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RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/24/2007 8:25:04 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
...NOT telling him would have been worse. My discrepancy would have turned into a cancer that would continue to grow, and he would never know or understand what was happening. He had to know what my own reaction to my disobedience was and why. To not tell him would be worse than what I had actually done, as I would be living a lie

Exactly. My own reaction to my disobedience was stronger than His. I was honestly harder on myself than He has ever been. As you said, I couldn't live a lie so I had to tell all as hard as it was.

quote:

...I was tasked with rethinking if I wanted to belong to him, while he in turn considered whether or not he wanted to keep me. It was, however, the beginning of some very serious changes I made, and some changes he also made, which have brought us to where we are today. To this day I am grateful he kept me and that I chose to stay

Basically the same thing happened with us. He asked me in all sincerity if I truly wanted to continue being His or if we needed to talk about parting. He didn't want that to happen but He seriously wondered if I did. As you said, it was the beginning of some serious talks and I thank God everyday Master agreed that we should remain together. I shudder to think how things would be if He hadn't. I'm truly blessed..............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 21

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/24/2007 8:50:15 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
I shudder to think how things would be if He hadn't.

I won't bring my mind there. It would simply be too ugly.

I had to turn it into something worth learning, though. It was then that I decided I would never ask for my release, ever. It was then that I realized the seriousness I took my slavery to him, and realized I'm one of those crazy people who would not have the ability to leave...ever. Discovery of this changed something in me, and it's been much better path ever since.

So, good comes from bad if we make it so.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 22

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/24/2007 9:51:17 PM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

I relate to both owned and luci. I am not perfect and there have been things I've done that i knew would anger him and could cost me the relationship that i have worked so hard at. I told on myself knowing it could end the relationship the alternative was living a lie and to be honest it was affecting me in a very negative way, in all areas of my life.

It isn't the punishment that i got that stops me from doing things. It is the disapointment I cause him and the negative effect it has on my peace of mind when i know i am not being my best for him.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 23

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/24/2007 10:01:20 PM

Lancealittle

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline

If you're in a serious relationship, of any flavor, trust is only met by communication as far as importance. You have to have both, and if you can essentially lie (hiding disobediance is lieing) to your Dom then they can't trust you, they might not know it yet, but they will find out eventually.

Build on trust, if the relationship means nothing to you, then it doesnt matter if it comes crashing down. Dom or sub, lies are wrong. A Dom should always be open and honest with his/her submissive just as much as the submissive should be honest with their Dom.

If I were to do something as a Dominant that I knew would hurt my submissive (emotionally, like if we were monogamous and I slept with some one else) I would atone for it in some way. In some ways a submissive has the easy end of this deal because the Dom can choose a punishment and forgive afterwards. It's harder for the Dom to atone for a mistake as they can't really let the sub "punish" them without potentially screwing up their dynamic. (depending on the power dynamic in the relationship obviously)

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 24

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/25/2007 12:13:22 AM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

Disobedience has never been willful, but occasionally neglegent. (I am supposed to exercise 3 x per week and a couple times I have failed that) I have always told Master immediately and accepted his punishment.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 25

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/25/2007 12:35:33 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Yup, and yup I kept it a secret. till one day about 6 months later someone else said something that made him ask me a direct question then I fessed up and all hell broke loose and I was released for my actions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

Have you ever disobeyed your Dominant or did something against their wishes and kept it a secret? Or did you go to them and tell them what you did?

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 26

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/25/2007 12:40:46 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I am that way too, Like I asked Daddy if he wanted a blanket for his birthday cause Petaluma is freaking cold as a meat packing freezer in winter, and when I found the one I wanted to get I was dying to tell him about it lol, Same with the plush Cthuluh I got him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

it is difficult enough to keep good things in my head from Him (for example- I am bursting to tell Him His holiday present), so if I feel guilty about something I cannot possibly keep it in.

(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 27

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/26/2007 12:53:21 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Yeah i did something once i won't go into it Master knows what it is. I was not told not to do this but after i did i felt bad and told Master. He just laughed and hugged me and said its Ok sweetheart but don't do it again. So i know better not to do that thing again. I have no secrets from him.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 28

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/26/2007 5:50:04 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart
Have you ever disobeyed your Dominant or did something against their wishes and kept it a secret? Or did you go to them and tell them what you did?

In the past, absolutely. I even cheated. I'm quite an excellent liar.

With my partner? I can honestly say the only things I've intentionally kept from him were surprises he knew were coming. It's awesome.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 29

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/26/2007 5:54:22 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Angel did, more than once with the same thing as well. And each time, he came to me and told me. He is only human, after all, and this is his weakness. Every time he has been punished, and the punishment gets harsher. He has never NOT told me, to avoid it, he just has a moment of weakness when he doesnt think before he acts.

Fox hasnt, yet, but he hasnt been mine for all that long. I expect the boys to screw up, they are not perfect. As long as they fess up, i can usually forgive it.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 30

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/26/2007 5:57:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I've made mistakes and then corrected them and never even thought of mentioning it. Stuff like getting to the post office and not getting there until the next day. If he asks I'll tell him but usually it doesn't occur to me.

This only happens when he's away for a few days and wants something mailed on Tuesday for instance instead of Monday morning.

But more important stuff? Like someone else said, only when still LDR.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 31

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/26/2007 6:19:46 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I am one of those that tells all. The guilt inside me would eat me up. If you did something wrong they would prefer to hear the truth from you then find about it later. It is a trust thing.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 32

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/26/2007 6:20:30 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

general reply

First to kyra, I really respect how you have admitted your less than perfect submission because it adds depth perception to what we as submissives live. I think that sometimes that there can be a perception that submitting is so eazy peezy, when sometimes the submission that means the most is what we submit to that is the hardest thing to surrender control over.... I congratulate those with perfect obedience records, however I do not have one myself.

I will also say in an unrelated point....

Sometimes when submissives do not obey it is because perhaps the expectations put upon the submissive are unreasonable, even if they seem reasonable to the dominant. I can imagine that a truly devoted submissive could have occasion to fail to obey because it was outside of her ability to do whatever her dominant demanded, and because she felt like a failure she may lie about it for fear of losing the respect of her dominant, or even the loss of the relationship. In this case both the dominant and the submissive have failed each other.

Now I had a similar thing happen to me, I was unable to comply with something ordered of me because it was beyond my capabilities... and I was tempted to lie about it... it would have been oh so easy to lie... but I did not. I felt like a failure for my inability to complete what he told me to do, and in the end it almost ended us... thank god it did not do so. We both learned a lot from this... and learning is what it is all about.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 33

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/26/2007 6:34:07 PM

BBWnNC72

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

i say, be honest about all. its not worth the mental pain and guilt, nor the damage it may cause in the relationship.

when i first started out with my trainer, i went and played with someone i knew i shouldnt have. my trainer didnt mind that i play but who i played with and this person was a no no,
well, i lied about it, for about an hour, then i broke down and cried and told. the guilt was so bad, i couldnt hold it in,
i got punished, but i was so new and i was suprised by the punishment. He held my head on His chest and stroked my hair and basically told me how disappointed He was in me but that every thing would be ok, that hurt worse then any beating i could ever get!
i later asked why He did it that way, He told me that He knew i would punish myself far worse mentally then anything He could ever do to me, He was so right.
i dont keep anything from Him now, at all.

< Message edited by BBWnNC72 -- 11/26/2007 6:36:04 PM >

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 34

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/26/2007 9:44:07 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

Okay, well apparently i officially suck...Because as i was reading this thread i was being somewhat prideful on the fact that, here was something i had never done.....Until................So, apparently not only have i been deliberatley disobedient, but the fact of the matter is i didn't tell..........
Now i feel guilty as hell for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before i moved i had asked Him to hold me accountable on walking everynight... There were at least two nights that i know of that i lied and said i walked and didn't......

Do i tell now???????

Insane,
Kalista

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to beltainefaerie)

Post #: 35

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/26/2007 10:07:51 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Read your signature line, and decide whether or not you have the courage to live your life honestly, because that takes a lot of courage and most people (including me at times) lack that courage in some aspect of who they are. The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 36

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/26/2007 10:36:22 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

Damn these ethics and this integrity.....GRRRRRRRRRRR....yep....the guilt killed me in less than 3.5 minutes...i emailed Him and had to tell Him....

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 37

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/27/2007 5:15:04 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
First to kyra, I really respect how you have admitted your less than perfect submission because it adds depth perception to what we as submissives live. I think that sometimes that there can be a perception that submitting is so eazy peezy, when sometimes the submission that means the most is what we submit to that is the hardest thing to surrender control over.... I congratulate those with perfect obedience records, however I do not have one myself.

I thought I would take a break from packing and say thank you, julia.

I hope that I am not perceived as being a perfect submissive. I do not bring most of the things that I struggle with to the boards out of respect for our family, but they are there. Sometimes it is really hard to do what he wants and there have been times in the beginning when I wondered if I was actually cut out to be his slave. Interestingly enough, I find transfering authority over the finances to be so easy now when it was one of the hardest in the beginning.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 38

RE: What he.she doesn't know.... - 11/27/2007 5:39:08 PM

goodgirl08

Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

Yes and yes. From it I learned I need to put more effort into communicating my feelings in this relationship. I have a tendency to keep it all inside. Fortunately I don't have a tendency to keep secrets inside. Ugh. This is bringing me back to the way I felt after I did it

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 39

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