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RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 5:31:47 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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Breathing exercises mentioned by Micheal earlier

Some folks find Storing the pain mentally and processing it in manageable bits works for them.

Focus your thoughts on evaluating the pain as if you were somewhat outside yourself works for others.
(somethng like a cane or singltail stroke starts out white hot and very localized, then it bgins to speard and throb and begins to cool as it spreads, A full stroke can take an average of 20 seconds to go through the entire process. Time quoted from a class by Lolita Wolf on caneing)

Having your masochism grow intentionally s going to often depend on association of that pain with some sexual pleasure.
It can be accomplished with some direction from the top. It can also be accomplished although slower with simple mental exercises that transfer the pain's less intense feelings to your sexual trigger zones.
Transfer of heavy pain is far more difficult and may not work. If you're going to try this transfer the warm up pain levels each time and then progress as you get better to transfering more intense pain as it builds through the scene.

I'll add in Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin as a resource book for processing pain, as well as many other "self training" explorations.

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 21

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 5:50:53 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Have you tried telling yourself the things you used to rely on your Dom saying to transfer the pain?

quote:

one of my favorites is "Because you belong to Me, you are Mine and I can."

Maybe try telling yourself in your head' because i belong to you, i am your's and you can'.
Or even vocalise it to him so you hear it out loud.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 22

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 6:40:10 AM

Baroque

Posts: 38
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

So if i can't get him to do as i need, then how can i learn to accept the pain and enjoy the beatings when we play?

Cherry:
If he is not willing to consider your needs maybe you should consider leaving him. If you are doing all the work and he doesn't even care enough to allow you to politely communicate your needs , I am sorry to say - you can do better.

Hopefully, he is willing to learn and grow as a person. Tell him it takes time.

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 23

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 8:10:21 AM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroque

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

So if i can't get him to do as i need, then how can i learn to accept the pain and enjoy the beatings when we play?

Cherry:
If he is not willing to consider your needs maybe you should consider leaving him. If you are doing all the work and he doesn't even care enough to allow you to politely communicate your needs , I am sorry to say - you can do better.

Hopefully, he is willing to learn and grow as a person. Tell him it takes time.

Wow that;s a bit harsh IMO.

Communicating my needs is very difficult for me in general, most specifically with him....Would he allow me to communicate them? Sure. Would that make what he does any different than what he wants to do or thinks i need? No.

He has mentioned doing the things that others have mentioned, but in a very broad stroked way, which is his typical way. But that makes it very difficult for me to understand....i think i grasp it better now though since others have explained it more thoroughly (sp?)

Sometimes i think he is wrong, and then i find out either he wasn't wrong or that it was a matter of opinion. His (opinion) generally will win out. So as for growth as a person, not sure how much of that would or wouldn't happen....If it does happen it is something underneath that i am unaware of.

Edited to add: i think it would be silly to throw away over 2 years of a relationship over something that i could learn to do in a different way on my own

< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 11/26/2007 8:15:17 AM >

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Baroque)

Post #: 24

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 8:12:26 AM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Have you tried telling yourself the things you used to rely on your Dom saying to transfer the pain?

quote:

one of my favorites is "Because you belong to Me, you are Mine and I can."

Maybe try telling yourself in your head' because i belong to you, i am your's and you can'.
Or even vocalise it to him so you hear it out loud.

The day after we played the last time a friend of mind suggested something similar, so though i haven't gotten to try that yet i totally intend to...to try hearing his voice in my head during....to say it out loud....i dont know if i could do that....i could much more easily verbalize being a slut or something.
Thanks misst

< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 11/26/2007 8:14:00 AM >

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 25

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 8:22:06 AM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Focus your thoughts on evaluating the pain as if you were somewhat outside yourself works for others.
(somethng like a cane or singltail stroke starts out white hot and very localized, then it bgins to speard and throb and begins to cool as it spreads, A full stroke can take an average of 20 seconds to go through the entire process. Time quoted from a class by Lolita Wolf on caneing)

This sounds like it would be a difficult thing to accomplish...as soon as i realize there is one hit the next one is not too far behind it...and a good share of it is either by cane or single tail.....Maybe if i can practice ahead of time this won't seem so out of reach.

Having your masochism grow intentionally s going to often depend on association of that pain with some sexual pleasure.
It can be accomplished with some direction from the top. It can also be accomplished although slower with simple mental exercises that transfer the pain's less intense feelings to your sexual trigger zones.
Transfer of heavy pain is far more difficult and may not work. If you're going to try this transfer the warm up pain levels each time and then progress as you get better to transfering more intense pain as it builds through the scene.

This is exactly what i am trying to accomplish in a nutshell.....As for him helping me....he has told me to learn to process it...by breathing...and taking it in. That's as much help as i think i will get on this from Him.....So in what you are saying that i can do with the mental exercises could that be done alone? Say in using pain during masturbation and breathing? So that i associate the pain in certain areas?

I'll add in Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin as a resource book for processing pain, as well as many other "self training" explorations.
i have this book, though when i read it we weren't playing as hard when we play so i must've skimmed by that part thinking it didn't apply to my relationship....Gotta check it out. Thanks.

< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 11/26/2007 8:23:05 AM >

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 26

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 8:31:02 AM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

Thank you laurell3...and i have tried breathing during things....and if there is any kind of a lull then i try to regroup mentally and phsyically. The breathing becomes difficult when it is hit after hit with a single tail....i try to surrender to it...in my mind...in my body language...to just let go an accept it.....this works for a moment or so.

Seems the best thing i have done is just letting go and bawling from my soul...realizing that i had no control over any of it.

Maybe if i practice some of the stuff mentioned when not in a scene then i will be more prepared when we do one.

That is the hope anyway

This is working backwards against your goal, IMHO. For me the deep steady breathing helps tremendously - but even once I get a grip on the ebb and flow of what's going on or if their is a lull to NOT regroup and mentally process what is going on is the key to keeping myself there, in sync with the pain. If I attempt to analyze it it's counter-productive and then I flounder, going under the pain rather than riding with it. Not sure if this makes any sense but next time try it. Just concentrate on your breathing, let the pain/pleasure flow thru you like water or the wind. Don't try to attach thoughts to it.

Just think if you were surfing & finally on top of a monster wave would you be analyzing the marvelous job your legs and feet were doing to keep you balanced? the natural way your arms extend and curl? the instinctive sway of your body? no - because if you did you'd lose control and fall.

<---not a surfer :D but it seemed to fit

i love the surfing analogy, since my Daddy surfs and loves to watch surf stuff on TV it was an easy visual.

Maybe my choice of words was wrong, maybe not.....

As for the "regrouping"..maybe that is what i do....maybe just enjoying the calm before the storm so to speak and maybe that is counter productive. i never thought of it that way before.

During that time i am not analyzing, atleast i don't think i am....i am grateful for the small period of rest and during that time there may even be some pain (like when he sticks the tip of the knife into the little single tail marks) but the pain is more bearable.

you mention about keeping yourself "there" in sync with the pain. So i am assuming you mean in the moment, in the now and not meaning "there" as subspace (which i don't get to with my Daddy...by his choice*?* or by my inability to get through this stuff *?*)....How do you remain in sync with the pain at a time when there is none being administered?

Thank you for your response.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 27

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 8:59:01 AM

Baroque

Posts: 38
Status: offline

Sorry Cherry,

I thought you said he didn't allow you to express your real needs. I do think that if he listens and then he decides that what you ask is not a need and he explains his position, you can better respect him and learn, as he asks, on your own.

No offense meant. Communication can be difficult, I know it.
Two years is a long time. Like you, I'd prefer to maintain the relationship, work it out, and be happy together.

edit: by explaining - I do not mean coddling.
I mean communicating like others who gave their advice.

< Message edited by Baroque -- 11/26/2007 9:06:06 AM >

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 28

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 9:51:54 AM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

you mention about keeping yourself "there" in sync with the pain. So i am assuming you mean in the moment, in the now and not meaning "there" as subspace (which i don't get to with my Daddy...by his choice*?* or by my inability to get through this stuff *?*)....How do you remain in sync with the pain at a time when there is none being administered?

Thank you for your response.

You're most welcome

I allow myself to drift in the feelings and emotions. The warmth of my skin, the tingle and burn and sensation of "riding" it while maintaining deep measured breaths. I think it is a form of meditation that is helpful tho you may not get to subspace you can re-train yourself to view these lapses not as RELIEF but with anticipation. With practice (the breathing and acceptance) it's a heightened clarity and energy state for me but I have to admit it's easier to get there with measured abuse - not startling surprises. The startling surprises (uneven, unexpected strikes or sensations) I usually short circuit past these after struggling with "I can't take this!" panicky thoughts - unable to process or develop a rhythm, breath stuttering and not calming - I hate this really but the catalyst on the other side of that instinctual mental leap is what usually puts me into subspace.

Really if you think about it - it's all a matter of perspective. Getting your mind wrapped around it sometimes is the difficult part. The sensation IS the same. Nothing magically happens to lessen the pain, it's just your acceptance of it and how you perceive it at that time. More of a "warm up" may help you with this as Archer already mentioned? I know it depends on what his & your goal is for play sessions. Maybe he likes seeing your desperation yet yielding to it. Yet maybe he is unaware of your struggle with it. How do you typically feel afterwards? relaxed? dreamy? dissatisfied? hurt?

Also it could be the particular sensation. Personally I HATE stingy - hate. But - that's what will send me over the edge with a KABOOM (short circuiting). Deep thuddy sensations are my personal favourite, very relaxing and mellowing. I'm still figuring out how to deal with the dentist

and I'm sure my weird breathing freaks him out but it helps me tremendously - to give you an example of how I use this to deal with other types of pain and/or fear.

Not sure if anything I wrote will be helpful at all but I hope you can find your own way to be more at ease with what you're dealing with.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 29

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 9:58:26 AM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

Hi cherry,

I was also going to suggest verbalizing the things you like to hear to yourself (in your head or outloud.) When i am trying to relax into pain i do much the same thing. As soon as i can remind myself that i have no control and let go it becomes much more bearable and sometimes even pleasurable. I also sometimes get anxious and have a hard time cumming but almost every time i repeat in my head (not for me, for him) i am able to relax and enjoy it. He sometimes says these things to me outloud as well but i find that saying them to myself work just as well in my case. This way i know the key words that work for me, the phrases that help me and i don't feel that i am being pushy in asking him to do something that i know he will do when he wants to. I find that when i am focusing on what i wish he was doing during a scene it is very hard to enjoy the actual scene and i am much less likely to find elements that perhaps i never knew i would enjoy.

good luck!

charlotte

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to Baroque)

Post #: 30

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 10:19:17 AM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sabella
I think it is a form of meditation that is helpful tho you may not get to subspace you can re-train yourself to view these lapses not as RELIEF but with anticipation.
i did hear of a meditation technique where you kind of overload your mind to empty it...if that makes sense. Maybe that idea is a helpful one to explore. Also, looking to the things with anticipation....something to look at.

The startling surprises (uneven, unexpected strikes or sensations) I usually short circuit past these after struggling with "I can't take this!" panicky thoughts - unable to process or develop a rhythm, breath stuttering and not calming - I hate this really but the catalyst on the other side of that instinctual mental leap is what usually puts me into subspace.

Hmmm....this is something to consider as well....There is the panic point....like "Oh no, i can't take anymore....will i have to use my safeword? wait there isn't one."....and then there has been the intentional mental struggle to figure out how to just give into it all. i try that and when i begin to cry that is usually when i can deal with it all.

Really if you think about it - it's all a matter of perspective. Getting your mind wrapped around it sometimes is the difficult part. The sensation IS the same. Nothing magically happens to lessen the pain, it's just your acceptance of it and how you perceive it at that time. More of a "warm up" may help you with this as Archer already mentioned? I know it depends on what his & your goal is for play sessions. Maybe he likes seeing your desperation yet yielding to it. Yet maybe he is unaware of your struggle with it. How do you typically feel afterwards? relaxed? dreamy? dissatisfied? hurt?

i think he does like to see me desperately trying to accept it even tho i am in pain...but then later he will say something that leads me to believe that he thinks that i make it harder on myself. Like "Why did youkeep doing that? Just relax and take it" type of thing.....Warm up is usually not big with him...well lately anyway...he said that i don't really need it anymore (YIKES)....So it mostly begins with single tail and builds from there....Some thuddy but mostly stingy stuff.

Afterwards i feel pretty peaceful....and like i have "accomplished" something...but i also feel like there is something missing in it for me (this usually comes a couple of days later)....Like....i expect it to be a bonding experience....i expect to grow closer...and well...this is why i am trying to find a way to make it enjoyable....i don't enjoy it for the sensation alone....and the mental part, the emotional part...the part that really floats my boat....is absent. With of course the acception of the desire to please...and to take it for Him.

Thanks for your help.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 31

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 10:21:52 AM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

Hi cherry,

I was also going to suggest verbalizing the things you like to hear to yourself (in your head or outloud.) When i am trying to relax into pain i do much the same thing. As soon as i can remind myself that i have no control and let go it becomes much more bearable and sometimes even pleasurable. I also sometimes get anxious and have a hard time cumming but almost every time i repeat in my head (not for me, for him) i am able to relax and enjoy it. He sometimes says these things to me outloud as well but i find that saying them to myself work just as well in my case. This way i know the key words that work for me, the phrases that help me and i don't feel that i am being pushy in asking him to do something that i know he will do when he wants to. I find that when i am focusing on what i wish he was doing during a scene it is very hard to enjoy the actual scene and i am much less likely to find elements that perhaps i never knew i would enjoy.

good luck!

charlotte

i am going to try that talking to myself thing....and i feel much the same way you do about it...not wanting to push.....If i only liked my own voice as much as i love his :) But i do know what i want to hear...but then again...i want to hear those things from him...it isn't really the same if they are coming from me. But, i will try.

i never focuse on what he isn't doing or what i wish he would do DURING the scene...it is afterward...in retrospect.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 32

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 3:02:48 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

From what I've heard, most dominants want to know what makes their sumissives tick. If something he could do could make you a better toy for him (being able to handle more pain), he'd probably want to know. Witholding that information would be a passive-agressive power play, or letting fear of expressing yourself build a wall between you. Now if he hears this information, and still chooses not to change his behavior, because how much you can 'handle' and how you handle it is irrelevant to your value as his toy and would dish out the same either way, that is an answer to you also. You are used as he sees fit, not based on your tolerance level, and maybe knowing that, even after bringing up your concern, will help you go deeper into your dynamic and enjoy being used more intensely by him in pain play.

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 33

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 3:29:11 PM

salilus

Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

I have no idea if this will help, but I find that a beating will often start out as pain and turn into pleasure at some point. I like pain for pain, so I don't mind either part, but at some point, it switches. It usually takes a bit of time, though and it doesn't happen every time he beats me.

I do make sure i'm breathing - I sometimes forget to breath and it doesn't help anything to make myself dizzy.

Oh! and I don't know how much of the ageplay parts of the Daddy/girl dynamic you get into, but my Daddy lets me cuddle a stuffed animal, if I want, when I'm getting heavily hurt. It's comforting and he likes it because he gets off on ageplay. Also, sometimes the pain 'switches' to pleasure quicker, if I'm given something to do: touching myself or sucking... something ;)

I hope you figure out what works for you!

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 34

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/26/2007 8:04:09 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

From what I've heard, most dominants want to know what makes their sumissives tick. If something he could do could make you a better toy for him (being able to handle more pain), he'd probably want to know. Witholding that information would be a passive-agressive power play, or letting fear of expressing yourself build a wall between you. Now if he hears this information, and still chooses not to change his behavior, because how much you can 'handle' and how you handle it is irrelevant to your value as his toy and would dish out the same either way, that is an answer to you also. You are used as he sees fit, not based on your tolerance level, and maybe knowing that, even after bringing up your concern, will help you go deeper into your dynamic and enjoy being used more intensely by him in pain play.

Thank you for your insight it is much appreciated....i understand that i am used as he sees fit...and that my tolerance level is kind of my issue. i do know that he has expressed that he would like me to be able to enjoy it, learn how to process it etc...but, i also know that it doesn't matter either way...ultimately he will do what he will do.

With that being said, it isn't as if i don't find some enjoyment from the activities,i definitely do, but the pain is something i would love to learn to deal with better.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 35

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/27/2007 5:03:39 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

Hi Cherry : )

   I've been sitting here for 30 mins trying to figure out how to type what I am thinking..and it's still probably not going to come out right...but I will try.

perhaps the "trying to process it all" thing IS the problem?

process it = thinking
thinking = anticipating and mentally refocusing yourself , and more.
   "thinking" pops me out quicker than anything.

I don't think I am a painslut...and Tyson doesn't think I am a masochist..   I don't get off on the painful feeling itself (without HIS mindset and mine and without his presence or atleast voice   it just hurts )   So trying to teach myself pain tolerance by slamming something down on my breast or hanging something from my nipples generally doesnt feel the same as when he does it...tells me to do it...
so wouldn't really help my pain tolerance..
    more importantly>>> why would I want to tolerate it?

tolerate = processing
processing =  thinking... see above

for me, when I am thinking and processing in anticipation>> I feel like I am taking a certain amt of my total surrendering back.

so...how NOT to do any of those things?

even the event of me "trying not to think..trying to clear my mind..trying to get into my breathing"   was still THINKIN..and my efforts  > rather than falling completely into him and his.

Being trained to masturbate in front of him ( for him ) was actually the thing that helped me the most in , eventually, surrendering to the pain ( ie feeling the pain differently ).

You're probably saying ... " ???? well masturbation isnt painful! so how does that help ? "
well..trust me..the first time I was instructed to do it...it WAS painful ! ~emotionally ~ torture in fact

and it was training.
I was re-taught how to masturbate FOR HIM.
was difficult to put aside my feelings...intentions..."what works for me" ideas and techniques... it wasn't about me cumming...not my pleasure....it wasn't even about the act of cumming at all.
I was re-trained not to think. Just feel. Don't look ahead (anticipate)..Don't wonder or worry. Just do and feel for him.

It was rather by accident that I learned how to focus every thought away from me and into him> and that was because I was so frickin embarrassed and humiliated that the only thing I could do to "get through it" was to crawl into his eyes.. and I refused to even think about what I looked like or what he was even thinking, seeing, feeling ( even) .....I just held onto him through his eyes ( later learning to do this with his voice if I couldn't see him physically in my view).
My inhibitions were retrained and melted away.
what was left > my ability to feel without thinking about it and without forethought to my own pleasure (or pain) .....the outcome ( or out-cum if you will ) was completely out of my hands.

It gave me so much freedom!

and "this" is the same "place" I go to> when he is in one of his more sadistic moods, and wants to use my body to express that.
I am there for him..I am not thinking about how my body is reacting. Just feel the feeling but don't try to label them ( as pleasure or painful ).
In that moment, I can feel the energy, but I don't feel its definition. I can even feel the different intensities, but I don't label them as "ouch or ohhh that wasn't as hard that time, can I take more?, will the next be harder or softer.. etc"..because I am not thinking!

I am in his presence and cognizant of it, certainly, but emotionally connected rather than physically to the outcome.
This is His body and skin to play upon and use..

I hope this made some sense..

smiles

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 36

RE: Self training? Training In General - 11/27/2007 9:23:36 AM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

Hi Cherry : )

   I've been sitting here for 30 mins trying to figure out how to type what I am thinking..and it's still probably not going to come out right...but I will try.

perhaps the "trying to process it all" thing IS the problem?

process it = thinking
thinking = anticipating and mentally refocusing yourself , and more.
"thinking" pops me out quicker than anything.

I don't think I am a painslut...and Tyson doesn't think I am a masochist..   I don't get off on the painful feeling itself (without HIS mindset and mine and without his presence or atleast voice   it just hurts )   So trying to teach myself pain tolerance by slamming something down on my breast or hanging something from my nipples generally doesnt feel the same as when he does it...tells me to do it...
so wouldn't really help my pain tolerance..
    more importantly>>> why would I want to tolerate it?

tolerate = processing
processing =  thinking... see above

for me, when I am thinking and processing in anticipation>> I feel like I am taking a certain amt of my total surrendering back.

so...how NOT to do any of those things?

even the event of me "trying not to think..trying to clear my mind..trying to get into my breathing"   was still THINKIN..and my efforts  > rather than falling completely into him and his.

Being trained to masturbate in front of him ( for him ) was actually the thing that helped me the most in , eventually, surrendering to the pain ( ie feeling the pain differently ).

You're probably saying ... " ???? well masturbation isnt painful! so how does that help ? "
well..trust me..the first time I was instructed to do it...it WAS painful ! ~emotionally ~ torture in fact

and it was training.
I was re-taught how to masturbate FOR HIM.
was difficult to put aside my feelings...intentions..."what works for me" ideas and techniques... it wasn't about me cumming...not my pleasure....it wasn't even about the act of cumming at all.
I was re-trained not to think. Just feel. Don't look ahead (anticipate)..Don't wonder or worry. Just do and feel for him.

It was rather by accident that I learned how to focus every thought away from me and into him> and that was because I was so frickin embarrassed and humiliated that the only thing I could do to "get through it" was to crawl into his eyes.. and I refused to even think about what I looked like or what he was even thinking, seeing, feeling ( even) .....I just held onto him through his eyes ( later learning to do this with his voice if I couldn't see him physically in my view).
My inhibitions were retrained and melted away.
what was left > my ability to feel without thinking about it and without forethought to my own pleasure (or pain) .....the outcome ( or out-cum if you will ) was completely out of my hands.

It gave me so much freedom!

and "this" is the same "place" I go to> when he is in one of his more sadistic moods, and wants to use my body to express that.
I am there for him..I am not thinking about how my body is reacting. Just feel the feeling but don't try to label them ( as pleasure or painful ).
In that moment, I can feel the energy, but I don't feel its definition. I can even feel the different intensities, but I don't label them as "ouch or ohhh that wasn't as hard that time, can I take more?, will the next be harder or softer.. etc"..because I am not thinking!

I am in his presence and cognizant of it, certainly, but emotionally connected rather than physically to the outcome.
This is His body and skin to play upon and use..

I hope this made some sense..

smiles

Thank you so much for such a well thought out post. Much of it makes alot of sense. Except, i am being told to learn how to process it to take it in and make it go trhough my body and out through my clit....

i think the verbal in my past relationship was part of the reason i didn't feel the need to worry about it before. Granted, as i've said, i am voice activated anyway...BUT....from the reading i was doing seperately from this about meditation made me wonder about it....The thing i mentioned about overloading your mind to empty it....it sounds kind of like that was what was going on.

Let me see if i can make this make sense...

Example1 : my Daddy and i were at a swingers club and i absolutely attest oral sex being done to me....i can't take my head away from it and i have to focus and concentrate way too much....But, during our activities my Daddy began pinching my nipples really hard.. and saying a few nasty tidbits in my ear..and i began to totally respond to what the girl was doing to me because of what my Daddy was doing to me....He explained that the pain was distracting me so that my body could just do what it is supposed to do.

Example 2: my ex used to talk to me while we played...he never played quite as hard as my Daddy does but he did go on for a longer period of time. During our play he would talk to me and say things to me as well as make me recite things.....things i had to memorize or the" punishments" would be more intense....i endured alot during these few sessions...and i always ended up in subspace. (my mind was being overloaded and there for my body responded naturally)

i look at those two situations as being similar...both things cause me not to think (so i am with you on that front...if i have to think about it, like oral sex, it stops me from doing what i need to do)

So if i apply the things that others have so thoughtfully posted...along with a few things that i know..and combine those with the idea from meditation (OVERLOAD to EMPTY) maybe i can do this.

The idea is to process -physically and sexually-what he is doing to me....so if i can practice on conditioning my body to breath and accept pain and do it while i am masturbating...to mix the pain and pleasure sensation, then during what is happening i won't have to think (which is near to impossible in that state anyway) i can just respond naturally to what is going on.

Hope that made sesne, i haven't had enough coffee yet.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to TysGalilah)

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