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Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 3:53:23 AM

DaisyDestruction

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/13/2007
From: New Orleans
Status: offline

So I'm in a pretty intense D/s relationship. I'm also a masochist. D is quite a sadist, so we work well that way, although it's taking some getting used to for him, because of some shame issues he has with his own sadism. Not with finding a problem with it, just with scaring himself with how much he enjoys bringing pain to someone he loves. That's all good, we're working things out and doing a great job of it. We have absolutely no secrets from each other, and we're great at the communication stuff. I'm usually shocked when other people in my life talk to me about their relationships and they say that they don't just say what they're thinking to their partners.

My question is this: is it common for masochism to be an emotional catharsis as well as a turn-on, or occasionally just to be an emotional catharsis, instead of a turn-on? When I've had a really terrible day, or I have a string of awful in my life and I have a lot of frustration and upset all trapped inside, what I want more than anything is to be flogged until I can barely move. Only with the total loss of control of my physical self, do I find it possible to let go of my emotions, and cry for real and just get everything out. D knows that it's like this for me, and understands exactly what's going through my mind when I come home from work, complete the coming home rituals and then ask very quietly if he'll beat me. He knows that if I cry for real while it's happening, that I still want it, and that it's good for me. I know that afterward, even if I ache for a week, that it comes with a peace and relaxation that I can't find any other way. It's kind of deranged in my head, because it's the same way I feel after a really intense massage therapy session. Except that I don't have to pay for massage therapy any more because I get it for free at home.

We usually have sex after a session like this, but it's softer, more relaxed sex...maybe because I'm all empty and he knows I need to be held more than anything. The sex is more of a thank you from me to him, for bringing me this release. I don't mind it...I never feel violated by him taking what he wants after giving me what I wanted.

So is this weird? Am I crazy, or do I actually physically carry my stress in my back? I mean, the massage therapist said so...maybe she was on to something. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Post #: 1

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 4:04:04 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

A long time ago on these boards I asked a similar question and was given this link in one of the replies on that thread:

http://www.westom.com/leather/cathartic_flogging.htm

No it's not weird or crazy at all. Stress can affect you physically as well as emotionally. It does me. A good all out beating/flogging/spanking does wonders for me in stressful times.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to DaisyDestruction)

Post #: 2

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 4:30:40 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSarijane

A long time ago on these boards I asked a similar question and was given this link in one of the replies on that thread:

http://www.westom.com/leather/cathartic_flogging.htm

No it's not weird or crazy at all. Stress can affect you physically as well as emotionally. It does me. A good all out beating/flogging/spanking does wonders for me in stressful times.

This was written by Master Skip Chasey. He is a founding instructor for the Butchmanns Academy and on the Butchamns Board that also produces Southwest Leather Conference. If you find a strong tie with spiritual/cathartic BDSM and/or leather heart and spirit, REALLY consider coming to the conference. It's in Jan of 2008 in Phoenix, AZ.
http://www.southwestleather.org/swlchome/

Butchmanns is a much more intimate weekend event that focuses totally on spiritual and cathartic SM. I highly recommend it as well. It's a bit more expensive than SWLC, but it's much more intimate in size, hands on and includes your food and supplies.
http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/AcademyHome.htm

Believe me, there are many of us who follow this path of spiritual SM.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 3

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 4:59:12 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

Thanks for the info and links Master Fire. I appreciate that. I will check into both. The cathartic area is something that interests me especially since I discovered the emotional benefits of it for myself.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 4

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 5:16:45 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i do not identify with being a masochist in any way shape or form. Master tends to disagree with me....and He is the Master. However, i have often used the pain as an emotional catharsis and always try to use the pain in a positive way since i don't enjoy the pain itself.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to DaisyDestruction)

Post #: 5

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 6:39:09 AM

salilus

Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

There have been many times that I've been stressed out and asked for a good beating. I personally don't think you're crazy.

(in reply to DaisyDestruction)

Post #: 6

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 6:48:08 AM

JinxsAria

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline

I'm not much of a masochist-I like some pain if it enhances pleasure.

However, over the past few months or so, when I get really angry, or unrattled, or just cant handle the emotions in my head, I've found myself asking for Jinx to beat me, really beat me. I never was that way with anyone else, and its not really Jinx's thing to be the cause of so much physical pain, but He's consented on a few occasions, and it does seem to really help clear my head and allow me to start over.

I dont think we're crazy, but I do think it may be a wiring issue.

(in reply to salilus)

Post #: 7

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 7:10:01 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Thankyou for expressing yourself so well DaisyDestruction.
I was dragged into the lifestyle as a slave.
It has been the worst and the best thing that ever happened to me.
The worst because it lost me the job I loved.
The best because it has allowed me to become the dominant feminanist kinky person that I am which has provided the cartharsis for coming to terms with the abusive relationships I have had in the past.
It's people like yourself that help others to understand their own needs and therfore to find partners that fit those needs.
D/s should be synbiotic not parasitic.
Stress relief is not the only bi product of S/m by any means but it is a significant part for some people. Maybe some subs/bottoms just don't realise it that's all. However it can be a lot more than that. We each search for what we need from BDSM. But of course that can change. Is there anything that you can do to reduce the stress in your life?
Although I hated losing my job and even years after I am still upset by it. I am beginning to understand that I am much less stressed without it. We all need challenge but if it turns to hardcore stress then it really isn't good.

(in reply to salilus)

Post #: 8

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 7:58:20 AM

forg0ttenclone

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

I am a masochist at heart. The pain given to me by Goddess is an amazing release for me. Through my submission to Her and the pain She gives me, it allows me to deal with and overcome many things inside - Inner demons, emotions, stress, hurt, and more. There are many tmes i find myself longing for and craving more because i have things going on inside my head that i cannot get out otherwise. The instant that Her flogger or paddles make contact with my skin, it takes me to a whole 'nother world. A world where my flooded mind and heart empties itself through tears. It's an amazing release for me.

(in reply to DaisyDestruction)

Post #: 9

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 9:30:19 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaisyDestruction

So I'm in a pretty intense D/s relationship. I'm also a masochist. D is quite a sadist, so we work well that way, although it's taking some getting used to for him, because of some shame issues he has with his own sadism. Not with finding a problem with it, just with scaring himself with how much he enjoys bringing pain to someone he loves. That's all good, we're working things out and doing a great job of it. We have absolutely no secrets from each other, and we're great at the communication stuff. I'm usually shocked when other people in my life talk to me about their relationships and they say that they don't just say what they're thinking to their partners.

My question is this: is it common for masochism to be an emotional catharsis as well as a turn-on, or occasionally just to be an emotional catharsis, instead of a turn-on? When I've had a really terrible day, or I have a string of awful in my life and I have a lot of frustration and upset all trapped inside, what I want more than anything is to be flogged until I can barely move. Only with the total loss of control of my physical self, do I find it possible to let go of my emotions, and cry for real and just get everything out. D knows that it's like this for me, and understands exactly what's going through my mind when I come home from work, complete the coming home rituals and then ask very quietly if he'll beat me. He knows that if I cry for real while it's happening, that I still want it, and that it's good for me. I know that afterward, even if I ache for a week, that it comes with a peace and relaxation that I can't find any other way. It's kind of deranged in my head, because it's the same way I feel after a really intense massage therapy session. Except that I don't have to pay for massage therapy any more because I get it for free at home.

We usually have sex after a session like this, but it's softer, more relaxed sex...maybe because I'm all empty and he knows I need to be held more than anything. The sex is more of a thank you from me to him, for bringing me this release. I don't mind it...I never feel violated by him taking what he wants after giving me what I wanted.

So is this weird? Am I crazy, or do I actually physically carry my stress in my back? I mean, the massage therapist said so...maybe she was on to something. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I don't think you are crazy.
or weird!
and I can relate to quite a bit of what you wrote about feeling.

..and with the helpful advice of some pretty great people on here, I also have stopped worrying about whether what I feel or do is normal or typical for others...

You are who you are..and you feel what you feel

celebrate..celebrate..dance to the music....

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to DaisyDestruction)

Post #: 10

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 9:46:56 AM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

I get off on pain sometimes, and other times it is just cathartic, sometimes both. Many of us are wired that way. A lot of it has to do chemically with the endorphin rush, not dissimilar to the catartic feeling some people get from running marathons or climbing mountains. Pushing our bodies to do or take amazing things can be quite a rush, stress releaving, and emotionally cleansing.

(in reply to TysGalilah)

Post #: 11

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 9:50:38 AM

Blyght

Posts: 78
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaisyDestruction

My question is this: is it common for masochism to be an emotional catharsis as well as a turn-on, or occasionally just to be an emotional catharsis, instead of a turn-on?

So is this weird? Am I crazy, or do I actually physically carry my stress in my back? I mean, the massage therapist said so...maybe she was on to something. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

People seek relief from their turmoil in numerous ways. My husband is a masochist, and does find catharsis (as well as eroticism) from applied pain. You are not crazy at all; you are lucky having discovered the spiritual side of SM.

_____________________________

Irony is the last bastion of reason in the face of insanity

(in reply to DaisyDestruction)

Post #: 12

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 8:40:49 PM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

I just had my first RT play experience, where I was in a shibari stress position for a couple of hours. I've never thought of myself as a masochist at all, since I've really never gotten off on pain. I found though that the pain sort of acted as a counterpoint to being bound helplessly, and added an incredible feeling of being controlled to the whole situation. I've dealth with a couple of traumatic injuries so I've handled large amounts of pain before, which makes me think I wouldn't have safeworded. It got to the point where my area of awareness dropped to a few feet around me and wanted nothing more than to be able to lay back and straighten my legs. I felt this kind of release from being invulnerable all the time, and had a bad case of the shakes as I was released that took about 30 mins to go away.

I spent most of the following morning trying to digest it all, and eventually started to wonder if for some masochists pain was a means to achieving a certain internal reaction. Is that what they actually mean when they talk about enjoying pain? I thought masochism just wasn't my thing at all, but I'm starting to think that maybe I just wasn't really understanding it.

(in reply to Blyght)

Post #: 13

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/25/2007 11:19:35 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings daisydestruction,

no, you're not just crazy. well, maybe you are, but it's not just you. i also physically carry a lot of stress, pain, and emotions in my body, which probably have helped to cause and exacerbate some of my serious physical health problems...psychologists as well as massage therapists, acupuncturists, etc. have commented on it before. it makes sense to me that for you, a beating would help release those emotions (it doesn't work quite the same way as massage therapy, etc. for me because i do have other things in play as well, but it still makes sense to me).

i haven't really had the opportunity to use pain as catharsis for deep emotional issues other than my rape (and that's not the primary focus of why it's happening, it just tends to happen because of it - meaning we don't choose to do it for the catharsis part of it, specifically)...so i can't say i completely understand. but i do know that his causing me pain allows me to let go of all the tension i have. sometimes i will get really nervous and overthink things and stumble all over myself and occasionally get myself in trouble with him...and being beaten and given that primal sense of ownership as well as the physical release of the tension that's causing so much trouble can be incredibly cathartic.

respectfully,
annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to DaisyDestruction)

Post #: 14

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/26/2007 9:09:02 AM

sexyone4you

Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

Personally I find pain to either be a turn-on or an emotional pressure release valve. I'm not a crier in my everyday life, so if things get intense and I feel I need to cry, a good beating helps me process my emotions wonderfully. I have talked with a couple of subs & slaves who were the same way.

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 15

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/26/2007 10:00:19 AM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: salilus

There have been many times that I've been stressed out and asked for a good beating. I personally don't think you're crazy.

Me too. At least once a month

I'm not a maochist nor is he a sadist. But the results AFTERWARDS is the goal that the administration/giving of pain can do in an hour's time what weeks of talking can't possibly do. It just unchains me and re-arranges my head and heart. I'll feel peaceful with everything and myself for weeks after a good session. Washed clean. So no, if you're crazy move over I need a seat

PS thanks for posting those FireMaam! I am off to do some reading on those links as well.

< Message edited by Sabella -- 11/26/2007 10:01:04 AM >

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to salilus)

Post #: 16

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/26/2007 10:15:04 AM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSarijane

A long time ago on these boards I asked a similar question and was given this link in one of the replies on that thread:

http://www.westom.com/leather/cathartic_flogging.htm

THIS is terrific!!! Thanks so much for posting it!

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 17

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/26/2007 3:26:11 PM

DaisyDestruction

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/13/2007
From: New Orleans
Status: offline

I really appreciate the feedback from everyone! Those links were really good stuff, and it's nice to not feel weird.

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 18

RE: Emotional Catharsis through Pain - 11/26/2007 5:52:33 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have gotten to the point that he can slap my face repeatedly and all I will do is sit there with a shit eating grin on my face.. I will not even tense up anymore.

The other night he found out that I hate my belly button touched. It is highly sensitive inside, and it is very uncomfortable to have it touched for me. I have hated it touched since my pregnancy. He stuck his finger in it repeatedly, and became more determined that I would accept it there because out of reflex I hit his hand away. It was a definite act of submission for me to finally give in and just accept his finger being put there and eventually not saying anything and just allowing it to be. And when I just allowed it to be I felt tears well up in my eyes, and they fell silently, although I think he knows I was choked up... that act to me makes me 10,000 times more submissive than all the pain I love to take. The masochism is somewhat cathartic and spiritual for me, but his insistence I submit to things like I described above is even more so, because it is moments like that I know he owns me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DaisyDestruction)

Post #: 19

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