RE: What he.she doesn't know....

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (Full Version)

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slaveluci -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/24/2007 8:25:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie ...NOT telling him would have been worse. My discrepancy would have turned into a cancer that would continue to grow, and he would never know or understand what was happening. He had to know what my own reaction to my disobedience was and why. To not tell him would be worse than what I had actually done, as I would be living a lie Exactly. My own reaction to my disobedience was stronger than His. I was honestly harder on myself than He has ever been. As you said, I couldn't live a lie so I had to tell all as hard as it was. quote: ...I was tasked with rethinking if I wanted to belong to him, while he in turn considered whether or not he wanted to keep me. It was, however, the beginning of some very serious changes I made, and some changes he also made, which have brought us to where we are today. To this day I am grateful he kept me and that I chose to stay Basically the same thing happened with us. He asked me in all sincerity if I truly wanted to continue being His or if we needed to talk about parting. He didn't want that to happen but He seriously wondered if I did. As you said, it was the beginning of some serious talks and I thank God everyday Master agreed that we should remain together. I shudder to think how things would be if He hadn't. I'm truly blessed..............luci

ownedgirlie -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/24/2007 8:50:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci I shudder to think how things would be if He hadn't. I won't bring my mind there. It would simply be too ugly. I had to turn it into something worth learning, though. It was then that I decided I would never ask for my release, ever. It was then that I realized the seriousness I took my slavery to him, and realized I'm one of those crazy people who would not have the ability to leave...ever. Discovery of this changed something in me, and it's been much better path ever since. So, good comes from bad if we make it so.

LaMspeach -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/24/2007 9:51:17 PM)
I relate to both owned and luci. I am not perfect and there have been things I've done that i knew would anger him and could cost me the relationship that i have worked so hard at. I told on myself knowing it could end the relationship the alternative was living a lie and to be honest it was affecting me in a very negative way, in all areas of my life. It isn't the punishment that i got that stops me from doing things. It is the disapointment I cause him and the negative effect it has on my peace of mind when i know i am not being my best for him.

Lancealittle -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/24/2007 10:01:20 PM)
If you're in a serious relationship, of any flavor, trust is only met by communication as far as importance. You have to have both, and if you can essentially lie (hiding disobediance is lieing) to your Dom then they can't trust you, they might not know it yet, but they will find out eventually. Build on trust, if the relationship means nothing to you, then it doesnt matter if it comes crashing down. Dom or sub, lies are wrong. A Dom should always be open and honest with his/her submissive just as much as the submissive should be honest with their Dom. If I were to do something as a Dominant that I knew would hurt my submissive (emotionally, like if we were monogamous and I slept with some one else) I would atone for it in some way. In some ways a submissive has the easy end of this deal because the Dom can choose a punishment and forgive afterwards. It's harder for the Dom to atone for a mistake as they can't really let the sub "punish" them without potentially screwing up their dynamic. (depending on the power dynamic in the relationship obviously)

beltainefaerie -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/25/2007 12:13:22 AM)
Disobedience has never been willful, but occasionally neglegent. (I am supposed to exercise 3 x per week and a couple times I have failed that) I have always told Master immediately and accepted his punishment.

YourhandMyAss -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/25/2007 12:35:33 AM)
Yup, and yup I kept it a secret. till one day about 6 months later someone else said something that made him ask me a direct question then I fessed up and all hell broke loose and I was released for my actions. quote: ORIGINAL: southernhart Have you ever disobeyed your Dominant or did something against their wishes and kept it a secret? Or did you go to them and tell them what you did?

YourhandMyAss -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/25/2007 12:40:46 AM)
I am that way too, Like I asked Daddy if he wanted a blanket for his birthday cause Petaluma is freaking cold as a meat packing freezer in winter, and when I found the one I wanted to get I was dying to tell him about it lol, Same with the plush Cthuluh I got him. quote: ORIGINAL: hejira92 it is difficult enough to keep good things in my head from Him (for example- I am bursting to tell Him His holiday present), so if I feel guilty about something I cannot possibly keep it in.

littleone35 -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/26/2007 12:53:21 PM)
Yeah i did something once i won't go into it Master knows what it is. I was not told not to do this but after i did i felt bad and told Master. He just laughed and hugged me and said its Ok sweetheart but don't do it again. So i know better not to do that thing again. I have no secrets from him. Matt's littleone

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/26/2007 5:50:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: southernhart Have you ever disobeyed your Dominant or did something against their wishes and kept it a secret? Or did you go to them and tell them what you did? In the past, absolutely. I even cheated. I'm quite an excellent liar. With my partner? I can honestly say the only things I've intentionally kept from him were surprises he knew were coming. It's awesome.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/26/2007 5:54:22 PM)
Angel did, more than once with the same thing as well. And each time, he came to me and told me. He is only human, after all, and this is his weakness. Every time he has been punished, and the punishment gets harsher. He has never NOT told me, to avoid it, he just has a moment of weakness when he doesnt think before he acts. Fox hasnt, yet, but he hasnt been mine for all that long. I expect the boys to screw up, they are not perfect. As long as they fess up, i can usually forgive it. DV

DesFIP -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/26/2007 5:57:27 PM)
I've made mistakes and then corrected them and never even thought of mentioning it. Stuff like getting to the post office and not getting there until the next day. If he asks I'll tell him but usually it doesn't occur to me. This only happens when he's away for a few days and wants something mailed on Tuesday for instance instead of Monday morning. But more important stuff? Like someone else said, only when still LDR.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/26/2007 6:19:46 PM)
I am one of those that tells all. The guilt inside me would eat me up. If you did something wrong they would prefer to hear the truth from you then find about it later. It is a trust thing.

juliaoceania -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/26/2007 6:20:30 PM)
general reply First to kyra, I really respect how you have admitted your less than perfect submission because it adds depth perception to what we as submissives live. I think that sometimes that there can be a perception that submitting is so eazy peezy, when sometimes the submission that means the most is what we submit to that is the hardest thing to surrender control over.... I congratulate those with perfect obedience records, however I do not have one myself. I will also say in an unrelated point.... Sometimes when submissives do not obey it is because perhaps the expectations put upon the submissive are unreasonable, even if they seem reasonable to the dominant. I can imagine that a truly devoted submissive could have occasion to fail to obey because it was outside of her ability to do whatever her dominant demanded, and because she felt like a failure she may lie about it for fear of losing the respect of her dominant, or even the loss of the relationship. In this case both the dominant and the submissive have failed each other. Now I had a similar thing happen to me, I was unable to comply with something ordered of me because it was beyond my capabilities... and I was tempted to lie about it... it would have been oh so easy to lie... but I did not. I felt like a failure for my inability to complete what he told me to do, and in the end it almost ended us... thank god it did not do so. We both learned a lot from this... and learning is what it is all about.

BBWnNC72 -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/26/2007 6:34:07 PM)
i say, be honest about all. its not worth the mental pain and guilt, nor the damage it may cause in the relationship. when i first started out with my trainer, i went and played with someone i knew i shouldnt have. my trainer didnt mind that i play but who i played with and this person was a no no, well, i lied about it, for about an hour, then i broke down and cried and told. the guilt was so bad, i couldnt hold it in, i got punished, but i was so new and i was suprised by the punishment. He held my head on His chest and stroked my hair and basically told me how disappointed He was in me but that every thing would be ok, that hurt worse then any beating i could ever get! i later asked why He did it that way, He told me that He knew i would punish myself far worse mentally then anything He could ever do to me, He was so right. i dont keep anything from Him now, at all.

Kalista07 -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/26/2007 9:44:07 PM)
Okay, well apparently i officially suck...Because as i was reading this thread i was being somewhat prideful on the fact that, here was something i had never done.....Until................So, apparently not only have i been deliberatley disobedient, but the fact of the matter is i didn't tell.......... Now i feel guilty as hell for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before i moved i had asked Him to hold me accountable on walking everynight... There were at least two nights that i know of that i lied and said i walked and didn't...... Do i tell now??????? Insane, Kalista

juliaoceania -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/26/2007 10:07:51 PM)
Read your signature line, and decide whether or not you have the courage to live your life honestly, because that takes a lot of courage and most people (including me at times) lack that courage in some aspect of who they are. The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

Kalista07 -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/26/2007 10:36:22 PM)
Damn these ethics and this integrity.....GRRRRRRRRRRR....yep....the guilt killed me in less than 3.5 minutes...i emailed Him and had to tell Him....

kyraofMists -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/27/2007 5:15:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania First to kyra, I really respect how you have admitted your less than perfect submission because it adds depth perception to what we as submissives live. I think that sometimes that there can be a perception that submitting is so eazy peezy, when sometimes the submission that means the most is what we submit to that is the hardest thing to surrender control over.... I congratulate those with perfect obedience records, however I do not have one myself. I thought I would take a break from packing and say thank you, julia. I hope that I am not perceived as being a perfect submissive. I do not bring most of the things that I struggle with to the boards out of respect for our family, but they are there. Sometimes it is really hard to do what he wants and there have been times in the beginning when I wondered if I was actually cut out to be his slave. Interestingly enough, I find transfering authority over the finances to be so easy now when it was one of the hardest in the beginning. Knight's Kyra

goodgirl08 -> RE: What he.she doesn't know.... (11/27/2007 5:39:08 PM)
Yes and yes. From it I learned I need to put more effort into communicating my feelings in this relationship. I have a tendency to keep it all inside. Fortunately I don't have a tendency to keep secrets inside. Ugh. This is bringing me back to the way I felt after I did it[:'(]

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