask for something. *giggles* the last good spanking I got was for saying I faked my orgasms! Of course I don't - but it made for a lot of fun!



Fawne -> RE: I have a question? (8/12/2005 11:26:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

You can always start spanking him and see if he'll spank back tougher, faster, and harder.


Hee hee.. [:D] Thanks for asking, OP. Great thread, great people.

I agree a submissive can flirt, even tease a little, in many relationships without topping from the bottom.
With my former master, who had a fondness for brats (not really my style) I'd wear tiny minis and the most bratty, insulting, girly panties I could find and tease! bend over, sit inappropriately, throw yourself over his knee and complain that something is wrong with your heinie, show him, rub skin, ask him if he can find out your poor intimate problem.

I had "princess", diamond crown royally centered on sweet spot. Worst: pink and blue cotton panties with a goofy picture of a kid and they slogan " boys are stupid.. throw rocks at them" Sick! I got a whole lot worse than a spanking from that one. He wasn't amused at that, but loved princess.

Now, I am with a man who I can be "nice" to, which is natural for me. He deserves nice. I don't think I'll ever be at lack for spankings either. I do however wonder what would happen if I tried Fangs method of enticement. If I am away from the BB for a while because I can't sit down, ... um, you'll know maybe it wasn't such a good idea! smile




PAINTHORSE -> RE: I have a question? (8/12/2005 12:11:24 PM)

hall'little'litta,

i will try and give you my experience along similar situation, and its evolution. i found myself for the first time in my life truly dedicated to serving my new husband, he is absolutly the only person in the world i have ever had this total dedication to service, and submitt, he is into it, but had been use to traditional vanilla relationships, my approach involved, total spoiling him rotten, anticipation of every need, no matter how small, like even have fresh folded underware laid out for him after his shower, his shirt collar buttons buttonsed etc. etc,., now he is so in to being the master, that if we are setting in family room and he wants his drink from the coffee table, he merly says drink .. or drink please, ( the please is not necessary >grins<) but he is evolving more and more into the Master that I am so very privleged to serve......... and all aspects of our relationship both sexual and life circumstances are better for it..... be consistent, demonstrate your respect, and adhere to his every whelm, trust me, he will grow to exptect it, and not want to tollerate any deviation, at this point he may evolve to doing "what ever" it may take to assure same...................... painthorse



Fawne -> RE: I have a question? (8/12/2005 12:46:45 PM)

Sorry,

I don't see where it is clear that "Master" is the master by his choice or to keep the little lady quiet while he surfs channels and eats Doritos. Not enough info...

Is he new at this? Play? Total Power Exchange? Poly? Vanilla?

Lots of great advice.. all



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