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depersonalization of a sub - 8/11/2005 11:45:19 AM

tarnishedhalo777

Posts: 119
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Well I guess I'm here b/c I'm still learning how to be more sadistic. My sub male was in all reality training me to top him. I am hoping for the opportunity to whip him(if we still play).I guess my question is... how does one get beyond paddling?
Right now I'm thinking depersonalizing him is the only way to do it even tho I know he wants me to mark him.Is it b/c I'm still new?

< Message edited by tarnishedhalo777 -- 8/11/2005 11:52:11 AM >

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RE: depersonalization of a sub - 8/11/2005 3:38:07 PM

saret

Posts: 71
Joined: 4/27/2005
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-grins-
Thats what's called "topping from the bottom."

This is my 2 cents, but maybe you should take a step back, and completely revise your approach.
First off: do you genuinely enjoy what you do to him? You might have done it at first to make him happy, but do you like it for its own sake now, would you do it with someone different if given a chance?
If not, why are you doing it at all?

Having thought about that, not think about you. HE gave YOU control, remember?
Instead of whipping him to make him happy, sit down and seriously think about what YOU enjoy, what YOU like. Make a list of sexual acts you like, non-sexual things you like, etc.

(example. I like getting head, having a clean apt., footrubs, backrubs, strawberries, swing dancing, velvet, spankings, etc etc etc)

Tell him at the start of a session: these are the things I like, and therefore, these are the things you are going to do.
When he has performed a number of these things, you can reward him with something he likes (spanking, foot worship).

That way, you start building your authority as a top, you get to enjoy the things you like, and is ultimately more satisfying for both of you.

Also, moving beyond paddling? Here's a great page on flogging how-to:
Flogging 101

-S-

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RE: depersonalization of a sub - 8/12/2005 8:36:56 AM

chasteslave

Posts: 47
Joined: 7/26/2004
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i would agree with Saret. His submission should be about serving You and Your wants and needs.
Is whipping a hard limit for him? If so, and You are truly interested in these things, he may not be the submissive You seek. i have met and gotten to know some Dommes in the past, and i have found that just b/c people are interested in a D/s relationship, it doesn't mean they are fully compatible with regards to their interests in many aspects of a D/s relationship.

Good luck

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RE: depersonalization of a sub - 8/12/2005 8:43:05 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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quote:

i would agree with Saret. His submission should be about serving You and Your wants and needs.
Is whipping a hard limit for him? If so, and You are truly interested in these things, he may not be the submissive You seek. i have met and gotten to know some Dommes in the past, and i have found that just b/c people are interested in a D/s relationship, it doesn't mean they are fully compatible with regards to their interests in many aspects of a D/s relationship.

Well submission is, well in its basic form, submitting. One can submit and still expect that the relationship is two sided. If he is not a domestic servant type sub, i doubt he will be werry happy if she try to make him one. Not all D/s relationshps is all aboute the Dom, somtimes it is just aboute power transfer.

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RE: depersonalization of a sub - 8/12/2005 3:01:29 PM

tarnishedhalo777

Posts: 119
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we are/were equals out of the bedroom.he is a submissive masochist.i was getting the hang of paddling/spanking...but i was having trouble w/ the whipping. we are now apart,as of this afternoon.,but thank you for your help. i told him he was a sam the other day.he doesnt agree.lol.

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I will not die the death of loneliness by being afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. I will not commit figurative suicide by leaving my potential underdeveloped because I am afraid to take risks.

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RE: depersonalization of a sub - 8/12/2005 6:04:18 PM

nella

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Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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i am sorry to hear you are having some trubbels. i hope you work it out.

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RE: depersonalization of a sub - 8/13/2005 6:43:02 AM

tarnishedhalo777

Posts: 119
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Thanks,I shall continue to learn and become the improved version of myself,lol.

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I will not die the death of loneliness by being afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. I will not commit figurative suicide by leaving my potential underdeveloped because I am afraid to take risks.

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RE: depersonalization of a sub - 8/13/2005 7:18:07 AM

nella

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You do that, that is my personal philosopy for life, or well, one of them, to try to become the best person one can in everything one do.

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RE: depersonalization of a sub - 8/14/2005 5:52:58 AM

tarnishedhalo777

Posts: 119
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Do you carry that perfectionist gene too

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I will not die the death of loneliness by being afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. I will not commit figurative suicide by leaving my potential underdeveloped because I am afraid to take risks.

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RE: depersonalization of a sub - 8/14/2005 8:02:54 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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Yes i do, and it creep out in whatever i do.

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RE: depersonalization of a sub - 8/15/2005 3:41:42 AM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
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There are several different ways to "depersonalize" a bottom for play. You may enjoy a simple blindfold or head covering. Some people like gags so that they don't feel that they will be subject to comments or insults. But, then again, if they are respectful and truly interested in the interaction, they wouldn't anyway. That brings it back to choosing the right person and situation. (This is an important, but not often discussed factor in growing and learning in the lifestyle)

On the other hand, it seems that your reasoning for this is simple insecurity. Even though he is not with you anymore, you can seek out other opportunities to learn and grow. Get involved with a community and take up every opportunity for play parties, classes or workshops. You will likely find people willing to play on a simply "friendly" basis that can help you learn and foster your confidence. Nearly every community has a friendly masochistic bottom or switch that can be a great teacher. Playing in a public dungeon or at a play party can take of any pressure or sense of obligation attached to playing. Ask other people, most are friendly and willing to help. Everyone had to start somewhere.

Purr

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